笑料一火车（1998）

我牛仔裤里都进薯片了
Some crisps got inside my jeans.
什么 什么口味的
What fla... flavour were they?
这个不知道
We don't know.
有点小尴尬 我们当时被人发现了
It's a bit embarrassing, actually. We got interrupted.
所以是 有人看 看着你们么
So there were people...w-watching you?
有一对上年纪了的夫妻
There was an old couple.
对 还有他们的狗
Yeah, and their dog.
我们不得不跑走了
We had to run away.
那 跑的时候你的胸前一定 波涛汹涌吧
So your... your breasts probably had been... bobbing up and down.
是的
Yes.
那 当你的乳♥房♥♥跳来跳去的时候...
See, when the breasts... bob up and down...
喂 站住
Oi! Oi!
喂 你给我回来
Oi! Come back here!
Hicks教授 你还在这里啊 都快凌晨了
Professor Hicks, you're still here. It's almost midnight.
我知道 Janet 你 你回家吧 我就快弄完了
I know, Janet. You just...You go on home. I'm nearly finished here.
好 教授 晚安
OK. Good night, Professor.
看看啊
Look at that.
帅呆了
Yeah.
噢 天啊 我真特么性感
Oh, God, yeah.
简直帅到没朋友
Brilliant.
医生说最好要多休息
Well, they say rest is the best thing.
对啊
Yes.
你觉得他们什么时候能安排到一间单间给你
When d'you think they'll move you to a private room?
希望这周末吧 之前出了点问题
Hopefully at the weekend. There was a problem.
有人搞砸了私人保险的事
Somebody messed up on the private insurance.
噢 你肯定想快点解决这个问题
Ooh, you'll want to get that sorted out.
你♥爸♥来看过你吗
Has your dad been to see you yet?
没
No.
你们好 抱歉 打扰到你们了吗
Hello. Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?
-没 没有 -我们也刚好要离开
- No, no. - We were just going anyway.
妈 Sandra 这位是Rolex Tharsus星球的统治者
Mum, Sandra, this is Rolex, ruler of the planet Tharsus.
Rolex 这位是我妈妈 这位是Sandra
Rolex, this is Mum and Sandra.
-你好 -你好
- Hi. - Hello.
-对不起 我没听清你的名字 -我叫Rolex
- Sorry, I didn't catch the name. - It's Rolex.
噢 跟那个手表的牌子一样
Oh. Like the watches.
-没错 跟那个手表的牌子一样 -他老被别人这么说
- Yes, like the watches. - He gets that all the time.
我们现在该走了 那就 再见啦
Well, we'll be off now, anyway. Bye-bye, then.
-再见 -拜拜
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
-拜 -拜拜
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
-拜 -拜拜 很高兴认识你们
- Bye. - Bye. Nice to meet you.
再见
Bye.
再见
Bye-bye.
-你妹人不错啊 -嗯
- Your sister's nice. - Hmm.
你是怎么...
So, how did you, um...?
踩到马桶坐垫上 滑倒了
I just slipped on the little mat that goes around the toilet.
Jennifer告诉我说Wongol星系的Porsus
Jennifer was telling me that Porsus from the Wongol galaxy
上周伸手想去碰一滩闪闪发光的水 结果背朝下摔进去了
was reaching up for some sparkling water last week, and did his back in.
哦
Oh.
我这里有一张Zordon人♥民♥写给你的慰问卡
I've got a "get well" card for you from the people of Zordon.
哼 他们是因为害怕所以才会给我写慰问卡
Hmph. They only signed it because they are scared.
不不 纯粹是因为他们想慰问你
No no, they wanted to.
好吧
OK.
-玫瑰 -嗯
- Roses. - Yes.
-看这里 -"祝你早日康复"
- Look at that. - "A get well wish".
"我们祝你早日康复"
"Sending you a get well wish."
看 每个人都签了名
And everybody's signed it, look.
-这儿还有一张笑脸 -是啊
- And there's a smiley face there. - Oh, yes.
-他们忘了撕掉价钱 -看到了 不过你知道的 他们是一群单纯的人
- They left the price. - I know. But, you know, they're simple folk.
我觉得我得糖尿病了
I think I've got diabetes.
我在候诊室里读了一本小册子 发现我有其中一些症状
I was reading a pamphlet in the waiting room, and I think I've got some of the symptoms.
-我看我最好还是走吧 -好吧
- Better go. - OK.
-你这个面瘫脸 -谢谢你来看我
- Stiff upper lip. - Thanks for coming.
噢 不用谢 你很快就会康复的
Oh, it's OK. You get well, get well.
-谢谢你来看我 -不用谢 保重啊
- Thank you for coming to see me. - No problem. Take care.
你完成了一场精彩的比赛 一定很高兴吧
A great race. You must be happy.
没错 高兴极了 这真是一精彩的比赛 我很开心
Yes, I feel good. It was a good race, and a good time.
我付出的时间和精力在今天得到了回报
I put in the time and it paid off today,
所以 当然 我很开心
so yeah, I'm pleased, yeah.
听说5年前你发生了一件事 能跟我们大家说说吗
Something happened to you five years ago. Tell us the story.
好 当时我参加了一次公益长跑活动 小时候我和我爸经常参加跑步活动的
Yeah, I was on a fun run. I'd done a lot of running since I was a kid, with my dad.
他是我们家附近的一个运动员俱乐部的会员 我就是因为这才喜欢上长跑的
He was in an athletics club near us, and that's how I got into it.
不过那次公益长跑中 我被要求穿戏服
But on this fun run. I was given the costume to wear,
然后我就穿上了
and I wore it.
那次活动的距离很长 全程顺利
It was a long run, it went very well,
但是跑完之后我脱不下来那身服装了
but after the run I couldn't take it off.
那衣服很难脱 因为
So it... it's hard, because...
头套和衣服是连体的 所以我不能单独脱掉头套
there's no nails, so I can't remove the head.
而且背部有一个非常大的拉链 很难够得着
And there's a very thick zip at the back, it's very hard to reach,
总之我怎么也拉不开它
and then I've no way of opening it anyway.
所以现在我得一直穿着这套服装了
So now I have to wear it constantly.
那这对你生活有没有什么影响
And how has this affected your life?
心酸啊 每学期开学我都只能这副样子去上学
Well, it has been hard. I'm coming to terms with it all the time.
是挺苦逼的 不过我适应了 这也没有像原本预想的那么糟糕 真的
And it is hard, but I've adapted my life, and so it's not as bad as it could be, really.
你没试过让别人帮你脱掉这身衣服么
Do you not have anyone who can help you out of the costume?
我没有那样的基友 没有
Not close friends, no.
大自然啊 Gregory修士 有什么能比大自然更能体现上帝的伟大吗
Nature, Brother Gregory, is there any greater proof of God's magnificence?
他的杰作是多么复杂啊 Gregory修士 多么复杂啊
How complex are his works, Brother Gregory. How complex.
一片树叶的叶脉 精美的纹路
The veins of a leaf, the filigree pattern of...
-哈 有人丢了个男人到河里了 -是吗
- Ha! Someone's thrown a johnny in the river! - Have they?
快看那
Look at that!
-啊 -噢
- Ah. - Oh.
欢迎
莎士比亚的相像者们
别挡爷的道 你 给爷上酒
Out of my way. You! Get me a drink!
Burgess 你为何而笑
You laugh, Burgess. Why?
这种人我见得太多了 打几个广♥告♥ 银行卡上印个头像
I have seen many like him. A few advertisements, a hologram on a bank card,
这样他们就自以为是世界上最像莎士比亚的人了
and they think they are the greatest Shakespeare lookalike that has ever lived.
可是要说真正的大♥师♥从来就只有一个
But there has only ever been one true master.
这倒没错
Ah, yes.
-他就是Portaccio -是的 就是Portaccio
- Portaccio. - Yes. Portaccio.
我听说他和这位诗人长得简直一模一样 实在是太神奇了
I have heard it said he bore a likeness to the bard that was truly extraordinary.
没错 从哪个角度看上去他都跟这个英国最伟大的剧作家长得极像
Aye, from every angle he was the very image of England's greatest playwright.
他真的真的非常像莎士比亚
He really, really looked like Shakespeare.
我听见你们说什么了 老头
I heard that, old man.
这些天尽听你们这岁数的人叨叨这几句话
That is all one hears these days from your generation.
Portaccio Portaccio Portaccio 告诉我 这个Portaccio到底哪里伟大
"Portaccio, Portaccio, Portaccio." Tell me, what was so great about this Portaccio?
Portaccio哪里伟大
What was so great about Portaccio?
对于那个李尔王 我了解的不是很多（此人误认他是莎士比亚 试图搭讪）
Didn't think much of that fucking King Lear.
李尔王 莎士比亚四大悲剧之一
对不起 你认错人了 我是Portaccio
No, you are mistaking me for another. I am Portaccio.
噢 抱歉 请原谅
Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me.
噢 老天
Oh, my God.
抱歉 你跟他长得太像了
Sorry, it's just... you look just like him.
难道不是吗
He does, doesn't he?
就是这样 我的盆友 这就是Portaccio的伟大之处
And that, my friend, is why Portaccio was so great.
啊
Aaah!
所以 Portaccio究竟发生了什么
So... whatever happened to Portaccio?
呃
Ah.
他跟他外甥的猫Claudius玩的时候
He was playing with his nephew's cat, Claudius,
那畜生狠狠地划伤了他的蛋
when the beast dug its claws quite savagely into the skin surrounding his testicles.
一个月后他于痛苦中死去了
A month later he died in agony.
猫的爪子也太邪恶了
Cats have dirty claws.
抱歉
Excuse me.
打扰一下 我
Excuse me, l...
哦 请原谅 我以为
Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought...
非常感谢 女士们先生们 谢谢 现在是最关键的时刻
Thank you very much. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but time is of the essence.
我把这位小姐的手表放进丝绸围巾里 我要把它卷起来
So I have the young lady's watch in the silk handkerchief. I'll wind it up a bit, I think.
-女士 这块表贵吗 -相当贵
- Was it an expensive watch，madam? - Quite expensive.
-女士 这是一块相当精致的表吧 -相当精致
- Was it a very delicate watch, madam? - It's quite delicate.
你觉得把它狠狠地摔到桌子上会没事吗
Would it withstand a sharp blow to a table, do you think?
-没事 -让我们看看
- No. - Let's see.
谢谢