能别弹了吗
Can you not?
我要去伦敦给某人一个惊喜
I'm surprising someone in London...
*有人需要爽一发*
*Someone needs an orgasm*
情 迷 意 乱
情 迷 意 乱
第一季 第一集
第一季 第一集
受保护地♥产♥ 临时借住
别固执了 凯特 就是个派对
Stop being anal, Kate. It's just a party.
-求你了 -不行
- Please. - No. No.
-可以 这可是我的生日 -不行
- Yes! It's my birthday. - No!
我们不允许开派对
We are not allowed parties.
我们会被轰走的
We will get kicked out.
不想沦落街头怎么就固执了
All right, how is not wanting to be homeless anal?
就一小撮人
Just a small little gathering.
你可以请杰西卡来跟我上♥床♥
You can invite Jessica for my sex.
我不想让我的同事知道我住在这 谢了
I don't want work people seeing where I live, thanks.
-他们会觉得我是偷住的 -听着
- They'll think I'm a squatter. - Look,
住在废弃医院里的意义就是
the whole point of living in a disused hospital
能和妹子上♥床♥
is to get a girl on a slab.
不 萨姆 是为了省钱来买♥♥真正的房♥子
No, Sam, it's to save money for a deposit on an actual house.
是哦 说得跟真的一样
Oh, yeah, as if that's what we're all doing here.
拜托 凯特
Come on, Kate.
我可以给你口一发
I'll go down on you.
不许给我未婚妻口♥交♥
Don't go down on my fiancee.
宝贝 那只鸽子又进浴室了
Baby, the pigeon's in the shower again.
真不错 他还知道照顾自己
It's nice to know he's looking after himself.
扔东西把它赶走
Just throw it over him.
它一动不动 直勾勾地盯着我
It's not moving and it's looking right at me.
-我去 -天呐
- I'll go. - Oh, my God!
我要说了
I'm going to have to say it.
他要说很让人难过的话了
He's going to say something terrible.
这是我父亲去世后的第一个生日
It's my first birthday since my dad died.
说出来了
There, said it.
-什么情况 -他想要个派对
- What's this? - He wants a party.
没人应该背负这种伤痛
No one should have to go around carrying this much grief
和夹带这么多"弹♥药♥"
and this much semen.
肯定会出事的
Something bad is bound to happen.
-你真无可理喻 -我是孤儿
- You're unbelievable. - I'm an orphan.
-你有母亲 -她住在河的南边
- You have a mum. - She lives south of the river.
再拍她马屁 她就答应了
Compliment her again and she'll do it.
你真是一头秀发
You've got really fit hair.
我要迟到了
I'm going to be late.
我们今天要为一家鞋店组织盛大的寻宝活动
We're organizing a massive treasure hunt today for a shoe shop.
-也许我们能搞个类似的活动 -你简直是天使
- Maybe we could do something like that. - Oh, you're an angel!
那只鸽子生气会胀起来 很吓人
The pigeon puffs up when it's angry.
-我知道 宝贝 -你是我的英雄
- I know, baby. - You're my hero.
梅洛迪 如果你需要我 我随时恭候
Uh, Melody, when you want me, I am all yours.
拜托 来一发 梅洛迪 你要我怎么做
Come on, one poke. Melody, what have I got to do?
-你说真的 -对
- Really? - Yeah.
-给我下药 -哇哦
- Drug me. - Wow.
-然后永远别告诉我 -真的
- And then never tell me. - Wow. Really?
嗯
Yeah.
女士们先生们 本次巴士将于15分钟后
Ladies and gentlemen, this bus will be terminating
抵达伦敦维多利亚车站
at London Victoria in approximately 15 minutes.
搞什么
What the fuck?
这地方棒极了
This place is amazing.
是啊 太棒了 谢谢你带我来
I know, it's brilliant. Thanks for taking me.
失礼说句 凯特
Forgive me, Kate.
看起来你住在医院里
It appears you live in a hospital.
求你别告诉公♥司♥的人
Please don't tell anyone at work.
我不是偷住的 我有交房♥租
I'm not a squatter, OK? I do pay.
我和安东尼只是在为婚礼存钱
Me and Anthony are just saving for the wedding and...
-我不是偷住的 -是的
- I'm just not a squatter. - No, no.
对了 恭喜你
Congratulations, by the way.
他做的咖喱很不错
He cooks a mean curry.
谢谢
Thanks!
他脱衣服的时候我还会不好意思
I still get coy when he takes his shirt off.
你当年的婚礼什么样
What was your wedding like?
办离婚手续这段时间你住在哪
Where are you staying while your divorce wraps up?
还睡沙发 卡拉已经叫他搬进来了
Still on the sofa. Cara's moved him in now.
早晨会有点尴尬
It's, uh, a little awkward in the mornings,
不过我回家的时候 他们通常已经上♥床♥了
but they're usually in bed by the time I get back,
也算幸运了
which is a small mercy, I suppose.
天呐 科林
Oh, God, Colin!
如果你需要地方住 我们这有一间空房♥
There's a spare ward going here if you need the space.
谢谢 我会考虑的
Thank you. I... I'll think about it.
梅洛迪
Melody!
这是我同事 爱哭鬼科林
This is Crying Colin from work...
我同事科林
Colin from work.
他正在考虑搬进空的那一间
He's thinking about moving into the spare ward.
-你穷吗 -不 只是...
- Are you poor? - Um, no. Just...
孤独吗
Lonely?
-我正在办离婚 -所以两者都是
- Well, I'm going through a divorce. - So both.
我想是吧
I suppose so, yes.
你喜欢住在这儿吗
Do you enjoy living here?
你不能办派对 做饭
Well, you're not allowed to have parties, cook meals,
点蜡烛 做♥爱♥ 表达感情 主张权利
light candles, have sex, express emotion, claim any rights,
如果他们提前两天通知你搬走 你也不能争辩
argue if they want to throw you out with only two days' notice,
吸烟也不行
or smoke.
有趣极了
It's a riot.
天啊
Gosh.
生日快乐 老兄
Happy birthday, dude.
停下
Stop.
别这样
Stop it.
别这样
Stop it.
好了 各位 安静下
OK, OK, everybody, everybody!
排队参加寻宝游戏了
Line up for the treasure hunt.
医院的每一层都有线索
There are clues on every floor of the hospital.
一旦安排好了 不要换你的搭档 明白吗
Do not change your partner once you've been allocated one, OK?
-一定会... -无聊爆
- It's going to be... - Anal!
超级有趣
Super fun.
好了 帕尼玛跟...
Right. Purnima and...
-萨姆 -哈利
- Sam! - Harry.
-杰西卡 杰西卡 杰西卡 -杰西卡和...
-Jessica, Jessica, Jessica... - Jessica and...
萨姆
Sam!
那位性感尤物
That unbelievably hot guy.
什么 他哪位啊
What? Who even is that?
谁带来的
Who brought that?
凯特 我喜欢上你偷住的这房♥子了
Kate, mate, digging the squat.
不是偷住
It's not a squat.
-梅洛迪和... -萨姆
- Melody and... - Sam!
科林
Colin.
安东尼跟...
Anthony and...
-露露 -跟我
- Lulu? - me!
不会吧
No fucking way!
天啊
Oh, my God!
天啊 你怎么来了
Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
看看你的表情
Look at your stupid face.
天啊 什么也别说了
Oh, my God, don't say anything!
天啊 你一定得见见凯特
Oh, my God, you have to meet Kate!
凯特 这是露露
Oh, Kate, this is... This is Lulu.
-我的露露 -露露
- My Lulu. - Wow! Lulu!
露露 很高兴终于见到你了
Lulu! Oh, it's so great to finally meet you.
我也是
You, too.
那是尤克里里吗 真特别
Is that a ukulele? Wow, quirky!
谢谢 我在努力练习
Yeah, thanks. I try really hard.
你一定就是他口中很棒的凯特了 天啊
You must be the brilliant Kate. My God!
你真漂亮
Wow, you are gorgeous.
你咋看上这个废柴了
What are you doing with this shitbag?
就是... 你懂的
Oh, just... You know, just...
就是...
Just...
-她深爱着我 -我没有