匿名杀手

有时只能截肢以保全性命
Sometimes you have to cut off a limb in order to save the body.
所以我们要见证这种转变
So that we might witness the transition.
转变吗
Transition?
向死亡的转变
The transition to the inert.
提醒我们不过是自然的元素构成
The reminder that we are all elemental.
星球的一部分
The stuff of supernovas.
然而 还有些未载入元素周期表的东西
And there is something that cannot be found in a periodic table.
能让我们和宇宙中其余的99.999%
Something that makes us different
有所区别的东西
from the other 99.999 percent of the universe.
能够让我们
Something that makes us...
存活的东西
alive.
我所做的事
What I do,
我所允许发生的事
what I allow to happen,
是我克服恐惧的方法
is my way of conquering that fear.
谢谢 卡尔文
Thank you, Calvin.
好 如果没人反对 我换种方式
Okay. Next, I would like to try something, if no one objects.
一个练习
Um, an exercise.
可能会帮我们
Perhaps something that might help us
解决我们所面对的压力
deal with the everyday stresses we all face.
我希望能了解
I'd like to hear about...
最近
the last time...
你们想要杀人的念头
you thought about killing someone.
好的 我来
Right, I'll go.
我是利安 我是个杀手
I'm Leo and I'm a killer.
你好 利安
Hello, Leo.
有一个早上 在路边的商店里
It was this morning, the shop down the road from me.
我买♥♥了一个豆浆机
I've got a soy milk maker.
-所以我每周都会去储备一次 -什么
- So once a week, I go and restock. - A what?
一个豆浆机 我自己榨豆浆
A soy milk maker. I make me own soy milk.
为什么
Why?
因为豆浆能够更健康地替代牛奶
Because it's a healthier alternative to lactose
并且它的制♥作♥方法比你想的更快更简单
and it's easier and quicker to make than you might think.
好的
Okay.
豆浆
Soy milk.
知道了
Gotcha.
总之
Anyway...
所以我去囤一些大豆
so I go to restock on the beans.
我走过第一条走廊 在手工面包旁边
I go in down the first aisle, next to the artisanal breads,
那有一个戴着俗气戒指的老太婆在那
and there's this old lady there with these gaudy fucking rings on,
涂着很厚的粉底 眉毛很乱
ten coats of makeup and this bushy unibrow,
拿走了仅剩的大豆
taking up the last of them fucking beans.
我想从她背后勒死她
I want to strangle her from behind,
用鞋带勒死她 但我又觉得这不对
garrote her with me shoelace, but I thought, "No, that ain't right."
我想看着她的眼睛逐渐黯淡
I want to watch the life drain out of her eyes...
用我的手卡住她肥胖的脖子
put me hands around her chubby neck,
挤压她 看着她喘不过气
squeeze her and see her puff
看着她那张肥脸上的汗糊掉睫毛膏
and sweat that mascara right out of her fat fucking face.
或者用刀刺她的腋窝
Or stab her in her armpit.
很多人不知道那里有一个神经簇
A lot of people don't know there's a nerve cluster there.
然后我就可以看着她在面包区里
And then I'll just watch her piss herself right there in the bakery
被吓得尿裤子
section.
这一切都是因为黄豆
All because of soybeans.
真的很傻
Stupid shit, really.
每个人有时都会这么想
Everybody thinks it sometimes.
在高速公路上
Just out on the motorway
或者在超♥市♥排队时
or standing in the queue at the supermarket.
唯一的区别是我可以做到
The only difference is that I could've done it.
我曾经做到过
I have done it.
我想要这样做 但我没有
I wanted to do it, but I didn't.
它夺走了我的所有 但我没有做到
It took everything I had, but I didn't do it.
利安 利安 了解自己的触发点很重要
Leo... Leo, it's important to know our triggers.
你第一次杀人是怎么样的
What was your first kill?
什么
What?
你的第一次杀人
Your first kill.
我不记得了
I can't remember.
-不是吧 -我不知道
- Come on. - I don't know.
我们都有第一次杀人的经历啊
We all have a first one, though.
我告诉你我第一个有感觉的
I'll tell you the first one I felt.
明女士
Lady Ming.
你在开什么玩笑
Are you kidding?
你杀了明吗
You killed Ming?
竟然对我们保密 你个鬼鬼祟祟的贱♥人♥
Oh, you kept that quiet, didn't you, you sneaky son of a bitch?
我就知道
I fucking knew it.
只有专业人士才可以干掉那邪恶的老婆子
Only a professional could've taken down that evil old cow.
你知道 所有人都说她死于癌症
You know, everyone said it was cancer.
其实我有点惊讶
I'm actually mildly impressed.
老板还在这么称呼我 癌症
The bosses still call me that too, the fucking cancer.
好像这很巧妙似的
Like it's clever.
-你是怎么做到的 -下毒
- How did you do it? - Poison.
伪装得像死于其他原因而不是下毒
For that to pass as something other than poison,
剂量一定要很小
the doses would have to be small.
一定花了很久 几周甚至几个月
It would have to be done over a period of weeks, months.
七十二周又四天
Seventy-two weeks, four days.
-你怎么接触到她的 -她是我的教母
- How did you get access? - She was my godmother.
我不明白的是一个帮会头目
What I don't get is how does the head of the triad
怎么就成了一个低端打手的教母
become godmother to some low-rent enforcer?
我要说的不是这个
That wasn't the story.
那现在就讲讲这个吧
Well, let's make it the story.
怎么会没人知道是你
How the fuck did no one know?
因为我很擅长自己的工作
'Cause I was good at me job.
我为她的家族工作了好多年
I worked years for that family.
当你热爱自己所做的
When you love what you do,
那对你来说就不再是工作
you never work a day in your life.
我每天都在工作
I worked every fucking day.
我很擅长
I was good at it.
我做了我必须做的
I did what I had to do.
只是我不知道必须要做的那么彻底
I just didn't know I'd have to do so much.
我的工作是杀人
The job's killing.
我没对这个心存幻想
I'm not under any illusion about that.
但直到明死了我才发现
But what I didn't know until Ming...
关键的不是杀死他们
it's not about killing them.
而是为了工作我们必须一次次杀死自己
It's about how many times we have to kill ourselves to do it.
多少次它夺走了自己心中残存的善良
Or how many times it takes what's best about you
并把它扯得粉碎
and fucking rips it out.
而最糟糕的是 它从不会彻底消亡
And the worst part is, it never really dies.
我希望它消失
I wish it would.
那样事情会容易很多
Would make it so much easier.
但它一直在 蚕食伤害你残存的善良
But it just sits there, the best part of you, sick and hurting.
而每次你认为它消失了
And every time you think it's gone...
每次你认为心已经死得不能再死了
every time you think you can't die inside anymore,
你还是会死掉一部分
you fucking do.
就好像第一次的感觉又涌上心头
And then it feels like the first time all over again.
好 大家谢谢利安德罗的分享
Okay, let's thank Leandro for sharing.
谢谢你 利安
Thank you, Leo.
老天啊
Christ.
总算通了
Finally.
-你好 V -我很需要和你说说话
- Hello, V. - I really need to speak to you.
-你忙吗 -没 你的事我总有时间
- Are you busy? - No, no, of course I've got time for you.
又发生了 我会伤害别人 我自己清楚
It's happening again. I'm gonna hurt someone. I know I am.
因为你我才搬来洛杉矶
You're the reason I moved out to LA.
只有你会帮我
You're the only one who helps me.
冷静点 控制下自己好好说话
In a calm manner, nice and controlled.
我感觉已经失去控制了
I don't feel in control.
告诉我 是什么惹你了
Now tell me, what kicked it off?
怎么就变成这样了
What was your trigger?
我只是在做三明治
I was just making a sandwich.
我冷静地 可控地做了一个三明治
I was calmly making a controlled sandwich.
V 你是不是在走来走去
V, are you pacing?
想着我的脸
Picture my face.
坐下
Sit down.