虹桥旅馆（2018）

my god.
拿着
take this.
是不是哪里搞错了？
i believe there's a mistake here.
还有另一个叫虹桥酒店的地方吗？
is there another rainbow bridge hotel
还是虹桥车旅馆？
or rainbow bridge motel.
我们跟着导航过来的
our gps brought us here.
我知道彩虹桥这座桥
i mean, we know that there's an actual rainbow bridge,
彩虹桥：尼亚加瀑布上的一座桥 跨越美加国界 连接两国
但不是这里吧
but this cannot possibly be it.
欢迎来到独一无二的虹桥旅馆
welcome to the one and only rainbow bridge motel.
你们是 迪恩……
and you two must be dean--
达伦的父母吧 我猜对没？
darren's parents. am i right?
-达伦的父母？-就是这里了？
- darren's? are-- - this is it?
稍等
just one second.
马上就要公布明年新人的名单了
they're about to announce the new recruits for next year.
取下来！
take that thing off now!
-你是来参加儿子的婚礼的！-马上马上
- this is your son's wedding! - in a second!
马上就要公布四分卫了
they're gonna name the new quarterback.
你都不关心你吗？四分卫啊
don't you care? it's the quarterback.
这关系到七叶队接下来
this could determine the fate of the buckeyes
三年的命运
for the next three years!
-你有病吧 -干嘛？
- you are sick. - what are you doing?
在美加边境还能收到信♥号♥♥
it's a miracle that i'm even picking up columbus
已经很难得了
right on the border of canada.
他说 这里就是虹桥旅馆
he says this is the place.
好啊 行啊 我们的房♥间呢？
okay, fine. where's our room?
你能看看我们在怎样的地方吗？
have you even seen where you are?
是 垃圾场
yeah, it's a dump.
但是又不要我们出钱
at least it's not costing us anything.
把帽子还给我！
give me back the hat now!
马佐斯基入选了！马佐斯基入选了!
hey, they got mazursky. they got mazursky!
真的？我错过了什么 我错过了
really? i missed it? i missed it?
不敢相信 我竟然错过了
i can't believe i missed it.
说真的 我都不知道
truthfully, i don't know
还能相信什么了
what to believe anymore.
你偶然忘掉的那件事
your grand omission?
有点难以接受
it's a little hard to stomach.
唉 行吧
ugh, fine.
对不起 但现在你都知道了
i'm sorry. but now you know everything.
而这一切也
and all that other stuff's just--
已经过去了
it's in the past.
我想要个十字架
i need a cross.
我想要个真正的神父 真正的教堂 还有
i need a real priest and a real church,
我就是要说 真正的婚礼
and dare i say it, a real wedding.
什么 你认真的吗？
what? um, really?
不是吧 你之前可不是这么说的
no. that's not what you said.
我们明明决定要非宗教式的婚礼
i thought that we agreed on a nonreligious ceremony.
但现在不一样了啊 不是吗
well, things have changed, haven't they?
而且你又何必在意呢？
and what do you care?
十字架？
a cross?
是的 我需要十字架 达伦
it's what i need, darren.
哎 我妈
well, my mom,
会抓狂的
she's gonna flip out.
你妈？
your mother?
这跟你妈又有什么关系？
what does this have to do with your mother?
还记得我跟你说 你什么都知道吗
remember when i told you you knew everything?
哦 天啊
oh, god.
我妈 她认为我们家人
so, my mom, she thinks that my family,
我 我们
that, uh-- that me--
是犹太人
that we are jewish.
-犹太人？ -她是这么认为的
- jewish? - in her mind.
她爸爸的妈妈是犹太人
her father's mother was born jewish,
所以她爸爸是犹太人
which makes her father technically jewish,
传统上犹太人为母系认同
但根据现在的新标准
and in the reform tradition,
只要她愿意 也算是犹太人
she can be a jew if the father's jewish,
她愿意 所以她是犹太人
which means she is a jew 'cause she wants to be,
这也的确是合乎标准的
and that's okay according to the reform world,
而我妈是犹太人 所以我也是
which makes me jewish because i have a jewish mother.
懂了没
okay?
你能不能男人一点？
grow some balls, darren.
他们大老远开车过来
they've driven very far to get here,
从俄亥俄州哥伦布市过来
all the way from columbus, ohio,
还要忍♥受这里的环境
and they're staying here.
所以呢？
so?
我妈还从加拿大渥太华开车过来呢
my mother just drove in from ottawa, ontario.
啊 我懂了
oh, i see.
你觉得就因为住在一个破烂旅馆
you think your family's making a bigger sacrifice
你的家人就做出了超大的牺牲
because they're staying in the motel 666,
所以我们就该一个劲迎合他们？
so we should cater to them more.
我妈和她的巫婆姑妈住一起
well, my mother is staying with her witch of an aunt judy
住在安大略的尼亚加拉市
in an apartment above a burger king/frankenstein funhouse combo
一家汉堡王/欢乐屋楼上的公♥寓♥里
in niagara falls, ontario.
刚刚给我发信息
she just texted me
说她穿过了一层融化的奶酪
and said she entered the apartment
才进入公♥寓♥大门
through a giant wedge of melted cheese.
差不多是这个意思
it's pretty close.
不是这样 听我说
look, it's not that. okay?
我妈花了好多年 好不容易才接受出柜的我
it took my mother years to accept me being gay,
刚刚才接受了我要和同性结婚
and she's just now coming around to accepting me marrying another man,
现在这不仅是同性婚礼 还是跨宗教婚礼
and she's not going to be able to handle a gay wedding
她肯定又接受不了
and an interfaith wedding.
但既然我不是犹太人
but i'm not jewish.
我们反正也要跨宗教结婚
we're already having an interfaith wedding.
我懂 但尽量还是不要
i know, but not calling attention to it
刻意引起她注意吧
somehow makes it more palatable.
太扯了 你怎么就确定她会反对？
this is insane. how do you know this?
我就是知道！我了解我妈
because i know! i guess i'm just jewish enough
知道什么会让一位犹太母亲受不了
to know what offends a jewish mother.
那你和玛姬当年怎么解决的？
how did you and maggie work around this?
她同意皈依犹太教
well, she agreed to be jewish,
我们在犹太教堂里 在拉比的主持下结的婚
and we got married in a temple with a rabbi.
拉比：犹太教牧师
传统的东西强调得不深
it was very light on the traditional stuff,
我也说过了 那婚礼对我来说毫无意义
and like i said, it had no meaning to me at all.
我不会同意皈依犹太教的
well, i'm not agreeing to being jewish,
既然你不怎么重视你的宗教信仰
and since your faith doesn't mean that much to you,
而我重视我的 我希望你能理解我为什么
but mine does to me, i hope you can understand
要求要有十字架 耶稣 和神父才能成婚 尤其是在现在这种情况下
why i need a cross and a jesus and a priest, especially now.
我要去找教堂了 我警告过你了
i am getting a church. you have been warned.
我的天 迪恩
oh, my god, dean.
迪恩
dean.
迪恩
dean.
按♥摩♥浴缸还是没有修好 怎么回事？
the jacuzzi's still not fixed. what happened?
你怎么就……
why are you just--
他怎么就……
why does he just-- just--
他不会回答你的
he won't talk.
卧♥槽♥ 放下杯子！
oh, my god. put that away! no!
她说你就是个恶魔
she say you are devil man.
我是恶魔？她喝的是调节荷尔蒙的药！
devil man? she's drinking the hormone therapy!
我♥操♥
oh, my god,
代理机构的人来了
it's the lady from the agency.
……不让她喝功能饮料
...won't let her have energy drink--
功能饮料？这是客人的药
energy drink? it's medicine for one of our guests
吃了能让他...让她长胡子
to help him grow-- her grow a beard
还是其他什么的
or some other thing.
给我！
give it to me!
淡定淡定
that's all right.
我为什么要吃那块比萨！
why did i eat that pizza?
好了
okay.
精神起来精神起来
up, up, up, up, up. up, up, up, up, up.
精神起来精神起来
up, up, up, up, up. up, up, up, up, up.