蝴蝶（2018）

if I cut it...
并且 那会让我有不同的感觉
And... that would... make me feel different.
肯定有比那更好的
There must be something better than that.
改变你的想法
Changing the way you think.
或是让我服那个药
Or that thing I can take.
我感觉我陷入得越来越深了
I feel like I'm wading in deeper and deeper,
但似乎那是正确的做法 唯一的做法
because it seems like the right thing to do, the only thing to do.
我只想让大家都开心
I just wanna make everyone happy, you know?
尤其是维姬 但是...
Vicky especially, but...
我已经不知道自己算不算开心了
I don't know how happy I am any more.
你必须问问自己 斯蒂芬 她是真的想要你吗
You have to ask yourself, Stephen, does she really want you...
还是说她只需要一个能给予支持的丈夫在身边
Or does she just need a supportive husband next to her
陪她一起去诊所 学校
when you go to the clinic, or the school, or...
或者其他难以面对的场景
whatever it is you have to go through hoops for,
还是她真的想要你
or is it you?
我不知道
I dunno.
你应该搞清楚 斯蒂芬
Well, you should know, Stephen.
别随波逐流
Don't go along with things
除非你确定这是为了他做的正确的事
if you're not really certain it's the right thing for him.
你的衣服上沾了污渍 怎么都洗不掉
You've got a stain on this shirt. It won't come out.
是昨天弄的
That was yesterday.
跟工头一起吃午餐时沾上的
Lunch with the site foreman.
工头喜欢喝甘菊茶吗
Hairy-assed foreman drinks chamomile tea, does he?
什么
Sorry?
从你口袋里掉出来的
Fell out your pocket.
天呐 这太荒唐了
Oh, man, this is ridiculous.
这么多表和无止境的问题
All these forms and endless bloody questions, I mean,
他们当面问的问题还不够多吗
don't they ask us enough in person?
-必须填写 -好吧 行
- It has to be done. - Right, OK.
我们怎么知道
I mean, how you even supposed to know
某些问题的正确答案啊
the right answers to some of these?
并没有正确答案 爸
There's no right answer, Dad.
只需诚实作答就行了
You just be honest.
又没那么难
It's not that hard.
如果有什么你不知道的 问我就行
If there's anything you don't know, just ask me.
你现在在写什么
What are you up to?
要照顾别人的感受
Considerate of other people's feelings.
那当然是对的 绝对正确
Well, that's absolutely true, so that'll be certainly true.
在你和斯蒂芬分居期间 你没有告诉他
You didn't tell Stephen during your separation that, at home,
麦克欣在家穿女装 扮女孩
Maxine dressed and behaved as a girl.
为什么 维姬
Why was that, Vicky?
在我家 我定规矩
My house, my rules.
但你没告诉他你在施行这些规矩
But you didn't tell him you were applying those rules.
是的 因为我知道他不会同意的
No, cos I knew that he wouldn't agree.
斯蒂芬 麦克欣8岁时 你离开了这个家
Stephen, you left the family home when Maxine was eight.
为什么
Why was that?
我当时无法应对 但我现在回来了
I couldn't cope with it, but I came back.
为了支持麦克欣吗
To support Maxine?
为了成为麦克斯尽职的好父亲
To be a good dad to Max.
你是指 强化他作为男孩的意识吗
To reinforce him as a boy, you mean?
确保他没有问题
To make sure he was all right, I mean.
你和莉莉跟父亲一起过周末时 你会想当女孩吗
When you and Lily spent weekends with your dad, did it come up?
并没有
Not really.
为什么没有
Why not?
我刻意压制了冲动
I didn't let it.
你希望他对你有某种认识 看待你的某种方式
You wanted him to have a perception of you, a way of seeing you.
我希望他喜欢我
I wanted him to like me.
你明知道斯蒂芬并不赞同麦克欣的性别认知
Knowing that Stephen didn't approve of Maxine's gender identification,
但你依然邀请他回来了
you still invited him back?
是的
Yeah.
因为我...
Well, because I...
爱他
..love him.
并且麦克欣想让他回来
And... Maxine wanted him back.
你觉得麦克欣的出格行为
And you thought that Maxine was acting out
是因为你们的分居吗
because of the separation?
我没这么想 但斯蒂芬确定是这样
I didn't, no, but Stephen was sure.
但你曾和他一起努力
But you worked with him
试图将麦克欣扳回正轨 对吧
to bring Maxine back on track, if you like?
我们只是想帮助一个困惑的小男孩
We just wanted to help a confused little boy,
或许那是个错误 但犯错也是人之常情
and maybe it was a mistake. People make them.
我们能换下一个问题了吗
Can we please just move on?
拜托了
Please.
当你向你的爸爸妈妈展示
When you showed your mum and dad
你穿女式校服的样子
how you looked in a school skirt...
是什么样的感觉
how was that?
-有点紧张 -紧张吗
- Bit nervous. - Nervous?
但是 莉莉帮了我
But... Lily helped.
那是莉莉的主意
It was Lily's idea.
是她强迫我的
She made me.
强迫你
Made you?
不是那种强迫
Not like that.
只是给我勇气 仅此而已
Gave me the courage. That's all.
如果没有莉莉 你就不会那么做吗
You wouldn't have done it without Lily being there?
我不知道
I don't know.
我...
I, um...
老实说 我们不知道他姐姐在背后怂恿了多少
We didn't know how much his sister was behind it, to be honest.
如果是我们来决定 肯定会需要更多时间
And we'd probably have taken more time.
你坚持穿成那样去学校吗
Did you insist that's how you wanted to go to school?
不...不是
N... No...
但最终
but in the end...
显然我不得不那样
It was obvious I had to.
为什么
Why?
我最终想通了
I came round in the end, OK?
我 可以...
I... can...
看到青春期发育给 她 带来的问题
..see the problems that... puberty is causing...her.
尤其是现在
Especially now...
我很担心她可能会自杀
Now that I'm worried that she might kill herself.
我们都很担心她可能会自杀
We're both worried that she might kill herself.
你觉得是你可能做出的伤害行为
And you think it was the fear of the harm
造成的恐惧最终说服了他们
you might do that persuaded them?
我不知道
I don't know.
你问他们去
Ask them.
你的想法呢 麦克欣
What about you, Maxine?
你有多确定你在做正确的事
How certain are you that you're doing the right thing?
我想感到开心
I want to feel happy.
我想让我的父母跟我一起开心
I want my parents to be happy with me.
你是担心他们对你的支持吗
Are you worried about their support for you?
我不希望他们因此就不爱我了
I don't want them to stop loving me because of it.
我丈夫现在明白了
My husband gets it now.
老实说 我一直都明白
I think, if I'm honest, that I've always got it,
我只是没准备好承认 至少没有百分百准备好
I just wasn't ready to admit it, not 100%, I wasn't...
我还没有准备好...
I wasn't ready to say...
跟我的宝贝儿子告别
..goodbye to my little boy.
你明白了吗
Do you get it?
发生了太多事 一时无法完全理清
There's a lot to... get your head around...
但是 我在努力
..You know, but... I'm trying.
你依然希望等孩子长大些就放弃这想法了吗
You're still hoping it's just a phase?
是的
Yes.
-斯蒂芬 -我很抱歉
- Stephen! - I'm sorry, look,
真的很抱歉 但我就是这么想的
I'm really sorry, but I do.
如果他-她 如果她...我也说不清
I mean, if he-she, if bloody she had... I don't know...
如果她是患了白血病什么的 我会每天守在她的病床前
leukaemia or something, I'd be by her bedside every day,
我会尽我一切所能不让她心里难受
I'd do anything I could to stop how terrible she felt,
不让她感到痛苦
to take the pain away.
直到她好转 我不会厌恶她 我只会...
Until she got better. I wouldn't hate her, I'd just...
我只会憎恨白血病
I'd hate the leukaemia.
你觉得这是一种疾病吗
You think this is a sickness?
真实的她就是这样 斯蒂芬
It's who she is, Stephen.
治好她 好吗
Just treat her, OK?
治好她
Just... treat her.
-白血病 去你♥妈♥的♥吧 -好了