姐妹俩坐贵宾席弄砸球赛

So, to be clear,
我再确认一下
you want delivery from this diner?
你要从我们这里叫外送吗
Yes, I do know what delivery means.
我当然知道外送是什么意思啦
Do you know what E. Coli means?
但你知道大肠杆菌是啥吗
Where do you live?
你住哪里
If he eats from here,
如果他要吃这里的东西
in his bathroom in about an hour.
一个小时后 他会常住厕所里
Will you be needing napkins? Utensils?
需要餐巾纸 餐具
The number for Poison Control?
还是中毒控制中心的电话吗
Well, good luck.
好的 祝您长命
The delivery boy is on his way.
外送员立刻出发
Oh, this is good.
这太好了
I need the exercise.
我正需要多运动
I feel like I'm getting a little chubby!
我感觉我最近身材有点微肿
Oh, I know. I can see it through those shorts.
你短裤里的"小蚯蚓"也有点"微肿"
I was a delivery boy in Vietnam.
我当年在越南也当过外送小哥
I mostly delivered bad news, like,
但我通常专门送坏消息给别人
"That hooker was a dude."
比如"那个妓♥女是人妖"
Here's that tuna salad-- and hurry.
金枪鱼沙拉好了 速度快点啊
Like that astronaut who drove across the country in a diaper,
跟像绑架人后穿着尿布开车跑的那位宇航员
美国第一位女宇航员在2007年曾试图绑架过情敌
it's not gonna travel well.
上路必困难重重
See you later, haters.
再见啦 喷子们
And remember,
别忘了
Earl's in charge when I'm gone.
我不在的时候 厄尔管事
Earl's in charge?
厄尔管事吗
Okay. I have a business degree.
行啊 我有商学文凭
He had all three types of diabetes.
而他是三型糖尿病都有
But I get it.
你选他我完全理解
I'll be gone for...20.
我大概是二零分钟后回来
Speaking of 4:20,
说到"四[是]二零"
Max, you wanna go smoke some weed?
麦克斯 想要一起来两口大♥麻吗
420是抽大♥麻的代号
The man in charge just sparked up a doobie.
那位管事的人准备点起一管大♥麻烟
But I get it.
宝宝心里明白
And I'm about to get it.
宝宝我还马上要爽到呢
Oh, no. Am I in charge forever?
惨了 这餐厅以后都归我管了吗
Who the hell parked a Rascal in a bike lane?
谁把老年代步车停自行车道上了
Uh...that's my bad.
是我不好
It almost destroyed my helmet!
我的盔头都差点要撞爆了
I know. I can see it through those shorts.
从你的短裤看得出你"龟♥头"差点撞爆
And this is the sprinkle station.
这里是撒糖霜站台
Last stop on the cupcake train.
小蛋糕制作火车的最后一站
And this is the cash register, where there'll be money someday.
而这个是收银机 总有一天它里面会有钱
And this is Max,
这位是麦克斯
the other half of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
麦克斯自制小蛋糕重要的另一半
Your little movie is about to be rated R
你这部小电影马上就要变限制级了
for strong, brutal violence.
因为会有强烈与残暴的暴力画面
Stop filming me.
别拍我了
I'm not filming.
我不是在摄影
I'm Periscoping.
我是在♥线上直播[潜望镜]
Isn't periscoping when you do mouth stuff on a guy
这招数不是指你头在下方帮男人"口"
while he keeps a lookout for the cops?
他在上方的眼睛四处看有没有警察吗
Not all sex has to involve the threat of an arrest, Max.
麦克斯 不是所有性♥爱都要担心有条子好吗
Periscope is a social media app
潜望镜是一款社交软件
that streams live videos to your followers.
让你能通过网络给粉丝直播影片
Tell everyone in Brooklyn who loves food festivals
我在告诉布鲁克林所有喜欢美食节的人
that we'll be at the Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.
我们明天也会去布希维克美食节
Or you can follow me into the bathroom while I change,
或者你可以跟我进厕所拍我更衣
and they can see some bushwick right now.
大家今天就能看到阴毛丛生[布希维克]了
Max, this is great PR.
麦克斯 这是很棒的PR
That's "public relations,"
这是指"公关"
not "Puerto Rican."
不是"波多黎各"的缩写
I know you were disappointed
我知道上次你很失望
when I took you to that PR seminar
因为我带你去PR研讨班
and there were no cock fights.
你没看到波多黎各斗鸡赛
I liked the Internet when the only thing you could do
我对网络唯一有好感的时刻
was look at cat pictures
是看喵星人萌图
and find out how old John Stamos is.
和查约翰·斯塔莫斯到底几岁的时候
知名男演员 长相颇为有型 帅气
He turned 53 in August!
他今年八月就要满53岁了呢
You know what's sad?
你知道最悲哀的是什么吗
I'm too old to date him.
是我这年纪 他已经看不上了
If Periscope is such great PR,
如果这个软件公关效果这么好
how many viewers did you just have?
那你到底有多少观众呢
One.
一个
But maybe it was a really important one.
但说不定他就是重要的那一个呢
Really loving your Periscope presence, Caroline!
给你潜望镜的演出点个赞 卡洛琳
Okay. It's a small build.
小的一个也算数嘛
I still maintain that Periscoping will be great for our business.
我仍深信这款软件对我们生意有好处
For the record, I was filming my business
告诉你们 我可是在有"潜望镜"之前
way before it was called "Periscoping."
就开始拍我裤裆里的"龙巢"了
Hi, everybody!
大家安安
Oleg, I picked up your dry cleaning,
奥列格 我把干洗的衣服拿回来了
and good news!
还有个好消息
They were able to get the raspberry stains
他们成功把你"鸟网"上
out of your banana hammock!
沾到的覆盆子汁洗掉了
Oh, Lord.
我的老天啊
Now who's gonna dry clean my mouth?
我去哪找人帮我♥干洗我的嘴
So you picked up my dry cleaning
所以你去帮我拿干洗的衣服
instead of my cousin from the airport?
而不是去机场接我堂弟吗
Your cousin's in town? That's weird.
你堂弟来了吗 奇怪
I didn't get an alert on my phone.
我手机上没有收到色情狂出没的警告啊
Sophie, how could you forget?
苏菲 你怎么能忘了这档事
This is why we started doing sudoku.
这就是为啥我们玩数独练脑力
I thought you started doing sudoku
我还以为你玩"舒笃"这姑娘
'cause she was hot and willing.
是因为她又辣又来者不拒呢
I got a lot on my mind.
我脑子里有很多事情嘛
I'm trying to design our future baby.
我在想着怎么设计我们的孩子
See, girls, I read this article
姑娘们 我读到一篇文章
that says you can spin sperm to get rid of the bad stuff.
说你可以旋转精♥子 来甩掉不良物质
So Oleg's not gonna be the father?
那孩子父亲就不会是奥列格啦
It's true.
这是真的
There's a new technology
有一种新科技
where you can select the baby's genes.
你可以自己选择孩子的基因
I miss selecting jeans.
我好怀念可以选的时候
Now I just reach into the $3 bin
现在我只能去3元旧衣店
and hope for the best.
希望能碰到一条合适的牛仔裤
Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz
我要把体内的精虫大甩特甩
till I get a girl baby with green eyes
直到我能甩出个有绿瞳孔
and Jennifer Aniston's second nose
还有詹尼佛·安妮斯顿整过后的鼻子
and--and my butt!
外加我翘臀的女娃
Why can't we get pregnant the natural way?
为什么我们就不能用自然的方法受孕呢
Up against a fence.
把你按在围栏上搞
Hello.
你好
I'm Gortak.
我叫戈塔克
You look familiar.
你看起来好眼熟
Didn't you rib a dragon on "Game of Thrones"?
你是不是跟《权力的游戏》里的某人有
点像
Gortak!
戈塔克
There's my little cousin.
我的小堂弟
Hi!
你好啊
I think my iPhone case is made out of gortak.
他名字听起来好像是做手机壳的材料
Hi, I'm Oleg's wife, Sophie.
我是奥列格的太太 苏菲
And you're one tall drink of yak's milk.
你真是又高大又可口啊
You know it, baby.
宝贝 你懂行
And he's taking that tall right to the bank.
他就靠这身高发家致富了
Gortak just signed to play pro basketball.
他被签去打职业篮球
No way!
不是吧
Basketball is my favorite sport,
篮球是我最爱的运动
next to bum wrestling!
还有就是屁♥股撞屁♥股
I'm in town for a game against Brooklyn.
我跟球队要来跟布鲁克林队打
Brooklyn's my team.
布鲁克林队是我的最爱
They stink.
他们弱爆了
Yeah, well,
的确
I relate to anybody who's not doing that great.
我就对任何弱爆的人事物特有好感
Hey, I'm Max.
我叫麦克斯
I used to shoot around in juvi.
我以前在少管所也打球
We played arsonists versus attempted murderers.
以前我们是纵火犯大战杀人未遂犯
I did a lot of ribbon dancing.
我也学过不少缎带舞呢
Caroline's kind of the Screech of the group.
卡洛琳就是专门负责破坏气氛的
And here comes Mr. Belding.
而现在砸场先生来了
Max, it's almost your shift.
麦克斯 马上就要上班了
Why haven't you changed into your uniform?
你为什么还没换制服
It's almost spring.
马上就要春天了
Why haven't you changed into a butterfly?
你为什么还没变成小蝴蝶
Han, this is my cousin Gortak.
阿憨 这是我堂弟戈塔克
Gortak, this is...
戈塔克 这是我...
Jackass boss.
傻♥逼老板
Virgin.
处♥男
"Little People, Big World."
《小矮人大世界》[真人秀]
I didn't catch all of that,
你们说的我没有每句都懂
but I didn't love what I caught.
但是懂的部分都很让我不爽
Oleg, do you and your Sophie
奥列格 你跟你太太
want to come to the game tomorrow night?
明晚想来看比赛吗
I have two tickets.
我这里有两张票
Oh, perfect timing.
时候正好
As of yesterday, I'm allowed
就昨天 我不能接近
to be within 50 feet of cheerleaders.
拉拉队员15米距离内的禁令刚结束
Yeah, no. You know what?
不行 是这样的
I'm sorry. I'm out.
真的很抱歉 但我不去了
You know, tonight I have to genetically modify a person
今晚我得一边基因改造一个婴儿
while I watch "The Good Wife."
一边看《傲骨贤妻》
Take me, Oleg!
要我吧 奥列格
Which is the only time you will ever hear me say that.
这是你唯一能听到我对你说这句话的时候
Good idea, Max.
好主意啊 麦克斯
Sophie would be pissed if I took a lady.
带你这样的爷们去 苏菲就不会吃醋
But, Max, what about our plans?
麦克斯 那我们的安排怎么办
I don't want to taste Bushwick alone.
我可不想一个人去美食节[尝鸡鸡]
Then don't have more than three drinks...
那记住 不要喝超过三杯酒
And don't get in the back of anybody's Isuzu.
还有不要乱上别人的车
You're pretty dressed up.
你穿得挺隆重啊
You know a food festival is just code
你知道美食节只是
for eating outside next to garbage cans.
在路边垃圾桶旁站着吃的代号吧
Maybe I should come.
或许我该跟你去
Well, I say, "dress for the job you want."
想做什么工 就穿什么装
I would, but I don't know what the people
我也想啊 可是我不知道那些
who test out all the new potato chip flavors wear.
吃光新口味薯片试吃的人该穿什么
Cheeseburger Pringles?
起司汉堡味品客薯片
Yes.
要了
Hey, girls!
姑娘们
Look at my baby board!
看看我的婴儿板
I feel like we're finally getting close
我觉得我们终于接近
to something I can work with.
我能一试的阶段了
You know, it really started to flow
我的灵感在去掉
once I threw away the Anne Hathaway forehead.
安妮·海瑟薇的额头后 就源源而来
That is the scariest thing I've ever seen.
这是我见过最吓人的东西了
Oh, well, good thing you didn't see it
那你应该庆幸你没看到
with the Hathaway forehead.
有安妮·海瑟薇额头的版本
I love baby number two, but I don't know.
我喜欢二号宝宝的样子
Oleg still wants to be surprised.
可是奥列格还是想有个惊喜
Why don't you give us all a nice surprise
你何不给我们大家一个美妙的惊喜
and brush his teeth while he's sleeping?
去趁他睡着的时候帮他刷个牙呢
Right?
是吧
Oh, right. Here.
来 给你
Max, Oleg can't go to the game.
麦克斯 奥列格不能去看球赛
Our baby appointment got changed to tomorrow,
我们的门诊预约改到了明天
and we got to get working on the baby body.
我们还得继续弄小孩身子的部分
Oh, you know what?
对了
That reminds me.
这让我想到
Max, do you have a picture of your boobs?
能给我一张你巨♥乳的照片吗
Oh, you know what?
算了 不用
I'll get it from Oleg.
我跟奥列格要就行了
I can't believe I have two tickets!
真不敢相信我有两张票
Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl.
我要打给厄尔
It'd be fun to go with a friend.
跟朋友去看球一定很有意思
Would it hurt you to ask me to go to the game?
你问问我要不要去是会死吗
You know I'm not gonna say yes.
你明知道我不会答应
Do you want to go to the game?
你想跟我一起去看球赛吗
Yes!
好
Wow, that surprised me too.
我自己都觉得好惊喜呢
These are VIP tickets from an actual player.
这可是球员给的真贵宾席票
This could be better than Bushwick.
这可能会比美食节还赞
I mean, lots of celebrities go to those games.
很多明星都会去看球赛
Ooh! Where are the fliers?
传单呢
I bet we could get a lot of business there.
我打赌我们能在那里拉到不少生意
No!
不许
We are not doing business!
不许去那边做生意
Tonight is supposed to be fun.
今晚是去好好玩的
Well, I find business fun, but okay.
我觉得生意很好玩啊 但行吧
One day, you will appreciate my ambition.
总有一天 你会欣赏我的干劲
And one day, I will try lettuce,
总有天我还会试试吃生菜呢
but not tonight.
但不是今晚
No fliers.
不带传单
No fliers.
不带传单
No fliers.
不带传单
I just think this is a missed opportunity.
我只是觉得这样错失了良机
"Missed Opportunity"
"错失良机"
was my stripper name at the Salty Dog.
是我当年当钢管舞♥女郎的艺名
Look, I don't want to work tonight.
我今晚就是不想工作
Which also happened to be my catchphrase.
这句话也是我当年的招牌语
These can't be VIP seats.
这不可能是贵宾席
I haven't been this winded since I climbed
姐好久没有这么上气不接下气了
the social ladder at theater camp.
上一次是在夏令营为了爬上上层社会
These seats are great!
这位置多好呀
I usually sit in the parking lot
我通常都是坐在停车场
around a trash fire, singing doo-wop.
围着烧垃圾的火 唱着杜沃普摇滚乐
源自非洲裔美国黑人的一种和声曲风 由多个声部的人声组成和声 不需要或者仅需要少量乐器
It's just, I've never sat in the last row before.
我从来没有坐过最后一排
My father made sure I was always in the front.
我爸总是确保让我坐上第一排
Broadway, fashion week,
百老汇看剧 时装周看秀
his criminal trial.
以及他的庭审
My father got me front-row seats
我爸也曾让我坐过第一排
to the "Inability to Love" awards.
观看他得"爱无能"奖
I'll try and let this go, but I'm just saying,
我会试着不念叨这事 但我想说
we could have gone to the Taste of Bushwick,
我们本可以去参加美食节
and we'd still be closer to the court.
从那里 也比这里离球场近
Oh, I love the taste of Bushwick.
我超爱布希维克美食节
I don't care for it much.
我不太喜欢
Hi, I'm June, and this is Dianne.
我是琼 这位是戴安
We're sort of the "Mayors" of section Y.
我们有点像末排之"后"
Been to every game.
每场比赛必到
I'm Max. This is Caroline.
我是麦克斯 这位是卡洛琳
You guys want a finger?
你们要"来根手指"吗
Oh, we're just friends.
我们只是朋友啦
Do you want a finger?
你们要不要这根手指
Sure.
好啊
We'll take one if you got an extra.
如果你们有多的 我们就要
And how 'bout that hot dog?
那热狗怎么样
You still working on that?
你还吃吗
Max, you don't know where that finger has been.
麦克斯 你又不知道这根手指放过哪里
What do you mean?
这话什么意思
It's been in a box in my car.
它之前放在我车里的一个盒子里
Yeah, Caroline.
是啊 卡洛琳
This finger's been in her box
这根手指放进过她的盒子[阴♥部]
out in the car.
就从车里拿出来了
What part of that don't you get?
你是哪部分听不懂啊
Careful.
小心
That beer cost more than I spent on underwear last year.
这杯啤酒花的钱 比我去年买内衣裤花的钱都多
I don't like it up here.
我不喜欢坐这么靠上
I don't even like beer.
我甚至不喜欢啤酒
It's so bloaty.
容易胀气
Come on. It's not that bad.
拜托 没那么糟啦
Oh, really?
是咩
Then why is that guy shaving?
那为什么那家伙在刮胡子
Well, obviously, he's got a very important job interview
人家肯定是有一个非常重要的面试
as conductor of the crazy train.
应征疯狂列车的列车长
Max, our seats are in a shanty town.
麦克斯 我们的位置就像在贫民区
I think somebody tried to sell me a hubcap
刚爬楼梯的时候
on the way up the stairs.
有人还想卖我轮毂盖
通常偷了去当废品或废铁卖
Ooh! How much?
卖你多少钱啊
Can I borrow those binoculars,
我能借下你的望远镜吗
so I can look at something that's not this?
好让我不用看眼前这些烦心事
Max! Oh, my God!
麦克斯 天啊
Look at all the VIPs down there.
瞧瞧下面的贵宾席的人
Well, someone's "VI-peeing" right over there.
有人也在那边撒"贵宾尿"呢
Max, I want to be down there.
麦克斯 我想下去
Oh, I know what you need.
我知道你需要什么
Wanna finger?
想要来一发"手指"吗
Look!
瞧
A rich couple fighting courtside!
一对有钱情侣在球场边吵架
Oh, he's storming off!
那男的气冲冲地走了
She's storming off!
那女的也气冲冲地走了
You should do play-by-play
你应该在"老娘不在乎"台
on the "I Don't Care" Network.
做实况报道主播
Come on! Let's go steal their seats.
走 我们去偷坐他们的位置
What?
什么
I like where I am.
我喜欢现在的位置
My ears already popped.
我的耳膜已经外凸了
当到达一定高度 中耳内的气压大于大气压 使耳膜外凸 耳朵会有胀满不舒服的感觉
We're settled here.
凑合坐这里算了
That's the difference between us, Max.
这就是咱俩不一样的地方 麦克斯
I don't settle...
我不会"凑合"
until I'm, like, 42,
除非等我42岁了
and then I might have to marry someone shorter than me.
我可能会嫁给一个比我矮的人
I, on the other hand, love settling.
相反的是 我喜欢凑合
My first words were, "Eh, it's fine."
我小时候的第一句话是 "还凑合啦"
Look, all we have to do
我们只需进行
s make a few smart, strategic moves,
聪明的战略性转移
and a better opportunity awaits.
就有更好的机会在等着我们
Please?
拜托啦
All right. Sorry, ladies.
好啦 抱歉 女士们
She wants me to go down with her.
她想让我跟她一起"下去"
Just tell her you got a headache.
告诉她你今天头疼不就好啦
Okay, just act like we belong in the VIP section.
要表现得我们本来就是坐贵宾席的主儿
I can't believe the limo driver took that wrong turn,
真不敢相信那个加长豪车司机居然拐错弯
and that's why we're late to the game,
所以我们来晚了
and thus, our seats.
所以 也晚到了座位
You forgot to mention that we took thus bus here.
你忘了提我们坐"所以"公车来的
The point is, we made it.
重点是 我们做到了
I am back where I belong.
我回到了属于我的地方
Can you just smell the money down here?
你能闻到下面的这股铜臭味吗
I think that's Gortak's ball sweat.
我觉得那是戈塔克蛋蛋的汗臭味
Hello, ladies
两位女士
who magically appeared in the second quarter.
你们居然在比赛第二节才神奇出现
Can I see your tickets?
我能看看你们的票吗
What?
干嘛
These are my tickets to most places.
我去大部分地方 都是凭胸进场的啊
Our tickets? Of course.
我们的票吗 当然可以
Let me just find them in here.
我先找找包里有没有
Here they are!
在这里
Oh, sorry about the popcorn.
抱歉上面粘了爆米花
I'm used to it.
我习惯了
You rich people are pigs.
有钱人都是猪
Max, I haven't been called a rich pig in five years!
麦克斯 我五年没被人叫过有钱猪了
This is pretty cool!
这里真是太酷了
I told that Chinese lady up top
我之前跟楼上那个装了一背包
with the backpack full of loose carrots
散卖胡萝卜的中国女人说
I'd be back, but I don't think so.
我会回去 但现在我不会
Oh, my God.
老天
I should totally Periscope this
我真应该用潜望镜直播
so people think we're big shots.
好让别人以为我们是大牌
We are so close,
我们离得好近
I could get my nose broken by a ball!
感觉鼻子随时会被球砸破
And I could meet the doctor who fixes your broken nose!
那我就可以认识帮你修好破鼻子的整容医生
Everything is working out!
一切都那么水到渠成
Oh, my God.
额滴神啊
We are in the same row as Jay-Z and Beyonce!
我们居然跟杰斯和碧昂斯同一排
And they brought Blue Ivy!
他们还把女儿布露·艾薇带来了
I can't believe I'm seeing our royal family!
真不敢相信我居然看见我们的音乐王室了
I can't believe I'm touching the court with my feet!
我也不敢相信我的脚居然能碰到球场
Maybe I should just drag my butt across it like a dog.
或许我该像狗一样 屁♥股坐地拖着过场
Is that too far?
会不会太过分
Oh, my God!
额滴天神啊
Beyonce just made eye contact with me!
碧昂斯刚才居然跟我四目相对
She sees me every time she looks
她每次都能看到我 只要
碧昂斯《Irreplaceable》中的前两句歌词
to the left, to the left.
往左看[边] 往左看[边]
I should get them one of our fliers.
我应该给他们我们的传单
Luckily, I always keep an emergency flier.
幸好 我总备有一张应急
That and a key to my old house,
还备了我旧家的钥匙
in case this all turns out to be a dream.
以防最后发现这只是一场梦
That's my dream too.
我也希望你这恶梦会走
Ooh! Here comes the nanny.
保姆来了
Fran Drescher's here?
法兰·卓雪也来了吗
CBS情景喜剧《超级保姆》的女主角
No, Blue Ivy's nanny.
不 是他们女儿的保姆
I'll get her our flier.
我把传单给她
Excuse me, miss, in the drop-crotch sweatpants!
不好意思 穿吊裆运动裤的小姐
Go, go, go! Ten seconds!
冲冲冲 还有10秒
Wait! Miss, wait!
等等 小姐留步
Can you take this?
能收下这个吗
- Max, she took the-- - Go, go, go!
-麦克斯 她收下... -冲冲冲
Max, what did you do?
麦克斯 你做了什么
I took you to a basketball game like an idiot!
我像个白♥痴一样 把你带来看篮球赛
And now I'm about to run.
现在我要跑路了
What is our end game here, Max?
我们要怎么收场 麦克斯
Are we hiding? Are we fleeing?
我们是要躲 还是要逃
I just want to know what we're ugly-walking toward.
我就想知道我们用这么丑的姿势走向哪里
Do I look like a person with an end game?
我看起来像是有场可收的人吗
Also, ya ended the game.
还有 是你让比赛提前收场
Angry mob aside, the good news is
先不说愤怒的球迷 好消息是
I did manage to get that flier to Blue Ivy's people.
我成功把传单交到布露·艾薇的保姆手里
The bad news is you created the biggest disaster in sports
坏消息是 你创造了运动史上最大的灾难
since Magic Johnson's talk show.
完全赶超魔术师约翰逊脱口秀
这名伟大球员曾主持过一档深夜脱口秀节目 业内一致差评
Someone's coming.
有人来了
Well, you said you wanted more followers.
你说你想要更多跟随者[粉丝]
Now you have them in real life!
恭喜你在现实生活中做到了
Oh, my God.
我的老天
This is where the 17th best team in the league gets naked!
这就是联♥盟第17强的球队宽衣解带的地方啊
And also where it ends for ol' Max and Caroline.
同时也是麦克斯和卡洛琳的葬身之地
What? It's not like the players
干嘛啦 球员们又不是
come right into the locker room after the game.
比赛一结束就直奔更衣室
Oh, my God.
妈的
The players come right into the locker room after the game!
球员们的确比赛一结束就直奔更衣室
Of course we'd be in here.
当然我们会在这里
This is so us.
倒霉就是咱俩的风格啊
You know what else is so us?
你知道还有什么是咱俩的风格吗
Me stealing one of these jerseys.
我偷一件他们的球衣
Let's do the interview in the locker rooms.
我们去更衣室做采访吧
Crap! They're coming in here.
糟糕 他们要进来了
We can't be the face of this, Max.
咱们千万不能因为这事露脸 麦克斯
We'll be the most hated business in Brooklyn.
会成为布鲁克林人见人恨的店
And I'm including the new breakfast restaurant
我还算上了新开的那家有
with the valet stroller parking.
代客泊婴儿车的早餐店
This is where the 17th best team in the league
这就是联♥盟第17强的球队
goes number one!
尿尿的地方啊
And from the looks of it,
瞧瞧这些小便斗
their aim isn't good in here, either.
看来他们不止在球场上才准头差
Those girls were crazy, man.
那俩妞真是疯子 伙计
They cost us the game.
她们害我们输掉比赛
We were almost the 16th best team in the league.
我们差点就成为联♥盟第16强队呢
How did they get into the VIP section?
她们是怎么进入贵宾区的
I was wondering the same thing about Tim Allen.
我对蒂姆·艾伦也抱有一样的疑问
美国知名喜剧男演员
Yo, man, take a look at this thing on my back.
伙计 帮我看看我后背这里
Does it look like cancer?
看起来像癌吗
It just seemed like more than a mole, you know?
看起来不只是一颗痣
Actually, it looks like a precancerous basal cell.
老实说 看起来像癌前基底细胞
We should get a better look in the light in the bathroom.
我们应该进厕所看 那里的灯更亮
Here! Over here.
这里 这里
Get in the ice bathtub.
躲进冰浴缸里
It's big enough for two.
位子够两个人
"Big enough for two."
"够两个人[吃]"
That's what Chili's said about their new coconut
mozzarella sticks,
红辣椒餐厅也是这么说他们的椰子奶酪棒
but--swing and a miss.
但真是 扯犊子
You went to Chili's and didn't tell me?
你居然去红辣椒餐厅不告诉我
I was afraid you'd try to get us a better table.
我怕你在普通餐厅也要求要好位子
Oh, yeah.
没错
I'd definitely get that thing checked out.
我绝对会去检查一下那玩意
Yo, I got to ice this knee.
我得冰敷膝盖
Of course they'd pour the ice on us!
他们当然会把冰倒我们身上
And of course this would happen here,
这事当然会发生在这里
'cause it's the 17th worst thing
因为这是发生在我俩身上
that's ever happened to me!
第17糟的事情了
Oh, you two sick?
你们俩病了吗
Stay away from me. I can't get sick.
别靠近我 我可不能生病
When you're 78, it takes about 2 days
一旦当你78岁 只需两天时间
to go from sniffles to being eaten by your cat.
就能从感冒流鼻涕 变到死在家喂猫
We'll be fine...
我们会好的
if half a Tylenol can cure full-body hypothermia.
前提是半颗感冒药能治愈全身体温过低
Max, I feel like you're still mad at me
麦克斯 我觉得你还在生我的气
for wanting more for us than bad seats
就因为我想要好位置看球
and a struggling business.
想要我们的生意变景气
Of course I'm mad!
我当然生气
I haven't been this cold
我好久没试过这么冷了
since that winter I was on "Deadliest Catch."
上一次还是某年冬天我参加《致命捕捞》节目时
探索频道的一部纪录片连续剧 记录了在阿拉斯加帝王蟹季节时渔船所发生的事情
I've got a waste can of baby faces I'm not gonna use.
我有一垃圾桶不会使用的宝宝脸
Yeah.
是啊
Turns out, we're not gonna design our baby anymore.
后来我们决定不设计我们的孩子了
But what about wanting it to have a delicate chin?
但你不是想让孩子有一个精致的下巴
And a thigh gap?
以及一条大腿缝吗
欧美流行的瘦子定义 两腿并拢时内侧的缝隙
You know, girls, I realized
姑娘们 我醒悟到
I just want to have a healthy, happy baby.
我只想要一个健康快乐的宝宝
You know, it's like my Aunt Ruffa said
当我拉芙阿姨失去舌头后
after she lost her tongue, you know...
她说了这么一句话
"Dou det what dou det, and dou don't det updet."
"米粒又是种需有 米粒误食磨呛着"
You know, which roughly translates to,
大概翻译过来就是
"You get what you get, and you don't get upset."
"命里有时终须有 命里无时莫强求"
That's a really mature decision.
那真是一个成熟的决定
The doctor wanted 60 grand.
那医生张口就要6万
Yeah, that affected our decision too.
当然 那也影响了我们的决定
Well, maybe letting things happen naturally
或许最好的方式就是让事情
is the way to go.
顺其自然
Because sometimes when you force things,
因为有时你一旦强求
you put $130 million worth of basketball players
就让一帮身价总计1.3亿美元的球员
on the disabled list.
变成了一群伤兵败将