幸福终点站（2011）

你们觉得 开记者招待会有多难
Hey,how hard do you guys think it would be to throw a press conference?
什么主题 - 有道理
About what? - Yeah,you're right.
收到Shershow的邮件 他要结婚了
I just got an e-mail from shershow. He's getting married.
谁会嫁给Shershow - 疯了
Who would marry shershow? - Oh,this is crazy.
"尽管我和Melinda相识仅仅两个月"
"though melinda and I met but two short months ago,
"但我俩已如纳威人的头发般不可分离"
"our bond is an inseparable as the na'vi people's hair penetration"?
真是个傻蛋
The guy's such an idiot.
Shershow要结婚了 - 就在这周六 我们的结婚纪念日
Shershow's getting married. - This saturday,on our anniversary.
不是 我们结婚纪念日是...本周六唉
No,our anniversary is... This saturday!
在我们纪念日结婚 真是他会干的事
This is classic shershow to get married on our day.
所有计划都得改变了
You're gonna have to change all the plans you made.
讨厌 我都安排得那么好了
Damn it! They were such good plans,too.
人家计划了...
It's... All the...
巧克力和...旅行
The chocolate and... Trips and...
巧克力旅行
Chocolate trips?
蜡烛...丝绸床单...精油
Candles... Silk sheets and... oil.
得加上精油 - 好
Gotta have oil. - Okay.
说真的 Shershow居然比我先结婚
Seriously,guys. I can't believe shershow is getting married before me.
他是我的备胎
He was my safety.
我们约好 若40岁还是单身
I mean,we made a pact if we didn't find anyone by 40,
我们就结婚
then we'd just marry each other.
你想嫁给Shershow吗
You'd actually marry shershow?
这就像我奶奶包里的枪
It's kinda like the gun in my grandma's purse.
她希望用不到它 但放着有安全感
She hopes she doesn't have to use it, but she likes knowing it's there.
我以为Shershow会是万年光棍的
I mean,I thought shershow was the safest safety possible.
他是疯子 我们去保释了他几次
The guy's a maniac. How many times have we bailed him out?
一次从牢里 还有一次从船上 - 可不嘛
Once out of jail and once out of an actual boat. - Oh,right.
还记得那年夏天 他跟咱住一块儿吗
Remember that summer he stayed with us?
我录的公牛队比赛哪去了
Where's my bulls game?
咋存了15个小时的Maury Povich秀
And why do we have 15 hours of maury povich?
我加入了Povich粉丝后援会
Because I'm in a fantasy povich league.
借过 让我挤过去
Excuse me. Let me just nestle through here.
老天
Oh,golly.
他肚脐眼有够深的
Such a deep belly button.
哪有那次惨 他烧了我的公♥寓♥唉
It wasn't as bad as the time he made smoothies at my apartment.
Shershow有毛病
Shershow has issues.
你穿着睡衣来酒吧 还有脸说别人
Says the guy who wears the pajama top to the bar.
真的 - 其实
It's true. - You know what?
鉴于Shershow现在重新做人了
Actually,now that shershow's getting his life together,
你就成了新一代的Shershow
that kinda makes you the new shershow,man.
对啊 - 没错唉
yes! - Yes,you are.
这里来点啤酒
Can I get a beer,please?
你的生活真是一团糟
Your life is in shambles.
让你们失望了
Well,the joke is on all of you,
人家下面穿的是泳裤
because I am wearing my bathing suit bottoms.
Brad 我的啤酒由你付钱
Brad,pay for my beer.
他穿了泳裤
oh,He has bathing suit bottoms on!
要命了 - 抗不牢了
He is gonna die soon. - I can't! I can't.
Shershow! - Shershow!
Shershow! - Shershow!
昨晚约会好玩吗
So,al,did you have fun on your date last night?
没到那一步
Uh,wouldn't go that far.
今晚很开心 - 我也是
I had a great time. - Me,too.
我要戴套套吗
So... Should I get a condom?
什么 不用
What? No.
太好了 我也不喜欢戴套
Sweet! I hate condoms,too.
怎么这样 - 男人都这样
Who does that? - They all do that.
我都忘了约会多可怕了 赶紧让我遇到个正常男人吧
I forgot how much dating sucks, and I just wish I could find a normal guy,
因为人家很久没有平躺运动了
'cause to be honest,it's been a while since I did the old lay down,move around.
什么意思 - 就是"闹区游走"啦
I'm sorry. What was that? - You know,the old downtown parade.
还是没懂 - 听不懂
I don't follow. - Still not getting it.
我是说好久没做♥爱♥啦
Sex! I'm talking about sex!
明白了 平躺... - 对对对
The lay down. Okay,and then you... Yeah,yeah,yeah.
大家好
Hi,guys.
给你带来了点三明治
Thought I'd bring you some... Sandwiches.
你们在干嘛呢 - 女生之间聊聊天
What is going on here? - Just some girl talk.
等等 你们在聊Alex和别的男人吗
Wait. You guys are talking about alex and a dude,right?
没有
No.
没关系 我们是朋友
Guys,I'm cool. I mean,we are friends.
聊这类事情完全没问题
We gotta be open about this kind of stuff.
你说得对 我和Connor出去约会
You're right. All right,so basically I go on a date with connor.
接吻后 他就掏出了...
One kiss,and he's pulling out -
够了 这是个好的开始
okay,that's a good start.
咱周六不在家 那要在今天交换礼物吗
So should we exchange anniversary gifts today since we won't be here on saturday?
不 再等5至8个工作日吧
No,let's wait... Five to eight more business days.
提前一天不行吗
Couldn't have overnighted it?
你们好 - 你们在干嘛呢
Oh,hey,guys. - What are you guys doing here?
Shershow跟修有线电视的打了一架
Shershow over here got in a fight with our cable guy.
很黄很暴♥力♥ 所以俺们电视就啥节目都没了
It was raining shin kicks. Needless to say,no más espn deportes.
你好好想想
Well,riddle me this.
如果我是Shershow 那他怎么让我给他主持婚礼呢
If I'm so shershow,how come the real shershow just asked me to officiate his wedding?
看吧 别扯了
Boom. Stink it.
请原谅 我得开始申请我的牧师执照了
Now if you'll excuse me,I have to apply for my minister's license.
是更新你的牧师执照吧 你还主持了我们的婚礼呢
You mean renew your license,'cause you officiated our wedding.
你给我们主持婚礼时 是有执照的吧
You did have your license when you married us,right?
你在说什么 我没有啊
Funny story. No?
她的脸咋了
What's happening with her face?
她正在做"漂亮地回忆" 让她回忆完吧
Ah,she's "beautiful mind-ing" it. Just gotta let it play itself out.
Brad 你知道这意味着什么吗
Brad! You know what this means,right?
我们可以再来一次蜜月嘿♥咻♥
We get to have honeymoon sex again,
我可以再一次把那啥...放进你那啥...
and I get to put my c... Ar keys in your a... Ttic?
我们得再结一次婚了
We get to get married again!
不 严格意义上讲 我觉得你们已经结了
No,no,technically,I think you guys are still married.
对 但是现在我们能有一个 我梦想中的完美婚礼了
Yeah,but now we get to have the perfect wedding that I always wanted.
宝贝 我们的婚礼很完美 - 是啊 对别人来说
Babe,our wedding was perfect. - Yeah,to everyone but us.
就因为你的拉拉素食姨妈养牛 我们没能吃到烧牛肉
We didn't get the prime rib we wanted because your lesbian vegan aunt adopts cows,
还有你那两岁的侄女 你姐死乞白赖要她做花童
and what about your 2-year-old niece that your sister begged to be our flower girl
而且承诺她会使坐便
and swore was potty-trained?
结果她在红地毯上留下的可不止花瓣
Se petals were not the only thing she dropped in that aisle.
没那么糟吧 - 是粑粑 Brad
It wasn't that bad. - Poops,brad.
Madison在我们的婚礼上拉粑粑 现在我们必须弥补这个缺憾
Madison pooped on our wedding. But now we get to do it right!
这场婚礼一定会很棒的
This is gonna be so great!
多谢了 Max - 绝对是Shershow
Thanks a lot,max. - Classic shershow.
你好呀 威斯康星
Hello,wisconsin.
天 求你别再那么叫了
Oh,my god. Would you stop saying that?
这太棒了
This is so nice.
我还以为Shershow要是结婚 一定是在女子监狱里
I always thought if shersw ever got married,it'd be in a women's prison.
Jane 电♥话♥是律师打来的
Jane,that was the lawyer.
说咱们只需很简单的手续 就是名正言顺的夫妻了
All we gotta do is sign some papers,and we're 100% married.
不需要重办婚礼了
No re-wedding necessary.
晚了 婚礼已经在计划中了
Too late. Brain wheels are already turning.
你知道你在说什么吗
You know what that gesture actually means,right?
怎么了 傻佬们
What's up,nerds?
要带着你的杂货铺出行呀 Shershow
Going with the grocery bag luggage thing now,shershow?
这叫绿色低碳生活 好好学学吧，尾气男
Uh,it's called living a green lifestyle. You might wanna look into it,big oil.
等我明天一展神威地主持婚礼的时候
And I'll show you how un-shershow I am
你们就知道 我多不像Shershow了
when I officiate the crap out of his wedding ceremony tomorrow.
跟你赌二十块 我会把你感动到哭 - 你根本没有二十块
I bet you all 20 bucks I make you cry. - You don't have 20 bucks.
我可以拿二十块钱来剔牙的 因为我根本不在乎
I will find 20 bucks and use it as dental floss, 'cause I won't need it so bad,
而且Penny才是受Shershow影响最大的人
and besides,penny is the one that is shershow.
她的备胎要结婚了 多大的打击啊
I mean,her safety's getting married. How depressing is that?
得了吧 Max 我从来就没打算跟那家伙结婚
Okay,come on,max. I was never gonna marry that guy.
跟他结婚...丢脸丢到家了
And anybody who would... Must be busted in la fa-ce.
大家好
Hey,guys!
还挺有脸的呀 - 可恶
More like awesome in la fa-ce? - damn.
真高兴你们能来
I'm so glad that you guys made it.
你看上去真帅 而且...还挺香嘛
You look great! And you... My god,you smell good.
是啊 我学到了铝盐是体香剂的重要原料呢
Yeah,I realized that aluminum is a really important component of deodorant.
各位 都还好吗
Everybody,how are you?
给大家介绍一下我爱人 这是Melinda
Let me introduce you to my love. This is melinda.
通知地这么急 你们还能来 我真高兴
I am so happy that you guys were all able to make it on such short notice.