一路绕行（2016）

告诉你一声 我们已经报♥警♥了
Just so you know, the police have been called!
我们报♥警♥了 他们现在在路上
We called the police, and they're on their way!
不 我们报了 让他们来抓你
No, we called them... On you!
我们已经记了你的车牌号♥了
We got your plates!
我们有你的车牌了 - 什么
We got your plate! - What?
就告诉他们这是个玩笑 我们犯错了
Just tell 'em it was a joke, like a goof.
我很肯定这个错误是起联邦犯罪
I'm pretty sure this particular goof is a federal crime.
你们想要我们怎么样 - 宝贝 我能行 放松点-
What do you want from us?! - Babe, I got this. Relax.
你能别叫我放松吗
Would you please stop telling me to relax?
我只是想控制住这儿的局势 宝贝
I'm just trying to control the situation out here, baby.
不管什么情况你都是这么的居高临下
So, so condescending no matter what the situation is.
好 警惕危险的陌生人 归我管的 对不对
Okay, stranger danger... my thing, right?
好 行 那你管管好 - 好 嘿
Okay, fine, then take care of it. - Okay, hey!
你们想要我们怎么样 - 把孩子给我们
What do you want from us?! - Give us the children!
什么 - 什么
What? - What?
小孩
The kids!
把小孩给我们 就没人会受伤
Give us the kids, and nobody gets hurt!
噢 我靠 好吧 - 哦 天呐
Oh, shit. All right. - Oh, god. Okay.
好 你想抢人是不
All right, you want somebody?
好 孩子们 听我说 听我说
All right, kids, listen to me. Listen to me.
看我的指示 我要你们跑到树林里去
On my signal, I want you to run into the woods.
以最快的速度 好吗
Run as fast as you can, okay?
我爱你们 我很爱你们
I love you. I love you so, so much.
来呀 兄弟 来呀
Come on, pal. Come on, huh?
谁是硬汉 让你尝尝我的厉害
Who's the tough guy? Give you some of that!
别 喂 喂
Don't! Hey! Hey!
你退回卡车里去 然后现在立马开走
You step back in that truck, and you drive away right now!
先生 恐怕拿到孩子前我不能这么做
I'm afraid I can't do that, sir, not until I have those kids.
好了各位 我们离开这个鬼地方
All right, guys, we're getting the hell out of here.
我好勇斗狠是出了名的
I got a purple belt in taking names and kicking ass!
Nate - 什么
Nate! - What?
我搞定了 - 什么
I got it! - What?
上车
Get in!
别让他们跑了 - 开门
Don't let 'em get away. - Open the door!
绕过来 - 开门
Go around! - Open the door!
绕过来 到 去
Go around! Get... go...
有辆卡车 有辆卡车
There's a truck! There's a truck!
哦 天呐 - 是Pete
Oh, my god. - That's Pete.
噢 他有枪
Oh! He's got a gun!
快 趴下 趴下 趴下
Quick, get down, get down, get down.
我挡住他们了 Jer
I blocked 'em in, Jer!
没事 是信♥号♥♥枪
It's fine. It's a flare gun!
我觉得他们真的会把我们带走的
I think they might really take us!
我不想和卡车司机一起住
I don't wanna live with truckers!
他们用水壶解手的
They use jugs as bathrooms.
孩子们 快点 跟我来
Guys, come on. Come with me.
好了 我爱你 我爱你
Okay, I love you. I love you.
小男孩 你可以相信我们 - 对 她以前是海军
Little boy, you can trust us. - Yeah, she's a former marine,
而且她是名志愿消防员
and she's a volunteer firefighter.
你别想带走我们的孩子
You are not taking our children!
他们不是你的孩子
Those aren't your kids!
什么 你在说什么啊
What? What are you talking about?!
我不知道 但你离我家人远点
I don't know, but you stay away from my family!
噢
Ohh!
那是什么 噢
What is that... ohh!
噢 天呐
Oh, god!
你们卡车司机有什么毛病啊
What is wrong with truckers?!
这玩意儿我们还有很多
There's more where that came from!
住手 是我们的错 是我们干的
Stop! It's our fault! We did it!
他们真的是我们父母
These are really our parents!
对 这是个玩笑 别带我们走
Yeah, it was a joke! Don't take us!
这是啥啊
What the is that?!
你谁啊 - 你有病啊
Who are you?! - What is wrong with you?!
是她干的
She did it!
对不起 我来大姨妈了
I'm sorry. I'm on my period.
噢 天呐 - 噢 我天
Oh, god. - Oh, my god
你这是以乱制乱啊
That is a mix-up to end all mix-ups, huh?
噢 天呐 然后你们还信了
Oh, my god. And you fell for it.
真是 现在我身上 但这是我们的错 我们的错
That's... And now I'm cov... but that's on us. That's on us.
听好 我很抱歉 如你们所见
Listen, I'm sorry. As you can see,
他们确实是我们的孩子
They're actually really our kids.
证明给我看 - 噢 不对 我不认为
Prove it. - Oh, yeah. No, I don't think...
我不认为你可以这么做 他们 就是我们的
I don't think you can do that. It's... just... they're ours.
她生出来的 - 对
They came outta her. - Yeah.
对 他把精♥子♥埋在她的前额上
Yeah, he planted the seeds in her forehead,
然后卵子长出来吃掉精♥子♥
and then the eggs grew and ate the seeds,
精♥子♥一分为二
then the seeds split into two,
12年后它们从她肚子里跑出来了 所以
and then they popped out of her tummy scar 12 years later, so...
孩子 这些人给你下药了么
Son? These people drug you?
没有 但是我妈嗑药的
No, but my mom takes drugs.
没有 没有 那算半个安♥眠♥药♥
No, no, no. It's half... half a sleeping pill.
那不是 不是真正的毒品
It's not... it's not really drugs.
伙计们 你们有孩子吗
Folks, do you... do you have kids?
怎么 你想把他们也绑♥架♥了吗
Why? Do you wanna abduct them, too?
噢 不 - 噢 不
God, no. - God, no.
不 我们孩子够多了 额 如果你们有孩子的话
No, we have enough. Uh, if... if you had kids,
你们应该知道他们一直会做蠢事
you'd know they do stupid things all the time,
而你却要留下来给他们擦屁♥股♥
and you're left to clean up the mess.
你什么意思 我们做蠢事
What do you mean, we do stupid things?
你是蠢事之王
You are the king of stupid things!
等等 你觉得现在讨论这个
Hold on. Do you think right now is really the time
合适吗 小姐 - 是 我觉得合适
to hash that out, young lady? - Yeah, I do.
因为要到罗德岱堡的沙滩来度假
'Cause you get us all excited to go
你把我们搞得很激动
on this awesome beach vacation in Fort Lauderdale,
然后却一直把我们关在这破车里
and then you just stick us in the stupid car!
这是从经济情况考虑做出的决定 宝贝
This was a financial decision we made, honey.
我们一起做的决定
Together.
然后你带我们去一家
And then you take us to a milkshake joint
没有奶昔的奶昔店 还给我们看奶♥子♥
that has no milkshakes and show us some naked boobs
然后又把我们拽出来
and then drag us out.
你们不了解情况
That's... Not in context.
额
Uh...
我们对这混乱局面深表遗憾
We're sorry for the, uh, mix-up.
不 那是 不 请不要这样
No, that's... No! Oh, god, no, please.
是我们的问题 谢谢你们
That's on us. Thank you.
宝贝 我之前就说过了 卡车司机人是最好的
Honey, I was saying earlier, truckers are the nicest people.
是句名言 是句名言 - 好人
That was a quote. That's a quote. - Good people.
嗯 你们这对父母也不是我们想象的那么糟糕
Well, I mean, it's not like we think you're terrible parents.
嗯 但是
Mm. But, um...
也是 - 嗯 谢谢你
Yeah. - Well, thank you.
这不是在表扬吧 - 不是
That's not a compliment. - No.
噢
Oh.
好了 民♥主♥原则
Okay. Democracy rules.
这次每人都可以投一票
Everybody gets a vote this time.
我们往北还是往南
Do we go north or south?
我们是减少损失 回家去
Do we cut our losses, go back home?
还是一路开到底 在海滩上玩六个整天呢
Or do we drive hard and have six full days on the beach?
我们应该像冬天的鸟儿一样北飞到海滩边
Like a bird of winter, we fly north to the beach.
我真应该在子♥宫♥里把你吸收掉
I really should have absorbed you in utero.
我们选南边
We vote south.
宝贝 - 嗯
Babe? - Hmm?
对 当然
Yeah, sure.
我只是知道你有些事情
Just know I know there's something
没跟我交代
you're still not telling me.
你被解雇了
You're fired.
没必要上街示众吧 好吗
There's no need for a perp walk, all right?
这是在尽力挽救公♥司♥ 你们这群混球
It's called trying to save the company, you dicks!
那是我的东西 那是我的东西
That's my stuff! That's my stuff.
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about.
好吧
Okay.