大男孩清醒路（2018）

我很迷茫 我不知道该怎么办 伙计
I'm just lost. I don't know what to do, man.
我不想走到那一步
I just don't wanna go there.
我内心的一部分也想留下来 所以我只是 我很迷茫
A part of me wants to stay, too, so I'm just... I'm lost.
我只是 我不知道该怎么办
I just... I don't know what to do.
我真♥他♥妈♥不知道
I don't fucking know, man.
我不知道
I don't know.
好吧
Well, what...
你现在做得对 对吧 你说了出来 从中解脱了
You're doing it right now though, right? You're talking, coming out with it.
因为很明显 所有这些东西都藏在你的心里 在你的脑海里
'Cause it's obvious that all this stuff is sitting in you, in your head.
你觉得自己乐呵呵地就能过去
You're the one that thinks you get away with it with all the jokey shit,
但很明显 在你生活出现了这样的事
but it's obvious you can't have something like that pop into your life,
它不会凭空消失
and then it just evaporates.
它不会凭空消失
It ain't gonna go away.
所以我们在这里帮助你们康复
So here we got your brothers here in recovery,
这些都是你的兄弟 对吧
and this is to you guys, right?
你知道这是你的兄弟 他在挣扎
You know this is your guy, he's struggling,
所以 我们每天就说些废话吗？
so are we just talking shit every day?
我们只是找点乐子吗？
Are we just having fun?
但他在挣扎 对吧 现在你们看看他的表情
But he's struggling, right? Now you see on his face.
我们要怎么做才能支持杰夫呢
So what are we doing to support Jeff?
我们都看到了
We've all seen it.
这很糟糕 因为我也经历过 但我已经走出来了
It sucks because I've been there too, and I've gone out over it...
我回来了 就像 我有很多作为一个幸存者的愧疚
and I came back, like, I've had a lot of survivor's guilt,
你们知道 我看着我的很多朋友都死了
and you know, I've seen a lot of my friends die.
你看着你的女儿经历艰难的事
You've seen your daughter go through some tough things.
因为我吸毒 我的女儿也被带走
I've got my daughter taken away from me because of heroin.
这听起来很残酷 但你得自私点
I mean, it's gonna sound really harsh, but you need to be selfish,
因为你能给你女儿提供什么
because what do you have to offer to your daughter
跟现在的世界相比？ 什么也没有
versus the world right now? Absolutely nothing.
直到你把自己调整好了
Until you get right with yourself.
我一败涂地 你知道吗？
I failed big time, you know?
她只有三岁 伙计
She's three years old, man.
我搞砸了
And already got fucked with.
我应该阻止这件事的
I'm supposed to stop that.
我聊不下去了
I can't do this no more.
你们去开导开导他
Get him up there.
我很好奇 想问问你们现在的感受
I'm curious to ask how you guys are feeling right now.
我也遇到过他现在的境遇 不完全一样 我...
I've been in that exact situation. Not exactly, like, I've...
我也有曾想要放弃的时候
I got to the point where I wanted to leave,
但我又有点想留下 而最后我还是离开了
but I wanted to stay and I ended up leaving.
我最后又复发了 又经历了四次 你知道吗
I ended up relapsing, ODed another four times, you know?
嗯 但这是出于那个原因吗？
Yeah, but was it because of that reason?
-不完全是 -因为你的孩子被骚扰了？
-Not exactly. -That your child was molested?
-不 但我被强♥奸♥了 -那真的会对人造成伤害
-No, but I've been raped. -That takes a toll on someone.
我六岁的时候就被强♥奸♥了 所以我感同身受
I was raped when I was six years old, so I feel the situation.
兄弟 我们不应该比惨
We should not compare war stories, brother.
这不是比惨 而是真实的经历
It's not a war story, it's an experience.
不是说谁经历了更可怕的事
It's not who goes through the more horrible thing.
我们都过着自己的生活
We all go through life on life's terms.
-不是吗？ -是的
-Right? -Yeah.
我只是觉得 几乎是松了一口气
I just feel, like, a sense of relief almost
他把它说出来了 外面也听得到
that he's got it off his chest, it's out in the open.
现在他能应付了 他能去感受这种情绪 他说出来了
Now he can deal with it. He's feeling the emotion. It's out.
新来的家伙是谁？哪一个是新来的？
Who's the new guy? Which one's the new guy?
应该是那个留着头发和胡子的家伙
I would probably say the guy with the hair and the beard.
穿着一件感恩而死乐队的T恤 应该就是他
Grateful Dead shirt, most likely, probably.
老嘻皮士
Old hippie dude.
他是我们第一个直接从街头带来的住客
He's the first guy that we've had that'sxa0come right off the street,
大概在到达这里的几个小时内还吸食过毒品
presumably used within hours of getting here,
所以我认为他会是一个挑战
so I think he's going to be a challenge,
因为我们之前见过的每一个人都至少有过清醒的时刻
'cause every other guy we've seen has had some sober time.
这是一个狡猾的家伙
This was a wily one, man.
-把她抱起来 -好的
- Pick her up. - Yeah.
暂时就选她吧 开始吧
Pick her up temporarily. There you go.
他真的是在努力工作
He's definitely detoxing hard and stuff,
带来了全新的氛围 所以
and it brings a whole new atmosphere, so...
我感到了他的痛苦 伙计
I feel his pain, man.
-嗯 是的 我们都经历过 -我绝对感受到了他的痛苦
-Hmm? Yeah, we've all been through it. -Definitely feel his pain.
我们大多数人都经历过
Most of us have been through it.
发抖 戒断 呕吐 腹泻
Shakes, withdrawals, throwing up, diarrhea...
大小便失禁
Shitting itself.
-从热汗到冷汗 -是的
-The hot to cold sweats. -Yeah.
-基本上就像你得了流感 -关节疼痛
-Basically like you got the flu. -Joints aching,
每当你活动时就像有人用刀刺你的关节一样
like someone's stabbing you with a knife in all your joints every time you move.
一周后
我不想在最上面
I don't want to be on top.
他们全都下楼了
Then I'll go. I'll go downstairs.
丰收时刻
Harvest hour.
给自己一点空间
Get yourself some room.
把干草拿下来放这里
Take them off, right here.
-一个星期没有碰过毒品 -该死
-One week clean. -Damn.
干得好 老兄
Good job, man.
干得好 伙计
Good job, buddy.
一个星期过去了 还有五个月零三个星期
One week down, five months and three weeks left.
是不是？
Ain't that the truth?
是的
Yep...
然后是一辈子
and then a whole lifetime.
想像一下一个月后他会是什么样子
Where do you see him in a month from now?
强壮的二头肌
Big old biceps.
我可能会变成李小龙那样或其他什么人 反正是会变强壮的
I might turn out like Bruce Lee or something, I'll still be strong.
好的
All right...
-要把裤腿收进靴子里？ -是的
-You put 'em over your pants? -Yeah.
你还没见过瑞恩是吗？
You haven't met Ryan yet, have you?
-没有 瑞恩 很高兴见到你 -很高兴见到你
-No. Ryan, glad to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
他们都是母的吗
Are they all girls or what?
-是啊 -你能分辨出来吗
-Yeah. -Can you tell them apart?
我敢肯定所有母的都有乳♥头♥ 对吧？
I'm sure all the girls got nipples, right?
-抓住脏的那只 -过来 猪
- Get the dirty one! - Come here, hog.
抓住他 抓住他
Get him! Catch him!
到了一个阶段 我就像是 天哪 我不知道如何过我的生活
There came point, I was like, "Holy fuck, I have no clue how to live my life.
我是一个充满恐惧又以自我为中心的痛苦的人
I'm a ball of fear and self-centered misery,
焦虑症
anxiety attacks,"
然后我会想 如果我的所作所为
but then it was like, "If these are the things I've done
让我陷入了痛苦 绝望 伤害了我所爱的每一个人
that have led me to misery, despair, hurt everyone I love,
让我一事无成
I've accomplished nothing,
如果我反其道而行会怎么样
what if I do the opposite of what I used to do,
那样的我又会是什么感受
how would I feel then?"
你只要把他翻过来 我会抓住他
You just wanna roll him over. I'll hold him.
只会痛一下下
It's only gonna hurt for a second.
把他的蛋蛋拉起来
Start pulling his nuts up through...
感觉一下 一定要抓住两个
Feel. Make sure you got both.
-是的 -两个蛋蛋
-Yep. -Two nuts.
好了 伙计
There you go, buddy.
不会伤害到他的
Won't hurt him.
一头牛 我一生中从来没有抱过一头奶牛
A cow. I've never picked up a cow in my life.
别这样 别踢我了 这家伙有点重
Come on. Don't kick me. Sucker's a little heavy.
我只是想把我们当作人看 不管怎样
I just like to think of us as human beings, no matter what.
我们生来就是人
We're born human beings.
我们死时也是人 我们并不完美
We're going to die human beings, we're not perfect,
但我们不是有缺陷的
and we're not defective.
有缺陷的产品会被扔进垃圾桶 你们明白我的意思吗？
Defective products get thrown in the trash. You know what I mean?
就没人用他们了
They get discontinued.
我读过一本书 说耻辱这个词来源于希腊语
I read this one book that said the word "stigma" comes from Greek,
他们过去常常给人们脸上打上烙印
and they used to brand people in the face
作为被整个社会轻视的种姓的标记
for being a certain caste that was looked down upon by society.
当你吸毒成瘾时
And when you're a drug addict, I mean, like,
你会用某种特定的方式打扮自己 你看起来就是某种样子
you dress a certain way, you look a certain way.
就像是 纹身之类的东西
I mean, the tattoos, everything like that,
人们看你一眼 然后就评判你
and people take one look at you and judge you.
所以我能理解为什么人们会想要改变这种看法
So I can see why people would want to change that perception.
可能是我将来也想做的事