去年圣诞

- Sh... - No, Ruf.
我知道你了解这一切 我也知道你受够了
I know you know all this, and I know you're fed up
女权主义 但是
with feminism in general, but...
不是我受够了女权主义
I'm not fed up with feminism.
没有 我是说她没在听
No, I mean, she's not listening.
这样不对
That's not right.
这是杀鱼刀
This is a fish knife.
我用杀鱼刀切百香果
I'm trying to cut a passion fruit with a fish knife.
没人比你更可靠了
If anyone can do it, you can.
这都怪你
It's your fault.
这是你的杰作
You did this.
怎么 你好 睡美人
Wha... Hey, Sleeping Beauty.
-你好 -过来吃点东西
- Hi. - Come and grab some food.
好的
Oh, yeah.
睡得好香
Good sleeping.
有没有人要吃披萨
Anyone up for a, you know, pizza?
来瓶里奥哈葡萄酒
Bottle of Rioja?
麸质敏感
Celiac.
对啊 我忘了
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
还有我们孕妇也不喝酒 派对姑娘
And preggers, so we ain't drinking, either, party girl.
好吧 那我出去了
Okay. Well, I'm off out.
回头见
Okay. I'll see you later.
我不会太迟回来的 我保证
I won't be too late. I promise.
好吧 再见
Yeah, all right. Peace out.
别说了
Don't.
她是我交情最久的朋友
She's my oldest friend.
我知道她看起来像是...
I know it seems like she's...
世界上最自私的女人
The most selfish woman in the world?
有点过了
Harsh.
她生病了
She's been ill.
帆船的事我已经不计较了 但若再有类似
I'm over the galleon, but one more thing,
我出了名的好脾气将不复存在
and my legendary patience will crumble.
别提那事 她的眉毛都烧掉了
Don't bring that up. She burned her eyebrows off.
她的眉毛会再长回来 知道什么不会再长回来吗
Her eyebrows will grow back. You know what won't grow back?
九个月前
我的天
Oh, my...
我的火柴棍帆船
My matchstick galleon.
我同意 再发生一次 就赶走她
No, I agree. One, and she's out.
醒来啦 早上好 伦敦
Wakey, wakey, London.
接下来为你开启新的一天
Here's something to start your day.
-亲爱的 -不
- Mm, ma chérie. - No!
不能再来了 住手
Not again! Stop. Shh.
好的 谢谢
Okay. Thank you.
你现在要带我吃传统英式早餐吗
You take me for the full English now?
不 兄弟 你昨晚就享受过全套了
No, mate. You had the full English last night.
出去[法语]Sortez.
你们好
Hi.
早上好 好啊
Morning. Hello.
开心吗 美好的早晨
Happy? A good morning.
很棒 很好 是吧
It's brilliant. It's lovely, isn't it?
看来有人没休息好啊
Well, someone looks not rested.
什么 我 没有 没事 完全没事
What? Me? No, fine. Totally fine.
轻轻一跃就可以跨过沙发...
Able to leap sofas in a single bound...
-不 不 -我的天 不 不 不
- No, no! - Oh, my God! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我为你把这些写下来
Just gonna write this out for you.
他们有权进来 是吧
Oh, they've had a right go in here, haven't they?
-我的天 -可能只是些孩子
- Oh, God. - Probably just kids.
-是 我猜也就是孩子 -就是孩子
- Yeah, I reckon it's just kids. - Just kids.
-没错 -是 像我说的一样
- Yeah. - Like, yeah, I just said.
这是你的案件编号♥ 保险赔偿会需要的
This is your crime number. You'll need it for insurance.
-谢谢 -发生什么了
- Thank you. - What happened?
恐怕是入室盗窃
Break-in, I'm afraid.
每年这个时候常发生
Very common this time of year.
这样的地方都是主要目标
Place like this is a prime target.
确实是很漂亮的地方
Lovely, it is.
那是个拿绒球的鳄鱼吗
Is that a crocodile with pompoms?
是的
Yes.
还有 这位...这位是谁
And, uh, who... who's this?
这是我的雇员 昨晚是她锁的门
This is my employee. She locked up last night,
所以请询问她有没有看到什么吧
so please ask her if she saw anything.
没什么异常的
Nothing out of the ordinary.
你记下来了吗
Are you writing that down?
在写 "异常"怎么拼
I am. How do you spell "ordinary"?
就先这样
Well, we're done here.
如果有情况再联♥系♥
We'll be in touch if we hear anything.
真可惜 这里很可爱
Mm, pity. It's a lovely place.
-是的 我爱圣诞节 -你才不呢
- It is. I love Christmas. - No, you don't.
你说的"圣诞快乐"
You make "Have a merry Christmas"
就像死亡威胁一样
sound like a death threat.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
你们过个愉快的圣诞 好吗
Have yourself a merry Christmas, yeah?
-看吧 你又那样 -什么叫做
- You see? You just did it. - What do you mean,
-我又那样了 -你刚刚又那样了
- I just did it? - You just did it.
我要拿出我的手♥机♥ 给你录音
Let me get my phone out. I'll record you,
你会发现你的语气就像杰森·斯坦森
and you'll realize you sound like Jason Statham.
那是好事
Well, that's a good thing,
因为我很喜欢杰森·斯坦森
'cause I love Jason Statham,
-所以我都不觉得冒犯 -桑塔 我...
- so that's not even an insult. - Santa, I...
-别和我说话 -但听我说 我...
- Don't talk to me. - But, listen, I...
我说了 "别和我说话"
I said, "Don't talk to me."
你忘记锁门了
You forgot to lock up.
别否认
Don't deny it.
我可以赔偿你
Well, I can pay you back.
你给我听着 听好了
Now, you listen to me and you listen good.
你刚来的时候干得很好
You were great at your job when you started.
所以我才让你做全职了
That's why I took you on full-time.
你很会和人打交道
You've got a way with people,
我感觉有你真幸运
and I felt so lucky to have you.
谢谢
Thanks.
但我现在不觉得幸运了
But I don't feel lucky anymore.
你回来之后就魂不守舍
Since you came back, you started losing your shit.
你好像什么都不在意了
It's like you don't care about anything.
所以现在 你必须对此在意起来
So, now, you care about this.
我不得不砸了自己的窗户
I had to smash my own window
伪装成入室盗窃的现场
to make it look like a break-in.
否则我就拿不到保险金
Otherwise, I wouldn't get the insurance.
你把我变成了一个违法的人
You turned me into someone who broke the law.
我都不敢相信我要再给你一次机会
I can't believe I'm even giving you another chance,
但我会的 因为
but I am because...
-我是个好人 -是
- I am a good person. - Yeah.
但再发生一次 你就走人吧
But one more thing, and you're out.
去收拾你的烂摊子吧 傻姑娘
So clean up your mess, you stupid, stupid girl.
圣诞时节
你是来见我的吗
Were you coming to see me?
不是
No.
很好
Great.
你还好吧
You okay?
还好 不 我们店发生了入室盗窃
Yeah. No, we had a break-in,
-桑塔对此很生气 -好吧
- and Santa's taken it really badly. - Right.
我今天早晨还从住的地方被赶出来了
And I got chucked out of my digs this morning,
所以我无处可去
so I've got nowhere to stay.
总之 我又无家可归了
Anyway, I'm homeless again.
-这么糟糕 -是的
- That bad, huh? - Yep.
好吧
Okay.
那你应该和我来
You should come with me, then.
你肯定是来见我的
You were so coming to see me.
不是
Um-mm.
你就是
Yep.
-不是 -就是
- Nope. - Yep.
你做美梦都不可能发生
Not in your wildest dreams.
-是的 -这边
- Uh, yeah. - This way.