腌黄瓜先生

敬告观众 谨慎观看
别动
Freeze!
-放我出去 -放我出去
- Let me out! - Well, let me out.
犯罪之船
第三季 第七集
警长
大家好
Hello, everybody!
我是你们的哥们 警长
It's your boy Sheriff.
很高兴参与拍摄我最喜欢的节目《警长们》
Man, I am so excited to be on my favorite show, "Sheriffs."
我可能是你们有史以来拍过的
I'm probably the toughest sheriff
最硬汉的警长
you guys have ever filmed.
不是吗 阿比盖尔
Isn't that right, Abigail?
"没错 警长
"That's right, Sheriff.
不过别忘了 今天是妈妈的生日"
But don't forget, today is Momma's birthday."
对 阿比盖尔 这是妈妈
Oh, that's right, Abigail! This is Momma.
今天是她生日 我不知道要送她什么
Today's her birthday and I have no idea what to get her.
警长 南街有个237[性骚扰案件]
Sheriff, we have a 237 on South Street.
一个237
Oh, a two three sev...
237是什么
What's a 237?
警长
老镇 上午10点30分
走开 死变♥态♥
Get your ass away from me, pervert!
行了 行了
All right, all right!
别打了
Break it up.
谁能告诉我这里发生了什么吗
Somebody wanna tell me what's goin' on here?
我在这卖♥♥我的东西
I was here just tryin' to sell my products
这个哑剧演员想上我
and this mime tried to hump me!
我不想让他得逞 警长
Linda don't just be givin' it away, Sheriff!
我拒绝
She holdin' out!
是这样吗 哑剧演员
Is this true, mime?
行了 他的故事是真的
All right, well, his story checks out.
你可以走了 哑剧演员
You're free to go, mime.
琳达 你今天卖♥♥什么
So, Linda, whatcha selling today, huh?
我得给我妈妈买♥♥个生日礼物
I need to get Momma something for her birthday.
这些耳环怎么样
How about these earrings?!
我不知道
Eh, I don't know.
给我回来 你个有性瘾的哑剧演员
Get back here, you humping mime!
警长
关于那个有性瘾的哑剧演员
Well, the thing about humpin' mimes is
老镇 11点45分
问题在于 你听不到他走近的声音
you never hear them comin',
但我会找到他
but I'll find 'im. Sooner or later,
每个坏蛋迟早都得面对警长
every bad guy has to face the sher...
警长 有个29
Sheriff, we have a two nine si...
老镇加油站有人在抢劫
uh, robbery in progress at Old Town Gas.
那是我哥们卡尔的地盘
Ah, that's my boy Carl's place!
老镇 11点50分
快点
Yeah, hurry up...
把所有的钱放进包里
Put all the money in the bag!
别动 抢劫犯
Hold it right there, robber!
你还好吗 卡尔
You okay, Carl?
卡尔很淡定
Carl's cool.
我很好 警长
Yeah, I guess I'm fine, Sheriff.
冷静 卡尔 我来处理
Just calm down, Carl! I'll handle this!
听着 抢劫犯
Now, listen here, robber!
送钱给妈妈当生日礼物挺不错的
Money would be a great gift to give Momma for her birthday!
你不能送钱给你妈妈当生日礼物
You can't give your momma money for her birthday.
你得做得更体贴一点 比如
Do something more thoughtful! Like, uh...
请她吃顿丰盛的晚餐什么的
buy her a nice dinner or something.
多谢 先生
Gee, thanks, mister!
卡尔 你这里有什么好吃的晚餐食材吗
Hey, Carl, you got any nice dinners here?
-警长 我 -你看
- Um, uh, Sheriff, I... - Actually, oh look!
这个不错 卡尔
This'll do great, Carl!
妈妈最喜欢的豆子
Momma's Favorite Beans!
妈妈最喜欢的豆子
太好了
It's perfect!
-警长 -什么 卡尔
- Sheriff. - What, Carl?!
天啊 我在忙 伙计
Jeez, man, I'm in the middle of something, dude!
抢劫犯把我的钱拿走了
Uh, the robber got away with my money?
警长
老镇 12点16分
我们正在通缉哑剧演员和劫匪
All right, we're lookin' for the humpin' mime and the robber.
但是同时
But in the meantime,
我给妈妈准备了一个完美的生日礼物
I got the perfect birthday present for Momma!
对不起 古德曼父子
Oh, sorry, Goodmans.
你好警长 我看到他们在拍你
Hello Sheriff. Hey! I see you're filming there.
-我的名字是... -不不不
- Hi, my name is... - No no no no no.
这是我的节目
This is my show. Say, uh,
你们见到过一个哑剧演员或者是劫匪吗
you guys seen a humpin' mime or a robber?
没有 但是我看到了一个偷车贼
No. But I've seen a car-thief!
什么
What?
车是我的了
My car now.
再见 偷车贼
Bye, car-thief!
再见 腌黄瓜先生
Bye, Mr. Pickles!
不 妈妈的生日礼物还在车里
Oh, no! Momma's birthday present was in there!
警长
下午2:30 老镇
我们正在通缉哑剧演员
All right, we're lookin' for the humpin' mime,
劫匪和偷车贼
the robber, and the car-thief.
我的警车
My cruiser!
别担心 伙计们
Don't worry, folks.
我们拿回了妈妈的豆子
We got Momma's beans back.
等等
Wait a minute.
为什么这里有烧烤酱
What's this barbecue sauce doin' here?
痕迹一直延续到树林里
It's leadin' up into these woods.
偷车贼肯定在树林里
Car-thief must be havin' a barbecue
吃烧烤
up here in these woods.
让我们顺着痕迹 看看怎么回事
Let's follow this trail, see where it leads.
什么 你不是偷车贼
What? You're not a car-thief!
你是一个偷车的恋驴癖
You're a car-thief donkey-sexer!
不准再操那头驴了
Hey, stop sexing that donkey
举起你的双手
and put your hands where I can see 'em!
快点走 你这个偷车的恋驴癖
All right, come on, car-thief donkey-sexer.
侏儒 你应该在监狱里才对
Hey, Midget! You're supposed to be in jail!
我们更喜欢被称为小矮人
We prefer to be called little people!
这是妈妈的豆子
Those are Momma's beans!
-现在不是了 -快回来
- Not anymore. - Hey, get back here!
这是给妈妈的
Those are for my momma-a-a-a-a!
那个侏儒拿走了我的衣服和枪
Well, that midget took my clothes and my gun,
不过我至少拿到了妈妈的生日礼物
but at least I still got Momma's birthday present...
但是没剩什么了
what's left of it, anyway.
那个偷车恋驴癖去哪了
Where'd the car-thief donkey-sexer go?
别吃我车的引擎
Hey, stop eating my engine,
你这头蠢驴
you stupid donkey!
警长
我们在通缉一个哑剧演员 强盗
All right, we're lookin' for a humpin' mime, a robber,
下午3:15 老镇
-我上电视了 -一个逃跑的侏儒罪犯
- I'm on TV! - An escaped midget convict,
和偷车的恋驴癖
and the car-thief donkey-sexer.
请穿上衣服 警长
Put some clothes on, Sheriff!
你好 米尔顿夫人
Oh, hey, Mrs. Milton.
不好意思 一个侏儒拿走了我的衣服
Sorry, a midget took my clothes.
待会我再和你说
I'll tell ya about it later.
首先
First things first,
我得回家穿上衣服
I have to go home and get some new clothes.
警长 救命
Sheriff! Help!
入场费25元
出什么事了
Uh, what seems to be the problem, huh?
这两个坏小子老溜进俱乐部里
These bad boys keep sneaking
偷看女孩子
into the club and peeping at the girls.
对 我们把全♥裸♥的部分看遍了
Yeah, we saw all their naked parts.
这里
This part.
还有这里
Yeah, and this part.
然后他们在做这种事
And then they did this.
停下来 电视台不让播这部分
Stop that! They probably can't show that on TV.
如果你们感兴趣的话
Hey, uh, you know, I've been working on an idea
我一直在构思一个电视节目的点子
for a TV show, if you guys want to hear about it.
不不不 这是我的节目
No no no no. This is my show.
门卫 我们需要更多的卫生棉