布莱克书店（2000）

《布莱克书店》
第三季 第二集
国际儿童读书节
大象和母鸡
吸烟是致命的
Smoking makes you dead.
会把你内脏都熏黑
It means you get all black inside
让你涨得像鲸鱼一样大
and swell up like a whale,
然后在医院里炸掉
and explode in hospitals.
爸爸说只有罪犯和坏人才抽烟
Daddy says criminals and bad people smoke.
蒂米 他没有打扰到你吧
Timmy? He's not bothering you, is he?
没有 完全没有
Not at all, no,
但恐怕我们店里不让吃冰淇淋
but I'm afraid I don't allow ice cream in the shop.
我没吃冰淇淋
I don't have an ice cream.
我觉得淘气的蒂米在撒谎
I think Timmy's telling a naughty fib.
我的天哪 你立马给我出去
For goodness' sake. Outside, now!
不给你买♥♥书了
No books for you.
抱歉 -没关系
I'm so sorry. - Not at all.
"天哪 这胡萝卜真漂亮啊" 河马感叹道
"'My, what a lovely carrot,' said the hippo.
书虫故事会
"是呀 但它是有机的吗"
'Yes, but is it organic?'
挑剔的小兔子尖声细语地问道
Said the fussy rabbit in a squeaky voice."
抱歉 "是呀
Oh, sorry. "'Yes,
但它是有机的吗" 小兔子...
but is it organic? ' said the..."
伯纳德 伯纳德 -什么
Bernard. Bernard! - What?
这身虫子服太热了 我能歇会吗
It's hot in the worm. Can I have a break?
你可以歇
Well, you could.
但歇了
But you'd shatter the magic
就破坏故事效果了 是吧
for the lovely children, wouldn't you?
所以没戏
So no, certainly not.
"不 这不是有机的"河马答道
"'No, it's not organic,' said the hippo.
"那我不想要了"挑剔的小兔子说
'Oh, I don't want it then,' said the fussy rabbit."
这胡子是真的 我告诉你了
Look, it's a real beard, I told you!
免费彩绘面具
好了 我不干了
Alright, I'm finished.
她们一会儿要来接我
They're picking me up for the hen night in a minute.
去乡下古堡里婚前狂欢呢
We are going to a big, old house in the country.
肯定很好玩
It's gonna be brilliant.
我不觉得 你今晚要
I very much doubt that, since your night
婚前狂欢 还不如说是"毁前"狂欢
begins with the word "hen", the prefix of doom...
会很好玩的 和克莱尔 贝基 坦尼娅
It'll be great! Clare, Becky, Tanya,
原来的那帮人又重聚了
all the old school gang back together.
你不是讨厌学校吗 过得又不好
I thought you hated school? You had a terrible time.
我可没这么说过
I've never said that.
不用你说
You don't have to say anything.
从现在就能看出你当年什么样
I just look at your life now and work backwards.
伯纳德 -你还没讲完呢 虫子
Bernard. - You haven't finished, worm!
兔子后来怎么样了
What happened to the rabbit?
它...饿死了 全文完
He... starved to death. The end.
我写小儿书都能比这个好
Look, I could write a better kids' book than this.
这什么鬼东西
This stuff is awful.
要我就放点漂亮图片 故事简单点
Pretty pictures, simple stories,
小孩子就喜欢这些
something for the little tykes to really enjoy.
然后他们还可以去看电影 集卡片
And then they could see the film, collect the stickers,
打相关游戏 喝这个牌子的酸奶
play the Xbox game, eat the brand new yoghurt.
我这算为全世界儿童做贡献了
It'll be my gift to children-kind everywhere.
每人都觉得自己能写小儿书
Everyone thinks they could write a children's book.
没那么容易的
It's not that easy.
绝对简单 小屁孩什么都信
I bet it is. They go for any old rubbish.
小孩其实挺有判断力的
Children are actually very discerning.
才不是
No, they're not.
随便编个什么笑脸鬼出来他们都信
We could crank out any old gumph and they'd lap it up.
不写笑脸鬼 伯纳德
Not gumph! Bernard.
得给孩子们写部经典的
Let's write a children's classic.
你和我 我们一起
You and me, together!
你俩没希望的
You two could never do it.
我们肯定写得出 我打赌 你回来看
I bet we could! Before you even get back.
好啊 我跟你赌 我明天回来
OK. You're on. I'm back tomorrow.
赌几十亿你也写不出东西来
A million billion pounds says you have nothing to show me.
又是几十亿
Oh, the old million billion.
我们搞点有意思的 就赌50怎么样
Why don't we make it interesting. Why don't we say 50?
好
Ok.
再赌50 赌你今晚绝对会
And another 50, says you have the most appalling,
史无前例地无聊透顶
excruciating night of your life.
弗兰 你忘记拿箱子了
Oh Fran, you forgot your bag.
看 就是这里 -太美了
Look, there it is. - Oh, fantastic!
我们得做一顿大餐
Let's make a huge dinner.
不不 把我绑暖气上也别让我吃东西
No, don't let me eat! Chain me to the radiator.
快来快来 太棒了
Oh, yeah, yeah! Come on! Oh!
现在我们还缺...酒 -对
Now... booze. - Oh, yes.
这就够了吗
Oh. Is that enough?
太棒了 这么多
Oh, great, we've got loads!
你还带别的了吗 死神先生
Did you bring anything else, Dr Death?
还有这个 -天哪 泪色人生
Just this. - Oh, my God. Life Cry.
上次看到这酒还是在同学会
I haven't seen that since our school reunion.
看到这标签上流血的北极熊
You always know you're in for a good night
你就知道今晚肯定爽极了
when there's a polar bear bleeding on the label.
曼尼 都好几个小时了
Manny, it's been hours.
我们什么都没写出来
We haven't written anything!
你也太不尽心尽力了
You're not pulling your weight.
曼尼 你得附和我的话
Manny? Agree with me when I'm talking to you!
曼尼
Manny?
曼尼
Manny?
曼尼 -啥
Manny? - Hello?
穿上你的虫子服
Back in the worm.
我不想穿虫子服
I don't want to get back in the worm.
穿上
Back in the worm!
伯纳德 我等了很久了
Benerd. I've been waiting.
我好几年前就想写了
I've been ready to write for ages,
我就是在等你
I've been waiting for you.
我也在等你呢
Well, I've been waiting for you.
我准备好了 -我也准备好了
I'm ready. - Well, I'm ready.
那就开始吧 来
So let's start then. Come on.
我们得做些调研
We should do some research!
是 当然
Yes! Abusolutely.
我们得知己知彼才行
We have to know what we're up against!
没错
Yes.
好了
Here we go.
看看这个
Look at...
我还觉得竞争会很激烈呢
I hadn't realised the competition was this bad.
这些简直是胡扯
This is drivel.
皮球 鸭子 小雨伞
Ball, duck, umbrella.
没完没了都是这些
On and on it goes.
一点儿情节都没有
With no hint of plot.
就是 看看这些就知道了
Precisely. it's just why we look at these.
儿童读物多简单
Now we know just how easy it's gonna be.
是滴
Yeah.
统统滚蛋 -滚
All right, then. - Get that...
想想孩子怎么想的 不然写屁
We don't think we can do this until we thought about children.
对头
Absolutely!
想想现在的孩子 -好滴
Let us consider the modern child. - Yes.
他们想读什么
What do they want in a book?
谁管他们
Who cares?
我们要为自己的童年而写
We have to write for ourselves as children.
遥想当年 纯真无罪
You know, when innocence was legal.
暑假永远放不完
When summers seemed to go on forever.
不惜奔走数里
A-A-And you'd cycle miles
就为了跟伙伴说你看到只青蛙
just to tell a friend you'd seen a frog.
在后院随便摆弄些什么都行
When you could play in your back yard with any old thing.
我就喜欢玩煤渣
All I needed was a... was a breeze block.
还有骨头
And... and a bit of an old bone.
我敢打赌你用煤渣和骨头足以造个世界
I bet you could make whole worlds with just those?
当然 有一次我在城♥堡♥上
Oh, I could! One minute I'd be laying siege
用骨头围了层城墙
to a castle with a bit of an old bone on the top there