鬼屋大电影

听这 这房♥子有魔鬼
Listen, there is an evil spirit in this house.
我信你了 我是蠢货
I believe you. I was so dumb.
我简直不敢相信我之前不相信你
I can't believe I didn't believe.
噢 该死 我感觉到它了
Oh, shit. I feel it.
噢 上帝 它就在那里
Oh, my God. It's right there.
你感觉到了吗 这儿 这儿 这儿
You feel that? Feel it, feel it, feel it.
它是冷的 对吧 噢 我的亲娘嘞
It's cold, right? Oh, my God!
宝贝 我们必须彻底摆脱它
Baby, we have to get rid of this menace once and for all.
看录像 我们可以看录像
Ooh! The tape! We can watch the tape.
等等 别 别 别 别看录像
Wait, no! No, no, no. Don't watch the tape.
-别看录像 -为什么
-Don't watch the tape. -What?
因为只有我们两个人怎么赢它
Because it's just me and you against him.
你这该死的魔鬼 离开这里
You evil spirit! You leave this house alone!
现在
Now!
听到没 出去
You hear me? You get out!
出去 魔鬼 出去
Get out, demon. Get out!
出去 出去
Get out, get out, get out!
-看 我相信你 -不
-See, I believe you. -No.
我要你闭嘴
I need you to shut up once and for all.
-我们看看录像 -我已经闭嘴了 天呐
-Let's watch the tape. -I am shutting up! God!
嗨 老丈人
Hi, Daddy.
你要住进我的房♥子
You want to come in here and move in on my house? Huh?
你要吓我 我才不怕你
You like haunting people, huh? I ain't scared of you.
呃 宝贝 呃...
Uh, baby? Um...
去你的 去你的老爸
Fuck you, and fuck your daddy!
这段没意思 不要看了
This is disturbing. You don't want to see it.
我会折断你的手
I will break your arm.
你想要看电视
You wanna watch TV?
噢 噢 我的天...
Oh. Oh, my...
看 那很痛 看
See, that hurt. Lookee.
-我这里伤了 -我不管
-I got a boo-boo, baby, right... -I don't care.
我爸的骨灰上拉粑粑 我靠
On my father's ashes! Really?
你要找屎 我这就拉给你
You think you the shit? I'll show you the shit.
恶心 真恶心
Nasty! That is so nasty.
我会...
I will...
在地板上拉 我靠
On the floor? Really?
然后你是不是用窗帘擦的屁♥股♥
So, what did you do, wipe your ass with the curtains?
宝贝 你看了窗帘会后悔的
Baby, you didn't like the curtains anyway.
-你是个禽兽 -我们可以买♥♥个新的
-You're an animal. -We'll get new curtains.
只是个窗帘
It's just curtains.
如果我不擦屁♥股♥才是禽兽 宝贝
I'd be an animal if I didn't wipe at all. Baby!
-这不能证明任何事...-能
-This isn't gonna prove any... -Yes, it is!
我发誓我会听姬莎话的
I swear that I will listen to Kisha...
无论她说这个房♥子有什么怪事
whenever she says strange things are going on in the house.
还有呢
And?
而且
And...
我发誓我再不会反抗鬼爷了
And I swear that I won't antagonize the ghost anymore.
虽然不是我把它招来的
Even though I didn't bring him in the house.
还有呢
And?
我发誓 姬莎是最漂亮的
And I swear that Kisha is the prettiest...
最性感的女孩
and the sexiest girl forever.
还有
And?
还有我保证不在你♥爸♥的骨灰上拉屎了
And I promise I won't shit in your daddy's ashes.
大声点
Louder!
我承诺我不会
I promise I won't shit...
在姬莎爸爸的骨灰上拉屎了
on Kisha's daddy's ashes ever again.
-满意了 -是的
-Happy? -Yes.
-我可以要回游戏机了吗 -不行
-Can I have my video game back now? -No!
见到没
See, man?
你为什么把粉洒在地板
Why are you putting powder on the floor?
这样可以显出它的脚印
See, the powder is gonna let me see his footprints.
你认为这有用
And you think this is gonna work.
《史酷比》里面有用的
It did on Scooby-Doo.
2012年8月12日 夜
马尔科姆 你听到了吗
Malcolm, did you hear that?
那你为什么装睡
Then why are you pretending to be asleep?
因为我知道 如果我不装睡
Because I know if I'm up,
你就会让我出去检查
you're gonna make me go check out
这个吓人的声音是哪发出来的
where them scary-ass noises are coming from.
赶紧起来
Get your black ass up.
我就知道
See, man?
姬莎
Kisha.
摄像机 拿摄像机 拿摄像机
Camera. Get the camera. Get the camera.
我的方法见效了吧 姬莎
Whose plan was stupid now, Kisha? Hmm?
-给我球棒 -球棒
-Pass me a bat. -A bat?
你要用球棒去对付鬼
You're gonna use a bat on a ghost?
对不起 我把收鬼符忘车里了
I'm sorry. I left my proton pack in the car.
给我球棒
Pass me the bat.
这家伙的脚长得真丑
This ghost's got some ugly-ass feet.
像外星人
Looks more like an alien.
我不干了 我不干了
I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna do it.
-我做不到 -什么
-I can't do it. I can't do it. -What?
-马尔科姆 -不 这...不
-Malcolm! -No, this... No.
这不是我们该干的事
This ain't what we do.
-这事是给白人干的 -你有点种行吗
-This is for white people. -Will you grow some balls!
这种事应该白人干 不应该黑人干
This is for white people. This ain't what niggers do.
我们别查了 三十六计走为上
We don't investigate. We run. We run, we live.
如果我们在电影里 一些黑人娘们会尖叫
If we was in a movie theater, some black woman be screaming,
"不要进去 不要进去"
"Don't do it! Don't do it, boy!"
"他就在门后面 就在那儿"
"He behind there. He in there."
如果我们知道他就在里面 那我们为什么还要找死
If we know he's in there, why the fuck are we going in there?
拜托 宝贝
Come on, baby.
我不敢
I don't want to do it.
-别哭了 -如果它咬我怎么办
-Stop it. -What if it bites me?
那又不是僵尸 只是个鬼
It's not a zombie. It's a ghost.
-你要来玩玩 -就这样嘛
-You wanna play? -That's right!
你伤了我妈 你杀了我妈
You hurt my mother. You killed my mother.
是的
That's right!
这也没用 一点用都没有
That's not helping. It's not helping none.
你行的 上
You got this. Go.
让你见试下我们的厉害
You want some of this? This is how we...
揍他
Get him!
-你这狗♥娘♥养♥的 -招呼他的屁♥股♥
-Bust your... -Whoop that ghost's ass!
开灯 我的天 是罗莎
Turn on the lights! Oh, my God! Rosa?
罗莎 罗莎 罗莎
Rosa? Rosa! Rosa!
我的天
Si, senor! Que pasa?
抱歉 我以为你是...
Oh, my... I'm so sorry. I thought you...
我不知道 还以为你是鬼呢
I... I didn't know. I thought you was a ghost.
-鬼 -或者外星人
-Ghost? -Or an alien.
我是说你的脚印 不是容貌
I was talking about your feet, not your citizenship or lack thereof.
我不干了
I quit.
看到没 给我摄像机
See? Give me the camera!
你来搞定
Go fix this.
不 我怎么搞的定
No! I'm not fixing nothing!
噢 难以置信罗莎竟然辞职了
Oh, can't believe Rosa quit.
你懂的 人人都有生活压力
Yeah, well, you know, this is stressful on all of us.
我认为我可以缓解一下
I think I might have a little something to help alleviate...
那种"压力"
some of that stress.
-这样玩 懂了吗 -懂了
-Take it. You hit it. -Yeah?
现在你要吸到鼻腔
Now you gonna go spit up the end and shit.
坚持 坚持
Hold it, hold it.
赞
Damn!
好极了 再来一次
Yay! Bravo. Encore, encore.
我在薯片上看到一张人脸
I see a face in the chip.
长着胡子
It's got a mustache.
-你移♥动♥的不够快 马尔科姆 -和菜鸟一起
-You're not moving fast enough, Malcolm. -Never get high...
永远还不起来
with people that don't know how to get high.
我爽够了
I'm baked.
噢 我靠
Oh, shit.
以下为2012年8月7日 马尔科姆·约翰逊宅邸的报♥警♥记录
洛杉矶警署
Los Angeles County, 911.