我盛大的同志婚礼（2007）

我要把这根棍子插♥进♥你的屁♥股♥ 把你变成一根棒棒糖
I'll stick this pole up your ass, turn you into a lollipop.
你是说我还是说你儿子呢？
You talking to me or your son?
快给我下来 我要打你的屁♥股♥
Get down here now! I'll give you an ass-beating!
我要把你干掉
I will destroy you!
看 拉里 好消息 我给你找了点儿吃的
Hey, Larry, good news. I found you something to eat.
不错 伙计 我会吃下去的
Cool, man. I will devour that.
你会怎样？
You what?
好吧 如果你把这东西的脑袋吃下去 我就给你1000块
All right, I'll give you 1,000 bucks you eat this thing's head.
要是你真给我1000块 我就从屁♥股♥一直吃到脑袋
For 1,000 bucks, I'll start at the ass and work my way to the head.
这我得看看了
This I gotta see, baby.
来吧
Come on.
往这儿扔
Nothing but net.
给你 伙计
Here you go, buddy.
查克
Chuck!
拉里 - 查克
Larry! Chuck!
总部 总部 223小组 队员遇险
Mayday! Mayday! Ladder 223, firefighter down.
真该死 我把老鼠丢了 伙计
Holy shit! I dropped the rat, dude.
我们得下次再吃了
We'll have to do that another time.
没关系 伙计 放松 保持冷静
That's all right, buddy. Just relax. Stay calm.
这玩意儿要断了 把我从这儿弄出去
This thing's gonna break, man. Get the hell out of here!
别动 哥们儿 我们活着进来 也要活着出去 来吧
No! Hey, man, we came in alive, we're going out the same way. Come on!
不 不
No! No!
我接到你了
I got you!
我们发现他们了
We got them over here!
查克 哥们儿快醒醒
Chuck! Come on, man.
小心头上
Heads up! Chuck.
紧急情况 紧急情况 两位队员遇险
Urgent! Urgent! Two members down!
拉文先生
Mr. Levine?
拉文先生？
Mr. Levine?
你知道你在哪儿么？
Do you know where you are?
我是不是在莫力•克鲁的电影里？ 因为你身材好辣
Am I in a Motley Crue video? 'Cause you're hot.
甜心 我朋友怎么样了？
Honey, how's my buddy doing?
甜心？
Honey?
我们预计会他会完全康复的
We're expecting a full recovery.
同时 拉文先生 请称呼我为“医生”
And, Mr. Levine, please address me as "Doctor."
甜心医生 好的 听你的
Dr. Honey. Yeah, okay, you got it.
查克 怎么样了 伙计？
Chuck. What's going on, man?
你要挺住 拉里
Brace yourself, Larry.
我该怎么和你说呢 情况有点儿糟糕
What I'm gonna tell you is pretty rough.
他们把你的整个身体都切除了
They removed your entire body.
你现在就剩个脑袋了
You're nothing but a head now.
什么？
What?
他们说你脑袋里 有足够多的脂肪来重建整个身体
They said that there was enough fat in your head to rebuild you a new body,
因此他们找了科学家 在另一个房♥间研究这个问题
so they got scientists in the other room working on it.
上帝保佑 你会好起来的
God willing, you're gonna be all right.
你知道么 你就是个混球
You know, you're such a dick.
实际情况是你救了我的命 哥们儿
What's going on is you saved my life, man.
要是你不那么做 我早就没命了
I would've died if you didn't do what you did.
你能不能不像演戏似的？
Would you stop being so melodramatic?
不能 我欠你的情 这是规矩
No. I owe you. That's the code.
无论你要什么 无论何时你要
Whatever you want, whenever you want it.
无论何物 无论何时
Whatever, whenever.
无论何物？ - 是的
Whatever? Yes.
我要那只老鼠
I'll take that rat.
你能不能把那只老鼠给我找来？ 我现都要饿死了
You want to find that rat for me? 'Cause I'm hungry as hell.
老爸 - 埃里克
Hi, Dad. Eric.
托丽 嗨 伙计们 进来
Tori. Hey, guys, come on in.
他们把我从教室里叫出来
They called me out of class,
没人告诉我发生了什么 你怎么了？
and nobody would tell me for, like, a really long time what was wrong.
你死过去了？
Did you die?
不 没 爸爸很好
Oh, no, Daddy's fine, buddy.
要是我愿意 我现在就能回家
I could go home right now if I wanted to.
我现在还在这儿 是因为查克叔叔 他不敢一个人睡觉
I'm only staying here because your Uncle Chuck, he's afraid to sleep alone.
是这样的 埃里克 如果他不和我一块睡 我就要和甜心医生一块睡了
It's true, Eric. If he don't sleep with me, then I gotta sleep with Dr. Honey.
同时你也不会知道 甜心医生会变得多么开心
And you never know with Dr. Honey what kind of mood she's gonna be in.
你多大了 六岁么？
What are you, six years old?
嘿 你上哪儿去？过来 躺在我身边
Hey, where you going? Come here. Lay down next to me.
我分点儿兴♥奋♥剂♥给你 我们来找点儿乐子
I'll split a Vicodin with you. We'll have some fun.
快来 你这个小家伙
Come on. You little tease.
甜心医生 - 甜心医生
Dr. Honey. Dr. Honey.
亲爱的 怎么了 过来 没事的
Sweetie, what's the matter? Come here. It's okay.
你知道 妈妈当初也是在这家医院
This is the same hospital. You know. Mom.
我不会离开你们的 你们听到了么？
I'm not gonna leave you. You hear me?
我永远不会离开你们
I'm never gonna leave you.
我要辞职不干了
I'm quitting the department.
别这么说 伙计
Get out of here, man.
不 真的 罗纳多的堂兄在特雷顿 开了家本♥田♥讴歌♥的销♥售♥店
No, Renaldo's cousirs got an Acura dealership down in Trenton.
你要去卖♥♥♥车♥？讴歌♥？
You want to sell cars? Acuras?
我也不想这么干
I don't want to.
每次我冲进火场 都不知道自己会不会死
Every time I run into a fire, where's my head gonna be?
孩子们就靠我了 要是我死了…
I'm all my kids got left. If I die...
只是不想什么都不能给他们留下
Just don't wanna leave them with nothing.
你父亲是个消防队员 你爷爷也是
Your father was a fireman. His father was a fireman.
你也是消防队员 伙计
You are a fireman, man.
布鲁克林区有史以来最好的消防队员之一 就是这么回事 你别的事什么也做不了
One of the best Brooklyrs ever seen. That's it. You can't do nothing else.
我想我也没有什么别的选择
I don't think I have any other choice.
我们来一起面对这些事 好吧？
We'll come up with something, all right?
来吧 我保证
Come on, I promise you.
哦 看啊 可怜的小查里
Oh, poor Charlie.
你们好啊 我的姑娘们
Hey, there are my girls.
你怎么了？你还好么？ - 我的腿受伤了
How are you? How you doing? Oh, my leg hurts.
你感觉怎么样？
How are you feeling?
当心我的腿
My leg.
天啊 我们过着完全不同的生活
Oh, God. We got different lives.
我要你们帮我离开这儿 好的 查克没事的
I need some help out of here. All right, Chuck's doing all right.
让我们上车吧
Let's get in here.
嘿 你们谁想给我的臀部肌肉做放松？
Hey, who wants to massage my ass muscles?
我 - 我
Me! - Me!
拉里
Larry.
现在几点了？ - 凌晨四点
What time is it? 4:00.
我救了你的命 你说你欠我个情 你还记得么？
I saved your life, and you said you owed me. You remember that?
当然 你救了我的命
Yeah, you saved my life.
然后又在早上四点把我从床上叫起来
Then you got me out of bed at 4:00 in the morning.
我们扯平了 就这样吧 - 听着
We're even. That's great. Look.
伙计 听着 我正在和你说一些事情
Hey, look, I'm just gonna throw something out here,
而且这听起来会有点儿疯狂
and it's gonna sound a little bit crazy.
你要去做缩胸手术？ - 不 闭嘴 听我说
You're getting a breast reduction. No, shut up.
不是那样 你看 我找到了一个 可以解决抚恤金问题的方法
No, look, I figured out how to solve this pension problem,
同时我还不用离开消防队
and I don't have to quit the Department.
太好了 什么办法？
Great. How?
我们要做的就是做一些事情
What we're gonna do is we're gonna set things up
让你成为我死后的保险受益人
so that you inerit my benefits if I die.
如果那样的话 你就是埃里克和托丽的监护人之一
That way you'll be the one responsible for Eric and Tori.
当然 是个好主意 我们怎么办？
Absolutely. That's a great idea. How do we do that?
这么办 建立家庭关系
Yeah. Domestic partnership.
建立家庭关系？
Domestic partnership.
你是说像男同性恋那样？ - 不
You mean like faggots? No.
我想是的 不 也不是 不是我们 显然
I mean, yeah, but, no, not us, obviously.
不 不是 你知道… 其实只是纸面上的
No, no, not, you know... It's just on paper, really.
纸面玻璃（男同）？
Paper faggots?
哦 好吧 听着 正式的说法 应该是“同志” 但是确实 是玻璃
Okay, look, the accepted vernacular is "gay," but, yeah.
我得找点儿喝的东西
I'm gonna get something to drink.
好吧
All right.
来点儿
Right.
你还是找别人吧
I'm gonna have to pass.
你不能这样
You can't!
你为什么不付钱给个妞儿 让她和你结婚呢？
Why don't you pay some chick to marry you if you need this set-up?
妞儿？哪个？ - 把电♥话♥拿来
Some chick? Like who? Give me the phone.
我认识好多能让你花钱的妞儿
I know plenty of chicks who could use the cash.
你要什么样的？金发的？波多黎各的？
What do you want? A blonde? A Puerto Rican?