卡罗琳坚守友谊不听父言

Okay, Rock Paper Scissors.
剪刀石头布
Loser has to ask the guy in gym shorts at table 12
输的人去第12桌穿短裤的客人说
to stop Sharon Stoneing us his balls.
请停止莎朗·斯通[分享]他的蛋蛋
By virtue of having this conversation,
从我们得进行这对话来说
aren't we both losers?
咱俩都是输家吧
Look who's back from Hollywood.
瞧瞧是谁从好莱坞回来了
If it isn't ScarJo and J-Lo.
这不是黑寡妇与詹妮佛·洛佩茨吗
Said the guy from down low.
她詹·洛你还沾屎呢
Can I get an autograph?
我能要个签名吗
Oops, my bad... still just waitresses.
哎呀 说错话了 你们还是服务员
Han, don't be upset just because I'm about to make $250,000
阿憨 别因为我要赚进25万外加一部
and have a movie made about me.
以我人生而拍的电影 就眼红吃醋好吗
Han already had a movie made about him...
阿憨早就有一部以他为原型的电影了
"Paul Blart: small Cop."
《小[百]货战警》
What's your movie called?
那你那部电影叫什么
"Straight Outta A Job"?
《冲进失业区》[冲出康普顿]吗
Yeah, about that? You can't fire us now.
说到失业 你现在不能炒我们
The money hasn't come in just yet.
电影的钱还没到手
After that, by all means, please fire us
等进账了 拜托你狠狠炒了我们
and fire us hard.
使劲儿炒
Yeah, how does firing us on the 27th work for you?
你觉得这个月27号炒我们方便吗
Don't think I won't do it.
别以为我不敢炒你们
I've been wanting another Asian in the mix for some time.
我想着要新加一个亚裔员工很久了
Oh, and, Han, we're gonna need the day off tomorrow.
对了 阿憨 我们明天要请假
You just took ten days off!
你们才请完十天假
No more vacation days.
你们的假用完了
Freddie Prinze Jr. Works more than you two.
不红的明星上班都比你们多
Max and I are going to prison to visit my dad.
我跟麦克斯要去监狱探望我爸
As part of his therapy, he's written a musical,
因为他的治疗 所以他写了个音乐剧
and he's performing it with the other inmates.
他要跟其他狱友一起演出
A musical in prison?
监狱里的音乐剧吗
I'd be shaking my damn head right now
要不是因为我的脖子不行了
if my neck still worked.
你会看到我摇头叹气
And, again, you can fire us on the 27th.
再说一次 27号那天你就可以炒我们了
We're in flux now.
我们现在在过渡期
And as always, I'm the one who gets fluxed.
而跟平常一样 最后被"超度"的都是我
Aw, I missed Han.
我好想[没射中]阿憨啊
I've never heard you say that without a crossbow in your hand.
这是你首次没有十字弓在手时说这句话
I can't wait till we get that money.
我等不及那笔钱进账了
Think of all the stuff we could buy.
快想想我们能买的东西
American toothpaste.
美国制的牙膏
Some toilet paper so we can stop using our bath mat.
厕纸 这样就不用再拿浴室脚垫擦了
And since we're unfreezing our credit card,
而且既然我们的信用卡也要被解冻
maybe I'll get a new dress too.
或许我可以顺便买条新裙子
The invite to this musical said "cocktail attire."
音乐剧邀请函上写了"鸡尾酒会着装"
A prison musical with cocktail attire?
监狱音乐剧还得穿到半正式礼服
Ah, screw it.
不管了
I'm gonna feel this tomorrow, but mm, mm!
我明天肯定有罪受 但是...
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
Today's the day Oleg and me find out
今天是我跟奥列格要知晓
what kind of sex our baby's gonna have.
以后我们孩子能享受哪种性♥爱的日子
I beg you to rephrase that.
我求你换个方式重新说这话
Baby, I don't want to know
宝贝 我不想知道
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl.
是男孩还是女孩
I'd rather be surprised.
我想把惊喜留到最后
You know, like when you get a hooker in Tijuana.
就像在墨西哥嫖娼 脱♥光前不知是男是女
Boy, do I.
哇操 汉子
Or girl, do I.
哇操 妹子
We don't know, and that's the fun.
我们也不知道 这就是乐趣所在
We're gonna have a baker
我们打算找烘焙师
do one of those gender reveal cakes for us.
帮我们做一个揭开性别蛋糕
Can you guys recommend a baker?
你们能介绍个烘焙师吗
Uh, excuse me?
你啥意思呢
Yeah, excuse me?
对啊 你啥意思呢
What the hell is a gender reveal cake?
什么是揭开性别蛋糕啊
Like, you bake it and then you pull its pants down?
是烘焙完把它裤子扒下来看性别吗
Jeez, would it kill you
天啊 拜托你
to pick up a "Rachael Ray Every Day" once in a while?
偶尔看看美食杂志 是会要你命吗
We give the bakers a sealed envelope with the sex.
我们给烘焙师一个写有孩子性别的信封
Yeah, and then the bakers...
然后烘焙师...
you know, if we can find good ones...
如果我们能找到一个好的...
will make the icing on the inside pink
就会把蛋糕里面的糖衣做成粉色
if it's a Svetlana...
如果是女孩"斯威特拉娜"
And blue if it's a Svetlenny.
蓝色就是男孩"斯威特兰尼"
Well, it beats the way they did it in my town in Poland.
已经比我波兰老家那里好了
You were either a boy
你要么是个男孩
or you had to know how to climb back up out of a well.
不然你最好知道怎么从井底爬出来
Um, you know we're bakers, right?
你知道我们是烘焙师 对吧
Hell, yeah.
对啊
I'm baked right now.
我现在就大♥麻吸嗨[烘焙]了
Well, I'm dressed for my father's prison musical.
我为我爸爸的监狱音乐剧盛装打扮了
Say that three times without crying.
试试说这句话三次而不哭
You look good.
很好看啊
If those inmates weren't hardened criminals before,
如果那些犯人本来不是惯犯硬汉
they will be once they see you in that.
看到你之后也肯定成"硬"汉了
What's with all the miniature liquor bottles
你拿这些从飞机上偷来的
you stole from the plane?
迷你酒出来干嘛
Do I have to host a tiny intervention?
是不是得给你来个迷你戒酒批斗会
I did not steal these from the plane.
这些不是我从飞机上偷的
I stole them from our hotel room, the maid cart,
我是从酒店房间里 清洁人员推车
and a few other people's hotel rooms when I posed as a maid.
以及我假扮成清洁人员 从别人房间偷来的
This is part of my presentation
而这个 是要展示
for my idea on how to spend the $250,000.
我所想出如何花这25万的计划
Five years ago, we were sitting on Chestnut
五年前 我们坐在栗宝身上
with our iced coffees.
拿着冰咖啡
I remember it like it was five years ago.
这段记忆犹如五年前那么久
And we said that $250,000
我们说只要有25万
the exact amount of money we're getting,
正好是我们要拿到的数额
was what we needed to get our cupcake business going.
就足以让我们能做小蛋糕生意
Chestnut was so excited, he made a little poo.
栗宝当时特兴奋 都拉了一小泡屎
Not so little.
哪是一小泡
I remember it knocking that cat unconscious.
我还记得那泡屎把路过的猫打晕了
Five years later,
而五年后
cupcakes alone aren't cutting it.
但凭小蛋糕是活不下去的
Ouch. But true.
伤人 但在理
Sure, they're sweet, delicious, and chic,
的确 它们又甜又好吃又潮
but what if we add... alcohol?
但如果我们往里面加酒呢
Which is sweet, delicious, and expensive?
就变成又甜又好吃又贵啦
We keep the cupcake window,
我们保留小蛋糕窗口
but we make it into a bar too.
但再把它变成一家酒吧
It's two great things put together!
把两个超赞的东西合二为一
Like you and me?
就像我跟你吗
I was gonna say fat people and tripping,
我本来是想说胖子加跌倒
but yes!
不过你说得对
We keep the cupcake dream;
保留小蛋糕梦
we just add overpriced alcohol to it.
只是加上特贵的酒
I love it!
我爱这点子
We can call it Cupcakes & Cocktails.
我们可以称其为小蛋糕鸡尾酒
Or, if we want to be less douchey,
如果我们不想显得太讨人厌
we call it Dessert Bar.
那就叫做甜点吧
That is a genius idea.
这点子太聪明了
Usually when you're drunk, your best idea is,
通常你喝醉的时候 你最好的点子就是
"Let's call Home Depot and ask if they have caulk."
"打给家居用品店问它们有没有填缝材料"
So we're doing it?
我们要这么做吗
We're opening up a dessert bar?
要开一家甜品吧吗
Oh, we're opening up a dessert bar.
我们绝对要开一家甜品吧
Celebratory dance?
庆祝之舞吗
Am I here yet?
我到了吗
I know I'm either at Max and Caroline's
这味道 如果不是麦克斯与卡洛琳家
or a petting zoo.
就是在爱宠动物园
To be clear, that horse smell is the couch.
我先声明 马的味道是沙发传来的
Oh, I just came back from the doctor,
我刚从医生那里回来
and I have the sex of the baby, but I don't want to see it.
我手里拿着宝宝的性别 但我不想看到
So please take it from me quick so I don't sneak a peek.
快请你们从我手上拿走 不然我想偷看
Caroline, you hold on to this
卡洛琳 这个你来保管
until it's time to bake the cake.
等我要做蛋糕了再给我
Why are you giving it to her?
你为什么要给她啊
I mean, you really think she can keep a secret
你真的觉得她这个
with that big Jim Carrey mouth flapping all the time?
有搞笑艺人大嘴巴般的人能守住秘密吗
Well, you don't want me to have it.
你不会想要让我保管
If I know, I'll spoil it.
我一旦知道了 表情藏不住
I have no poker face.
我做不出扑克脸
Neither did my mom, which is how I became
我妈也没办法 这也是为什么
the legal property of the Borgata Casino.
我是某家赌场的合法财产
Caroline, I'm warning you.
卡洛琳 我警告你
Don't let it slip.
千万别说漏嘴
Even if I beg you, don't tell me.
哪怕我求你 也别告诉我
Okay.
好的
Even if I come downstairs in the middle of the night
就算我大半夜下楼来你家
and put a gun to your head,
拿着枪指着你的头
don't tell me.
也别说
Okay, well, if there's a gun involved,
如果事情到了有枪这一步
I'm gonna tell you.
我绝对会告诉你
See, Max?
麦克斯 你看
That's why I didn't want to give it to her.
这就是为什么我不想让她保管
Your dad wrote and directed this thing too?
这部音乐剧你爸编剧加导演吗
Dang, he's like the Ben Affleck of jail.
他简直就是监狱版的本·阿弗莱克
该男星也曾编剧加执导过电影
Yikes, it says here
靠 这里写着
that the guy who was playing "sadistic guard"
演出"虐待狂警卫"的人
is out for tonight's performance
今晚无法参与演出
because someone took his eye out with a plastic spork.
因为有人拿塑料叉勺挖了他眼珠
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
天啊 这也太惨了
We're seeing an understudy?
我们居然得看替补演员演出吗
Oh, look! My dad's opening the show.
你看 我爸爸是开场演员
* Steel bars *
* 铁窗 *
* Steel bars on my heart *
* 我心上的铁窗 *
* Steels bars on my soul *
* 我灵魂的铁窗 *
* And there's no parole *
* 此刑无法假释 *
* And it tears me apart *
* 并将我心撕碎 *
* Steel bars *
* 铁窗 *
* Steel bars on our balls *
* 我蛋蛋的铁窗 *
* Steel bars on this jail *
* 这监狱的铁窗 *
* And there ain't no bail
* 而且无法保释 *
* And nobody calls *
* 没人打来慰问 *
I call him twice a week.
我每周打给他两次呢
* Steel bars on our balls *
* 咱蛋蛋的铁窗 *
* Steel bars on our balls *
* 咱蛋蛋的铁窗 *
* Steel bars on our balls *
* 咱蛋蛋的铁窗 *
* Steel bars *
* 铁窗 *
* On our baaaaaalls *
* 在咱的蛋蛋上 *
Oh, hell, yes!
太他妈赞了
* 25 to life *
* 25年到终身监禁 *
* Lots of pain and plenty of strife *
* 疼痛与争执无数 *
* Loneliness, it cuts like a knife *
* 孤独如刀般锋利 *
* 25 to liiiiiife *
* 25年到终身监禁 *
Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow.
谢谢 谢谢大家
Well, we won't keep you prisoner much longer.
我们不会把各位"关"在这里太久
So we're just gonna take a brief intermission,
简短的幕间休息后
and we'll be back with the second half.
我们将回来演出下半场
Second half? That was three hours!
什么下半场 刚才都三小时了
That was incredible, Dad!
太棒了 爸爸
Especially the escape attempt scene.
尤其是试图逃狱的那一幕
Some of that violence looked incredibly realistic.
那一幕的暴力场景看起来特别真
That was because it was real, not part of the show.
因为那是真的 不是剧情
They beat that guy severely.
警卫把那犯人打了个半死
* Steel bars *
* 铁窗 *
Da-dum, something, something.
噔噔 什么什么的
Martin, I'm gonna add two more crimes to your prison sentence:
马丁 我要在你身上加上新的两项罪名
stealing my heart and stealing the show.
偷走我的心 与偷走全场目光焦点
Can you sign my playbill?
能在我节目单上签名吗
Caroline, get my playbill.
卡洛琳 拿出我的节目单
Oh, here. Hold Sophie's gender reveal envelope.
这里 帮我拿一下苏菲的揭开性别信封
Oh, and this envelope I use as a wallet.
还有这个我拿来当做钱包的信封
And this other envelope I use as a makeup bag.
还有我拿来当做化妆包的信封
Oh, here it is.
在这里
Great. I'm gonna use my crayon.
我只能用蜡笔给你签名
We can't have pens.
我们不能拥有笔
Oh, here. Sign mine too.
来 也签我的
I'll put it next to that framed picture I have
我会把这签名放在我裱框起来
of you and Donald Trump when he was a liberal.
你跟早年还支持自由党的川普合照的照片旁
Well, enough about me.
好了 说够我的事了
Who's playing me in your movie, hon?
谁要在你的电影里演我呢 宝贝
Not Brad Pitt. It's too on the nose.
别找布拉德·皮特 太像我了
Well, they haven't cast it yet,
他们还没开始选角
but they are giving me $250,000 for my story.
但他们会付给我25万来买我的故事
Honey, this is your ticket.
宝贝 这就是你的入门票
Now you can start your own business.
你可以开始自己的生意了
I have my own business with Max.
我跟麦克斯有自己的生意了啊
The cupcakes?
小蛋糕生意吗
I'll admit business has been slow.
我承认生意最近有些淡
But we're gonna use the money
但我们会用这笔钱
to take our business to the next level.
把我们的生意带到下一个阶段
Max had the genius idea of making it a dessert bar.
麦克斯有个天才点子 把蛋糕店改成甜点吧
We still sell our cupcakes,
我们还是会卖小蛋糕
but we also serve high-end cocktails.
但我们也卖高档鸡尾酒
You can just say the word "muddle"
只要加上"混合"这个字
and charge $20.
就能卖20块
That is a fantastic idea, ladies.
姑娘们 这个点子太棒了
Wow, it's so great.
棒极了
Honey, do me a favor. Could you get me some
water?
亲爱的 能帮我去那点水吗
I want to stay hydrated for tomorrow's matinee.
我想为明早的戏保持水分充足
There's talk of Robert Durst transferring in just to see it,
道上传闻罗伯特·德斯特专门转狱来看呢
纪录片《厄运》的男主角 在录制纪录片时 意外承认自己当年谋杀数人的事实
and I don't want to jinx it, you know.
说出来我怕会有"厄运" 就不会实现了
Wanted to ditch the square, huh?
想甩开傻子单独谈是吗
I get it.
我明白
Is this finally happening?
这事终于要来了吗
Celebration make-out sesh?
为庆祝要亲热一发吗
Uh, yeah, we got to keep our hands in plain view.
我们得把双手放在他们看得到的地方
This whole cupcake business is not for Caroline.
小蛋糕的生意根本不适合卡洛琳
Well, she's not the baker; I am.
做蛋糕的又不是她 是我
She's the idea person.
她负责创意
Yeah, but you had the dessert bar idea, right?
但甜点吧这个点子不是你想的吗
And you just said it was a terrific idea.
而你刚才也说这是一个超棒的点子
Well, as you saw...
你也看见了
I'm a really good actor.
我是一名好演员
Can I itch my nose?
我能挠挠鼻子吗
Look, my baby was brought up around Wall Street.
听着 我的宝贝在华尔街长大
She's Wharton bred.
接受沃顿商学院教育
She could never be happy doing this whole baking business,
卖小蛋糕这种小生意 永远不可能让她开心
and this is her big chance to get out.
这次是她解脱的大好机遇
But wouldn't she have told me?
但她难道不会自己跟我说吗
She tells me every single feeling she's having.
她有任何想法都会跟我说
And some of it, I even listen to.
有一些我甚至还听进去了
What if I just ask her?
那如果我直接问她呢
She'll only deny it.
她只会否认
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
她不想让你伤心
That's why I'm doing it.
所以我来帮她说
But she said she was happy about the dessert bar.
但她说过甜点吧让她开心不已
We danced about it.
我们开心得跳舞了呢
Max, listen to me.
麦克斯 听我说
I'm her father, and I know her.
我是她爸 我了解她
And this is her big chance.
这次是她的大好机遇
You just got to let her go.
你就放手让她走吧
I do?
真的要这样吗
Yeah, and you got to be firm about it,
是的 你一定要态度坚决
or she's not going to get the message.
不然她不会明白
Like in "Poltergeist,"
就像电影《鬼驱人》
where they have to be really stern with Carol Anne
他们不得不严厉管教他们的小女儿
or else she'll stay with the ghosts?
否则她就会那只鬼厮混在一起
And I'm the ghosts?
而我就是那只鬼吗
Max, what is going on with you?
麦克斯 你怎么了
Are you all right?
你没事吧
I'm fine.
没事
I'm just making Sophie's gender cake.
我在给苏菲做性别蛋糕
If you don't want to be here, go back to Wall Street.
如果你不想待在这里 那就回华尔街啊
What?
什么
What is going on with you?
你到底怎么回事
You've been pouty ever since we left the prison.
从我们离开监狱 你就一直气扑扑的
I'm not gonna take you there anymore
如果是因为不舍得走所以不爽
if you're sad to leave.
那下次不带你去了
You know what?
你懂个屁啊
While I'm doing all the work,
老娘在忙着干所有的活
why don't you go get me the gender envelope?
你去帮我把那个有性别的信封拿过来
Okay, Moody Giuliani.
好的 易怒的大忙人
Do not tell me you lost the envelope
别告诉我你把那个里面有
with the gender of Sophie's baby in there.
苏菲宝宝性别的信封弄丢了
I didn't lose it.
我没有弄丢了
I just don't have it,
只是它不在我这儿
and I don't know where it is.
我也不知道它在哪儿
Oh, we probably left it at the prison
很可能是你让我把节目单拿出来时
when you made me get out the playbill.
不小心把它落在监狱了
Oh, so this is my fault.
所以这是我的错吗
The one thing you had to do, you didn't do.
你只需要把这一件事做好 你却搞砸了
Like a waitress at a vegan restaurant,
就像素食餐厅里的服务员
you're bringing almost nothing to the table.
你端上桌的东西[贡献]跟没有一样
The $250,000 I'm bringing to the table,
我可是贡献了25万美金啊
that's nothing?
那也叫没有吗
Oh, so that's your money.
所以那是你的钱
There it is.
终于说出来了
So why don't you take your money
你何不带上你的钱
and go back to Wall Street?
滚回华尔街
I'll be fine.
我没关系
Who came up with combining desserts and alcohol?
是谁想出将甜点和酒精结合的绝世好点子
I mean, obviously, you've been holding me back.
显然 一直都是你在拖我后腿好吗
I've been holding you back?
是我一直在拖你后腿吗
You forgot to wear pants to a business meeting.
你参加商业会议时还忘了穿裤子呢
How dare you?
这事你也敢说
I did wear pants.
我明明有穿裤子
I just left them in the bathroom.
只是落在厕所了而已
Okay, well...
既然如此
Well, this is a historic event.
这事都可以载入史册了
We've sold cupcakes for five years,
我们一起卖了五年的小蛋糕
and this is the first time you've touched batter.
这是你第一次碰面糊
It's a historic event
这的确是该载入史册
because you finally had a business idea
因为你终于想出一个生意点子
that didn't have the word "fart" in it.
里面不带"屁"字
If my hair gets involved, we are done.
敢沾到我头发 我们恩断义绝
Good.
求之不得
Girls, I'm going to...
姑娘们 我准备去...
What have you done?
你都干了什么
I have an egg allergy!
我对鸡蛋过敏啊
* 25 to Li... *
* 25年到终身监禁 *
Hey, what a nice surprise.
见到你真是惊喜
You know what else is a surprise?
你知道什么还让人惊喜吗
That the makeup lights in a prison are so flattering.
监狱的化妆灯把人照得好美啊
I don't remember him being in the show.
我不记得演出里有他啊
Yeah, he's not.
是没他
He's just a felon who likes false eyelashes.
他只是个喜欢贴假睫毛的重罪犯
So what are you doing here?
你来这里干嘛
I think I left an important envelope here.
我把一个重要的信封落在这里了
I tried calling, but they said
我试过给你打电话 但他们说
your phone privileges were taken away.
你接电话的权利被取消了
Yeah, well, I had a fight with the prison theater critic.
是的 我跟监狱的剧评家打了一架
That's the headline you go with, Eddie?
你真的要起这种破标题吗 艾迪
"Shanks for Nothing"?
"跳不出监狱 舞不出人生"
He sure is a big man on his blog,
他在自己博客上肯定形象高大
but he can't look me in the eye.
但他都不敢直视我的双眼
Well, I would have gone with "It's A Prison Riot."
要我就把标题起为 监狱"暴♥动"
I think I left an envelope here,
我好像把一个信封落在这里了
and I think it ruined me and Max's friendship
因为它 我和麦克斯友谊的小船说翻就翻
and our partnership.
我们合作的巨轮也沉了
All right, well, here you go.
好吧 都在这呢
Here's your envelope,
这是你的信封
and here's your makeup bag.
这是你的化妆包
I'm real sorry to hear about you and Max.
听到你和麦克斯搞成这样 我很遗憾
Unless maybe it's a good thing
除非 这没准是件好事
and it's happening for the best
这是上天的安排
and you get to go back to Wall Street
让你可以回华尔街
and reclaim your life.
重新过上原本的生活
Wall Street?
华尔街
Why does every single person keep telling me
为什么每一个人都在跟我说
to go back to Wall Street?
让我回华尔街呢
Max, you...
麦克斯 你
all right, it's just Max and you.
好吧 只有你和麦克斯
Here. Let me do that.
让我来吧
Listen, honey.
听着 亲爱的
You only have to work on Wall Street, okay?
你只需在华尔街工作 好吗
You can live on the Upper East Side
你可以生活在上东区
and eventually move to Westchester
最后搬到韦斯切斯特富人区
if you want a tennis court.
因为你想要一个网球场
Daddy, did you and Max talk about this?
爸爸 你跟麦克斯是不是谈过这事
Kitten, I know you better than anybody,
宝贝 我比任何人都了解你
and I know that you do not belong
我知道你不属于
in a cupcake shop in Brooklyn.
布鲁克林的一个小蛋糕店
You could still be friends with Max.
你还是能和麦克斯做朋友啊
She like tennis?
她喜欢打网球吗
How do you know where I belong?
你怎么知道我属于哪里
Go like this.
像这样
I'm not the same spoiled little rich girl that I was.
我不再是那个曾经被宠坏的富家女了
Well, now you can be.
但现在你可以是啦
These last five years have made me a different person.
过去的五年让我脱胎换骨
For example, when I walk
举个例子 当我走进
into a combination Taco Bell-Dunkin' Donuts,
一家结合墨西哥卷饼和美式甜甜圈的店
you know what they say?
你知道他们会说什么吗
"Hi, Caroline."
"你好 卡洛琳"
Son of a bitch.
混♥蛋
See, Daddy, I'm Taco Bell,
爸爸 我是墨西哥卷饼
and Max is Dunkin' Donuts.
麦克斯是美式甜甜圈
On the surface, it seems like we shouldn't be together,
从表面上看 我们俩根本不搭界
but we make an amazing team.
但我们组成了一个完美的团队
And we have a dream together.
而我们有一个共同的梦想
It's not just hers; it's mine too.
那不仅仅是她的梦想 也是我的
Well, that's the hardest thing I've had to take in all day.
这是我今天最难以接受却又不得不接受的事
And for lunch, they served us something called "Brown."
午餐时 我们吃的是一坨叫"棕色"的东西
See, Daddy, this is where I belong.
听着 爸爸 我就属于这里
Well, not here, even though I will miss the lighting,
不是指监狱 虽然我会想念这里的灯光
but with Max.
但我离不开麦克斯
I guess I can support that.
我想我可以支持这一点
Look, I'm sorry. Sorry.
听着 我道歉 对不起
You know, I worry, okay?
因为我担心你 好吗
That's what parents do,
父母都这样
and there's lots of time to worry when you're in prison,
而且当身在监狱 你会有大把时间担心这担心那
which is why I focused all my energies
所以我把我所有的精力
on creating groundbreaking musical theater.
都用于创作开创性的音乐剧
Are you sure you didn't tell your dad
你确定你没告诉你爸
that I told you that he told me to tell you that?
我告诉了你 是他告诉我让我这么告诉你的
'Cause snitches get stitches.
因为告密者会不得好死
My dad wouldn't hurt a fly.
我爸连只苍蝇都不忍心伤害
He'd just steal $1 billion from it.
他只会偷走它十亿而已
Not bad for my first cake, right?
我第一个蛋糕做得还不错吧
Well, if you don't count all the ones I threw in the garbage.
如果不算我扔进垃圾桶的那些
I did count them. There were seven.
我算过了 一共七个
Two of them were fizzing.
其中两个还发出了气泡声
But thanks for trying.
但至少你努力过了
Max, Caroline, come on!
麦克斯 卡洛琳 快点
How long is this gonna take?
这需要多长时间
I didn't wait this long for the polio vaccine.
当年等研发小儿麻痹疫苗都没等这么长
There's a polio vaccine?
小儿麻痹居然有疫苗吗
Well, you might have to wait a little longer
你们可能还得再等一会
to find out the sex of the baby,
才能知道宝宝的性别
because Max and I have a new business
announcement too.
因为我和麦克斯有个新的生意通知要宣布
Is it about me firing you?
是关于我解雇你俩吗
Because I already reserved a karaoke machine
因为我已经为你们的"解脱万岁"派对
for your Good Riddance party.
预定了一台卡拉OK
I'm not saying cancel it, but you can't fire us
不是让你取消掉 但你不能解雇我们
till we have our new business idea up and running.
等我们的新生意经营顺利后才许解雇
And I'm talking dibs on the "Thong Song."
《丁字裤之歌》是我的 谁都不许抢
All right, so here's our big news.
好啦 我们的大好消息来了
We should have gone to Rosebud's Bakery for the cake.
我们应该去花蕾烘培坊定这个蛋糕
You know, 'cause when you order one there,
因为你在那里定蛋糕
they don't say, "Hey, guess what happened to me!"
他们不会废话说 "猜猜我发生了什么"
Pretty tacky, Caroline.
真俗气 卡洛琳
Says the guy in a tank top
你一个穿着过气动作男星
from the Steven Seagal for Target collection.
为平价百货设计的背心 还有脸说我
Now the wind's out of my sails.
我现在没什么信心说这事了
No, it's not! We're opening a dessert bar!
才没有呢 我们要开一间甜点吧
All right, give me the knife.
好了 把刀给我
To cut the cake?
是切蛋糕吗
No.
不是
Well, then I'm not gonna give it to you.
那我不会给你
Like I said at this diner a million times,
我在这餐厅说了无数遍这话
give it to me, Caroline.
"给我" 卡洛琳
Okay, baby, you do the honors.
好了 宝贝 你来切蛋糕
Why do we need to know the gender anyway?
为什么非得知道宝宝的性别呀
They all switch 'em now.
现在性别都能变来变去了
All right, one, two, three.
好了 一 二 三
Boy or girl?
男孩还是女孩
It's white. What does that mean?
白色 那是什么意思
Well, it means it has a chance
意思是孩子有机会
of getting nominated for Academy Awards.
被提名奥斯卡
奥斯卡近两年提名演员清一色全是白人 被媒体诟病为"白色奥斯卡"
Oh, no!
糟糕
I was so busy putting out that oven mitt fire,
我忙着扑灭烤箱手套的火
I forgot to put the color in it.
忘了给蛋糕胚加颜色了
But I could just tell everybody.
但我可以直接告诉你们
No, 'cause if I hear it from you,
不必 因为如果从你嘴里得知
I'll already be mad at the baby.
我会现在就不爽我肚子里的孩子
You know what, Sophie?
算了 苏菲
Maybe it's a sign
或许这是上帝的旨意
that we shouldn't know what the baby's gonna be.
我们不该知道宝宝的性别
You're right.
你说得对
Keep the cake, girls.
蛋糕你们自己留着吧
We're not gonna pay.
我们不会付钱的
Well, do you guys want to try it?
你们想尝尝吗
No, thanks.
不了
I've got a lady coming over.
晚上有女人要来我家
We're gonna try to figure out how Netflix works
我们要尝试弄懂网络电视怎么用
and chill.
然后"干"点别的
I also have a lady coming over.
我也有女人要来我家
Yes, it's a lesbian masseuse for my ferret,
没错 是来伺候我雪貂的拉拉按♥摩师
but it counts.
但这也算啦
I guess you're the only one
我猜你是唯一一个
who's gonna taste my first cake.
品尝我第一个蛋糕的人
I also have a lady coming over, question mark.
我也有女人要来我家 吧
Come on. One bite.
来嘛 就尝一口
Could you dial 911, please?
麻烦打电话叫救护车 谢谢