大男孩清醒路（2018）

I wake up, my first thing is,
我得找到我的针头 找些毒品
I gotta find my needle and go find me some dope.
你知道我的意思吧
You know what I mean?
但现在你没有嗨
But now that you're not high,
你早上来这 你听所有的鸟叫声
you come out here in the morning, you listen to all the birds.
当你嗨的时候 你不会把注意力放在这样的事情上
When you're high, you don't focus on shit like that.
我现在就听到一只鸟在这里叫
I hear a bird over here right now. You know what I mean?
你还可以在这里听到一些
And you can hear some over here.
当他们组合到一起 感觉就像...
When they go together, it's like... You know what I mean?
你感激生活中的点点滴滴
You appreciate the little things in life.
是的 但当你吸嗨的时候
Yeah, you do, but when you're high,
你根本就不会在意这些
you really don't focus on no shit like that.
-你看透了 -是的 我同意
-You see through it. -Yeah, I agree.
美丽
Beautiful.
我们走吧 我们走吧
Let's go. Let's go!
不用去定位 看看能否楔入
And instead of posting, see if it wedges.
如果能楔形 不要把它全露出来
If it wedges, don't take it all the way out.
-简洁 -是的
-Minimalistic. -Yes.
长话短说 我从16岁就开始吸毒
Long story short, I've been a drug addict since I was 16,
进进出出 这是我参加的第十个项目
and in and out of programs. This is my tenth program.
在我来雅各布之梯之前我参加过一个荒野项目
And I came to Jacob's Ladder. I was at a wilderness program before this.
我妈帮我找的 你知道吧
And my mom found it for me, and you know,
我从来没有去过一个建在农场里的康复中心
I've never been on a recovery place like this where it's on a farm.
我知道人们想听什么
I know what people want to hear,
对我来说在没被发现的情况下通过一个项目 简直是易如反掌
so it's really easy for me to skate through a program undetected.
他们会说 这小子真的做得很好
You know, they say, "This kid is really doing good."
真的 我就是在骗人
Really, I was bullshitting my way,
等我出去 在外面 再吸
waiting to get out, on the outside, to use.
在内心深处我真的想要保持清醒 我不想死
Deep down I really wanna be sober. I don't wanna die.
没有人真的想死 每一个正常人都不会想死
Nobody really wants to die. Even a normal human doesn't wanna die.
我不知道 我只是
I don't know, I'm just...
当我全身心投入的时候我真的感到很高兴
I'm really excited to actually give it 100%,
因为我从来没有这样做过
'cause I've never done that before.
我从来没有全身心投入过
I've never given it my all.
-我是克雷格 吸毒成瘾 -你好 克雷格
-Craig, addict. -Hi, Craig.
所以接下来我们要做的是 四处走走
So what I wanna do next is we're gonna go around,
我们要看看这一周的情况如何
we're gonna check in, how your week's going,
经历过哪些斗争 哪些对你们有好处
what's the struggle, what's going well for you.
-我是亚当 我是个瘾君子 -嘿 亚当
-I'm Adam, and I'm an addict. -Hey, Adam.
是啊 你们知道 这周起起落落
Yeah, you know, this week's been up and down.
我收到了我奶奶寄给我的第一封信
I got, you know, the first letter from my grandma.
她 她像是我毒瘾的中心
She... She's, like, the center of my addiction.
她就是我的金钱来源
You know, that was, like, where I got all my money.
如果我需要什么 我就跑过去
You know, if I needed something, I ran there,
要么她给我钱 要么大多数时间
and either she gave it to me, or most of the time,
我就很公然地用这样那样的理由欺骗她
I just conned her out of it one way or another, to put it blatantly.
她给我写了这封信 她说
She sent me this letter and she said,
我原谅你 我不生你的气
"I forgive you. I couldn't be mad at you.
我爱你 这些话
I love you," and all this,
我只是在想
and I was just thinking, like,
我从这个女人身上拿走一大笔钱
"I took a significant amount of money from this woman."
我是说 在我看来 我毁了她的生活
I mean, I ruined her life in my eyes.
她已经86岁了
I mean, she's 86,
她在慈善机构工作 所以她现在不是无家可归的人
and she's working at the Goodwill, so that she is not homeless right now.
我自己 我是不会原谅像我这样的人
Myself, I couldn't just forgive someone like that.
我不管他们是谁
I don't care who they are.
我也不应该得到他们的原谅
I don't deserve the forgiveness that I got,
这么快 莫名其妙的原谅
that quickly and out of nowhere.
我只是不知道该怎么办
I just don't know what to do.
你们觉得有道理吗
That make sense to you guys?
有的 伙计
Yeah, dude.
别逃跑 伙计们
Don't run, you guys.
我差点就要跑了
I almost ran.
谢谢
Thank you.
你救了我很多次
You saved my life many a time.
你根本不知道那有多真实
You have no idea how true that is.
伙计们 我已经十四次吸毒过量了
Fourteen times I've overdosed, guys.
十四次
Fourteen times.
伙计 我用绳子把我的小腿弄坏了
Dude, I busted my shin on that rope.
哦
Oh!
查德告诉我说我们要出游
Chad told me we were going for a hayride.
这我没想到
This ain't what I had in mind.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
这些是辣椒
These are peppers here.
你可以通过叶子分辨它们
You can tell in the leaves.
嗯
Yep.
我觉得如果我们灵活
I feel like if we're flexible...
又有同情心
and we're compassionate,
那么对我来说 要帮助别人 做到这两点是最好的
then, I mean, that to me is the best combination of trying to help people.
如果这两样你缺了一样
I mean, if you lose either one of those two qualities,
我觉得你真的就是跛脚了
I think you're really hamstrung.
不管你做什么
No matter what you're doing,
如果你把这些人安排在一个好人聚集的地方
if you're giving these guys a place to be surrounded by good people,
这样他们就已有优势了
I mean, they're way ahead of the game already.
布兰肯希普博士创办雅各布之梯 是因为西弗吉尼亚缺少戒毒康复项目 而他的儿子曾对鸦♥片♥类药物成瘾
这是杰克和杰里卡 他的姐姐
Jake and Jerrica, his older sister,
在巴哈马群岛时 我们去潜水
in the Bahamas, we went conch diving.
拍这张照片时 杰克应该在戒断期
Jake was probably withdrawing in this picture.
-我是 是的 -我当时不知道 但是他
-I was, yeah. -I didn't know at the time, but he was...
-我以为你知道 你说 -我当时知道吗 拍这张照片的时候？
-I thought you knew. You said... -Did I know then, in this one?
-你有预感 -是啊
-You had a hunch. -Yeah.
我不记得了 但看看他有多瘦
I can't remember, but look how skinny he is.
很瘦
Pretty skinny.
-但这还不是最糟糕的时候 -嗯
-I got worse than that, though. -Yeah.
因为我对药物更感兴趣
'Cause I was more interested in pills.
我偷偷随身带着一片羟考酮
I think I, like, snuck one Oxy with me.
-是吗 -嗯
-Did you? -Uh-huh.
看起来身体很虚弱
Looking pretty... pretty strung out.
-那是因为我的确如此 -是的
-That's 'cause I was, yeah. -Yeah.
一切都很痛苦
Everything's hurting.
胳膊和腿要高一点
Arm and legs a little bit higher.
上个星期你的听证会如何
How did your court date go last week?
哦 天哪
Oh, man.
不好吗
Not good?
听证会很好 但我收到了一些关于我女儿的坏消息
The court date went good, but I got some bad news about my daughter.
整个星期都心情不好
Put me in a bad mood all week.
我女儿去了一个寄养家庭
My daughter went to a foster home.
去了以后 他们就骚扰她
While she was in there, they molested her.
我才发现 所以我们正在处理
And I just found out about it, so we're in the middle of that.
现在正在接受调查
It's being investigated right now and stuff.
你知道我的意思吗 这是个糟糕的星期
You know what I mean? It's been a bad week.
杰夫 你很安静 你在想什么
Jeff, you got quiet, brother. What are you thinking?
你这话是什么意思
What do you mean?
你通常不是这样的 到底发生了什么
You're not quiet usually, so what's going on?
-我只是在再放松 老兄 -嗯？
-I'm just kicking it, dude. -Huh?
只是放松 倾听
Just kicking it, listening.
每当我提到你生活中的这些事 你是什么感受？
What went on for you when I brought up stuff in your life right now, then?
我不知道 我今天整天都在告诉自己
I don't know. I keep telling myself all day today,
如果我没有吸毒
if I wouldn't have picked up and used,
我的意思是 如果我没被抓住
you know what I mean, if I wouldn't have got caught,
她们就不会被带走 她也不会被骚扰
they would never have got taken, she would never have got molested.
你明白我的意思吗？
Do you know what I mean?
我觉得我的行为导致了那样的后果 伙计
I feel like my actions led to that shit, man.
-我只是想杀了那个家伙 -我明白了 伙计
-I just want to kill the dude. -I get it, man.
压在我心头的想法说我这么做是对的
One thing's on my shoulder saying I'm doing the right thing,
待在这里 一切都会好起来的
stay here, and it'll all work out.
让警♥察♥ 让法律来处理这些事情
Let the cops, let the law take care of it and stuff,
我的另一部分想法却在说
and another part of my shoulder's like,
“老兄 上前一步 杀了那个混♥蛋♥”
"Man, step the fuck up. Kill this motherfucker."
你懂吗？
You know what I mean?
保护你的女儿
Protect your daughter.