我盛大的同志婚礼（2007）

中国政♥府♥就是这么干的
The Chinese government is in on it.
伊丽莎白•泰勒是个大脚
And Elizabeth Taylor is Bigfoot.
关掉我的脑袋吧
Turn off my brain.
干 干
Hear, hear! Hear, hear!
蛋糕里有个麦克风
There's a microphone in the cake!
他们拿走了
They moved it.
好
Yeah.
他闻起来好像一只死了的水牛
He smell like a dead water buffalo.
噢 非常好 犹太风味
Oh, yeah! Very Jewish!
我被击中了
I've been hit!
你怎么了？
How you doing?
他自己把腿搞断了
He broke his leg.
你得女佣怎么不来帮我们？
Hey, how come your maid ain't helping us out?
她在忙别的事情 行了吧？
She's working on something else, all right?
好 知道了
Yeah, right.
你在哪儿干什么呢 菲尔•科林斯？
How you doing there, Phil Collins?
鲍伯•巴克 美国电视节目主持
曾主持《The Price is Right》节目长达35年
800块 800块 鲍伯•巴克
$800. $800, Bob Barker!
零售价不超过…
...retail price without going over...
她正忙着看鲍伯•巴克呢
She's working hard with Bob Barker.
她不喜欢在看电视的时候被打扰 来吧
She doesn't like when you talk during her shows. Come on.
750块？哦 我的天 太低了
$750? Oh, my balls, that's too low.
嘿 大肉球 我从这儿都能 闻到你的脚味 我喜欢它
Hey, Big Ragoo, I smell your feet from here. I like it.
噢…
Oh...
他觉得我的脚太臭了
He thinks my feet stink.
其实狐臭更难闻
Now, that's a stink.
看看 我就知道你得烤过火的 我告诉过你的
See, I knew you were gonna overcook this, man. I told you.
这是萨里伯力的名牛排 就该是黑色的
Hey, it's Salisbury steak, Emeril. It's supposed to be black.
臭得像大便
It stinks like manure!
是的 就该是这样的
Yeah, it's supposed to.
我不敢相信你居然给 孩子们吃这个 该死的
I can't believe you're gonna serve this to the kids. Shit.
注意措辞
Hey, language!
给 孩子们 “该死的”是一个不好的字
Okay, kids, "shit" is a bad word.
认真的和你说 我才不吃这狗屎呢
Seriously, though, I am not eating this crap!
要是我住在这儿 我会做饭的
Lf I'm living here, I'm cooking.
查克叔叔要在这儿呆多久？
How long is Uncle Chuck staying?
就一段时间 好吧？ 直到他的公♥寓♥修好了
Just for a little bit, okay? Until his apartment is fixed.
你那里怎么了？
What happened to your place?
有蟑螂
Roaches.
是啊 大蟑螂
Yeah, big giant roaches.
它们把我的狗吃了
They ate my dog.
这些杂种
Bastards!
注意措辞
Language!
蟑螂可恶心
Roaches are so ewwy.
你听到了么？蟑螂可真恶心
Did you hear that? Roaches are ewwy.
“恶心”是另一个不许 在家里说的字 行吧？
"Ewwy" is another word not allowed said in this house, okay?
我觉得恶心这次不错 - 闭嘴
I think ewwy's a nice word. Shut up.
恶心
Ewwy!
真好笑
Funny.
（电视播音员）红魔从来就没被提到过
The Reds never even came up in the conversation.
连续5个赛季都失掉了常规赛
About five straight seasons losing regular seasons,
从50年代♥开♥始特权的 恶化加剧了衰落的速度
the franchise's worse such stretch since the '50s.
但从今天的比赛来看 红魔表现的已经非常好了
Yet heading into play today, the Reds were tied for the best record in the bigs.
他们得到了每个人除了…
They've got everybody going except for...
…未能作为DL出场
...who's eligible to come off the DL,
但没有完全从跟腱发炎中恢复
but hasn't fully recovered from an inflamed tendon...
真不赖
Real smooth.
为什么？发生什么事了？
Why? What happened?
你把托丽的椅子坐坏了
You broke Tori's chair!
不 不 我没 我来的时候就是这样的
No, no, no. It was like that when I got here.
我没跟你开玩笑 我想是她自己干的
I'm not kidding you. I think she did it.
你脸上涂的什么玩意儿？
What the hell is that on your face?
我在做面膜 对我的皮肤有好处
I'm exfoliating. It's good for my skin.
嘿 这注意不错 伙计
Hey, that's a great idea, man.
要是哪个调查员来了
In case the gay inspector comes by.
是啊是啊 我就是这么想的
Yeah, yeah, that's why I was doing it.
爸爸 救命
Daddy, help!
托丽？
Tori?
有人把盖子翻上去了
Somebody left the seat up.
又一次 真不赖
Real smooth, again.
怎么了？发生了什么？
Why? What happened now?
我来时候就这样 她…她自己干的
Lt was like that when I got here. She... She did it.
没事的 宝贝
Hey, it's okay, sweetheart.
你要知道 查克叔叔还不习惯 和一位年轻女士住在一起
You see, Uncle Chuck, he's not used to living in a house with a young lady.
确实 - 来吧 宝贝
True that. Come here, honey.
慢点儿 慢点儿 慢慢的 别把她的肠子带出来
Slow, slow, slow. Don't leave her intestines in there.
哇 哇…
Whoa, whoa...
你♥爸♥爸刚刚非常羡慕你
Your father's just jealous 'Cause he can't get his butt
因为他没法把屁♥股♥放进去 - 是啊
in that thing. Yeah.
有一次他把他的屁♥股♥卡在了 一个特大号♥的按♥摩♥浴缸里
He got his butt stuck in a king-sized Jacuzzi one time.
被我看见了 - 别说了
I seen that. Stop.
还好吧
Hey, yeah.
查克叔叔 你把这个落在厨房♥了
Uncle Chuck, you left this in the kitchen.
快拿来 别看那个
Hey, don't you look at that!
我没看 - 把它给我
I didn't. Actually, you know what? Give me that.
你知道么 也许他应该看看 受受教育 - 别说了 查克
Maybe he should look at it. See. Stop it, Chuck!
不 不 不 这是个实验 认真的
No, no, no. This is an experiment. Seriously.
埃里克 看看你见到这些感觉怎么样
Eric, see how this makes you feel.
打开书
Open it up.
好吧 效果不怎么好
All right, that didn't go well.
伙计 你家里有龙舌兰酒么？ 我打算迷迷糊糊睡过去
Yo, you got any tequila in this house? I want to fall right asleep.
不 我没有
No, I don't.
这给谁的？你养了一条我不知道的狗？
What the hell is this? You got a dog I don't know about?
不 那是给你睡的 我忙了很久呢
No, that's your bed. I worked hard on that.
那才不是床呢 这才是床 你正要钻进去的这个
That ain't a bed. That's a bed, the thing you're about to cave in.
不 听着 你不能睡在这儿 明白？
No. Look, you're not sleeping here, okay?
宝拉之后没人睡在那一边了
Nobody's slept on that side since Paula.
但是 亲爱的 这可是我们的蜜月
But, sweetheart, it's our honeymoon.
我当然得和你睡在一个床上
Of course I'm sleeping in the same bed as you.
不行
No.
我穿上她睡衣怎么样？
How about if I put Paula's pajamas on?
你会把我当作她么？
Would that get me in the sack with you?
你敢碰她的睡衣试试
Don't you dare touch her PJs.
你在开玩笑吧 你还留着她的睡衣呢？
You're kidding me. You still keep her PJs?
那是病啊 拉里 真的
That's sick, Larry. Seriously.
好吧
All right.
我看你得去找个心理医生
You gotta call the shrink.
我上♥床♥了 拉里
I'm coming in the bed, Larry.
嘿 看看 你给我准备了 一个保龄球烟灰缸
Whoa, look at this. You made me a little bowling ball ashtray.
你真贴心 我明天早上起来再抽
That's sweet of you. I'll smoke that in the morning.
我感觉一点儿都不好 伙计
I don't feel comfortable with this, buddy, at all.
我给你摆个姿势你会不会好受点儿？
Would it help if I gave you the pose?
嘿 把你的脚从床的那边拿开
Hey, get your foot off that side of the bed.
放尊重些 好么？
Have some respect, would you, please?
我会放尊重的 你都不会感觉到我在这儿
Yeah, I'll be respectful. You won't even know I'm here.
哦 天啊 - 你不会感觉到我的 好吧？
Oh, God. You won't know I'm here, okay?
你能把灯关了么？ 这样你都看不见我了
Why don't you turn the light off? You won't even see me.
我不在这儿 拉里
I'm not around, Larry.
好了好了 看 很好 翻身了
Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah. Roll over.
让你自己感觉舒服些
Make yourself comfortable.
这就对了
That's right.
充气娃娃在这儿么？
You got Cinemax in here?
不在
No, I do not.
我要是在这儿用那玩意儿怎么样？
What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?
离我远点儿
Keep it away from me.
你能把脚借我用用么？我开玩笑呢
Can you lend me your foot for a second? I'm kidding.
拉里
Larry.
你背叛了我 拉里
You betrayed me, Larry.
你答应过没人能睡在这一侧的…
You made a promise no one would sleep on my side of...
好了 停 停 停
All right. Hey, hey, hey.