幸福终点站（2011）

Happy Endings S01E02

Part 4 June 17, 2021, 2:07 p.m.

因为这就是我很抱歉
'Cause that's who I am, and I'm sorry
我不想和这些无聊的女人住在一起
if I don't wanna live with any of these boring, lame girls.
妈呀.- 好戏上演!!!!!
Ohh...- drama!!!!
兄弟都不管用
Bro, nothing is working.
我想这个女人肯定是爱上我了
I think this crazy chick is falling in love with me.
我不想伤害她
I do not wanna crush her,
就像我不久前被甩时那样伤心懂?
being that I have recently been crushed, all right?
这样一点都不好玩我该怎么办?
It is not fun. What do I do?
你就这样好了在她从洗手间回来以前
This is what you do. Before she gets back from the bathroom,
你双腿跪地让后向上帝祈祷
you get down on your knees and you pray to God
祈祷他赶紧让饭店爆♥炸♥
that the restaurant explodes.
扮演上帝?有没有搞错?这就是你想的办法?
Act of God? Really, man? That's the best you've got?
啊！啊！
Aah! Aah!
噢！天呐！我得到那份工作了！
Oh, my God! I got the job!
以后我就是钱傻的欧洲之旅的替补伴舞了！
I'm gonna be a backup dancer for KeSha's European Tour!
我星期四就走！
I leave Thursday!
噢真是太感谢你了！
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much!
兄弟饭店的确爆♥炸♥了
Dude, the restaurant just exploded.
噢天呐那我们两怎么办?
Oh, God, what's gonna happen to us?
噢你不该总想着我们不不你要...
Oh, you can't think about us. No, no, you just...
你要去做你想做的知道吗?
You just gotta do you, you know?
你...你生命中不能没有舞蹈
You... you can't separate the dancer from the dance.
噢我的天你真的是太好了么么
Oh, my God. You are amazing, Moo-Moo.
噢
Oh.
你先小笨蛋
After you, doodle bug.
这是我有过的最美好的一次约会...
This has been the best date I ever...
啊！
Aah!
噢！啊...安德烈娅你没事吧?
Ohh! Uh... Andrea, are you okay?
安卓拉安卓拉安卓拉你还好吗?
Un-drea. Un-drea, Un-drea, are you okay?
她被一个骑自行车的邮递员给撞了?
She got hit by a bike messenger?
是的 - 闭嘴
Of course she did. Shut up!
去年万圣节我还被
I got hit by a cop
一个开着赛格威的巡警给撞了
on a Segway last Halloween.
恩我当时除了一条海豚短裤
Ugh. I was wearing nothing
和一个绿色毛皮围巾其他什么也没穿
but dolphin shorts and a feather green boa.
我想把他的帽子偷过来
I tried to steal his hat.
切换场景卡博的周末
Cut to... Weekend in Cabo.
因为我长胖了他回到他那个笨蛋老婆那去
Then he went back to his "dumb wife" because I'm fat.
你是谁来着?
Who... are you again?
啊是德罗克我超爱他来
Ah, it's D-Rock. I love him. Come here. Ow.
戴夫有什么我可以帮的上忙的吗?
Dave, let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
比如说我可以打电♥话♥给她或者...
You know, like maybe I could call her or...
彭妮丫头拜托这没你事好吗?
Penny Loafer, please, this is not about you, okay?
戴夫你需要的是
Dave, what you need, right?
新裤子和减肥
Are new pants, a couple of shake weights,
以及一个你我之间的俄式泡沫吧狂欢夜
and a night out at a Russian foam club with me.
怎么样?跟哥混
Okay? Moi truly.
他实际上什么都不需要
Yeah, he literally needs none of those things.
好了往那停下
All right, and there and off.
老兄想想好的地方
Dude, look at the bright side.
你逃出来了她周四不久去欧洲了么?
You're out. I mean, she's going to Europe on Thursday, right?
她不去骨折了你怎么跳
No. She's not. You can't dance with a broken femur.
一针见血
Debatable.
而且她接下来两个月都要打石膏
And because she's gonna be in a cast for the next eight weeks,
住六楼还没电梯
and because she lives in a 6-story walk-up,
我好同情她
and I feel so bad about what happened that...
她要搬来住了是吗- 好戏上演!!
She's moving in, isn't she?-drama!!
我俩是舍友真好
I'm so glad that we're roommates.
我向你保证简的那些书呆子女人
I guarantee you none of Jane's nerdy choices
一点也比不上
would have ever gotten me
这件美呆了的迈克尔斯达斯小背心
this awesome Michael Stars tank top.
你真辣哦你不介意
You look hot. Oh, hey, do you mind
我再装条网线吧?
if I get another D.S.L. line installed
可能会遮掉点光
and maybe black out a couple of these windows?
当然我猜
Sure... I guess.
哦
Oh.
嗨简你想知道我舍友怎么样
Hi, Jane. If you're wondering how my new roommate is,
她酷毙了
she's awesome.
我只是想告诉你很高兴你把一切都搞定了
I just called to say that I'm glad it all worked out for you,
我真喜欢你的小背心
and I really like that tank top on you.
等等你怎么知道我穿啥?
Wait. How do you know what I'm wearing?
你酷毙的萨曼塔靠偷♥拍♥可爱室友的
Your awesome Samantha makes a living by moving in
生活为生
with cute girls, setting up webcams,
人们付钱去看 -哦我的天!
and charging people to watch. - Oh, my God!
怪不得她昨天舔棒冰
That's why she wanted to eat popsicles
还有玩奶油芝士大战
and have a cream cheese fight yesterday.
哦是那是很受欢迎的一段
Oh, yeah. That's a popular one.
等等你哪里找到的?
Wait. How did you find this?
我的天
Oh, my God. I know.
等等你哪里找到的?
Wait. How did you find this?
嗯我看其他东西的时候突然跳出来的
Uh... just a pop-up on another thing I was looking at.
什么东西?
What other thing?
一个烹饪博客?
A... cooking blog?
体育?
Sports?
太疯狂了
This is so crazy.
我以为萨曼塔是个酷女孩你知道吗?
I mean, I thought Samantha was a cool girl, you know?
会不会搞错了?
Is there any way that this is a mistake?
嗨真棒你姐姐也在
Hey, great. Your sister's here.
你们想一起玩枕头大战还是剃下腿毛?
Do you guys wanna have a pillow fight or shave your legs together?
要我搞定吗?
Do you want me to handle this?
不我想一起来
No. I think we should do this together.
哦!上阿历克斯-小背心不错
Oh! Go, Alex. - Cute "t"-tops.
这个直接就跳出来了?
So this just popped up on the computer?
你们干嘛老问这个?
Why do you people keep asking me that?
我又管不了网好不好
I don't control the Internet, all right?
嗨戴夫怎么样了?
Hey, Dave. How's it going?
越来越好了彭
It's going great, Pen.
一个疯女人和一只傻鸟就
I've got a crazy girl and a douche bird
住在我的房♥间里多亏了这两个笨蛋
living in my room thanks to these two idiots.
你们还有没有更好的办法?
You guys got any more advice for me?
没你有个正式的女友了
Nothin'. You got a serious girlfriend now.
兄弟你陷到妞沙里了
You drowned, bro, in chick-sand.
我喜欢这词我就用了
I like it and I'm taking credit for it.
德瑞克想一起吃早午餐
Derrick wants to go to another brunch.
就像一个人到底能吃多少
It's, like, how many egg white frittatas
菜肉煎蛋饼? - 一次六个
can a person eat? Six in one sitting.
但我以为你爱德罗克
But I thought you loved D-Rock.
我爱! 不实际上我不爱
I do! No, you know what? I don't. Okay?
我以为我想要
I thought that I wanted
这种典型的夸张型的刻板同志但太过了
this offensively stereotypical gay guy, but it's too much.
我觉得他破坏了我们的关系
I mean, I feel like it messes with the group dynamic.
是的彭因为我们已经有
It does, Pen, 'cause our group already has
一个典型的夸张型同志
an offensively stereotypical gay guy.
女神嘎嘎演唱会第一排的票子小贱♥人♥们!
Front row tickets to Gaga, bitches!
我那个巨无霸美甲师
My disgustingly fat manicurist
就是想杀了我
is, like, literally trying to kill me.
嗨小贱♥人♥们哇瞧瞧这对波波
Hey, bitches. Whoo! Look who's working the puppies today!
你不需要一个同志老公
You don't need a gay husband...
你就是我的同志老公
'Cause you're my gay husband.
哇我不懂这行不行
Aw. I don't really understand how that works,
但这是我听过最贴心的话了
but it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
不客气 -我要分手
You're welcome. - I gotta break up with him.
直接甩 -把计划改到周三
Peter-out. - Move your plans to Wednesday.
直接甩是唯一的办法 -那最简单的办法
Peter-out's your only option. - That's the easiest way to do it.
是一周中最不可能滚床单的日
It's the least sexual night of the...
嗨德瑞克是我听好
Hey, Derrick. It's me. Listen.
我想我们不适合我理解
I don't think we should be friends anymore. I understand,
但这对我们都好再见
but it's for the best. Good-bye.
哇谈话有用
Wow. The conversation really works.
是啊戴夫有用
Yeah, Dave, it does.