前情提要
Last season on The Santa Clauses…
呵，呵，呵
Ho ho ho!
我的孩子没有魔力
My kids don't have any magic powers.
你确定吗？
You sure about that?
你的圣诞老人幽灵朋友说得对 我们真的有魔力
Your Santa ghost friends were right. We do have powers.
珊卓能和动物对话，我能看到天空中的洞
Sandra can speak to animals, and I can see holes in the sky.
退休条款明载
The Secessus Clause states that
你确实完成任务后就可卸任
you may step down once you've chosen a proper successor.
退休条款有关于继任者的分项
So, the Secessus Clause has a successor subsection.
我们能继续维持家族事业
We could keep it in the family.
我会和我的团队一起完成
I'm gonna do this with my team.
-你想要我们和你一起去吗？-全部人吗？
-You want us to go with you? -All of us?
卡尔，我要你确认礼物袋装满了礼物
Cal, I want you to make sure that bag's filled with gifts.
这些都能正常运作吧？
These things still work, right?
摇晃一下 就能看到最爱的圣诞节回忆吗？
If you shake 'em, they show your favorite Christmas memories?
-对 -太好了
- Yes. - Sweet.
我要带一些雪球走
Then I'd like to take some snow globes to go.
要带哪一个？
Which ones?
全部带走
All of 'em.
好，什么事那么好笑？
Okay, what's so funny?
大家醒来后会发现 圣诞树下都不是他们想要的礼物
Everybody's waking up now with something they didn't ask for under their tree.
我们到底做了什么？
What have we done?
卡尔，你记得要让她失去记忆吗？你记得吗？
Cal, did you remember to make sure Riley didn't remember? Did you remember?
-对，我记得 -又不会怎样
-Yeah. I-I remembered. -What could go wrong?
这能估量圣诞节精神
This measures Christmas spirit.
但看看现在中间的颜色
But look at the middle now.
从十四世纪开始就没有这样过了
It hasn't been like that since the 14th century.
战争，还有…
Wars and the--
疯狂圣诞老人，对
Mad Santa. Yes.
那是上一次圣诞节备受威胁的时刻
That's the last time Christmas was threatened.
北极
公元1307年
太扯了，他们不知道我是谁吗？
This is lunacy. Do they not know who I am?
圣诞老人，把火鸡腿和蜂蜜酒丢了 你就能跑快一点
Well, Santa, you could run faster if you lost the turkey leg and mead.
怎么能饿着肚子逃离叛变的小精灵，奥嘉
You can't run from a coup on an empty stomach, Olga.
你用这种速度在逃哦？
You call this running?
圣诞老人从没被推♥翻♥过
No Santa has ever been forcibly removed.
走这里就能安全逃走
This way to safety.
你们竟敢叫我疯狂圣诞老人？
And how dare you call me Mad Santa?
我叫马格努斯安塔斯，我会摧毁任何…
My name is Magnus Antas, and I will smite anyo--
等等，我懂了，我大吼大叫、威胁伤人
Whoa. Well, there, I just heard it. The yelling, the threats.
马格努斯安塔斯这个名字 听起来也满像「疯狂圣诞老人」的
The name Magnus Antas sort of does sound like Mad Santa.
好哦，算你们聪明
Okay. Clever!
愿疯狂圣诞老人之名让众人恐惧
May the name Mad Santa cause fear in people for hundreds…
长达数百年
…of years.
716年后
伊利诺伊州，芝加哥
克里斯，该出发了，呵，呵，呵
Kris, it's time. Ho ho ho.
对哦，好
Oh, yeah. Okay.
我拿个胡子，我们就走吧
Let me grab my beard, and we'll go, go, go.
呵，呵，呵，圣诞快乐
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
来拍张「呵」照吧
Come take your pho-ho-to.
-我昨晚想到的 -真不错
- I wrote that last night. -Yeah, nice.
快看，下雪了
Look, it's snowing!
天啊，那是水泥灰
Oh, boy. That's cement mix.
不要用舌头去舔
Uh, don't get any of that on your tongue.
我们得叫维修部门的人来处理
We really gotta call maintenance.
-维修部门没了 -鲍伯辞职了吗？
-There is no maintenance department. -Bob quit?
对，但他还没修好广播，你得用吼的
Yeah, but before he fixed the PA system, so you'll have to shout.
我不介意，圣诞快乐，呵，呵，呵
Oh, I don't mind shouting. Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!
来买♥♥吉拿棒，只要说「吉拿棒」 就享有买♥♥♥一♥送♥一♥优♥惠♥
Come get your churros. Two-for-one churro. Spoken code word, churro!
小心点，那不是真的拐杖糖
Careful, that's not real candy cane!
很难忘的回忆吧
All part of the experience, folks!
倒一点热水到他的舌头上就会分开了
Just pour some hot water on his tongue. It'll detach.
好，不要推挤 大家都有机会坐上圣诞老人的雪橇
All right. No shoving. Everyone will get a chance to sit in Santa's sleigh.
只有三个人
It's just the three of them.
圣诞老人雪橇乐
好吧
Well, okay.
谁先来？
Who's first?
雷，上啊，闪电，驾，我真爱飞行
On, Donner! On, Blitzen! Yeehaw! I love what I do.
-注意四周，宝贝 -好
-Ten and two on the reins, babe. -All right.
上面的景色真棒
It's incredible up here.
我以前都不明白，爸
You know, I didn't quite get it before, Dad,
但你有全世界最棒的工作
but you have the best job in the world.
我就知道你会喜欢
I knew you'd love it.
在空中时，我能感受到全世界所有的喜悦
It's like I can feel all the joy in the world all the way up here.
-真的好高啊 -别吓呆了
-Way, way up here. -Don't get woozy on us.
怎么让老爷爷驾雪橇啊？来看看这玩意儿的厉害吧
Who let Grandpa drive the sleigh? Let's see what this thing can do.
「怎么让老爷爷驾雪橇啊？」
"Who let Grandpa drive?" -
听起来像在下战帖呢
That sounded like a challenge.
-帮我拿着 -什么？
-Hold that there. -What?
有人好奇驯鹿倒栽葱飞行是什么情况吗？
Anybody in here wonder what it's like to see a reindeer upside down?
没有，没人好奇
Nope. Nobody wonders that.
试试看吧，除非卡尔太害怕，那就算了
Let's go for it. Well, you know, unless Cal's too scared.
-不会，我不怕 -真的吗？
-No, I'm not scared. -Really?
那我们就玩一下吧，出发
Here we go. Come on!
太赞了
That was awesome.
-卡尔，你觉得好玩吗？-对，他昏过去了
-Ooh! Cal, did you enjoy that? -Oh, yeah. He passed out.
《圣诞快乐又疯狂：退休计划》
《第七章：强制进修假条款》
圣诞老人村圣诞老人博物馆
圣诞树好美，摆设精致
- Whoa, nice tree. Great presentation. -
兰姆酒蛋糕和波本酒巧克力？你真懂圣诞老人的喜好
Rum cake and bourbon balls? You know your Santa Claus.
圣诞快乐
- Merry Christmas. -
容我提议敬个酒吧
A toast, if I may.
圣诞节精神无比激昂
Christmas spirit is at an all-time high.
都是因为你们把神奇雪球分送给大家
The result of giving everyone magical snow globes
让他们看到自己最爱的圣诞节回忆
to see their favorite Christmas memories.
圣诞节最棒之处就是和挚爱的人共度时光
That's the best part of Christmas, is spending time with your loved ones.
因此我相当期待 要把圣诞老人转变成家族事业
Which is why I'm so geeked to turn Santa
因此我相当期待 要把圣诞老人转变成家族事业
into a family business.
对
Yeah.
但我们千万别忘了圣诞节差点毁灭 这不容再发生
But we can't forget that Christmas almost ended, and that's not gonna happen again.
我打算这么做
So, here's what I wanna do.
我要把小精灵警局 升级成实力雄厚的维安单位
I wanna upgrade the E.L.F.S. into a security force to be reckoned with.
老板，那我们就不得不承认盖瑞能力不足
Well, sir, then we'll have to reckon with the fact that Gary is incompetent
而且很不讨喜
and not well liked.
她说得没错
She ain't wrong.
盖瑞，这是私密会议
Uh, Gary, this is a private meeting.
-盖瑞就交给我处理吧 -你要杀了他吗？
-Let me take care of Gary. -You gonna kill him?
没有，我想要掌管小精灵警局
No. I wanna take over the E.L.F.S.
你想当警♥察♥吗？
You wanna be a cop?
小精灵消失的时候，我没帮上忙
When the elves disappeared, I wasn't here to help.
我想要保护大家，这是圣诞太太的工作
And I wanna be the protector. That is a job for Mrs. Claus.
好，准备好要听我的建议了吗？
All right, are you ready to hear my suggestions?
等不及罗
Can't wait.
但我在圣诞宇宙和其他圣诞老人相处过后 他们提醒了我
But spending time in the Yule-Verse with the other Santas reminded me
我只是无限循环中的一环
I'm just a link in an infinite chain.
我必须找到继任者
It's up to me to come up with the next link.
对，但过程出了差错
Yes, mistakes were made in that regard.
别怪罪自己 错就错在我们忽略了最明显的接任者
Don't blame yourself. The mistake was passing over the obvious contender.
你过奖了，但我能力不足
I'm flattered, but I am ineligible.
不…不，我在说卡尔
No, no, no. I'm talking about Cal.
容我提醒你，卡尔在体能
May I remind you that Cal has neither
意志或情绪控管能力上 都不足以胜任这份工作
the physical, mental, or emotional acumen for the job?
他绑鞋带时还会说
When he ties his shoelaces, he still says,
「上上下下，回来穿过去 看到兔兔先生，把它拉过去」
"Over, under, around and through. Meet Mr. Bunny, pull him through."
-我知道 -我不一定要说
- I know. - I don't need to.
我只是喜欢这样说
I just like it.
庆生会应该改到楼上举办
Maybe we should move the birthday party upstairs.
对哦，要庆生，所以你们才戴帽子
Oh, yes. Merriment. That's what the hats are for.
真不敢相信你希望我成为下一任圣诞老人
I can't believe you want me to be the next Santa.
-对 -这…我好兴奋
-Yeah. -This is-- This is so exciting.
我有很多点子
I have so many ideas.