圣诞老人快乐再疯狂（2022）

嘿 孩子们 我想说 怎么... 你们之前怎么不跟我说这件事
Hey, kids, I mean, what-- Why didn't you just tell me this?
我们不想让你感到内疚
We didn't wanna make you feel bad.
我们闯祸了吗 爸爸
Are we in trouble, Dad?
不 你们没有闯祸
Nah, you're not in trouble.
我觉得是我搞砸了
I think it's me that messed up.
听着 计划有变
Look, change of plans.
开个家庭会议 我们走
Family meeting. Let's go.
听着 我有幸当了29年圣诞老人
Listen, um, I've been blessed to be Santa Claus for, what, 29 years.
同时 我成为圣诞老人 要求你们做出一些牺牲
But also, me being Santa Claus has required you guys to make some sacrifices
这一点我完全不赞同
that I didn't fully appreciate.
回首人生的话 我感觉自己更像是...
It's almost like I was looking at life through...
圣诞盲人
...Santa gauze.
不
No.
好吧 就连你们的妈妈圣诞奶奶 都感觉自己一无是处
Okay, and even your mom, Mrs. Claus, feeling useless.
是不被感激 我从没说过一无是处
Unappreciated. Never said useless.
还有你们两个孩子...好吧 我要怎么说
And you kids-- Okay, how am I gonna put this?
不管你在想什么词 都不要说出来
Whatever words you're searching for, don't say it.
好吧
Right.
听着 我觉得 北极不是养育人类孩子的最佳地方
Listen, I don't think the North Pole is the best place to raise human children.
好了 等等 我很喜欢这里
Okay, wait. I-I love it here.
这里奇怪吗 当然了
I mean, is it weird? Sure.
我的牙套是糖做成的吗 没错
Are my braces made of sugar? Yeah.
但精灵牙医坚称这样对我的牙齿有好处
But the elf dentist insisted that it was good for my teeth.
他其实不是牙医
He's not actually a dentist.
他叫镶板医生 因为我雪橇上的精致木工都是他做的
He got the name Dr. Veneer because he did all that beautiful woodwork on my sleigh.
-我们给他取了这个名字 是因为... -你的话有没有个重点 斯科特
- We gave him that name because-- - Is there a point to all this, Scott?
有 当然有重点 重点是...
Yes, there is a point. The point is--
好了 我倒是想当一辈子的圣诞老人
Okay. I could do this forever,
但为了圣诞节好
but for the good of Christmas,
为了我的家人好
for the good of my family,
我觉得我们要做点改变
I think we make some changes.
以普通人的身份 看看世界其他地方是怎样的
See what the rest of the world's like as-- as normal people.
所以我要退休了
So, I'm retiring.
-等等 所以这是真的吗 -什么
- Wait, so this is really real? - What?
千真万确
This is really real.
我的魔法在失效 我已经有点担心了
I've been a little bit alarmed at my loss in magic.
刚才我一打喷嚏 亮光就灭了
I mean, earlier I sneezed, the lights went out.
但这是真正的魔法
But this is the real magic.
那就是家庭
The family, right here.
那棵树在哭吗
Is that tree crying?
不 为什么
No. Why?
带我走吧
Take me instead.
诺尔 出来吧 好了
Noel, come on out. There we go.
我不会有事的 就当我不存在好了
I'll be fine. Just pretend that I'm not here.
我们知道诺尔对这件事的感受
We know how Noel feels about this.
你们觉得怎么样 你们感觉如何
What do you guys think? What do you feel?
如果你决定了 我就支持你
I mean, if you're in, I'm in.
我想自己可以学习...跟普通人接触
I guess I can learn to, uh... uh, uh, people.
千里之行 始于足下
Well, every journey begins with a first step,
我准备好踏上自己的旅程了
and I'm ready to take mine.
-等等 亲爱的 我没有... -不
- Wait, wait. Honey, I don't... - No.
-要来了 各位 大家都趴下 -不 等等
- Incoming! Guys, everybody down! - No, no, no, wait!
这种感觉太棒了
That feels so good.
-我很高兴你感觉很爽 亲爱的 -我也是
- Well, I'm glad you feel good, honey. - Me too!
这是怎么回事
What is this about?
圣诞奶奶怎么了 我们是来羞辱她的吗
And what happened to Mrs. Claus? Are we here to shame her?
大家请注意 圣诞老人有事要宣布
Attention, everyone! Santa has an announcement to make.
我觉得自己做不到
I don't think I can go through with this.
大家别在意 圣诞老人没什么要说的
Never mind, everyone! Santa has nothing to say to you.
别那么说 听起来好像我没心没肺一样
Well, don't say it like that. It sounds like I don't care.
大家请注意 圣诞老人确实有话要说
Attention, everyone! Santa does have something to say.
-好了 别这样 停一下 -好
- Okay, let's stop this. Let's stop. - Okay, okay.
你改变主意了吗 因为我没办法再把头发盘起来了
Did you change your mind? 'Cause I can't go back to the bun.
你知道关于离开 我最害怕的是什么吗
You know what scares me most about leaving?
-必须花钱吃华夫饼 -没错
- Having to pay for waffles. - Yes.
不 我初来这里时 精灵们非常开心
No. When I first arrived here, the elves were so happy.
那很好
Oh, that's nice.
是啊 你肯定会这么想
Yeah, one would think.
但他们好像并不在意 之前的圣诞老人消失了
But they didn't seem to care about the previous Santa disappearing.
他们甚至没有流下一滴泪
- They didn't even shed a tear. - Hmm.
如果他们那样对我 好像我无关紧要
And if they do that for me, it'd be like I didn't matter.
关于斯科特·卡尔文 有一点事谁都不许那么说他
One thing no one can say about Scott Calvin,
其实是很多事 但最重要的是 他从来都不是无关紧要
and there's a lot, is that he never mattered.
谢谢
- Thank you.
好了 我确实有件事要宣布
Okay, I do have an announcement to make.
贝蒂已经说了
Betty already said that.
谁在说话
Who's talking?
抱歉 是我 有时我想到什么就会直接说出来
Sorry, that was me. Sometimes I think out loud.
好吧 你们中很多人 肯定觉察到了我最近的异样 对吧
Okay. I'm sure a lot of you noticed I haven't been myself lately, right?
好吧 在经过慎重考虑 以及跟家人聊过后
Well, after careful consideration and a talk with my family,
我这位圣诞老人决定退休
I, Santa Claus, have decided to retire.
没事的
That's okay.
为什么
Why?
我很重要 太好了
I matter. Yes!
我们有悲伤咨♥询♥师 对吧
We have a grief counselor, right?
舒洁纸巾的钱算在我头上
Kleenex, on me!
干得漂亮
- Good job.
那现在怎么办
So, what now?
我想我们应该把所有的烈性苹果酒 和锋利的工具都藏起来 对吧
Guess we should hide all the hard cider and sharp tools, huh?
-他们好像很崩溃 -我知道
- Well, they seem devastated. - I know.
那我们开始通知候选人来面试吗
So, we start bringing in candidates?
圣诞老人真的存在吗
爸爸
Dad.
你刚才在看什么
What were you looking at?
你在谷歌♥搜索“圣诞老人真的存在吗”
You googled "does Santa Claus really exist?"
你信了
You believe.
我不知道自己相信什么 亲爱的
I don't know what I believe, honey.
这个人说圣诞老人是真的 而且是光明会的一名创始人
I mean, this guy says that Santa is real and a founding member of the Illuminati.
然后你会看到很多人在讨论
And then you've got a lot of conversation about how it's possible
圣诞老人怎么可能一夜之间 把礼物送到世界各地
that Santa can deliver all these presents to the whole world all in one night.
然后 你看这里 圣诞老人的视频
And then, here, look. A video of Santa.
圣诞老人的真实影像
This guy has a theory that Santa uses vortexes.
有人提出了一个猜测 即圣诞老人使用的是涡流
天空中有其他人看不到的洞
That there are holes in the sky that no one else can see.
真巧啊
Convenient.
我知道是很离谱
I know it's all crazy.
我只是在寻找灵感
I was just looking for ideas, like,
如果这一切都是真的 我能设法重现圣诞老人的配送系统...
if it were all real, and I could somehow recreate Santa's delivery system...
你的眼神又疯狂起来了 爸爸
You got your crazy eyes again, Dad.
没错 他确实有疯狂的眼神
Yeah, he does have crazy eyes.
去安全屋
To the safe room!
别害怕吓人的闯入者
Don't be afraid of the scary intruder.
她就是个小女孩
I think that was just a little girl.
-这游戏真好玩 -你怎么做到的
- This is a fun game. - How'd you do that?
西蒙·乔克西 你被召集去一趟北极
Simon Choksi, you've been summoned to the North Pole.
首先 没有我女儿 我哪都不去
First of all, I don't go anywhere without my daughter.
其次...
And second of all--
改编自里奥·本韦努提及史蒂夫·伦德尼克
在电影《圣诞老人》中创作的角色