无线电时代（1987）

但你吃共♥产♥党的炸薯条吗？
but you eat the commies' French fries?
我要去给他一些碳酸氢盐
I'm gonna get him some bicarbonate.
这对他来说太好了 他值得灌肠！
That's too good for him. He deserves an enema!
哦 塞尔！
Oh, Ceil!
是啊 对！
Yeah, right!
大家好 体育迷们 欢迎来到
"Hello, sports fans, and welcome to
今天的比尔·科恩最喜欢的体育传奇人物
"today's edition of Bill Kern's Favorite Sports Legends."
现在在我的家里 每个人都有自己最喜欢的节目
Now in my family, each person had his own favorite show.
例如 我的亚伯叔叔是一位伟大的体育迷
For instance, my Uncle Abe was a great sports fan,
他总是听比尔·科恩的话
and he always listened to Bill Kern.
今天的故事是关于一名棒球运动员的
"Today's story is about a baseball player.
他的名字叫柯比·凯尔 来自田纳西州的瘦削左撇子
"His name was Kirby Kyle, a lean southpaw from Tennessee.
他为老圣路易斯红雀队效力
"He played for the old St. Louis Cardinals.
他投球速度很快 而且弧线球很好
"He threw fast, and he had a good curve ball,
所有击球手都知道这一点
"and all the hitters knew it.
他是一个有着美好未来的孩子
"He was a kid with a great future.
但是有一天他去打猎了
"But one day he went hunting.
他喜欢打猎 就像他的父亲和他父亲的父亲一样
"He loved to hunt, just like his father and his father's father.
在追逐一只兔子时 他绊倒了 他的步♥枪♥走火了
"Chasing a rabbit, he stumbled and his rifle went off.
子弹进入了他的腿
"The bullet entered his leg.
两天后 它被截肢了
"Two days later, it was amputated.
他们说他再也不会投球了
"They said he would never pitch again.
但下个赛季他又回来了
"But the next season he was back.
他只有一条腿 但他还有更重要的东西
"He had one leg, but he had something more important.
他很有心
"He had heart.
第二年冬天 另一场事故导致柯比·凯尔失去了一只手臂
"The following winter, another accident cost Kirby Kyle an arm.
幸运的是 不是他的投球臂
"Fortunately, not his pitching arm.
他有一条腿和一只手臂
"He had one leg and one arm,
但更重要的是 他有心
"but more than that, he had heart.
第二年冬天 在追赶鸭子时 他的枪走火了
"The next winter, going after duck, his gun misfired.
他是瞎子
"He was blind.
但他有直觉知道把棒球扔到哪里
"But he had instinct as to where to throw the baseball.
本能和内心
"Instinct and heart.
第二年 柯比·凯尔被一辆卡车碾压身亡
"The following year, Kirby Kyle was run over by a truck and killed.
接下来的赛季
"The following season,
他在天空大联盟中赢了18场比赛
"he won 18 games in the big league in the sky."
这是比尔·科恩和另一位最受欢迎的体育传奇人物
This has been Bill Kern with another favorite sports legend.
虽然亚伯叔叔喜欢比尔·科恩的体育节目
While Uncle Abe loved the Bill Kern sports show,
他的妻子塞伊尔崇拜一位非常著名的口♥技♥表演者
his wife Ceil adored a very prominent ventriloquist,
这总是让亚伯发疯
and this always used to drive Abe crazy.
他是广播里的口♥技♥表演者！
He's a ventriloquist on the radio!
你怎么知道他的嘴唇没有动？
How do you know he's not movin' his lips?
谁在乎？请别打扰我
Who cares? Leave me alone.
他们的女儿有自己喜欢的节目
Ceil and Abe's daughter Ruthie had her own favorite program.
自然是那些浪漫的男孩歌♥手之一
Naturally it was one of those romantic boy crooners.
她和她的闺蜜们经常坐在一起无限沉醉
She and her girlfriends used to sit and swoon endlessly
感伤的歌♥词和柔和的声音
over the sentimental lyrics and velvety voice.
当地的男孩子当然都有点嫉妒
The local boys, of course, were all a little jealous,
他们曾经厌恶地看着
and they used to look on disgustedly,
认为那些女孩是真正的混♥蛋♥
thinking the girls were real jerks.
那我宁愿什么都没有
Then I'd rather have nothing at all
现在 女士们先生们
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
通用火花塞的制♥造♥商
the makers of General Sparkplugs
为您带来人类情感法庭
bring you The Court of Human Emotions,
与世界著名的人类心灵事务顾问一起
with world-famous counselor on affairs of the human heart,
托马斯·阿伯克龙比
Thomas Abercrombie.
现在 我的朋友们...
And now, my friends...
我的妈妈和爸爸很喜欢听这个节目
My mother and father loved to hear the show
普通人得到帮助解决个人问题
where ordinary people were helped with their personal problems.
六年前 他的母亲来和我们住在一起
Six years ago his mother came to live with us,
她不会离开 他也不会把她赶出去！
and she won't leave and he won't throw her out!
我怎么能把自己的妈妈赶出去呢？
How can I throw my own mother out?
掐住她的喉咙 把她扔出去！
Grab her by the throat and throw her out!
哦 就这样吗？
Oh, just like that?
是的！她必须要到街上去！
Yes! She has to go out in the street!
你为什么不把刀插在这里？
Why don't you just stick a knife in here?
我不会把刀插在任何地方！
I'm not sticking a knife anywhere!
把我妈妈赶出去！ 你拿刀！
Throw my mother out! - You take a knife!
我发现这个节目很愚蠢
I found the show silly.
我会想象我的父母在上面
I'd imagine my parents on it,
表达他们的标准投诉
airing their standard complaints.
他是个生意失败者 他从不完成他开始的事情
He's a business failure. He never finishes what he starts.
我们被迫和我的亲戚住在一起 并为他们感谢上帝！
We're forced to live with my relatives and thank God for them!
我本可以嫁给萨姆·斯洛特金
And I could have married Sam Slotkin.
萨姆·斯洛特金死了
Sam Slotkin's dead.
但他活着的时候就在工作！
But while he was alive he was working!
没有家人 她会迷失方向
She'd be lost without her family.
你应该看看他们 他们就像匈奴人一样！
And you should see 'em. They're like the Huns!
也许如果我娶了一个更鼓舞人心的女人 谁知道呢？
Maybe if I'd married a more encouraging woman, who knows?
那么你认为谁是对的呢？
So who do you think is right?
我认为你们俩值得彼此
I think you both deserve each other.
这意味着什么？
What does that mean?
我们来这里不是为了被侮辱的
We didn't come here to be insulted.
我爱他 但我做了什么值得他这么做？
I love him, but what did I do to deserve him?
当然 我的家人从未参加过阿伯克龙比先生计划
Naturally, my folks never were on the Mr. Abercrombie program.
事实上 他是我们中唯一真正♥见♥过面的广播名人
In fact, the only radio celebrity any of us ever really met in person
是我父亲喜欢的问答节目中的 14 岁数学天才
was the 14-year-old mathematical genius of a quiz show my father loved
称为神童
called The Whiz Kids.
苔丝 那是广播里的孩子之一
Hey, Tess. That's one of the kids from the radio.
这是一个神童
It's a Whiz Kid.
乔 这是电台里的奇才之一
Hey, Joe, it's one of the Whiz Kids from the radio.
对不起？呃 原谅我吗？
Hey, excuse me? Uh, pardon me?
我们真的很喜欢你儿子在广播里
We really enjoy your son on the radio.
你真是个天才
You're a real genius.
是的 我的智商是160
Yes. I have a 160 IQ,
无论以任何标准来看 这都是非凡的
and that is extraordinary, by any standards.
这是我们的儿子
And this is our son.
问好 你好
Say hello. - Hi.
很高兴认识您
Charmed to make your acquaintance.
虽然着迷也许确实言过其实了
Although perhaps "charmed" is really overstating it.
你儿子是数学高手
Your son is a whiz at math.
快说 1754 除以 1300 万是多少？
Quick, What's 1,754 divided into 13 million, huh?
马丁！
Martin!
这个帕卢卡连简单的算术考试都过不了！
This palooka can't even pass a simple arithmetic exam!
现在 请原谅
And now, if you'll excuse us.
男孩 真是个孩子啊 讲得真好
Boy, what a kid. So well spoken.
你为什么不能像那样呢？为什么你不能成为天才？
Why can't you be like that? Why can't you be a genius?
我会告诉你为什么 因为你太忙于听广播了！
I'll tell you why. Because you're too busy listening to the radio!
戴上你的帽子！把他的帽子戴上 至诚至善！
Put your hat on! Put his hat on. Honest to goodness!
空气中有一首歌♥
There's a song in the air
但美丽的女士
But the fair senorita
似乎并不在意
Doesn't seem to care
为了空气中的歌♥声
For the song in the air
碧阿姨几乎只听音乐
Aunt Bea listened almost exclusively to music.
因为她 我听着最美妙的歌♥曲长大
Because of her, I grew up hearing the most wonderful songs.
她不会认为我只是个傻子
She won't think that I am just a fool
给骡子唱小夜曲
Serenading a mule
有些歌♥曲 无论我身在何处
There are certain songs that, no matter where I am,
我一听到他们的声音 记忆就会瞬间闪现
the minute I hear them I get instant memory flashes.
例如 每次听到这首歌♥ 都会想起伊夫林-戈尔维茨
For instance, every time I hear this song I think of Evelyn Goorwitz,
我暗恋过谁 但谁不喜欢我
who I had a crush on, but who didn't like me.
她漂亮的朋友对待我就像得了瘟疫一样
I remember her pretty girlfriend treated me like I had the plague.
但最终坚持还是胜利了
But eventually persistence won out
我确实瓦解了她的反抗
and I did break down her resistance.
我要买♥♥一个纸娃娃
I'm gonna buy a paper doll
我可以称之为我自己的...
That I can call my own...
每次听到这首歌♥ 都会想起我父母的周年纪念日
I can never hear this song without recalling my parents' anniversary.
这是我唯一一次看到他们接吻
It was the only time I ever saw them kiss.
那是一段非常美好的回忆
It was a very wonderful memory.
用他们那双调情的眼神
With their flirty-flirty eyes