短信情缘（2023）

I got it. Okay. I'll do it.
米拉
Mira.
我知道
I know.
你知道我把约翰当成亲兄弟吧？
Hey. Listen, you know I loved John like a brother, right?
我这么说是满怀爱意
Okay, so I'm saying this with the hugest amount of love
和尊重
and the greatest amount of respect.
今晚这个人不一定要是你的灵魂伴侣
This guy tonight doesn't have to be your soulmate.
你不一定要喜欢他
You don't have to like him.
如果身材好
If the body's good,
你就进去 享享艳福
you go in there, you get the D.
不会发生这种事的
There's not gonna be any getting of any D.
相信我 你需要男人的身体
Trust me, you need the D.
你说得好像我缺乏维生素一样
You make it sound like a vitamin deficiency.
是的 你就是缺乏维生素D 快点进去吧
Yeah, you do. Vitamin D deficiency. Come on, go get in there.
别问那些“你选择什么”的问题
Hey, none of those "Would you rather" questions.
-我了解你 -大家都喜欢我问“你选择什么”
-I know you. -Everyone loves my questions.
没人喜欢你的问题
Nobody loves your questions.
快点 你可以的！
Come on. You got this. You got this!
好的
Okay, okay.
米拉可以的 她很美
Mira's got it. She's looking fly.
好吧
Yeah, okay.
真恶心
Gross.
这玩意就像是跟奶酪酱一样的音乐
This shit is like the musical equivalent of Cheez Whiz.
罗伯 你看那个人 别盯着看 就这么看
Rob, check out that guy there. Don't look, but look.
别盯着
Don't...
-如何？ -什么意思？
-Yeah? -What do you mean?
也许他是给你发短♥信♥的人
Maybe he is your texter.
你不是说是某个神经病老奶奶？
You said they were from some psycho granny?
或者是一个敏感的银狐
Or a sensitive silver fox.
他的眼睛超级善良
He has super kind eyes.
-你想去跟他聊聊吗？ -你为什么要侮辱我 罗伯？
-Would you like to go talk to him? -Why would you insult me, Rob?
我是来支持你的 兄弟 不是别人
I'm here for you, buddy. Nobody else.
你怎么能这么说我 罗伯？
How could you say that to me, Rob?
什么？
What?
等等
Wait, wait.
-我好像见过她 -好吧
-I think I've seen her before. -Okay, cool.
-米拉 -是 你好
-Mira. -Yes. Hi.
你好
Hi.
请坐
Please.
再来一杯瘦玛格丽特
Another skinny marg.
大家都以为私教只练身材
Everyone thinks personal training is all about the body.
但是如果没有大脑 你也做不了
But you can't do 400 weighted squats...
400个重量深蹲
without a brain.
这么说
Well...
没有大脑真的什么都做不了
You really can't do anything without a brain.
你懂的
You get it.
两杯坎特一号♥马丁尼
Two Ketel One martinis.
那边那位先生请的
Compliments of the gentleman over there.
你能去和他谈谈吗？
Would you go talk to him already?
罗伯 别这样！
Rob, stop!
我马上回来
I will be two minutes.
我喜欢这首歌♥
I like this song.
低音很紧凑
Tight bassline.
抱歉等一下
Sorry, one second.
（苏西：？）
（苏西：快拿下！）
-没事吧？ -我要把手♥机♥调成静音
-All good over there? -Gonna put my phone on silent.
我有个问题要问你
I have a question for you.
沉默又无法控制的屁
Would you rather live your entire life with...
和大声又无法控制的喷嚏
silent but uncontrollable gas,
你会选择忍♥受哪一个？
or loud, uncontrollable sneezes?
都不要
Neither.
选一个吧 否则你两个都要忍♥受
Just pick one. Or you get both.
别说了
Stop it.
压力太大了
It's too much pressure.
我拿到了他的号♥码
I have his number.
解锁你的手♥机♥
Unlock your phone.
我们来核对一下号♥码 确保不是他给你发短♥信♥
Let's just check into the numbers and make sure this guy is not your texter.
的确不是
And it is not.
感谢上帝 因为等会我们要好好享受
Praise be, because we are totally gonna smash later.
-很好 -对
-Good. -Yeah.
-我去一下厕所 -好
-The boys' room. -Yeah.
天啊
Oh, my...
等等
Wait.
（我想我的约会对像 可能去厕所做俯卧撑了）
（太痛苦了！）
-可能是她 -真的吗？
-It might be her. -Really?
-因为她在玩手♥机♥？ -对
-Because she's on her phone? -Yeah.
他也在发短♥信♥ 酒保也在发短♥信♥
He's texting. The barperson's texting.
谁都有可能 你为什么觉得是她？
Could be anybody. Why do you think it's her?
那个人看起来像是 做了太多俯卧撑的人吗？
Does that guy look like he does too many push-ups?
不 不算做太多 次数刚刚好
No, that's not too many push-ups. It's the perfect amount of push-ups.
她跟他在一起不开心
She's not having a good time with him.
对 她不开心
No, no, no, she is not.
她很难过 幸好有你在
She is so miserable and so lucky you're here.
他们要走了
They're leaving.
我敢说我能卧推你
I bet I could bench-press you.
你知道吗 罗伯？
You know what, Rob?
今晚并不是完全的失败
This night is not a total loss, you know?
因为
Because...
我有艳遇了
I'm gonna get laid.
要不我们慢慢来？
Maybe we just take it a little slower?
-好 -好吗？
-Yeah. -Yeah?
-当然没问题 -好的
-Sure. No problem. -Okay. Okay.
你在做什么？
What are you doing?
我在放慢速度
I'm going slower.
我不是那个意思
Well, that's not what I meant.
等等 我们不在你家做♥爱♥吗？
Wait, are we not gonna have sex at your place?
不！我什么时候说过？
No! When did I say that?
我是不是让你误会了？
Did I give you mixed signals or something?
没有 你要是早点告诉我就好了
No, it's fine. I just wish you would've told me sooner.
好吧
Okay.
你现在是在找另一个约会对象吗？
Are you looking for another date right now?
是的
Yeah. Yeah.
因为你不想做♥爱♥ 而我得消耗卡路里
Because you don't want to have sex and I have to burn off these calories.
-刚才的饮料富含碳水化合物 -听着 下车
-Those drinks had a lot of carbs. -Know what? Get out.
-下车 快点 -好
-Get out. Now, now, now. -Okay. Okay.
滚去跑步 消耗掉那些碳水化合物！
Take a fucking run. It'll burn off those carbs!
（917-167-5309 以前我觉得世界上只有我们两个人）
（我们爱到几乎是飘离地面）
（我怀念那种感觉）
我也是
I miss it too.
-准备好了吗？ -好了
-Ready? -Yeah.
走吧
Let's go.
我是《纽约纪事报》的 罗伯伯恩斯 幸会
Rob Burns, New York Chronicle. Nice to meet you.
对 没礼貌的发短♥信♥男
Yeah. The rude texter.
就是我
That's me.
让我看看你的手
Let me see your hands.
-我的手吗？ -拜托
-These? -Please.
过来 把手给我
Come over and give me your hands.
奇怪 你的手很有男子气概
Strange. You have very manly hands.
-但你的行为却像个小男生一样 -什么？
-And yet, you act like a little boy. -What?
-我才不像小男生 -我问你一个问题
-I don't act like a little boy. -Let me ask you a question.
-我要你老实回答 -好
-And I want you to be totally honest. -Okay.
你喜欢我的音乐吗？
Are you a fan of my music?
-喜欢 -说谎
-Yes. -Liar.
-为什么你这么说？ -因为你根本不会听
-Why do you say that? -You don't know how to hear it.
无意冒犯
No offense...
席琳
Celine.
我觉得我能理解这样的歌♥词
I think I can grasp lyrics like...
“如果我听到你的呼吸 我就能长出翅膀飞翔”
"If I hear you breathe, I get wings to fly."
有人让你有过这种感觉吗？
Has anyone ever made you feel like that?
你有让别人有过这种感觉吗？
Have you ever made someone else feel like that?
有吧？
You have, haven't you?