伦敦女孩（2012）

没错 怎么了...
Yeah, so...
所以...
This means...
哎呀呀
O-M-G.
我一直都有 这些根本不会发生的
They were here the whole time. None of this needed to happen.
-快开门 傻子 -我也想啊 上面钥匙太多了
- Hurry up, Saz. - It's tricky. There's loads of keys.
出事了 憋不住了
I'm having an accident! I can't stop!
我艹搞毛
What the fuck?
这叫笑失禁 是紧急情况失禁的一种
It's called giggle incontinence. It's a form of urge incontinence.
啥
Uh?
别担心勃勃 我包里有运动服
Don't worry, Amber. I've got my tracksuit in my bag.
进去后你可以换掉
You can get changed in Brandon's.
哎呀我的小心心啊 妈妈想死你了
Hello, baby. Mummy missed you.
没电了 破手♥机♥
Ah, the battery's dead. Stupid phone.
我先把水烧上
I think I'll stick the kettle on.
德州的淑熙把胳膊卡在信箱上
Hillary Schmeichel in Texas got her arm stuck in a letter box.
他们用初榨橄榄油把她弄出来的
They freed her with extra virgin olive oil.
菜籽油可以么
Is vegetable oil OK?
-谁要吃零食 -我我我 都有什么
- Who wants a snack? - Me. Me. What have they got?
谁他么来救救我
Is any fucker going to help me?
笑哭爹 我要放到优酷上
Ha-ha, I'm putting this on YouTube.
-埃迪叔叔 -小姑娘
- Uncle Eddie. - Hello, young lady.
-你终于来了 -对不起 我有事耽误了
- Thought you weren't coming. - Sorry, Eddie, I got delayed.
-以前在摊子上干过没 -没
- You ever had a job on a market stall? - No.
-卖♥♥过东西没 -没
- Any selling at all? - No.
-和客户接触过么 -没
- Any job dealing with customers? - No.
-干过活么 -没
- Any job at all? - No.
-有驾照么 -没
- Have you got a driving licence? - No.
星期六早上能起得早么
Are you good at getting up early on Saturdays?
-能 -真的假的
- Yeah. - Really?
--好吧 不行 -火梨 跟我说
- No. - Holli, tell me,
为什么我要把这份工作给你而不是别人
why should I employ you for this job and not someone else?
你认识我爸 我能搬东西
Cos you know my Dad...and I'm really good at lifting.
搬东西啊 听起来不错
Right, lifting, that's good. That's better.
帮我把这些衣服搬上车 外套去掉
Help me finish getting this clobber in the van. Put your jacket on there.
-现在么 -我想看看你干活麻溜不麻溜
- Er, now? - I wanna see what sort of worker you are.
什么情况
What the...?
这是前卫
Is that one of them avant-garde
时尚臂环首饰么
fashion statement arm jewellery affairs?
-这是个信箱 -怎么搞的
- No, it's a letter box. - How did you do that, then?
不是我的错 我没偷东西
It wasn't my fault. I wasn't thieving nothing.
你让我想到了你老爸 他现在怎么样
You remind me of your dad. How is he?
-进去了 -我听说了
- He's banged up. - Yeah, I heard about that.
要我帮你把这个拿下来么
Do you want me to help you get that off?
不要抹油 一点用也没有
Does it involve oil? Cos oil doesn't work.
黄油和六神滋润沐浴露也没用
Nor does butter and nor does Lynx Dark Temptation shower gel.
我的皮肤变柔软了倒是真的
My arm's bare soft, though.
你看这个怎么样
How about these bastards?
我当时坐在那正在跟新贾小撒的脸书
So, I was just sitting there updating fake Saz's Facebook
然后裸基进来了 看起来...我也说不清
and then in comes Rocky looking all...I don't know.
可爱 性感 撩骚 迷人 迷糊 硬了
Cute? Hot? Hench? Dench? Peng? Buff? Piff?
感觉很兴奋 雀跃不止
Kind of excited and happy. I think he was skipping.
我喜欢蹦蹦跳
I like skipping.
当然了 他退学了自♥由♥了
Yeah, cos he's free. He's dropped out.
然后他直接走向厨师交谈
So, he goes up to Chef and they're talking
然后厨师拍拍他的背
and then Chef's, like, slapping him on his back
就像在祝贺他一样
like he's congratulating him.
难道他要在咖啡店打工
Do you think he's got a job at the cafe?
不对 裸基从口袋里拿出来什么东西
No, cos then Rocky gets something out of his pocket
给厨师看了看
and he's showing it to Chef.
薇娃 是钻戒啊
Viva, it was a diamond ring.
他要向你求婚
He wants to marry you.
我不能嫁给他 我们才18岁
I can't marry him. We're 18.
我父母就是18岁结的婚 八年后便离婚了
My mum and dad got married at 18. They got divorced eight years later.
-你怎么还在这 -他在给我们做吃的
- What are you still doing here? - Oh, he's making us all snacks.
两年后 他们又复婚了
Then two years later, they got married again.
你不是忽悠我的吧 他真的要向我求婚么 什么时候
Saz, is this a wind up? Is he really going to propose? When?
我只知道他有个戒指
All I know is he's got a ring.
-不敢相信 -你会是要拒绝他吧
- I can't believe it. - You would say no, though, right?
我只想知道这件事什么时候会发生
I just wish I knew when all this was going to happen.
我要做好准备
I need to be ready.
去年他们又离婚了
Then last year they got divorced again.
幸亏你听到了
It is good you overheard, though, Saz
我现在要想想怎么用最合适的方法拒绝他
because now I can work out the perfect way to say no.
但是我很确信他俩在圣诞节滚床单了
But I'm pretty sure they shagged each other on Christmas Day
当时他俩都喝醉了 而我正在看007
when they were both a bit pissed and I was watching James Bond.
骑车的那个熊孩子从我面前过去被我用这个修理了一顿
That kid on the bike went by again and I hit him with this
我得到了那个工作
and I got the job.
真棒 快进来 马甲制♥服♥小哥正在给我们做奶酪面包
Yay! Come in. Hi-vis is making us cheese toasties.
对了火梨 你要600镑到底做什么用
Oh, and Holli, what do you need the £600 for?
就跟我说说吧 我保证不和别人说
Just tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone.
真的不能说
It's private, Amber.
-你是不是要买♥♥浴缸 -才不是
- Are you getting a hot tub fitted? - No!
家里的绿植和食物都在
They've left their plants, they've left their food.
除了被证人保护的人谁会这么做
Who does that unless they've gone into witness protection?
或者移♥民♥去了伊维萨岛
Or got a last-minute deal to Ibiza.
他不可能和他妈一起去伊维萨岛
He wouldn't go to Ibiza with his mum.
我们在屋子里找找 看看他护照还在不在
Right, so, we search the flat, see if he's left his passport around,
或者试试看黑进他的电脑看看搜索记录
see if we can hack into his computer and look at his search history.
面包真好吃
This is a really nice toastie.
我在外面抹了一层黄油
Yeah, I spread the butter on the outside,
重点是把面包放进热锅里
but the key is to make sure I get the pan really hot before I put it in.
快看 伏特加和可乐
Ooh, vodka and coke.
完美搭配啊
The dream team.
对不起 裸基 我真的很爱你 但是我们太年轻了 而且...
Sorry, Rocky, I do love you, but we're too young and...
你说话口齿不清
You're too thick.
我第一次高♥潮♥就是在这张床上
I had my first orgasm in this bed.
当时我就觉得小布布就像是口♥交♥届的
That's when I realised Brandon was like some high-level wizard
高级巫师
of oral sex.
他怎么做的
What does he do?
我不知道 但是那感觉妙极了
I don't know, but it was so magical and beautiful.
让我觉得就算没有独角兽和美人鱼也没那么难过了
Sort of made me feel better about there being no unicorns or mermaids.
你终于接受这两样东西是不存在的了
Oh, so, you do finally accept that now?
没错 我发现高♥潮♥是成年人
Yeah, and I realised orgasms are what grown-ups have
用来替代独角兽和美人鱼的
instead of unicorns and magic and mermaids.
哎呀呀 我只是太聪明了
O-M-G, I'm so wise.
傻子你什么时候有过高♥潮♥的
When did you have your first orgasm, Saz?
-我不想说 -说啦 我都和你们说了
- I don't want to say. - Oh, go on. I told you mine.
对啊 她都和你说了
Yeah, Amber told you hers.
好吧 我那个时候14岁
Well, I was about 14
我决定不用卫生巾 改用卫生棉条了
and I decided I needed to switch from sanitary towels to tampons.
然后就出了些事情
Was this after that trampolining incident
棉条飞出去甩谁脸上了
where the towel flew out and hit someone?
有那么好笑么
Yes, no need to bring that up.
我决定用卫生棉条的那天对我来说
It was roughly when I got home that day that I decided
真是过的太艰难了
I needed to switch to tampons.
我也喜欢用棉条
I prefer tampons.
我不知道怎么放进去
I didn't really know how to put a tampon in,
所以我轻轻的在那里往里面塞
so I just started gently stabbing it in the general area.
应该是不小心碰到我的阴蒂了
Think I must have accidentally located my clitoris.
感觉妙不可言啊 所以我就开始不停地
It was really nice, so I just gently stabbed myself there
塞进拔出大概十分钟 然后我就高♥潮♥了
for about ten more minutes and then I came.
什么鬼
Oh, my God.
那次之后 我就经常换棉条了
After that, I changed my tampons quite a lot.
-到你了薇娃 -没错
- Your turn, Viva. - Yes, your turn, Viva.
快说啦 要不不公平啊
Go on, you've got to or it's not fair.
我也不知道自己高♥潮♥过没
I'm not sure if I've even ever had an orgasm.
-那就是你没高♥潮♥过 -为什么
- You haven't, then. - Why?
高♥潮♥过的都知道
You would know.
-说不定我的快♥感♥没那么激烈 -不可能
- Maybe I've had really small ones. - No.
到底什么感觉
So, what does it actually feel like?