职介破事儿（2013）

你没有一张照片？
No tienes una fotografía?
没
No.
只是在问他需不需要搭便车去机场
Just asking if he wants a lift to the airport.
谢了， Paul
Thanks, Paul.
Karl，你急着把我拽过来干什么？
Karl, what is so urgent that you've dragged me in here?
-这个。-哦，我的天啊
- This.- Oh, my God.
我偷的。我需要你帮我把它放回去。
I stole it. I need you to help me put it back.
你以为你要向我求婚。
I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.
哦，你会吗？
Oh. Would you have?
不是现在，你要进监狱了
Not now you're going to prison.
你偷戒指干什么？
What did you steal a ring for?
我想变得出乎意料点
I was trying to be less predictable,
但是，我结果吓到了自己。
but I ended up surprising myself.
这是为什么你不该尝试有趣点，Karl。事情出错了
This is why you shouldn't try and be interesting, Karl. Things go wrong.
如果我自首，也许我将只被打一巴掌。
If I hand myself in, maybe I'll just get a slapped wrist.
或者一个长♥期♥监禁的判决
Or a lengthy custodial sentence.
哦，天啊，那不是我的世界
Oh, God, this is not my world!
-你想要什么？-这就尴尬了。
- What do you want? - This is embarrassing.
嗯， 大体上
Erm, basically,
我想做一些我从未做过的事
I wanted to do something I'd never done before.
而且我认为你可能
And we thought you might have...
有经验
experience.
但是你不能告诉任何人。这得是我们的小秘密
But you can't tell anyone. It has to be our little secret.
-为什么是我？-你就
- Why me? - You just look the type.
-你不认为这很奇怪吗？-不，就告诉我怎么做。
- And you don't think it'll be weird? - No, just tell us what to do.
好吧，怪人。让我们决定一个安全词
All right, kinky. Let's decide on a safe word.
-什么？-你要我去3p
- What? - You're asking me to do a threesome?
-不。-那你把我拉进厕所里干嘛？
- No! - Why have you dragged me into a toilet, then?
-我偷了个戒指。-我要当乞丐了
- I've got a hot ring. - I draw the line at bum love.
我偷了个戒指
I stole a ring.
-而你认为我知道如何处理偷窃物-对
- And you thought I'd know about handling stolen goods? - Yes.
-太武断了-那，你？
- So judgemental. - Well, do you?
-当然我做过。-你要帮我吗？
- Of course I do. - Will you help us?
只因为你不会在监狱里活过5分钟
Only because you wouldn't last five minutes in jail.
-不算像那个傻子。-她是对的。
- Not with an arse like that. - She's right.
所以我们不会做这个，之后？
So we're not gonna do this, then?
不
No.
-好吧...-不！-不。
- Well... - No! - No.
我能帮你吗？
Can I help you?
好吧，我们非常想看看这些订婚戒指，拜托了
Yeah, we'd quite like to look at some engagement rings, please.
我们要结婚了。她是我的一切
We're getting married. She's my everything.
哦，恭喜了
Oh, congratulations.
我改变了她
I turned her.
- 对不起? —— 女孩。是不是？宝宝？
- Beg your pardon? - To girls. Didn't I, babe?
是的，我爱她
Yeah. I love her.
那，吻一个?
Give us a snog, then.
-这里？-对。噘着嘴，受的
- Here? - Yeah, pucker up, buttercup.
哦，这真可爱
Aw, that's lovely.
好吧，让我们做完这个
OK, let's get this done.
我能看看它们吗？
Can I have a look at them?
是的，这里有 24 克拉
Yes, these are 24 carats.
-那是 24 克拉？-是的。
- Is that 24 carats? - Yes.
- 那是？-是的。-那这个呢？
- And that? - Yes. - What about that one?
嗯，它们很漂亮，是不是?
Yes, beautiful, aren't they?
它们看起来是塑料的。你们有没有包金的？
They look plastic. Have you got any rolled gold?
跑，Karl！
Leg it, Karl!
-我穿着这鞋子跑不起来。-怎么了？
- I can't run in these shoes. - What happened?
-我们亲了然后就失控了。-什么？
- We kissed, and then it went tits. - What?
-戒指在哪？-还在我包里。
- Where's the ring? - Still in my pocket.
-哦，早上好。-早上好
- Oh, good morning. - Morning.
我做了个蛋糕
I've made a cake.
哦，Maggie，太谢谢你了
Oh, Maggie, thank you SO much.
那是个迷你糖品，Trish？
Is that a mini sugar-work Trish?
哦，不，那是 Maggie。
Oh, no, that's a Maggie.
- 那是你 - 哦， 我们看法一致
- That's you. - Oh, we both look the same.
好吧，我们一样
Well, we are the same.
我们都很乐意为这个求职中心牺牲一切
We'd both happily sacrifice everything for this job centre.
- 为了这些。- 抱歉?
- For these. - Beg your pardon?
失业者
The jobless.
我一直把他们看做自己的孩子
I've always thought of them as my children.
我用襁褓包裹他们，养育他们
I've swaddled them, nurtured them
还让他们吮吸我利益的乳♥头♥
and let them suckle at the teat of my benefits.
你介意我进你的办公室，用你的电脑吗？
Do you mind if I just pop into your office and use your computer?
当然不介意。只要你别再盯着我的乳♥头♥看！
Of course not. As long as you're not looking at teats!
你在这做什么？
What are you doing here?
我只是在调查这个系统。
I've just been digging around on the system.
你不再是职员了，所以那是违法的
You're no longer an employee, so that is illegal.
拿你死了的母亲的抚恤金也一样
So is drawing your dead mother's pension.
我已经告诉过你了
I've already told you,
我妈没死
my mother is not dead.
Sandra Bromford 在 1998 年 9 月 3 日去世
Sandra Bromford died on 3rd September 1998.
那之后
Since then,
某人已经以她的名义拿了超过 80,000 的镑抚恤金
someone has drawn over £80,000 of pension in her name.
你说的是错的Sandra Bromford
You've got the wrong Sandra Bromford.
我是个狂热的家谱研究者， Angela.
I'm a keen genealogist, Angela.
我可以将我的家族追溯到维京人。我不会犯错
I can trace my family right back to the Vikings. I don't make mistakes.
你想要什么？
What do you want?
对不起？
I'm sorry?
钱？多少？
Money? How much?
我不要你的钱
I don't want your money.
我只想要你做对的事
I just want you to do the right thing.
我将要写个数字
I'm going to write down a figure.
哦，天啊
Oh, for goodness' sake,
我要告诉你这不是关于...
I'm telling you that this is not about...
- 那是 1 吗？-不那是 7
- Is that a one? - No, it's a seven.
- 天啊！- 我们成交吗？
- Bloody hell! - Do we have a deal?
不。你是个获利的骗子，Angela
No. You are a benefit cheat, Angela,
而且如果你不告诉 Trish，那么我会
and if you don't tell Trish, then I will.
你不能
You can't.
你违法地进入了系统
You have illegally accessed the system.
那不是违法的。我是经理
It's not illegal. I am the manager.
前经理。在你在这工作的时候，没有人听你的
Ex-manager. No-one listened to you when you worked here.
所以现在没人会听你的
So no-one's going to listen to you now.
你怎么能这么说？
How can you say that?
我把你当女儿一样对待
I treated you like a daughter.
你在求职中心的工作已经结束了
Your days of working in this job centre are over.
-你的脸怎么了？-那是...那是我的心
- What's the matter with your face? - It's... It's my heart.
我要我的药
I need my pills.
就...
Just...
谢谢你
Thank you.
你还好吗，Maggie?
You all right, Maggie?
你累了吗？这周很忙
Are you tired? It has been a busy week.
我知道这不是个好时机，但是 Raul 在等候区
I know it's not a good time, but Raul's in the waiting area.
他只是在他去机场的路上被堵住了
He's just stopped off on his way to the airport.
Paul，我要说一篇非常感人的悼词
Paul, I'm about to perform a very moving eulogy.
-他只需要道别。-我也是
- He just needs to say goodbye. - So do I.
这里埋葬着一位伟大的女士
Here lies a great woman,
她的名字将流传下去
whose name will live on.
Maggie...
- Higgins. - Higgins. Maggie Higgins...
热爱，保护，哺育， Brownall 求职中心
loved, lived and breathed Brownall Jobcentre
直到这个结尾就像我一样多
as much as me right to the very end.
-她留下了印记-好吧，她的确
- She's left a mark behind. - Well, she has.
-我的意思是，她搭建了这里。-不，我是说实际上，Trish
- I mean, she built this place. - No, I mean literally, Trish.
她在你的椅子上留下了记号♥
She's left a mark on your chair.
嗯。当她死的时候一定有东西泄露了
Yeah. Something must have leaked out when she died.
好吧，可能她只是太爱这工作了
Well, maybe she just loved this job too darn much,
那就是最后害死她的东西
and that's what killed her in the end.
那是她的心绞痛
That and her angina.
Maggie Higgins,
我希望有一天
I hope one day
我可以成为你那样做的经理...曾那样