碎梦汇编（2018）

有20万亿欧元
is 20 trillion euros.
所以 想象一下 从欧元到美元
So, imagine to change that amount, from euros to dollars
以欧元到美元 不断来回重复
to euros to dollars, back and forth, back and forth.
需要多少次
How many times would it take
才能所有的钱都花光
for fees to eat up all that cash?
好吧 猜猜
Well, guess.
这是公式
Here is the formula.
我们把它放到Excel表中
We put it into an Excel sheet.
答案是849次
And the answer is 849 times,
剩下18美分
18 cents remain.
2美分被微软的Excel表格吃掉了
And 2 cents get eaten by Microsoft Excel rounding errors.
但微软总是能得到自己的份额
But Microsoft always gets its fair share.
我需要休息一下
I need a break.
我不知道为什么我总是会去咖啡店
I don't know why I keep returning to coffee shops.
我不喜欢喝咖啡
I don't even like coffee.
我是一个不合格的奥地利人
I'm a bad Austrian.
至少这个地方没有嬉皮士
Well, at least this one is a hipster-free zone.
服务员
- Waiter!
你好 沃尔特先生 我想要一件丑闻
Hello, Herr Walter, I'd like one scandal, please.
好的 施拉姆施兰丁格
- Certainly, Frau Schlammpeitzinger.
我们有处方药品丑闻 医疗丑闻
We have a prescription drug scandal, a healthcare scandal,
或者是腐♥败♥丑闻
or a corruption scandal.
每一种都加了鲜奶油
Each topped with whipped cream.
没有艺术丑闻？
- No art scandal?
没有 夫人
- No, madame.
哦 真令人失望
- Oh, what a disappointment!
我多么想要一个艺术丑闻
How I would love an art scandal!
那可能有点难 夫人
- That might be a little difficult, madame.
我们不再生活在60年代
We no longer live in the '60s.
噢 求你了
- Oh please!
就在几年前 萨尔茨堡有一个
Just a couple of years ago there was one in Salzburg,
那匹马身上有塑料阴♥茎♥的那个
the one with the plasticine penis on that horse!
为什么萨格纳格尔没有
And what about Sargnagel!
（注：德国歌♥手）
这就是夫人你觉得
- And that is what madame
算是艺术丑闻的事情吗
would consider a proper art scandal?
拜托
Please!
其实我想说
If madame would allow me a remark,
这种丑闻的持续时间可以忽略不计
the longevity of such a scandal is negligible,
在推特上 这一数字仅为一秒
on a par with a mere second on Twitter.
如果你想要这样的服务
We'll catch hell from the health department
我们可以从卫♥生♥部♥门那里搞到一大堆
if we serve you something like that.
这就是艺术丑闻的拙劣借口
A poor excuse for an art scandal.
拜托啦
- Come on.
这可能是我最后一次在维也纳
This may be the last time I am in Vienna,
我想要听听艺术丑闻 就像在1968年
and I want my art scandal, like old times, 1968,
维也纳的行动主义者
'Uniferkelei'... you know, when the Viennese Actionists
在大学的书桌上拉粑粑
shat on a desk at the university.
非常有伤风化
Something risqué.
我是一个老妇人 我已经习惯了一定水平的
I'm an elderly woman and I am used to a certain level
艺术奢侈
of artistic extravagance!
我明白了 我明白了
- I see, I see.
然而 如果你想要的是这种事
However, if that is what you're after,
你必须找一个纪律严明的社会
you'd have to live in a disciplinary society
你来错地方了
and you're in the wrong place for that.
你能不能解释一下 我在1975年读过
- Would you kindly explain, the last philosopher
哈贝马斯后就没看过哲学的书了
I read was Habermas in 1975!
让我来解释一下纪律吧
- Let's explain discipline.
在人的一生中
In the course of a lifetime,
一个人从一个封闭的框架
an individual switches from one closed framework
转移到另一个封闭的框架
of confinement to another,
每个人都按照自己的法则行事
where each one operates according to its own laws,
从家庭到学校
from the family to the school,
然后是大学 工厂 或者军队
then to university or factory or the military,
不时地去医院
from time to time to the hospital
最后到达最典型的封闭场所
and eventually to the quintessential framework
监狱
of confinement, the prison.
这一功能十分清晰 惩罚严明
The function is always clear, discipline and punishment.
那一个人是如何逃脱的呢
- And how does one go about escaping?
我想这一定很困难
I can imagine that must be difficult.
你说的确实很困难 但不是不可能
- It is indeed difficult as you say, but not impossible.
纪律和惩罚当然是有效的
Discipline and punishment are certainly effective,
然而 至少它们产生了一种内在的阻力
yet at least they produce an inner resistance,
同时也有可能避免这两种情况
as well as the possibility to avoid either.
如果黑客不攻击和嘲笑这些控制机制的话
It's hard to monitor in absolute terms,
用绝对的条件来是监控很困难的
and there are always ways of avoiding,
不过总有一些方法可以避免
if not hacking and ridiculing these mechanisms of control.
让我们以工作为例
Let's take work as an example.
你讨厌你的老板 他总是命令你
You hate your boss, he commands you all the time,
他没有付你足够的钱
he doesn't pay you enough,
所以你要寻找漏洞和利益点
so you look for loopholes and niches
就像去厕所的长途旅行 盗窃工作材料
like long trips to the toilet, theft of work materials,
滥用硬软件 病假
misuse of hard and software, sick leave,
假装看起来很忙
pretending to look busy,
装傻
playing dumb.
我想要艺术丑闻
- I want my art scandal?
-原谅我 夫人 你似乎不明白
- Forgive me, madame, you don't seem to understand.
我们不再生活在一个有纪律的社会中
We are not really living in a disciplinary society anymore.
世界正在变成一个控制社会
The world is changing into a control society.
例如 监控摄像头在上面有贴纸
For example, surveillance cameras now have stickers on them
上面写着：“微笑 你在镜头前 ”
that read: "Smile, you are on camera!"
它是友好的
It's friendly and embracing!
或者 谷歌♥创建了一个免费的增强现实游戏
Or, Google created a free augmented reality game
被称为INGRESS
called INGRESS that is played and loved
数以百万计的人爱不释手
by millions of people.
玩家们没有意识到他们实际上是在输入
The players don't realize that they are actually entering
自己的地理信息供谷歌♥使用和销♥售♥
geographical information that Google uses and sells.
谷歌♥把昂贵的劳动密集型数据录入
Google turned expensive, labor-intensive data entry
变为了游戏 现在人们免费为他们工作
into a game, and now people work for them free,
他们甚至没有发觉
without even knowing.
其中一个最好的例子就是我
One of the best examples is my old religious studies
从20世纪80年代♥开♥始的宗教研究
book from the 1980s.
它宣传一种负责任的性行为
It propagated a responsible treatment of sexuality,
而不是古老的教义
instead of the age-old catechistic way.
手♥淫♥突然可以接受了
Masturbation was suddenly okay,
但你必须以“负责任”的方式来手♥淫♥
but you had to do it in a 'responsible' way.
夫人 我希望你能理解
Madame, I hope you can understand
你要怎么保持一个“负责任的”勃起呢
that it isn't possible to maintain a 'responsible' erection!
这是一种内化控制的背信弃义的把戏
It was all a perfidious trick to internalize control.
微笑 玩耍 手♥淫♥
- Smiling, playing, masturbating?
当一个人将控制权内化
- The moment a person internalizes the control,
使之成为他们心理构成的一个组成部分
making it an integral part of their psychological makeup
他们的想法的时候 就变成了绝对主义
and their thinking, it becomes absolute.
不再有任何外部的控制
There is no longer anything external to that control.
不会再有人来告诉你该怎么做
You don't have to be told to behave anymore.
你用觉得对自己有利的方式生活
You want to behave because you think it's good for you.
要颠覆自己的认知是很困难的
And it is very hard to subvert yourself.
这对你养家糊口的工作来说尤其令人讨厌
This is especially perfidious for your bread-winning job.
现在你的老板是你的朋友
Your boss is your friend nowadays,
因为这样可以更容易的压榨你
because it makes it easier to exploit you.
工人 现在被称为雇员
Workers, now called employees,
开始认同公♥司♥本身的身份
begin to identify with the corporate identity
导致了一种
of the firm itself, resulting in a kind of
精神上对公♥司♥的共享
spiritual share in the company.
你知道现在有很多公♥司♥
Did you know that many corporations now
有自己专属的歌♥吗
have their own anthems?
看 这是弗拉基米尔图马耶夫表演的
Look, here is the one of Gazprom,
俄♥罗♥斯♥天然气工业公♥司♥的歌♥曲
performed by Vladimir Tumayev.
新自♥由♥主义俄♥罗♥斯♥人饮酒歌♥曲
- Neoliberal Russian drinking songs!
这太过分了
This is too much!
我甚至不会在茶里放朗姆酒