布莱克书店（2000）

Swabs. Plums.
我要不小心把东西忘在罗威娜身边
It's things to accidentally leave behind, near to Rowena.
让她捡到
So she'll find them when I'm gone
我好有机会给她打电♥话♥
and it gives me the perfect excuse to ring her up.
你就不能直接打电♥话♥说
Can't you just ring her and say,
昨晚玩得很开心 我们能再见面吗
"I really enjoyed seeing you last night and I'd like to see you again"?
别瞎说 那她不该以为我是基了
Don't be stupid. I don't want her to think I'm gay.
-能走了吗 -走 让我们派...
- Can we go now? - Yeah. Let's par...
在我的店里不许把派对当动词用
Don't you dare you the word "Party" As a verb in this shop!
让我们派...排排队 慢慢走去派对吧
Let's p... otter along in order to attend the party.
-弗兰 去拿酒 -好的
- Fran, get the wine. - Sure.
什么 骗子 借口
What? Lies! Subterfuge!
严重腐♥败♥
Seething corruption!
你们安静点
Oi! You lot! Be quiet!
你闭嘴
Shut up!
-是这吗 -不 是这里
- Is it here? - No. Here.
你住在...这儿
You live... here.
钥匙插不进去
The key won't go in the thing!
-伯纳德 那是你的手指 -是啊
- Bernard, you're using your finger. - Oh, yeah.
我的发型还好看吗
My hair. Is my hair still good?
你是天边最美的云彩
Yeah, you're a vision.
看到了吧 跟你们说过发型很重要
See? I told you about hair power.
有三个小伙子给我留电♥话♥了呢
Three blokes put their phone numbers into my new phone.
看
Look.
姐在热舞
I'm dancing.
-你怎么不跳 -没有音乐
- Why aren't you dancing? - There's no music.
那给我们唱一曲 你不是爱尔兰人吗
Sing us a song, then. You're Irish.
爱尔兰人喝多了不就爱唱歌♥吗
That's what the Irish do after a drink, isn't it?
我唱什么
What would I sing?
唱个悬崖边上 黑金发女郎什么的
Mm... something about cliffs and a girl with golden black hair.
还有英国人都是大坏蛋
And the English all being bad.
-自己唱去 -行啊
- Sing it yourself. - Fine.
埃蒙 亲爱的丹尼*
*Oh, Eamonn, Danny dear
我怀念戈尔韦湾*
*I miss the Galway Bay
我倾我所有歌♥唱*
*And I'll sing for all I got
一个摇摇晃晃的都柏林人*
*And a riddle-diddle Dublin
和一个晃晃摇摇的多尼哥人*
*and a riddle-diddle Donegal
英国人都是 大混♥蛋♥*
*The English are all bollocks
唱得太差劲了 来点正常的音乐
Oh, no. This is no good, we need proper music.
来比赛跳舞
Let's have a dancing competition.
我先来 下一个是曼尼 行吗
I'll go first and then it's you, Manny, OK?
你跳完了换我来 你跳得太烂了
I'm going next when you've finished. Cos that's rubbish.
伯纳德你别跳了
You're not gonna dance, Bernard.
我看到你派对上跳的舞了 丢死人了
I saw you at the party, you embarrassed us.
-轻松灭掉你 -你不会这个
- I'll have you any day. - Bernard, You can't do this.
我为什么要那么跳
Why would I want to do that?
我会这个 为什么要学你
Why would I want to when I can do this?
我喝的是啥 真恶...
Oh! What is this... I'm drinking? It's disgu...
像是巧克力冰块混着漂白剂
It's like a choc ice fell into a bottle of bleach.
这他妈是小孩喝的甜酒 你的是啥
It's children's booze! What's yours?
跌打损伤酒 挺好的
Bludge. It's quite good, actually.
根本不用喝
You don't even have to drink it.
倒点揉在屁♥股♥上
You just rub it on your hips
就自动吸收进肝脏了
and it eats right through to your liver.
-曼尼 你的呢 -德利乔牌甜菜利口酒
- Manny, what's yours? - Delicio's beetroot liqueur.
-给我们点儿 来换 -不行 是我的
- Give us a bit. Swap, come on. - No. It's mine!
曼尼 别这么孩子气
Manny, don't be a baby.
听名字不错 来点
It sounds nice. Pour some.
给我加点冰 然后点着了喝
I'll have one with ice and on fire.
-来点 -是我的 都是我的
- Come on. - It's mine. It's all mine!
-我要一醉方休 -别傻了
- I'm gonna get blind drunk. - Come on. Don't be silly.
-你明天肯定后悔 -不行
- You'll regret it tomorrow. - No!
你怎么搞的 怎么老是扫兴
What's the matter with you? Why are you always bringing the mood down?
我刚才就不想走 那派对多棒
I didn't wanna leave that party, I was enjoying it. It was great.
哪有 音乐太吵了 吃的又是凉的
No, it wasn't! The music was too loud, the food was cold.
人多酒少
The drinks were few and the people many.
跟我想的一样 比我想的还差
It was everything I expected. And less.
除非要出去吐
I'm never going outside again
否则我绝对不出门
unless I need someplace to throw up.
你不是搭讪上姑娘了吗 说什么了
Anyway, you got your chance with her. What did you talk about?
近海风电场
Offshore wind farms.
我不知道还能聊什么
I couldn't think of anything else.
别担心 我肯定你把煤气喷灯落在那了
Never mind. I'm sure you left a bunsen burner or something behind in that hall.
你可以明天去拿顺便接近她再求个婚
You can get it tomorrow and pick her up and propose.
什么呀 我根本就没机会把东西扔下
No! I couldn't find the right moment to plant anything.
她到哪儿都跟着我
She kept following me around,
厨房♥ 卧室 卫生间
in the kitchen, the bedroom, bathroom.
每次我一放下什么东西
Every time I put something down,
你的卡祖笛掉了
"Ooh, you dropped your kazoo."
小心你的棉签
"Ooh. Mind your Swabs."
你李子上粘到烛花了
"Ooh, you got snuff on your plums."
纯属浪费时间
A total waste of time.
老实说 你没救了
Frankly, you're doomed.
你们这种怂人都没救
You and all the shy people are.
自然选择喜欢吵闹好斗的人
Natural selection favours the loud and the aggressive.
我不是有意损你
I don't mean this in a bad way
但是从基因上来说 你这辈子算是完了
but genetically you are... A cul-de-sac.
好吧 至少我尝试过了 没起作用
OK. OK, I tried. All right? It didn't work.
但至少我试着去接触其他人了
At least I tried to make a connection with another person.
你什么时候做过这个呢
When have you ever done that? Eh?
看吧 你这人根本就没有心 伯纳德
Exactly. You don't actually have a heart, Bernard.
就是一块冰
Just a shard of ice.
-硬石头 -什么
- Flint. - Sorry?
硬石头 我觉得他的心就是块石头
Flint. I always saw it as a piece of flint.
你觉得自己不属于人类
Oh. You don't see yourself as a human.
你是什么更高级的物种 是吧
You... you... you're some kind of superior species, aren't you?
伯纳德人 对相信幸福的傻瓜不屑一顾
Homo Bernardus. Scorning every fool who believes in happiness.
曼尼 别激动 你甜菜根酒喝多了
Manny, shush. This is the beetroot talking.
你根本不知道什么叫作♥爱♥
You don't know what love is.
你不...你都没胆去追求爱
You don't un... You don't have it in you to know!
其实我曾经有过女朋友 她死了
I had a girlfriend actually. She died.
随便你 什么
And anyway... What?
是真的 她叫爱玛
That's right. Her name was Emma.
你不过是没勾搭上陌生人 有什么了不起的
You are talking somebody you barely know knocked you back. Big deal.
我应该和她幸福地生活在一起的
I should be living with her by now.
结果呢 每天早上我醒来 吃着麦片
Instead, every morning I wake up and look through my cornflakes
看着你那张疯癫的龅牙大脸
to see your big, mad, snaggle-toothed head.
所以很抱歉我有时候会 很不爽
So excuse me if I'm a bit... out of sorts sometimes.
你想来点甜菜根酒吗
Would you like some beetroot liqueur?
都拿去吧 一整瓶都给你
You can have it. You can have the whole bottle.
说真的 你可以多喝点
Really, I mean it. You can have nearly all of it.
喝吧 别倒太多
Go ahead! Whoa! Don't go mad.
反正我不怎么想喝酒
I don't feel like a drink, anyway.
我去泡茶 谁想喝茶
I'm making tea. Who wants tea?
这故事太惨了 可怜的伯纳德
That is the saddest story I've ever heard. Poor Bernard.
最惨的是
The worst part of it is...
她其实没死 她就住在街对面
She isn't actually dead. She lives the other side of Priory Road.
你说啥
What?
伯纳德大概三年前跟我说到了她
Bernard told me about her about three years ago.
那之后的一年 我开始
A year after that, I started
参加一个小丑开办的运动课程
doing this exercise class run by a clown.
-啥 -他们管它叫马戏操
- Yeah? - Circusise, that what it was called.
我们必须穿上那种特别大的鞋
And we had to wear these really, really big shoes.
然后迈步就特别费事
So the step stuff was really hard.
就像这样
It was like this. It went...
二 三 四
Two, three, four.
二 三 四
Two, three, four.
把这桶水泼出去
And throw the bucket of water.
-二 三 -好了 弗兰
- Two, three... - Yeah, Fran, Fran.
-别歪楼 -哦对
- Try to stick to the story. - Oh, right. Yeah.
下课以后 我们去吃披萨