嗜血之爱（2019）

仔细听了
Listen closely.
我只剩不到一分钟的时间告诉你接下来的事情
I've got less than a minute to tell you what you need to know.
收起手♥机♥注意听
Put your phones away and pay attention.
不然你可能会变成别人的晚餐
Or you could end up as someone's dinner.
这些可都是机密内容
All of this is classified.
额 至少到刚刚之前还是机密
Well, I guess it was, until now.
全国各地开始出现
Isolated cases of a zombie virus
个别的丧尸案例
started popping up around the country.
是的 就是丧尸
Yup. Zombies.
一个秘密机构为了阻止它的传播而成立
A small covert agency was formed to quietly contain it...
不论采取任何手段
By any means necessary.
任何
Literally.
我和其他同仁都被招了进来
I was recruited, along with others like me,
因为我们...
because of our...
我想你也知道 我们有特异功能
I guess you could say, special skills.
后面再介绍我自己吧
More on me later.
我们对病毒依然所知甚少
We still don't know much about the virus,
甚至不知道是怎么开始的
or how it started.
我们唯一知道的是
All we do know is
它会把人变成喜欢吞噬器官的丧尸
it turns people into zombie freaks who eat all of your organs.
什么都吃
Even the nasty, ugly ones.
呕 恶心
Ew. Yuck.
对于所有管不住自己下半身的人
And for all of you who can't keep it in your pants,
做好保护措施吧
use protection.
因为它是通过性传播的
Because it's transmitted through sex.
该死的！你太性感了
Damn! You're sexy.
我简直不敢相信我和学校里最辣的妹儿勾搭上了
I can't believe I'm hooking up with the hottest girl in school.
我都是你的 杰克·斯蒂芬斯
I'm all yours, Jake Stephens.
你想对我做什么？
What do you want to do to me?
我真的很想吃掉你
I really wanna eat you.
上吧
Touchdown.
嗷！
Ow!
等等！你在咬我吗？
Wait! Are you biting me?
抱歉 我做错什么了吗？
Sorry. Am I doing this wrong?
我希望我可以说这是今天发生过的
I wish I could say this was the most disturbing thing
最烦人的事了
to happen to me today.
但还远不止这样
But it isn't even close.
别停呀
Don't stop now.
你正准备上枕头的二垒了呢
You were about to get to second base with your pillow.
不 也不是这个
Nope. That isn't it either.
你在我房♥间里做什么
What are you doing in my room?
恶心
Gross.
你要吃你的药了么？
Need your morning medicine?
你想来一口么？
You want a hit?
你真是个好榜样
You're a great role model.
嗨 爸爸
Hi, Daddy.
我在帮杰克起床
I was helping Jake get up.
谢谢你 亲爱的
Thank you, sweetheart.
你记得你这周参加的那个职业能力测验吗？
You know that career aptitude test you took this week?
是的 亚当在他考卷上画了个阴♥道♥
Yeah, Adam made his sheet look like a vagina.
他的父母一定很骄傲吧
His parents must be proud.
额 结果出来了
Well, the results came in.
我做的怎么样
How'd I do?
你没过
You failed.
职业考试还没过？
Failed a career test?
你是测试历史上第一个没过的人
You're the first person in the history of the test to do it.
你还说亚当的父母会感到骄傲呢
And you thought Adam's parents were proud.
我是认真的 杰克
I'm serious, Jake.
不只是这个测试
It's not just the test.
副校长说你好像提不起兴趣
The vice principal said you show no interest
似乎对任何事情都是这样
or appear to be engaged in anything.
没有的
That's not true.
我有兴趣啊
I have interests.
比如？
Like what?
你知道吃掉她不是那个意思的吧？
You know that's not what eating her out means, right?
嗯
Yeah.
我不觉得你是真心的
I don't think you do.
可怜的梦中阿曼达
Poor dream Amanda.
跟你约会已经够糟糕了
As if hooking up with you wasn't bad enough.
你们在聊些什么？
What are you guys talking about?
杰克就算在梦里都会把和阿曼达的约会搞砸
How Jake can't even dream about nailing Amanda without fucking it up.
如果是我就没问题
I could.
她到底看上了查兹杀马特什么啊？
What the hell does she see in Chazz Slade?
你不喜欢他只是因为
I mean, you only don't like him 'cause
他总是把你的头往马桶里按
he's always shoving your head in the toilet.
很明显这就是为什么我不喜欢他
Yeah, obviously that's why I don't like him.
嘿！
Hey!
你♥他♥妈♥的在看什么？
What the fuck are you staring at?
我？我没看 我和我的朋友们只是在...
Me? I wasn't staring. Me and my friends were just...
只是想捣鼓下我的储物柜...
Just trying to get my locker to...
总是打不开
It never opens.
醒目点 别再视奸我女朋友了
Get to it and stop eye fucking my girl.
我不再是你的女朋友了
I'm not your girl anymore.
你的储物柜？
Your locker, huh?
嘿 你 呃...
Hey, you know I, uh...
我很认真听了你早上的课堂演讲
I really dug your speech in class this morning.
我只说过一句话啊
The only time I said anything
而且我只是在请假去看医生
was when I asked to go see the nurse
因为我肚子疼
because my stomach hurt.
就是那个 我 嗯...
That's the one. I, um...
因为那时候我的肚子也疼
My stomach's been hurting, too,
所以那时候我真是感同身受
so it really spoke to me.
这个怎么样？
How's this for a speech?
放开他！
Let him go!
啊！
Ugh!
查兹 和你聊天很开心 上课见
Nice chatting with you, Chazz. See you in class.
多谢你们抛弃了我
Thanks for bailing on me.
看看费尔南德斯
Check out Fernandez.
他在口袋里切了个洞 方便他上课的时候手♥淫♥
He cut holes in his pocket so he can jerk off in class.
真♥他♥妈♥是个天才
Kid's a fucking genius.
早上好 同学们
Good morning, students.
今天我们要在课上看一部电影
Today in class we're gonna be watching a movie.
看《太坏了》
Superbad.
好啊
Yeah!
不 不
No, no.
我们要看一部有关不安全性行为的后果的电影
We're gonna watch a film on the dangers of unsafe sex.
-有露点镜头么？ -别这样
- We're gonna see some titties? - Now, come on.
这可是美国政♥府♥规定的
This is mandated by the U.S. government
每个年级都要看
for every grade level.
所以我有义务来提醒
So it's my civic duty to insist
大家都用心看看
that you all pay attention.
试着学点东西
Try to learn something.
我实在不想看这个
I'm so not in the mood to watch this.
为什么不呢？
Why not?
那天晚上你和那个朋克小妞光着身子干的好事
You went bareback with that punker chick from Landmines the other night.
嘘 嘘 嘘
Shh, shh, shh.
不！
Oh, no!
我一到家就倒了漱口水在我宝贝上面
I poured Listerine on my junk when I got home.
它可以杀菌
It kills all the germs.
对吧？
Right?
那感觉如何？
How does that feel?
德卡洛先生
Mr. DeCarlo.
你有什么想和其他同学分享一下吗？
You have something you wanna share with the rest of the class?
杰克有话要说
Jake does.
你不如来告诉大家
Why don't you tell everyone the story about
你和那个妹子下♥体♥娱乐的故事？
stuffing your unwrapped hotdog in that girl's dirty buns?
好啦 好啦 成熟点
Okay, okay. Come on, come on. Grow up.
电影结束后 还会有个小测验
After this film, there's gonna be a pop quiz
等下就知道这为什么不好笑了
on why that joke's not funny.
好么？
Okay?