嗜血之爱（2019）

用心看
Keep your thinking caps on.
这可不好笑
Dude, not cool.
-你真的觉得我从她那里染了什么病吗？ -嘘 注意
- You really think I got something from her? - Shh. Pay attention.
这是个十几岁的普通男孩
Meet your average teenage boy.
那个乐队很烂 对吗？
That band sucked. Am I right?
我喝醉了
I'm drunk
很无聊
and bored.
他还认为自己很幸运
He thinks he's going to get lucky.
但是这几秒钟的愉悦是要付出代价的
But there's a price to pay for a few seconds of pleasure.
这故事是关于...
This is the story of...
杰克犯下的错
Jake's mistake.
他当然也叫杰克啦 不意外
Of course his name is Jake.
我今天早上抽的大♥麻♥里究竟有些什么料？
What was in that weed I smoked this morning?
杰克遇到了一个在寻觅伴侣的嗜性野猫
Jake's just met a sexual wildcat on the prowl.
我们叫她马兹
We'll call her Mazzy.
你带避孕套了吗？
Have you got a condom?
马兹说她不相信避孕套
Mazzy says she doesn't believe in condoms.
但是有人愿意和杰克发♥生♥关♥系♥ 杰克是肯定不会拒绝的
And Jake doesn't believe in saying no to anyone willing to have sex with him.
当然 现在感觉很不错
Sure it feels good now.
真的很好
Really good.
如此之好
So good.
但是我敢打赌第二天杰克低头看自己裤裆时
But I bet Jake won't feel so good the next day
肯定就没这么快乐了
when he looks down his pants and sees this.
别学杰克
Don't be like Jake.
他怎么了？
What the fuck's wrong with him?
哦 他觉得性病大学那个叫马兹的女孩传染给他艾滋病了
Oh, he's convinced that Mazzy girl from STD University gave him AIDS.
那你能怎么样 不和她做♥爱♥么？
What were you supposed to do? Not have sex with her?
我能选吗？
Was that an option?
是我的话我会更担心把她弄怀孕了
I'd be more worried about knocking her up.
至少怀孕问题也不大啊
At least pregnancy is an easy fix.
任何女生和杰克那个后只要
I mean, anyone that let Jake nail her has probably got
去一趟堕胎诊所就行了 还"买♥♥♥二♥送♥一♥"呢
a "buy two and get one free" punch card at the abortion clinic.
哦 他妈的 摄像霍尔德来了
Oh, fuck. Here comes Head-Cam Harold.
你们有见过机器人先生吗？
Have you seen Mr. Robot?
她不见了
She's missing.
最近怎么经常有狗失踪？
What's with all the missing dogs lately?
你见过机器人先生吗？她不见了
Have you seen Mr. Robot? She's missing.
就叫做Itty Bitty Twitty
It's called Itty Bitty Twitty.
就像简易版推特一样
It's like Twitter's adorbs little baby.
但不能输入140个字符那么多
But instead of 140 characters,
只有20个
you only get 20.
这样就可以消除所有无聊的废话
Cuts out all the boring small talk.
你觉得如何 阿曼达？
What do you think, Amanda?
你想成为Itty Bitty Twitty委员会的成员吗？
You want to be on the Itty Bitty Twitty Committee?
这是我听过的最糟糕的主意
That's the worst idea I've ever heard.
人们用推特可不是为了废话
People don't use Twitter for small talk.
他们一般都是用来发表很正经的言论
They use it for, like, important statements and stuff.
你直接说不就够了
A simple no would have been fine.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我有点不舒服
I haven't been feeling well.
我看得出来
I can tell.
你看起来很糟糕
You look terrible.
你们觉得她俩以前在一起过吗？
Think those two ever hook up?
当然
Of course.
不然她们为什么会一起加入啦啦队呢？
Why else would you join the cheerleaders, right?
现实生活中不会发生这种事的
You know, that shit doesn't happen in real life.
不是吗？
Right?
想赌一下吗？
Wanna bet?
我很想说这是我在做梦或者是我的幻觉
I'd love to say this was another dream or hallucination,
但这确实真的发生了
but this was really happening.
如果阿曼达·布雷克都这么做了
And if Amanda Blake was doing it,
谁会拒绝呢？
who was I to say no?
快点 我们必须离开这里！
Come on, come on, we got to get out of here!
然后事情就发生了
And that's when it happened.
你的脸怎么了？
Dude, what's wrong with your face?
顺便一提
For the record,
这是今天发生的最令人不安的事情
this is the most disturbing thing that happened today.
又见面了
Hello again.
你已经看到了一堆青年吃人的场景
You've seen a couple of teenagers eat a bunch of people
又血腥又混乱吧
and make a big, bloody mess.
是时候轮到我登场了
Finally, it's my time to enter the picture.
还记得之前提到的秘密机构吗？
Remember the whole secret government agency thing?
这就是了
Well, here we go.
血肉模糊 恶心
Hmm. Meatloaf. Gross.
回到高中的感觉一定很奇怪
Must be weird to be back in high school.
嗯 我那时候可没有这么多尸体
Hmm. Mine had way fewer corpses.
汤姆是我的搭档
Tom's my partner.
他一直都很严肃
He acts super serious all the time,
因为他认为我们正在拯救人类
because he thinks we're saving humanity.
我想我们应该算是吧
I guess we kind of are.
你还是重新考虑下狩猎坏死者这个职业吧
Reevaluating hunting necrotics as your career choice.
政♥府♥让我作出选择来着
I mean, the government gave me a choice.
选这个还是陪审团
This or jury duty.
我选择猎杀坏死者
So I went with hunting necros.
我们喜欢称丧尸为坏死者
We like to call zombies necrotics,
因为这么叫听起来更聪明
because it makes us sound smarter.
这是我们目前见过的最多的尸体吧
Highest body count we've ever had.
嘿 这是个三好学生么
Hey, is that an honor student,
还是说是圆领茄子奶酪？
or an eggplant parmesan in a crew neck?
别这么病态开始干正事好吗？
Quit being morbid and get a handle on this, all right?
他并不总是这样喜欢坏人心情
He's not always such a Debbie Downer.
嘿 我们有点像双胞胎 不是吗？
Hey, we kinda look like twins, don't we?
异常地像
The resemblance is uncanny.
她拍了视频吗？
Think she got a video?
这样会省下我们很多事儿
Make our job easier.
让我们来看看
Let's see.
是的
Yeah.
看起来我们得按土方法来了
Looks like we're doing it the old-fashioned way.
她他妈的有什么问题？
What's her fucking problem?
Itty Bitty Twitty很不错
Itty Bitty Twitty is a great idea.
比她的球球追踪应用好多了
Better than Gone Pom, her pompom tracking app.
我骗谁呢
Who am I kidding?
她的想法真的很棒
That idea was awesome.
她很棒
She's awesome.
哦 我的天呐 她是想亲我吗？
Oh, my God. Is she trying to kiss me?
我...不知道阿曼达是...
I... didn't know Amanda was...
一共有两个丧尸
There were two of them.
至少我们知道他为什么这么饿了
At least we know why he was so hungry.
嗯 我们应该给该地区的每家7-11和餐饮店安置装甲车
Yeah, we should put out an APB to every 7-Eleven and taco truck in the area.
抱歉 亚当
Sorry, Adam.
有趣 可口的混♥蛋♥
Funny, tasty son of a bitch.
"有趣 可口的混♥蛋♥"
"Funny, tasty son of a bitch."
怎么了？
What was that?
嗯 没什么 我试着通了一下灵
Uh, nothing. Uh, I made a connection.
希望他们还在一起
Hopefully they're still together.
这样会更容易跟踪一些
They can be easier to track.
让我们去猎杀一些坏死者吧
Let's go kill some necros.
我不知为何
I can't really explain it,
但是我没有从杰克那里感到典型的坏死者气息
but I didn't get the typical necro vibe from Jake.
也许是因为他和我年龄差不多 或者...
Maybe it's because he was my age, or...
也许是他的小烟斗使我有点兴奋
Or maybe I was getting a psychic high from his vaporizer.
但是 无论如何
But, look, whatever it was,
他不像是个怪物
he felt less like a monster,
更像是我在高中时的某个朋友
and more like someone I might have been friends with in high school.
可惜他不得不死
Too bad he had to die.
杰克
Jake.
杰克！
Jake!
杰克！快醒过来！
Jake! Wake up!
天哪
Holy shit.
我又在做梦吗？
Am I dreaming again?