一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S01E04

Part 1 June 26, 2021, 8:51 a.m.

那记者叫什么名字 - 他叫Billy Evans
What was the reporter's name? - His name is Billy Evans.
你就这么放心地将你在前公♥司♥
You trusted a dangerous product that you stole
偷出来的一袋危险产品交给
from your former company, P.F.R. Industries,
一个写生活博客的人
with a lifestyle blogger.
我给了他两袋产品我必须拿回来
He had two bags of the product, and I-I needed them back.
你知道吗我就是想不通
You know, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around
在你人生被颠覆的重大时刻
why you didn't tell your wife about such a big,
你为何对你妻子只字不提
life-changing moment.
我正前往劳德代尔堡去要回原来的工作
I was going to Fort Lauderdale to get my job back, okay?
记住我的话事情早晚会发生的
And mark my words, it was going to happen.
所以你瞎折腾什么
So why rock the boat?
但是你有36个小时都待在车上
Yeah, but you were in the car for 36 hours,
而且你现在正越过南卡罗来纳州的边境
and you are just now crossing the south Carolina border.
我们的行程不是很顺利
We weren't making good time.
我们怎么又回来这里了
Why are we back here?
报仇 - 什么跟谁报仇
Revenge. - What? On who?
哦我的天呐
Oh. Oh, god.
哇哦你吐得好多真的太多了
Oh, wow. That's a lot... that's... oh, that's so much.
亲爱的对不起
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
我现在帮不了你
I can't help you right now.
要是我闻到了我也会吐的
If I smell it, I'm... I'm gonna go, too.
你♥爸♥爸去哪儿了 Nate
Where's your father? Nate!
我觉得你该叫救护车了
I think you need to call the hospital truck.
不不宝贝你会没事的用袋子清理下
No, no. Baby, you're gonna be fine. Just use the bag.
天呐 - 妈咪
Oh, god! - Mommy!
从车上下来宝贝 Nate Nate
Get out of the car, baby. Nate! Nate!
车门打不开车门打不开
It won't open. It won't open!
爬到前面去爬到前面去
Crawl in the front. Crawl in the front.
宝贝把门打开快点把门打开
Sweetie, open the door. Please, open the door.
门卡住了门卡住了
It's stuck! It's stuck!
老天爷啊
Oh, god!
快让我出去 - 哦天呐 Nate
Get me out of here! - Oh, god! Oh... Nate!
Nate 快帮帮我我打不开车门
Nate, help me! I can't get it open!
冷静点 - 什么
Fonzie it! - What?!
冷静 - 到底发生什么了
Fonzie! - What is happening?!
哦 - 你脸好美
Oh... - Great face.
你一直在给谁发短♥信♥ - 你说什么
Who do you keep texting? - What?
没谁就是工作的事
It's nothing. It's... it's work.
我已经看到36块那家店的广♥告♥牌了
That's the 36th billboard I've seen for that place.
我要开拓我的晚餐殖民地
Yeah, I wanna colon-ize my dinner.
听起来不错我正好饿了
That actually sounds really good. I'm starving.
我没兴趣去一家
Not really in the mood
文化歧视的路边小餐馆吃饭
to eat at a culturally insensitive roadside attraction.
你的反殖民♥运♥动晚了500年亲爱的
Well, you're about 500 years too late on that cause, Babe.
不好意思你会允许你的孩子们
What? I'm sorry. Would you let your kids eat
去一家叫"Schutzstaffel"的百吉饼店吗
at a bagel shop called Schutzstaffel?
叫什么 - Schutzstaffel
Called... - Schutzstaffel.
我不知道那是什么意思
I don't know what that is.
就是"S.S" 超级纳粹主义
The S.S. Super Nazis.
纳粹军屠♥杀♥犹太人犹太人做的百吉饼最好吃了
Killed the Jews. Jewish people make good bagels.
你那么说犹太人才叫文化歧视
That feels pretty culturally insensitive.
你什么意思他们百吉饼做的可好了
What are you talk... they make great bagels.
"他们"
"They"?
那真是 - 别说了
That's... - Don't.
我想要淹死"征扶者"
I wanna dunk the con-qweest-ador.
绝对不行他们这是在藐视谋杀
Absolutely not. They're trivializing murder.
别小题大做并非所有事都值得深入讨论
Oh, you know, not everything has to be a talking point.
有时玉米饼就只是玉米饼
Sometimes a taco's just a taco.
当谈到水稻侧基因就不是了
Not when it comes with a Geno-side of rice.
如果土著人向他们屈服那可能只是可能
And if the natives were with them, then maybe, just maybe,
他们只会被强♥奸♥和抢劫
they'd only be raped and pillaged.
反抗他们想都别想他们就会被枪打死
Against them? Forget about it. They were shot.
当街被绞死活活烧死
Garroted through the streets, burned alive.
而你却想要去一家名叫
And you want to celebrate
"征服者"的餐厅吃饭庆祝
by eating at a place called Conquistadors?
所以
So...
去征服者餐厅
Conquistadors?
耶耶
Yay! Yay!
征服者征服者
Conquistadors! Conquistadors!
征服者征服者征服者征服者
Conquistadors! Conquistadors! Conquistadors! Conquistadors!
欢迎来到征服者餐厅
Welcome to conquistadors.
为饱餐而来为表演而留下
Come for the feast. Stay for the show.
等不及要开拓我的晚餐殖民地了
Can't wait to con-quer dinner.
我要抢劫沙拉吧
I'm gonna pillage the salad bar.
我要强♥奸♥冰淇凌站
I'm gonna rape the sundae station.
你难道不高兴给他普及词汇了吗
Oh, aren't you glad you introduced that word into his lexicon?
不高兴
Nope.
不过这做的挺逼真我们该拍张照片
It's cute, though. We should take a picture of this.
我要接个电♥话♥ 过会儿里面见好吗
Um, hey, I should take this. Can I meet you inside?
好啊没问题走吧我们吃饭去
Yeah. Sure. Come on. Let's eat.
呃你好
Uh, hello?
我不知道该怎么办
I don't know what to do.
我把一切都搞砸了
I messed up so bad.
你是哪位
Who is this?
我是Vanessa 你个混♥蛋♥
It's Vanessa, you dick.
我是用Marco的手♥机♥打的
I'm using Marco's phone.
Marco是谁
Who's Marco?
他是玩越野摩托的
He does motocross.
他在你家客厅修他的摩托车
He's in your living room fixing his bike.
你打电♥话♥给我♥干♥嘛
Why are you calling me?
我杀了Noonie
I killed Noonie.
是的我正给她做灵气治疗
Yeah, I was giving her a reiki treatment,
我想是她身体里的气超负荷了
and I think I overloaded her body with chi.
噢你真是狗屎不如
Oh, you're such a shit show.
Marco正和我亲热来着
Yeah. Marco was pleasuring me,
结果太多的能量传送到一只老猫身上了
and that's a lot of energy to channel into an older cat.
她就停止呼吸了 - 我的天呐
She just stopped breathing. - Oh, my god.
你把她怎么样了
What did you do with her?
我不知道该怎么处理她的尸体
I didn't know what to do with her body.
所以我把她放冰箱里了
So I put her in the freezer.
天呐 Robin一定会恨死我了
Oh, god. Robin's gonna hate me.
我需要你的帮助 Nate
I need your help, Nate.
嘿 - 怎么了
Hey. - What's up?
我愿意做任何事 - 真的吗任何事
I'll do anything. - Really? Anything?
我是不会给你口♥交♥的
Well, I'm not sucking you off.
恶心不是那事
Ew! No!
不我有个活给你做
No. I got a job for you.
没问题我可以给你来次手活
Okay. I'll give you a hand job.
不是你有什么毛病
No! What's the matter with you?
我的天呐
Oh, my god.
1519年
The year 1519...
英勇的圣洁的基♥督♥教的战士们
brave, Nobel Christian soldiers
登陆上古老的墨西哥的野人海岸
landed on the savage coast of ancient Mexico...
在一个叫 "特诺-屎-烂"的城市里
In a city called... "Teno-shit-lan."
他们被土著人称作"征服者"
They were called the conquistadors.
这群绅士们以非常友好的方式
These gentlemen of god offered friendship
交换黄金
in exchange for gold.
但可悲的是这些不知感恩的野蛮人
But sadly, the ungrateful heathens
本性暴♥力♥凶残
clung to their violent customs,
征服者在逼不得已的情况下只能出手
forcing the conquistadors' reluctant hands.
不要不要啊
No! No! Aah!
这表演真是比我想像的更糟糕
Wow. It is actually worse than I thought it would be.
我很喜欢 - 我不喜欢
I liked it. - I didn't.
嘿呃
Hey, um...
猫咪
The cat...
她死了
She died.
天呐 Vanessa 我就知道她会搞砸
Oh, god. Vanessa. I-I knew she was gonna screw...
她真是狗屎不如
she is such a shit show.
你知道吗也不完全是她的错
You know what? It's actually not her fault
有特殊情况
in this particular situation.