鬼屋大电影

我在监狱中弄的 对 你懂的
I did that in prison. Yeah, you know,
很疼 但是你懂的
it hurt. But, you know,
坚持就是胜利
you gotta go through it. You gotta earn it.
人人都疯了 都在说
Everybody went crazy. They was like,
"不是吧 道格 你真猛"
"No, you didn't! You so hard, dawg!"
我霸占了电视机一个月
I had control of that TV for a month.
你想看我的画吗
Would you like to see my paintings?
当然
Sure. Of course.
你知不知道 我是一个艺术狂
You know, I consider myself a bit of an art aficionado.
我觉得还行 不错
I think it's going well. It's going good.
如果 呃...
If, uh...
好吧 如果让我对你说实话
Well, you know, if I can be perfectly honest with you,
那你的技巧还有点嫩
it's your technique that's sloppy.
但是 你懂的
But that's, you know,
对于被鬼附身的人来说算不错了
to be expected from someone that's possessed.
该死 口臭传染给我了
Damn, that made my breath stink.
伙计 那口臭太浑浊了
Man, that breath is kicking!
跟猫的味道似的
I can only imagine what the kitty smell like.
纯粹的邪恶
Pure evil.
该死的
Goddamn.
我是捉鬼人丹·克罗尼 主持今天的《鬼伙计》
I'm Dan "the Man" Kearney and today on Ghost Guys
我们正在调查超自然现象
we're investigating paranormal activity...
在洛杉矶郊区的约翰逊家
at the Johnson residence in suburban Los Angeles.
这儿看上去非常令人不安
This is going be very unsettling.
完全不同于那些弄虚作假的捉鬼节目
Not like those other fake ghost hunter shows.
这个是真的
This stuff is real.
我不是说像"我看到死去的奶奶"一样吓人
And I don't mean like, "I saw my dead nana" scary,
但就像"我忘了一袋白粉在手套盒"
but scary like, "I left a bag of meth in the glove box..."
"然后被警♥察♥逮捕了"
"and I'm getting pulled up by the cops..."
"还被发现有套毒具藏凳子下面"的
"and I got a hot pipe under the seat."
那种吓人程度 我们进去看看
That kind of scary. Let's go inside.
好吧 作为《鬼伙计》的代表
All right, on behalf of Ghost Guys,
英特网上最好的鬼猎手
the greatest ghost-hunter show on the Internet or cable access,
我想要谢谢你们让我们过来 你们找对人了
I'd like to thank you for having us. You've made a good choice.
不客气 谢谢你过来
You're welcome. Thank you very much for coming.
马尔科姆 马尔科姆 我不敢肯定...
Malcolm, Malcolm, I'm not sure about this.
这家伙还行 但那个智障就算了
I mean, this guy, sure. But Sling Blade there, don't trust him.
是你说要找猎魔人的好吗
You said you needed ghost hunters right?
我还说我需要一个灵媒呢
I also said I needed a psychic.
嘿 奇普 你好吗
Chip, hey, what's up?
-进展怎么样 -你来这干吗
-What's going on? -What are you doing here?
我是个灵媒 我感觉到了你需要帮助
I'm a psychic, I sensed you needed my help.
是的
I do.
来新人了
There's a new person.
耶 那是鲍比 我们走
Yeah, that's Bob. Come on, let's go.
嗨 你有点儿和之前不一样
Hey, there's something different about you. Something new.
我不能把手指放你身体里...身上就好
I can't quite put my finger in you. On you. On it.
我理发了
Haircut.
有人有小秘密
Someone's got a secret.
我没有 来吧
No, I don't. Come on.
嗨 伙计们
Hey, guys.
先生们 这里有一个疯婆子
Gentlemen, what we have here is a crazy bitch.
如果是我
Now, I would leave her possessed ass...
我就会把她扔到乡下山谷里
in the alley downtown if it was me,
但是显然 马尔科姆另有打算
but apparently, Malcolm's got a thing for the freak.
见鬼了
Holy shit.
那你的意思是 这房♥子里真有鬼
So, what you're saying is, there's an actual demon here in the house?
附在贱♥人♥身上
It's in the bitch.
对不起 没有不敬的意思
I'm sorry, "ho." No disrespect.
贱♥人♥就是贱♥人♥吧
"Bitch" is fine. "Bitch" is fine.
好吧 我是这么想的
All right, this is what I'm getting.
那东西不想离来这个房♥子
The entity does not want to leave this house,
了解
okay?
他正拼命想留在这里
It's struggling to stay inside.
马尔科姆 我需要知道
And Malcolm, I need to know.
你有多想把这个魔鬼赶出去
How far are you gonna go to get this demon out?
我愿意做任何事
I'll do anything.
任何事
Anything?
我不知道这样有什么用
I don't see how this is gonna help anything.
变的好诡异
This just got weird.
这是干嘛
What is this supposed to do?
没什么 我只是想试试你的决心
Um... Nothing. I was just trying to see how far you would go.
我怎么告诉你的
What did I tell you?
我觉得她挺正常
I think she looks fine.
很明显看上去不正常
Clearly does not look fine.
-她看着就不对劲 -我需要我的圣经
-She looks fucked up. -I'm gonna need my Bible.
你要为她祈福
You're gonna bless her?
是的 我用这个祈福
Well, yeah, I blessed this joint.
夹在第一部历代记里
Right out of the First Chronicles.
我没干过驱邪这种事 但是我觉得这样不太合适吧
I haven't done many exorcisms, but I don't think that's appropriate.
知道了 知道了 我现在就换
I get it, I get it. I can fix that, though, right now.
我还是有点真货的
I got a little something.
什么情况
What's going on?
-那是魔鬼派对 -对 看啊
-That's a demon party. -Yeah, look out.
这是哪 1985年吗
What is this, 1985?
只有一个魔鬼吗
Is there just one demon?
我觉得我们能把这地区的鬼全干掉
Because I feel like we could exorcise any demons in the area.
什么 我可以干掉一个加强连的鬼
What? I'll take on a whole team of demons.
我们应该做的是把所有的魔鬼赶到一个房♥间
What we should do is get all the demons in one room...
然后一次除掉他们
and get rid of them all at once.
搞一个魔鬼集♥合♥
Do a collective demon-gathering.
我们只要去人家里
We just walk up to people's doors,
"你好吗"
"How you doing? How you doing?"
"我们聊聊上帝怎么样"
"Can we talk to you about the Lord today?"
"听说你家里有魔鬼 出了什么事"
"We heard you all got demons up in there. What's up?"
我能和你女朋友睡一块吗
Can I get in the bed with your girl?
我会扎辫子 我现在就可以给她扎
I used to braid hair. I could actually braid her hair right now.
我要用艾佛森的招数灌她
I'll be hitting her with some Allen Iversons and stuff.
给她点斯普雷维尔式的投篮 再取回来
I'll give her some Sprewells. I'll take it back.
让我们开始驱邪吧
Let's do a little exorcism.
愿彼之祝愿
All right, "Blessed is he,"
与慈善之心
"who in the name of charity and goodwill,"
将弱者牧过黑暗之谷
"shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness."
他是兄弟的真正守护者
"For he is truly his brother's keeper..."
和迷失孩子的寻觅者
"and the finder of lost children."
当我向你复仇的时候
"And you will know my name is the Lord..."
你会知道我的名字叫上帝
"when I lay my vengeance upon you!"
你说的是不是《低俗小说》里塞缪尔·杰克逊的台词
Did you just quote Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction?
你说对了 你说中了
You got that. You got me on that. You got me on that one!
我爱塞缪尔·杰克逊
I love Sam Jackson, dawg.
杰里卷发型到处都是
The Jheri curl will be dripping and everything.
此外 在《航♥班♥蛇患》上
Plus, on the plane movie.
他在飞机上的时候杀死蛇
When he was on the plane and he killed the snakes.
那是我最喜爱的电影
That's my favorite movie.
"够了够了"
"Enough is enough!"
"我受够了这些该死的蛇"
"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes..."
"在这该死的飞机上"
"on this motherfucking plane!"
-嘿 好了好了 -我想说的就是这个
-Hey, all right! -That's what I'm talking about.
伙计们 好了 好了
Guys! All right, all right!
驱邪 这才是正题吧
Exorcism. That's what we're here for, right?
是的 我们跑题了 赶紧回正题
Yes, go back to the thing that got us here in the first place where we met.
朋友
My man!
以前我被关起来的时候
By the powers vested to me,
某人给予了力量
that somebody gave me while I was locked up,
在北方隆波克的矫正机构里
from the correctional institution in Lompoc, that's up north.
我要你体内的魔鬼出来给兄弟们看看
I want the demon that's in you to come out and holler at a brother.
魔鬼 离开姬莎 魔鬼
Demon, come up out of Kisha, demon.
出来 出来
Come out! Just come out!
离开姬莎
Come up out of Kisha!
从那里离开 魔鬼
Come up out of there, demon.