职介破事儿（2013）

Get down, Natalie!
Natalie，你下来！
There's a mouse on the floor!
地上有只耗子！
- I can see its tail. Kill it, Karl! - Maybe I should get Janette.
- 我看到尾巴了，Karl，弄死它！ - 我应该去把Janette喊过来
- Oh, for God's sake! - All right.
- 天呐，快点！ - 知道了
All right.
别催了
God.
天呐
Eurgh.
呃......
No. It's not a mouse. It's...
不对，不是耗子，这是...
It's half a mouse. Something has eaten its head.
还剩半只了，好像什么东西把它头给吃了
Oh, God!
天呐！
Oh, its insides are on the outside.
天呐，内脏全都出来了
Is it dead?
弄死了么？
I can see its lungs.
都看到肺了
Come here.
来吧
Karl...
I know what you're gonna say.
我晓得你有话要说
- We need to get rid of it. - Get rid of it?
- 我们不能留着它 - 不能留么？
- Yeah. - Oh, Jesus Christ, we haven't even discussed this.
- 是的 - 哦，老天爷呀，我们都没说明白嘞
- What is there to discuss? - I might want to keep it.
- 说明白什么？ - 或许我们应该把它留着
It's half a dead mouse. What do you want to do? Turn it into a keyring?
半只死耗子，你要那玩意做甚？当婚戒？
Ah.
啊
I'd better get Janette.
我还是喊Janette来吧
- Where is Janette? - Natalie broken the news yet?
- Janette在哪？ - Natalie跟你说么了？
- (SIGHS) No. She hasn't mentioned it. - (SUCKS TEETH)
还没，她提都没提
- What does that mean? - Nothing. Just breathing.
- 几个意思？ - 没什么，就是叹口气
- That wasn't just breathing. That was breathing with intent. - It's a bit odd she hasn't mentioned it.
- 不是这样吧，你那是若有所思的叹息 - 她提都不提是不是很古怪呀？
Maybe she thinks you're not dad material.
可能她觉得你不是当爸爸的料吧
Who is not dad material?
你说谁呐？
- Karl's Natalie is up the duff. - Sssh!
- Karl的Natalie是个小笨蛋 -嘘嘘！
- She never is! - Janette, can you go to the kitchen, please, and deal with the dead mouse?
-她才不是嘞！ - Janette，你能把厨房♥里的死耗子给清理掉么？拜托了
Oh, congratulations to you both!
哦，恭喜你们俩！
Sssh! Natalie doesn't know yet.
嘘嘘！Natalie还不知情嘞
She doesn't know she's pregnant?
她自己都不知道自己怀孕了？
Uh, no. She doesn't know that I know she's pregnant.
额，是的，她还不知道嘞
- Well, how did you find out? - He found a test in her drawer.
- 好吧，你怎么知道的？ - 他在她抽屉里找到了个测孕棒
And she hasn't told him?
而她却没告诉他？
- (SUCKS TEETH) - Will you two stop breathing?
你俩还能消停会？
She'll tell you in her own time, love.
小伙纸，她会在合适的时机告诉你的
Or maybe she is after someone who is a bit better at...
或许她在遇到某人后觉得...
Well, just better.
你懂的，就是更合适些
Yeah, someone better.
对，更好的那个人
Someone who can be a good dad.
那个能更好当爸爸的人
Someone who can handle the responsibility of parenthood.
那个能担当起家长责任的人
I can handle the responsibility.
我可以的
Karl, love, you can't even handle a dead mouse.
小伙纸，你还嫩了点，你连死耗子都处理不来
This is fresh.
这个是新鲜的
If you're hungry, there's biscuits in the drawer.
你要是饿了，抽屉里有饼干的
Angela, what are you doing?
Angela，你在干么？
I've lost my Muff.
我的Muff不见了
- Your Muff? - My Muff.
- 你的屁♥股♥？ - 我的Muff
My cat. I've had to bring her to work, because she's pregnant.
我的猫咪，我得带着一起上班，它有小宝宝了
You can't bring a cat to work. You're not Postman Pat!
你不能把猫咪带来上班的，你又不是邮差大叔！
- (MEOWS) - There you are!
啊哈，你在这呐！
Aw!
喔！
Never leave me again.
别再这样了
You need the toilet?
你得去上个厕所了
Are the kittens pressing on your bladder?
要生么了？
Shove it outside.
出去啦
SHE is not going outside.
她才不要出去嘞
SHE is a pedigree.
她是纯种的
Come on, Muff.
对不对呀，Muff
Angela, you do know that Muff is another name for...
Angela，你还知道Muff也是那玩意的另一种称呼呀？
You know.
你知道的
Your fanny.
你的屁♥股♥
Yes.
我知道
Oh, sweet.
哦，真好
(SNIFFS)
Oh, God. Not again.
天呐，又来
Shit. Cry. Shit. Cry.
不是屎就是哭的
Change the record, Martin.
Martin，换点其他行么？
Erm... Actually, Karl, we might be hearing the pitter-patter of more tiny feet soon.
呒...实际上，Karl，我们可能会很快就能听到更多的啪啪小脚丫走路的的声音了
I know.
我知道呀
Oh. What, Natalie told you?
是么，Natalie告诉你了？
Mm. Well, sort of.
嗯，算是吧
- What do you think about it? - Well, I don't know. It's such a shock.
- 你怎么想的？ - 我也不清楚，很震惊就是啦
- I'd be worried about it growing up without a father. - Why would you say that?
- 我担心就是孩子成长过程中没有父亲陪伴 - 你为什么要那么说？
I will be there for that baby 110%.
放一百二十个心，我会一直陪着宝宝的
Really?
真的么？
Karl, that's... That's amazing.
Karl，这真是...这真是太令人吃惊了
What, you'd help bring the baby up?
什么，你愿意帮忙抚养孩子？
Yeah, of course I would.
是呀，必须的必呀！
No child should grow up without a father.
孩子的成长少不了父亲
What about the living arrangements?
那你生活怎么安排嘞？
We'd move in together.
我们搬在一起住
I suppose.
我想
I don't know what to say.
真不知该说些什么了
Karl Lyndhurst.
You are a... a beautiful person.
你是一个....一个大好人
Why can't you go?
你怎么还不尿？
Oh, of course. Your fear of open water.
对了，是的唉，你害怕活水
Here you are. Try this.
用这个，试试
Them kittens will be here soon.
快生了吧
Nearly there. Good girl.
就快了，做得好
Get it all out.
都尿完
Are you all right in there, Angela?
Angela你还好吧？
Fine.
嗯
(TOILET FLUSHES)
I've got a bashful bladder.
我小妹妹有点紧张
Good luck.
好运
I don't need luck. I'm weeing on a stick, not taking a driving test.
不要好运，我现在七上八下的，别说了
So there's no way I can go to the job interview this afternoon.
就是说我没有可能今天下午去参加面试了
Obvs.
看到了吧
- Is he yours? - No. I did swaps for a pair of trainers.
- 你的小孩？ - 不是的， 我用双运动鞋换的
Joke. He's my Uncle Martin.
开玩笑啦，我叔叔Martin
Oh. You mean, he's your Uncle Martin's baby.
哦，你是说，你叔叔Martin的小孩吧
No. He's my Uncle Martin. He's my nan's baby.
不是，这就是我叔叔Martin，我奶奶的小孩
- Your nan's? - She's fit.
- 你奶奶的？ - 她很健康
So what do babies eat?
那小宝宝都吃些啥？
- Chips and curry sauce. - Really?
- 薯片、咖喱酱啦 - 真的么？
No. He's a baby. He drinks milk.
不是的，这还是个宝宝，吃奶
Well, I'm not stupid. I know babies drink milk.
呵呵，我又不笨，我知道宝宝吃奶
But what do they eat?
还吃什么？
Tit.
奶头
All right. Just asking.
好吧，就问下而已
It's one line. It's negative.
一道杠，没怀孕
- OK. Well, that's good. At least you know. - Oh, it's fine.
- 哦，太好了，至少你知道了 - 当然啦
To be honest, it's... a relief, Natalie.
说实在的，这是解脱了，Natalie
I'm the CSOM of a very busy job centre.
我可是很繁忙的职介所的高管
I can't go gallivanting round, you know, having children.
我可不想到处闲逛，你懂的，怀着孩子
(SOBS)
Oh, God.
天呐
I really want a baby.
我真想要个孩子
(SOBS)
I didn't even think I wanted one until I thought I could have one.
我甚至在我以为有了之后才觉得我想要个孩子
And then suddenly I just really wanted one.
就那一霎，就是想要个孩子
I'm like that with pudding.
我喜欢那个布丁
(SNIFFS)
Oh... (SNIFFS)
哦
Oh, sorry, I've left a little... a little snail trail on your jacket.
天呐，抱歉，我在你的外套上弄了些鼻涕
- Oh. I'll get you some tissues. - Yeah.
- 我给你拿点面纸 - 谢谢
You know...
你懂的...
having kids isn't all it's cracked up to be.
有小孩并不意味着一切皆安
When my sister had hers, it literally split her in half.
我姐怀孩子的时候，把我姐弄得够呛
But...