摩登保姆（1985）

你好 切特
Oh, hi, Chet.
你在这里搞什么?
What the hell's going on around here?
切特 这是一次意外
Chet, it was an accident.
意外?
An accident?
你知道我房♥间里正在下雪吗?
Do you realize it's snowing in my room,
该死的!
goddamn it?
这里发生了一些摩登保姆事情
Some weird shit happened, Chet.
有眼睛的都看到了
It doesn't take a genius to figure that out,
你这猴子
monkey dick.
快点解释
Start talking.
我和加里用电脑制♥造♥了 一个女人
Gary and I made a woman with the computer.
她发疯了 并将这里搞得一塌糊涂
She went crazy and messed up the house.
别想耍我 笨蛋!
Don't smart-mouth me, you shit!
别欺负他
Leave him alone.
这是我们的家事
This is a family matter, bimbo.
切特 让我去找莉莎
Chet, just let me find Lisa.
她会解释这一切
She'll clear everything up.
你可以得到我的大学学费
You can have my college money
还有我的社会保障 切特
and my social security, Chet.
你们以为这样就能骗过我?
So you guys think you can fool me, huh?
呃?
Huh?
你叫他们说出同样的胡扯故事
You've synched everybody to the same bullshit story.
那真的是一枚导弹 奇特
This is a Pershing missile, Chip.
我名叫切特
My name is Chet.
而且我知道那东西是什么
And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.
外婆 外公
Hi, Nanny. Hi, Grampy.
我并不是笨笨
I'm not a moron.
我···
I...
那是我的外祖父母吗?
Was that my grandparents?
他们死了?
Are they dead?
不 他们只是在休息
No. They're just resting.
他们在里面干什么?
What are they doing in here?
是我放他们进去的
I put them in there.
他们觉得这派对不好玩
They weren't having a very good time at the party.
你认为他们在这壁橱里···
Do you think they're having a good time
会觉得好玩吗?
catatonic in a closet?
你知道这样有多么不敬吗?
Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is?
你这小鬼
I wouldn't give a squirt of piss
我要先打你屁♥股♥
for your ass right now.
你们送她们回家
You guys get the girls home.
怀特 你开保时捷
Wyatt, take the Porsche.
加里 你开法拉利
Gary, take the Ferrari.
法拉利?
The Ferrari?
我想跟切特单独谈谈
I want to be alone with Chet.
幸会
Good to see you.
快滚!
Get out of here!
带她们回家吧!
Take your little hussies home!
我开门见山跟你说
I want to get to the bottom of this,
尽快解决问题
A.S.A.F.P.
我也正想如此
Oh, so do I.
首先 我想尝尝你的味道
First, I'd like to butter your muffin.
你为何总是那么卑鄙?
Why must you be such a wanker?
因为我喜欢
Because I get off on it.
我要你保守秘密
I want you to keep your big mouth shut
这里发生的事情都不许外传
about everything that's happened here.
还要尊重怀特与加里
Treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.
真的?
Oh, really?
真的
Yeah. Really.
如果我不能如愿···
I can be a real serious bitch...
我将变得很难应付
if I don't get what I want.
是吗 让我试试
Ooh. Hit me with your best shot.
时速多少?
How fast are you going?
大概35英里
About 35.
等等 不对
Wait. This can't be right.
你看到的是时速表吗?
Are you looking at the RPMs?
不 我看到的是将会有罚票
No. I'm looking at about 50 tickets.
拜拜!
Bye!
每次都是这样!
This happens every time!
天啊!
Oh, my. Whew!
太刺♥激♥了!
That was great!
你这狗♥娘♥养♥的!
You son of a bitch!
艾尔!那是加里!
Al, Al! Al, that was Gary!
这加里到底是谁?
Who is this Gary character?
昨晚我过得很开心
I had a great time last night.
我可能会被软禁一个月 不过···
I'll probably be grounded for a month or so, but...
我会等你出来
I'll wait for you.
哦
Oh
唔!
Mmph!
嗯
Mmm.
哇
Whoa
吔 吔 吔 吔!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
希莉!
Hilly!
我爱你!
I love you!
好棒!
All right!
谢谢你给了我一个美好的晚上
I want to thank you for a great night.
我也是
Same here.
我有些话要对你说
I have kind of a confession to make.
其实我并不是这么酷的人
I'm really not this cool.
那法拉利不是我的
That's not my car.
这套衣服也不是
This is not my suit.
派对那些人都不是我朋友
Those people weren't my friends.
你为何要告诉我这些?
Why are you telling me all of this?
因为我希望你喜欢的是···
Because I want you to like me
真实的我
for what I am.
不管你是谁 我也喜欢你
Whatever you are, I like it.
呼!
Whew!
我该走了
Well, I'd better get going.
我和怀特还要去对付切特
Wyatt and I still have to deal with Chet.
别闹了!
Quit screwing around!
这不好玩 你这疯婆娘!
This isn't funny, you stupid bitch!
当心点 切特 别惹我发怒
Careful, Chet. Don't make me angry.
对不起
Sorry.
这就对了
That's better.
把我恢复原状吧
Turn me back to normal.
我没对你做过什么
I haven't done anything to you.
你对你弟弟做得太多了
You've done plenty to your brother.
例如什么?
Like what?
你骂他 骚扰他···
You've nagged him, harassed him...
我?
Huh, me?
还敲诈他的钱
Supressed him, extorted money from him.
这都是出于爱
It was done out of love.
我应该给你一对大象的蛋蛋
I should give you a set of elephant balls.
嘿!
Heeagghh!
你要保证以后 不再欺负怀特与加里
Promise me you'll leave Wyatt and Gary alone,
然后我才将你恢复原状
and I'll change you back.
好吧
Oh, all right.
握手 好吗?
Shake on it, huh?
不了 谢谢
No, thanks. I'd rather not.
等等!你要去哪?
Wait! Where are you going?
我要去换衣服
I have to go and get changed.
那我怎么办?
What about me?
效力会消失的 明白吗?
The effect will wear off, okay?
怎样?
Well?
我恋爱了
I'm in love.
那不好吗?
Isn't it great?
最好
The best.
我告诉你
I'll tell you what.
现在我们开始转运了
Things are turning around for us.
真的
I mean it.
好的 那莉莎怎么办?
Okay, what about Lisa?