我盛大的同志婚礼（2007）

那哥们很强
That dude was pretty good. Yeah!
蛋蛋和棍子之家
Balls and wieners.
是真的吗？
Is it true?
埃里克斯？
Alex?
看这个
Look at this.
十六个女人声称 在过去的一年半里
Sixteen depositions from women who claim to have slept with you
曾跟你上过床
over the last year and a half.
只有十六个吗？
Just 16?
感谢上帝啊 其他的500个都是文盲
Thank God the 500 other ones couldn't read or write.
打住 你知道这些女人 也知道他做过这些？
Wait a minute. You knew about him and all these women?
埃里克斯 知道什么？ 我们已经携手跨过这个障碍
Alex, know what it is? We've been through this before.
查克他...
Chuck's...
他有个小问题
He's got a bit of a problem.
他之所以跟这些女人鬼混
He messes around with women because
是因为他羞于做同志
he's ashamed of being gay.
现在 就是你一个人的问题了
Now, is it all just about you,
是不是你从来不在乎别人的感受呢？
or do you really just don't consider anybody else's feelings?
是的 我不在乎 我就是个同志花♥花♥公♥子♥
No, I don't. I'm just a big gay jerk.
你干嘛呢 - 你不是喜欢这个？
What are you doing? You know you like that.
兄弟们 就要阴沟翻船了
Guys, guys, the shit is about to hit the fan, okay?
如果你们要我为你们辩护
And if I'm gonna defend you,
你们就得跟我说实话
I have to know the truth.
你必须看着我的眼睛 告诉我你们是同志
You have to look me in the eyes and tell me that you are gay
并且你们的婚姻是合法可信的
and that this marriage is legitimate.
埃里克斯 我们是同志
Alex, we're gay, okay?
我们的确结婚了
And we are married.
是真的
It's real.
你能帮我们吗？
Can you help us out?
好的
Okay.
他们的调查将会很残酷
Okay. This investigation is gonna get rough.
他们会问你们生活的每个细节
They are gonna quiz you about every detail of your lives,
你们婚姻关系的方方面面
every aspect of your relationship.
不过只要你们说实话 我保证你们会没事
But since you guys are telling the truth, then I'm sure you'll be fine.
说实话 我当时跟她在一起的时候 觉得她是个男人
Just for the record, I thought this was a man when I was with her.
这对我们有帮助吗？
Does that help us out at all?
重头来过 你生日几号♥？
Let's go over it again. Your birthday?
4月26日 金牛座
April 26th. Taurus.
知道了
Got it.
你的呢？
Yours?
9月9日 处♥女♥座
September 9th. Virgo.
你最喜欢的内衣品牌？
How about your favorite brand of underwear?
CK先生
That would be Mr. Calvin Klein.
我还可以告诉你我最讨厌的
I can tell you my least favorite.
哇
Whoa!
我爱你 月历先生
I love you, Mr. February!
你们完蛋了 你们真让人憎恶 同性恋
You're going down! You're an abomination! Homo!
我着火啦 快帮我呀
I'm on fire! Help me!
我们与你同在 拉里
We're all with you, Larry!
同性恋无敌
Fear the queer!
不应撒谎
Thou shalt not lie with men!
好了 月历先生
All right, Mr. February,
现在咱们就给他们看看 我们有多恩爱
let's go show these guys how married we are.
谁怕谁
What the heck?
你们在这儿干嘛
What are you guys doing here?
我们来这儿道歉 并且支持你们 就像你们一贯支持我们那样
We're here to apologize and back you up, like you always did for us.
这份工作让我们 永远的失去了一些朋友
Yeah, we all lost a lot of friends on this job that we will never get back.
我们不想因为自己的愚蠢 多失去两位挚友
We don't want to lose two more because we were being thickheaded.
是啊 我们是一生的伙伴
Yeah. We're partners for life.
不是像你们俩这个性质的
Not partners like youse two,
不过你知道我的意思啦
but you know what I mean.
嗯
Yeah.
我爱你们
I love youse guys.
好的 兄弟
That's all right, man.
调戏他 不不 我开玩笑的 我开玩笑的 努奇
Molest him! No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding you, Nootz. I'm kidding.
嘿 查克 - 啊？
Hey, Chuckie. Yeah?
我想要问你一个事情 - 什么？
I gotta ask you something. I mean... What's up?
为什么你选择拉里？
...why'd you pick Larry?
我是说 我常去健身 还修眉
I mean, I work out, I tweeze my unibrow.
难道我对你来说 不够好看？
Am I not good-looking enough for you or some shit?
不不不 罗纳多 你不是我喜欢的型
No, no, no. Renaldo, you're just not my type.
你够10分呢
You're a 10.
我就是喜欢肥佬 那是我的型
I just like them chubby. That's my thing.
我得10分
I'm a 10!
你听到吗？我得10分
You hear that? I'm a 10!
满分100分的
On a scale to 100.
你只是嫉妒我 因为男同喜欢我
You're just jealous 'Cause gay guys like me.
各位早上好 我是市政厅厅长丹尼尔•班克斯
Good morning, everyone. I'm Daniel Banks, City Council President,
今天的聆讯由我主持
and I'll be presiding over these proceedings.
由于聆讯将会持续很长时间 所以先从主要事件开始
It's going to be a long day, so let's dispense with the preliminaries
您可以发言了 费茨先生
and just get started. Mr. Fitzer.
谢谢 厅长大人
Thank you, Your Councilship.
一会儿再吃
It's for later.
华伦太先生 请告诉我们 您为何与拉文先生结婚
Mr. Valentine, please tell us why you married Mr. Levine.
爱
Love.
是啊是啊 我就是这么说的 同志之爱
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Gay love!
请坐下 先生
Please sit down, sir.
对不起
Sorry.
拉文先生 - 哎
Mr. Levine. Yeah.
十六位女性声称曾与你
Sixteen local women claim to have had
发生过性关系 直到今年四月中旬
sexual relations with you as recently as mid-April,
其中还包括你结婚那天 “交往”的四位加拿大脱衣舞♥女♥
including four Canadian strippers the morning of your "marriage."
的确 我曾经与这些女人 发生过性关系
That's true. I did have sexual relationships with them girls,
只不过是因为我没有办法做出承诺
but I was kind of having a commitment issue.
拉里已经原谅我了
Larry's forgiven me for that.
而我唯一在乎就是拉里怎么想
And that's all that counts to me is what Larry thinks.
说得对 费茨 你真烂
That's right, Fitzer, you suck!
再犯一次 就请你出去 先生
One more and you're out, sir.
对不起 长官 你很酷 他很烂 我是同志 我出去
Sorry, sir, you're cool. He sucks. I'm gay. I'm out. All right.
我们应该单个提问了
We should question them ex parte.
先生们 - 是
Gentlemen. Yeah?
现在 我们要分别问你们问题
At this time, we'd like to interview you individually.
拉文先生 请先回避
Mr. Levine, please step outside.
好的 没问题
Yeah. No problem.
我会想你的
I'll miss you.
我也会想你 宝贝
I'll miss you, too, buddy.
我喜欢来硬的
I like it rough!
临别一掐
One for the road.
喜欢来硬的
Like it rough.
查克搬进来之前 都是我做饭
I did the cooking until Chuck moved in.
现在厕所一团糟
The toilet was thankful.
沃尔夫冈•帕克 著名明星主厨 奥斯卡晚宴官方厨师之一
参与过美国铁人料理、美国偶像等许多电视节目 其开设的CUT牛排馆荣登《米其林美食指南手册》洛杉矶地区推荐餐厅之选
他厨艺很烂 我是沃尔夫冈食神 他是沃尔夫冈瘟神
He ain't the greatest chef in the world. I'm Wolfgang Puck to his Wolfgang Suck.
我们是1987年在消防员学校认识的
We met back in the fire academy in 1987.
我在班里是尖子生
I was top of our class.
他上班第一天就把自己眉毛烧光了
He burned off his eyebrows first day. Gone.
拉里当时想吞火 我记得
Larry tried to eat the fire, I remember that.
他最喜欢的歌♥是 蓝色牡蛎的《别畏惧收割机》
His favorite song, Don't Fear the Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult.
詹姆斯•布朗特的《你真美》 人们总认为我是女方
You're Beautiful by James Blunt. And people think I'm the woman.
你真美
You're beautiful
每次都能打动我 也不知道为啥
Just gets me every time. I don't know.
你真美
You're beautiful
很美的一首歌♥
That is a nice song.
我最让他着迷的地方 可能是我的爱抚
The thing he likes most about me is probably my love handles.
每一个爱抚
All of them.
我想应该是我含情脉脉的双眼 就像小猫咪一样
I'd say my sweet, sensitive eyes, like that of a kitten.
我们工作中最遭的一天？
The worst day we ever had on the job?
有个小孩掉进游泳池
This little kid fell in a swimming pool.
查克第一个赶到
Chuck was the first one there.
我潜入水中
I dove in.
他把小孩拖了出来
He pulled him out.