副总统（2012）
Veep S07E07
Part 1
Oct. 12, 2020, 7:43 p.m.
Did the President call?
总统给我打电♥话♥了吗?
No. No.
没有 没有
I just found out that math was created by Muslims.
我刚刚发现 数学是穆♥斯♥林♥发明的
Math teachers are terrorists!
数学老师都是恐♥怖♥分♥子♥!
How about for once in your life,
你们这辈子能不能尝试一下
you stop complaining and just man up.
别再抱怨了 然后爷们起来
I've decided to suspend my campaign
我决定停止
for President of the United States.
我的美国总统竞选活动
That bastard Ballentine caught shingles from Typhoid Jonah.
巴伦丁那个混♥蛋♥从"伤寒乔纳"那传染了带状疱疹
That makes you the governor of Iowa!
你成了爱荷华州的州长!
Ma'am. What?
夫人 怎么了?
You are not going to believe it.
你绝对不敢相信
Tom James is fucking Michelle.
汤姆·詹姆斯上了米歇尔
You can have Tibet.
西♥藏♥归你了
What?
什么?
What's going on here?
这儿出了什么情况?
I thought nobody gave two Osama bin Shits
我以为没人会在意
about the drone strike.
无人机空袭啊
This is about killing elephants.
他们是在抗♥议♥杀了那只大象
Is this gonna affect my numbers, you think?
你觉得这个会影响我的竞选票数吗?
Yes.
当然
ok!
好了!
All right, ladies and gentlemen, the final votes for tonight.
好了 女士们先生们 今晚最后的投票结果
Governor Calhoun, 420.
卡尔霍恩州长 420票
Congressman Ryan, 453.
国会议员瑞安 453票
Senator Talbot, 1,785.
塔博特议员 1785票
Boo! President Meyer,
差劲! 梅耶总统
1,817.
1817票
No candidate has secured a...
没有任何一位候选人
delegate majority of 2,368,
达到2368票的多数票
so we have no nominee.
所以我们没有选出提名人选
Did we win? Oh, yeah.
我们赢了吗? 噢 是的
I'm the president, and you're the first lady.
我是总统 你是第♥一♥夫♥人♥
Oh, we would crush it.
那我们绝对能碾压全场
And it seems we have ourselves
看起来我们陷入了
a deadlocked convention,
一个僵持不下的情况
the first since 1952.
这是自1952年以来的第一次
Senator Talbot has indeed made a miraculous comeback.
塔博特议员的确完成了一个奇迹般的逆转
You know, it's worse having to hear it from Mike.
你知道吗 听迈克说出这些话感觉更糟糕了
Furlong wants to see all the candidates for a late-night pow-wow.
弗朗想叫所有的候选人来一个半夜土著集♥会♥
No offense, Marjorie. Some offense.
无意冒犯 马乔里 有点冒犯
Mom, you need to tell the party
妈妈 你应该告诉你的党派
that they never should
他们不应该
have held the convention in North Carolina.
在北卡罗来纳举♥行♥会议
Their bathroom bill is an absolute disgrace.
他们的洗手间法案完全是耻辱
Guys, who gives a shit where people shit?
朋友们 谁会在意人们在哪拉屎啊?
That is literally the point, Mother.
这就是问题的关键 妈妈
OK, then we agree.
好的 那我们就这么定了
Right? Shut. Up.
好吗? 闭! 嘴!
We have to get in touch
我们需要和所有党♥鞭♥
with all the floor whips.
取得联♥系♥
We have to make sure our delegates hold.
我们需要确保投我们的代表们不改主意
I'll whip the whips. You know, the Chinese
我去鞭策那些党♥鞭♥们 你知道 中国那边
are ready to fix this
已经准备好等我获得提名之后
whole damn election if I can be the nominee.
对这个该死的选举进行操作了
Not here. Not hearing this. No, that is the plan.
别在这说 我啥也没听着 不啊 这个就是我们的计划啊
How ya doin' there, John? Outstanding, ma'am.
你好呀 约翰 一级棒 夫人
That's my hero. And keep on getting it out there
这才是我的英雄嘛 继续努力啊
that I plan on choosing Governor DeVito as my veep,
我计划选德维托州长来做我的副总统
'cause we might get a few more delegates out of this.
因为这样就能争取到更多的代表投票
Wounded warrior, Roman Catholic...
负伤的战士 罗马天主教♥徒♥...
Oh, my God, is that still a thing?
噢 我的天 现在还有这种教♥徒♥吗?
Two-time Ohio governor, 18 Electoral College votes.
两届俄亥俄州州长 18个选举团投票
Most importantly, he has a penis. Right, Governor?
最重要的 他的小鸡鸡还在 对吧 州长?
I'm still with you, ma'am!
我在呢 夫人!
Till the end, like we used to say back in Iraq.
一直在呢 就像我们在伊♥拉♥克♥说的那样
Might want to double-check that penis.
可能得确保一下那个小鸡鸡在不在
That's Kent's job.
那就是肯特的活了
Mr. Chairman, I would just like to point out
主席先生 我必须指出
that the official count cannot be trusted.
官方的统计票数不可信
Oh, no, Beautiful Mindfuck
噢 不 美丽心灵精神病
You are not gonna desecrate my convention
我不会让你再拿你的穆♥斯♥林♥数学胡言乱语
with more of this Muslim math nonsense.
来亵渎我的政党大会
How do you explain
那你怎么解释
that when I add up my delegates
为什么我用基♥督♥教数学的方法
with Christian math... Amen!
把我的票数加起来... 阿门!
The number is quite different than the official total?
的结果和官方统计很不一样?
Because you were born
因为你生下来的时候
with three umbilical cords wrapped around your neck,
脖子上缠了三条脐带
Hep C Kevin McHale. No, I wasn't.
得了丙肝的海文·麦克哈尔 不 我不是
My apologies, Mr. Chairman. Madam President.
不好意思 主席先生 总统女士
What is Leon doing with her?
里昂和她在一起做什么?
Installing cameras in all her closets and bathrooms.
往她的衣柜和洗手间装摄像头
So, what did I miss? Did President Meyer find a way
所以 我错过了什么吗? 梅耶总统想出办法
to steal the nomination from me like she stole South Carolina?
来从我手中窃取提名了吗 就像她窃取南卡罗来纳时那样?
Stealing South Carolina is the bedrock
窃取南卡罗莱纳本来就是
of our political system, Senator.
我们政♥治♥体系的根基好吗
Well, there it is, that casual Meyer attitude
好吧 这就是梅耶对待犯罪计划的随意态度
towards criminal enterprise, just like her husband.
和她丈夫一样
Exhusband. Stephusband.
前夫 继夫
If you can't figure out how to steal South Carolina,
如果你想不出来怎么窃取南卡罗来纳
you have no business being president.
你就不配当总统
Oh, is that how you feel? Yes! Am I right?
噢 这是你的想法吗? 是的 我没错对吧?
Hey! Hey! All right!
嘿! 好了!
Right now, every Sunday pundit and poli-sci major
现在 每个周日评论员和政♥治♥学专业学生
is treating this brokered convention
都把这个协调会议
like it's a big-titted college gymnast
看作是个有着大胸的大学体操运动员
whose daddy fucked with her just enough
她的爸爸上了她
that she'll do some dirty shit, but she can still cum.
所以她会有点龌龊的事情 但依旧可以有高♥潮♥
Hittin' a little close to home there, Roger,
你说得还算是切中要害 罗杰
minus the big-titted part.
除了大胸那部分
We've never had a complaint, have we?
我们从没抱怨过 不是吗?
But if we don't pillow-smother this sad grandma of a convention
但是如果我们不用枕头捂死这个乱七八糟的会议
lickity-fuckin'-split, we are gonna wind up with
我们就得再忍♥受
four more years of Montez
四年Montez当总统的日子
clogging up the White House plumbing with tampons.
把白宫的下水道都堵满卫生棉条
That's not a problem for us. It's fine.
这对我们来说不是个问题 行了少说两句
Tomorrow is the second ballot, OK?
明天是第二轮投票
None of these delegates are bound to any candidate anymore.
这些代表们不会再守着一个候选人不变
So it's time to get out there and start twisting some arms
所以是时候走出去 向他们施压
and pinching nipples. And what else, Will?
戳戳他们的乳♥头♥ 然后什么来着 威尔?
And may the best man win.
然后希望最优秀的人获胜
And may the hairiest man
希望体毛最多的人
zip-tie me to a slaughterhouse drainage grate
把我绑在屠宰场的下水管栅栏上
and make tender hate to my rear and mouth,
然后以一个从容不迫的状态
in that order, at his leisure.
温柔地按顺序强♥暴♥我的屁♥股♥和嘴
Ha ha! Beautiful.
哈哈! 完美!
Well done, pig. Dismissed.
完成得不错 猪头 散会
Selina, you got a minute?
塞琳娜 你有时间吗？
Roger, I don't want to hear it.
罗杰 我不想听你说这个
We need a ticket. Just offer her veep.
我们需要选票 就请她当你的副总统吧
You and Kemi scissoring at the top of the ticket
你和凯米在最高选票的位置上玩剪刀体♥位♥
is gonna make everyone rock hard.
会让所有人硬到不行的
I don't need her. OK?
我不需要她 好吗?
I've got the diving bell and the governor.
我有潜水钟和州长
Come on. Just make the deal!
得了吧 答应这个交易吧!
Or what's gonna happen, Will?
否则会发生什么 威尔?
Aw, shit, Will left. It was a good one.
啊 该死 威尔走了 他那句词很猛的
Sorry to miss that. Ma'am.
很遗憾错过了这梗 女士
Oh, God. Go away, Amy. Really.
噢 天哪 走开 艾米 真的
副总统（2012）
Veep
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