职介破事儿（2013）

- 潮水来了。 - 不。远去了。
No, no, no, no. It's definitely coming in.
不，不，不，不。一定来了。
I'm cut off, I can't swim!
我停不下来呀，我不会游泳！
I'm going under.
我要沉下去了。
I'm drowning, Karl!
我快淹死了，Karl！
Call the coastguard, call the coastguard!
打电♥话♥给海岸警卫队，打电♥话♥给海岸警卫队。
Oh... No, no, no, not now. Tomorrow's the big day.
不，不，不，不是现在。明天是个大日子。
Stop telling me there's a paper jam when you ruddy well know there isn't.
不要在你明知没有的时候，告诉我这里还卡纸。
Shh!
嘘！
Come on, Trish. Be brave, stay calm.
别这样，Trish。勇敢点，保持冷静。
Blend with the shadows.
藏在阴影里。
Not tonight, thank you. This job centre's closed!
不是今天，谢谢。 现在职介所已经关门了。
Wait! Trish, Trish, Trish, it's us.
等等，Trish, Trish, Trish, 是我们。
- What? - It's us!
- 什么？ - 是我们！
Oh, bearded Jesus. Karl, I'm so sorry!
天哪。Karl，我很抱歉！
I've brain damaged him, I've destroyed his beautiful mind.
我打了他的脑袋，我毁掉了他这么美丽的脑袋。
Hang on. What are you doing here?
等等，你在这里干什么？
We're having an affair.
我们有些事儿。
No, we're not! Ash, just tell her the truth.
不，我们没有。告诉她真♥相♥。
We were racist to a man and he put a complaint in the feedback box.
我们对一个人表现出种族主义，然后他就把投诉信放在反馈箱里去了。
- We're just trying to get it back. - Please don't sack me.
- 我们只是想把它拿回来。 - 别开除我们。
We're going to have to get it back out.
我们要把它拿出来。
Right, let's find this complaint, shall we?
好吧，我们来看看投诉信，对吧？
"The new bean bags are so comfy,
“新的懒人沙发很舒服，
I fell asleep and missed my signing on time.
我睡着了而且错过了约定。
The advisor didn't even care! Brilliant." Oh, good God.
顾问却一点儿也不在意这件事儿！真棒！“真好。
"ove not being pressured to get a job, I'm gonna stay unemployed forever
“没有被建议获得职业，我还是一直保持失业好了”
- "The psychologist kept looking down my top..." -- - Oh, I'll take that.
- “那个神经病不停地看着我...” - 我拿着这个。
No, no, no! They're missing the point.
不，不，不！他们完完全全遗漏了重点。
The jobseekers are meant to be happy and destressed so they want to get a job.
求职者应该感到愉悦和轻松才对，这样才能获得一个工作。
Yeah... none of them are saying that.
不...没有人这样说。
I can't let Greg see these, we need to get rid of these forms.
我不能让 Greg 看到这些，我们快解决掉。
Erm... No, we could say there's been a break-in.
嗯...我们可以说有人破门而入把东西偷了。
Well, there was a break-in, we broke in.
对，这里有痕迹，我们破门而入。
Yeah. When Greg comes in tomorrow,
对。明天 Greg 来的时候就这样说。
we'll say that the forms were stolen in a robbery.
我们可以说这些反馈表在盗窃中被偷了。
- Good idea, great idea. - It needs to look realistic.
- 好理由，好理由。 - 这需要看起来很真实。
Well, intruders don't just take stuff, they destroy stuff.
侵入者不仅仅偷走东西，还要破坏东西。
That's what they do.
这就是他们所做的。
Yeah, they'd kick over that welcome desk for a start.
他们首先会毁掉前台。
That felt amazing!
感觉真棒！
Come on. Let's trash this mother!
来吧，我们把这里弄个底朝天！
Come on!
来吧！
I have made a mess!
我把这里弄得真乱！
How'd you like that, huh? You still got a paper jam?
你看这样怎样？看你还卡不卡纸？
Oh, you have?
你还卡吗？
Oh, let me help you with that.
让我来帮你一把。
You know what?
你知道吗？
Actually, we could have just written new feedback forms.
其实，我们只需要重新写一遍反馈表就行了。
Oh, yeah.
对额。
Yes, that er... That would have been the better option.
对，其实那是一个更好的选项。
Trish, have you seen this?
Trish 你看到这个没有？
Oh, no... Er... we must have been broken into.
我们一定被盗了。
Dirty scumbags.
卑鄙。
Erm... shall I fetch you the hoover?
我需要把吸尘器拿来吗？
We need this cleared up before the managers' meeting.
我们需要在经理会议之前把这里打扫干净。
Oh, no, we must have been broken into.
不，我们一定被盗了。
I'll call the police.
我打电♥话♥给警♥察♥。
We don't need to call the police, Paul.
Paul 我们不需要打电♥话♥给警♥察♥。
It's only a ruddy photocopier and some bean bag balls.
这里只有一个该死的复印机和豆包球。
Oh, no! We must have been broken into.
不！我们一定被盗了。
- What's happened to you? - Huh?
- 发生什么了？ - 嗯？
Oh... I walked into a door.
哦... 我走进门。
What the hell?
什么鬼？
We've been broken into.
我们就被盗了。
The little bastards.
小混♥蛋♥们。
Come on, Natalie. We've got a very important managers' meeting to set up. Follow me, please.
来吧，Natalie。我们有一个非常重要的经理会议需准备，来跟着我。
I'm so glad you're back.
真高兴你回来了。
Oh, what happened to your face?
你的脸怎么了？
Are you wearing my perfume?
你喷了我的香水吗？
And your knickers.
还有你的内♥裤♥。
How was London, Angela?
Angela 伦敦怎样？
There is a human poo under my desk.
有个人在我的桌子下面撒尿。
(It's what they do.)
（真的是他们做的吗。）
So, we come once again to our off-flow league table
再来到我们排行榜看看吧
that absolutely does not exist.
不过明显也不存在了
Phones on the table. Margaret, the blinds.
手♥机♥放到桌上，Margaret，百叶窗
Actually, Nigel, I'd like to erm... say a few words.
其实，Nigel，我想说几句话
- Can't it wait? - No, Nigel... this can't wait.
- 就不能等吗？ - Nigel 不能。
Every second that goes by, a jobseeker loses hope.
时光流逝，求职者就失去了希望。
Imagine that.
想象一下。
Every time I click my fingers one of our jobseekers just loses hope.
每当我打响指（转瞬间）时，我们的求职者失去了希望。
Poof!
But what if it didn't have to be like that?
但是，万一这一切并不一定如此呢？
What if there was another way? A new way.
万一这里有其他的方法？一个新的方法。
Trish, we don't have time for this.
Trish，我们没有时间做这个。
To get a job, you need to be happy and confident.
为了获得一个工作，你需要高兴，自信。
But we're not going to inspire confidence in our jobseekers
但我们并不准备激发求职者的自信心。
by treating them like cattle.
通过对待他们像牛一样。
Natalie, hand out the manifesto, please.
Natalie，请拿出文件。
This... is the new way. The way of destressification.
这是一个新方法，减压的新方法。
Hot drinks for everyone, soothing music.
给每个人的热饮和柔和的音乐。
- Comfy seating. - Yes!
- 舒适的座椅。 - 对！
Greg and I have bean bags instead of chairs.
Greg 和我已经将桌子换成懒人沙发了。
No, he hasn't.
不，他没有。
No.
不。
I've taken all the seats out of my centre
我已经把这些椅子拿出了职介所。
so the jobseekers have to stand. Keeps them on their toes.
所以求职者们就得站着，他们要依靠他们自己。
And he keeps the doors open. It's freezing.
还得让们一直打开。这样就冷了。
Nobody likes being in my job centre...
没有人喜欢待在这样的职介所。
which is exactly how it should be.
这才是它应该成为的样子。
It's all about numbers, Trish. And yours have nosedived.
这些都是与业绩有关的，Trish。你的在暴跌。
Whereas, Greg's hardcore approach
而 Greg 的目标一直在接近。
means he's got the top spot in his first month in post.
意味着在他第一个月的职位中他获得了第一。
- Great work, Greg. - Thank you.
- 真棒，Greg。 - 谢谢。
You've gone from top to bottom, Trish. What happened?
你从第一滑到了谷底，发生了什么，Trish？
Erm...
Sorry, Nigel...
抱歉，Nigel
I was briefly radicalised.
我有点儿激进。
Every time I click my fingers,
每次我打响指（转瞬间）的时候，
another job centre plummets down the league table.
另一家职介所就滑到了排名榜谷底。
You, sir, are a massive shit.
对，这是个巨大的失败。
Oh, don't be like that, sis.
姐姐，不要这样子。
You only wanted Angela out of the way so my numbers would drop.
你只是想让 Angela 出去，这样我的业绩就下滑了。
Correct.
正确。
Can't believe you fell for it. And you was easy to get on board,
真想不到你会这样，你也那么容易上当。
I had to have sex with Denise from Kingstanding.
我要和刚从 Kingstanding 回来的 Denise 翻云覆雨。
And are we going to get our destressifier tattoos finished?
我们需要去把减压纹身弄掉吗？
Jog on, Tina. It's not even a word.
Tina，一个也不留。
You played us like cheap fiddles.
你把我们玩弄得像个便宜小提琴。
My very own lady orchestra.
我的女子管弦乐队。
I'd still be happy to pluck your strings, though, Trish.
尽管这样，我还是很乐意扯你的弦，Trish。
No, Greg. You groomed me and that is not attractive.
不，Greg。你修正了我，然而并不夺目。
Leave, please.
请你离开。
Can we go for drinks?
我们能喝一杯吗？
I need to get ginned.
我需要杜松子酒。
Actually, Trish, I just wanna go home.
其实，Trish，我只想回家。
I feel like my head has been hit with a bin.
我感觉我的脑袋被箱子砸了。
Well, a drink might help.
好吧，或许一杯酒有帮助呢。
- Actually, Trish, we haven't seen each other in a week. - Hm.
- 事实上，Trish，我们一周没有见到对方了。 - 嗯。
Fine, fine, it's fine!
好吧，好吧。
Go home and do intercourse.