鬼屋大电影

That demon can take a punch.
够了
That's enough.
-宝贝 -马尔科姆
-Baby? -Malcolm.
-我想她没事了 -不一定
-I think she's okay. -Maybe not!
我不告发你 你也别告发我
I won't tell on you, you don't tell on me.
明白吗
Understand me?
你没来过 我也没来过
You weren't here, I wasn't here.
全是我的错 全是我的错
I'll take the blame. I'll take the blame.
好 好 嘿
Okay, good. Hey!
伙计 把衣服穿上
Man, put some clothes on!
2012年8月22日 夜
嗨 嗨
Hey. Hey.
你知道吗 愤怒的小鸟真好玩
You know what? This Angry Birds is kind of fun.
我告诉你 我喜欢玩
I told you. I like it.
你看看你 真漂亮
Look at you looking all pretty.
噢 这个 我为我男人特意穿的
Oh, this? It's just a little something I put on for my man.
噢 他真幸运
Oh, lucky him.
-马尔科姆 -怎么了 怎么了 怎么了
-Malcolm. -What? What? What?
我的肋骨还有点疼
My ribs are still a little sore.
对不起 我们把你打得很惨
I'm sorry. We did beat the hell out of you, girl.
我们只是想把魔鬼赶走 对不起
We was just trying to get the demon out. I'm sorry.
不 我很抱歉把那东西带进了你家
No, I'm sorry for bringing that thing into your house.
我们的家
Our house.
马尔科姆 摄像还开着吗
Malcolm? Is the camera on?
好吧
Fine.
好
Good.
来
Come here.
就这样 就这样
Take like that, take it like that.
噢 我的上帝 捅到底了
Oh, my God, I hit the bottom.
噢 就是这样 过瘾了吧
Oh, yeah, take that. Who's your dirty daddy?
噢 上帝
Oh, God.
我抽筋了 别碰
I got a cramp. Don't touch it.
马尔科姆
Malcolm!
好 好 好 我来了
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming.
该死
Shit.
马尔科姆
Malcolm!
我第一声就听到了 该死
I heard you the first time. Damn.
她走了
She's gone.
是的 宝贝 我活着 我还活着
Yeah, baby, I lived! I lived.
抽你脸 抽你脸
In your face. In your face!
你以为你能到我家来杀了我
You thought you'd move into my house and kill me?
什么
What?
她在我后面 是吗
She's right behind me, isn't she?
噢 是的
Oh, yeah.
我们要用广角来拍这个
We gonna need a wide angle for some of these aerial tricks.
好 我管这叫"超人"
All right, I call this one "The Superman."
尝尝这个 人肉打桩机
Pile driver! Take that. Take that.
要喝点什么 神父
Can I get you something to drink, Father?
好 轩尼诗 去拿吧
Yeah, Hennessy, straight.
噢 还有蓝橙酒吗 我喜欢混着喝
Oh, you got Hpnotiq? I like to mix them.
我说的是要不要喝水
Uh, I was talking about water.
水 我才不喝那玩意 搞什么
Water? I don't drink that bullshit. What the fuck?
我的节目要火
Yeah, my show is gonna be huge.
我要赚回我的房♥子 找个女朋友
I'm gonna get my house back. I'm gonna get a girlfriend.
我会成功的
I'm gonna be successful.
你是不是刚把白日梦说出来了
Did you just hope and dream out loud?
梦都得说出来 那才是真人秀
All hopes and dreams are out loud. That's the camera show.
噢 这叫"68"式 我欠你一次
Oh, this is called "68," and I owe you one.
你疯了吧 姑娘 耶 看我射你一脸
You're crazy, girl. Yeah, I'll fart in your face.
尝尝这个 现在我们来做♥爱♥
Take that. Now we gonna make some love.
但是我不要亲嘴
But I ain't gonna kiss you on your mouth...
因为我刚射了你一脸
because I just farted in your face.
就是这样 很多人觉得老二很吓人
Here's the thing. A lot of people think penises are scary.
根本不吓人 除非硬起来 那才吓人呢
They're not, unless it has a gun. Then that's horrifying.
九♥成♥的老二硬不起来
90% of penises don't carry a gun.
噢 我的上帝 是么
Oh, my God. What?
那是事实
That's a fact.
但是我要告诉你 千万不要
But I'm gonna tell you this, don't ever,
让男人碰你
ever let a man put his hands on you.
除非他付钱
Unless he paying the bills.
家庭暴♥力♥太爽了
Domestic violence is amazing.
浴火焚身
Gonna burn me.
对不起 尝尝这个
I'm sorry. Shh. Shh. Take it.
这照片真棒 黑鬼
This is one bad picture right here, nigger.
这真丫不错 酷毙了
This a fine motherfucker right here, boy. This is dope.
你知道我会怎么弄这个吗
You know what I'd do with this?
你知道我会怎么处理它吗
Do you know what I'd do with this?
所有这片地方 这块地毯 这把沙发椅
All this area, all this carpet, this ottoman,
我会射满它
I'd be all over it.
这些是什么
What are these?
那些是我的宝物
Those are my boxers.
太棒了
Fascinating.
噢 是的
Oh, yes.
他的方法太非主流了
His methods are so unorthodox.
那是我的女朋友
That's my girlfriend.
-啊...-姬莎
-Ah... -Kisha.
那是个骚货的名字 你不信可以搜搜看
That's a crazy bitch name all day. You can google it.
骚货名字排行前5 姬莎 艾丽莎 杜佳娜
Top five crazy bitch names. Kisha, Alisha, Djuana.
你大声说出那些名字就已经害怕了对吧
You say that out loud, and you're already scared, right?
你说完没
Are you done?
走 我们去救那个贱♥人♥
Let's go. Let's go save the bitch.