偶发空缺（2015）

抱歉抱歉 来晚了 剩下的我来替你
Sorry, sorry. Late, late, late! I'm catching it off you!
那可是个大房♥子
It's a massive house.
-他们有个游泳池 -还有葡萄园
- And they've got a swimming pool. - And a vineyard.
-哦 他们真走运 -他们父母也会过去
- Oh, lucky them - Their parents will be there.
而且还是在法国 在朗格多克
And it's France, the Languedoc,
-那有我们的朋友 -能聊天的朋友
-our friends. - Friends we can talk to.
在这儿我们谁都不认识
We don't know anybody here.
整个夏天
Who are we supposed to
-我们要去跟谁说话 -我和你们爸爸
-talk to for the whole summer? - Me and Dad.
-你怎么可以这样 -因为我乐意
- Why are you being so mean? - Because I AM mean.
我就是这样 我既尖酸又刻薄还残忍♥自私
I'm mean and I'm bitter and I'm selfish and cruel.
我是地狱来的妈妈 我要毁了你们的生活
I am the mother from hell and I'm going to ruin your lives
因为我乐意
because I LOVE IT!
啊哈哈哈
Mwah-hah-hah-ha!
听着 我还可以做个更让你们丢脸的家长
Now, I can turn the embarrassing parent thing up so much higher,
这才刚刚开始
I haven't even got started yet.
所以最好换个话题 因为我的答案只会是"不"
So drop this subject, because the answer is no.
我和你们爸一学期没见过你们了
Me and Dad don't see anything of you in term time,
假期就得全家在一起
holidays is when we get to be a family.
-花花婊♥子♥ -就这样定了
- Posh bitches. - The end.
大点声 斯蒂芬妮
Chin up, Stephanie.
不错 再高点
Nice and high.
非常好
Very good!
汪汪
Arf...
我早该说点什么 但我没说 因为
I was...going to say something earlier, but I never, cos...
我也不知道 就是没说 但这事真糟 不是吗
I dunno, I just never, but... It's bad, yeah?
-菲尔布拉泽先生的事 -是啊
- About Mr Fairbrother. - Yeah.
嘘
Shhh!
他怎么会那样
What was it?
他得了 类似脑出血
He had, like, a bleed in his brain.
去他妈的
Fuck's sake.
是啊
Yeah.
我想说这事糟透了
Well, I just wanted to say it's shit.
真♥他♥妈♥糟 因为
Like, proper shit, cos...
-菲尔布拉泽先生 他人不错 -是啊
- ..Mr Fairbrother, he was...all right. - Yeah.
振作点 克里斯塔尔
Cheers, Krystal.
别弄我身上行吗 这可是新衣服
Just don't spaff on me, right, cos these are clean on.
小甜头而已 不过走运的是你都不用废话
Bit keen. Lucky I don't want a conversation, ain't it?
嘘
Shhh!
我的个天啊
Oh, my God...
你太棒了
You're amazing!
是啊 所有小子射完了都那么说
Yeah, all lads say that after they've just jizzed.
看什么看
What?
有种给我爸打电♥话♥告状去
Ring my father and complain.
-肥仔 你真做了 -当然了
- Fats, you didn't? - Yes, I did.
科林要发飙了
Colin is going to go feral.
罗比 你的小鞋子真漂亮
Look at those shoes, Rob!
哦
Oh!
我要银行卡
I want the card.
-快给我卡 我要用钱 -想都别想
- I want the card for the money. - You ain't havin' it.
凭什么 那是我的钱 是我的卡 都是我的财产
Well, it's my money, it's my card, it's my benefit.
想都不要想
You ain't havin' it.
啊
Aah!
滚去死吧
Fuck off and die.
你个狗♥娘♥养♥的白眼狼 你滚去死吧
You fucking bitch! You fuck off and die!
你小子
You...!
你以为你在干嘛
What d'you think you're playing at?
图书馆给你打电♥话♥了
The library rang you, then?
斯特尔特 告诉我是他们搞错了
Stuart, please tell me they've made a mistake,
你连做梦都不会想做这种事 对不对
you'd never DREAM of doing something like that!
他这么做很正常 这是哲学命题
Oh, he did it all right, in the philosophy section!
克尔凯郭尔[19世纪丹麦存在主义哲学家]还专门研究了射♥精♥
Kierkegaard is dripping with ejaculate!
妈 科林一点都没说错
Mumsy, Colin is absolutely correct.
我就是在奋力地打飞机 那感觉棒极了
I was vigorously masturbated, and it was intensely pleasurable.
还是和克里斯塔尔·威登一起 可恶的克里斯塔尔·威登
By Krystal Weedon... Bloody...Krystal...Weedon!
没错
That's right.
克里斯塔尔·威登 丛地小区那个
Krystal Weedon... from The Fields estate,
你们自称非常关心的那个
who you claim to care about so much.
-斯特尔特 你竟敢 -哦 这就是我昨天闻到的那股味
- Stuart, don't you dare. - Oh... Is that what I think it is?
-斯特尔特 -我说的没错吧 这就是大♥麻♥
- Stuart! - I said... I said it was cannabis!
这就是一味保护他 为他打掩护 联合起来对付我的结果
This is you protecting him, lying for him, undermining me.
我告诉过你我闻到的就是大♥麻♥
I said that I could smell cannabis,
你非说是洁厕灵 我就知道
you said it was Toilet Duck! I knew.
这是我的房♥子 你要在我屋檐下生活
This is my house and while you're under my roof
就得遵守我的规则
you will abide by my rules!
我天 是克里斯塔尔·威登给你毒品的吗
Oh my god! D-Did Krystal Weedon give you these drugs?
-她竟然给他毒品 -是我自己买♥♥的
- She gave him these drugs! - I bought them all on my own.
-快给我扔了 -打我啊
- Well, put it out. - Do it.
承认吧 科林 哪怕就承认一次
Be honest, for once in your life, Colin.
你就是个禽兽 科林 打我啊
You're an animal, Colin. Do it!
够了 别打了 你们快放手
Stop it, stop it! Both of you, stop!
看在上帝的份上 你在干什么
For God's sake! What are you doin'?
你吃错药了吧
What is wrong with you?!
我在找寻真♥相♥[别理我 我只是抽嗨了]
I'm on a quest for authenticity. Hah!
-你究竟什么意思 -我在正在挣脱
- What does that even mean? - I'm casting off the yoke of...
幽闭恐惧 中产阶级 自♥由♥主义的枷锁
claustrophobic, middle-class, liberal principles.
他想伤害我们
He wants to hurt us.
科林 你就是个控制欲爆棚的独♥裁♥法♥西♥斯♥变♥态♥
Colin, you are a crypto-fascist control freak.
他不是控制狂 也不是共♥产♥主义法♥西♥斯♥
He's not a control freak or a crypto-fascist.
"我的房♥子 我的家 我的规则"
"My house. My roof. My rules."
管管你儿子
Deal with your son.
斯特尔特 你所做的这一切真的让我大吃一惊
Stuart, I am appalled by what you've done.
你也没想到我会和她一起做吧
And who I've done it with.
不过你也毋需多言多行
But there's nothing you can say or do.
克里斯塔尔和我在一起了
Krystal and I are together.
我知道了 但听我一句劝
I see. Then you listen to me.
你得当心这姑娘
You be careful with that girl.
老妈 你是怕她带我误入歧途吗
Oh, Mumsy. Are you scared she'll lead me astray?
斯特尔特 你没你自己想的那样有勇有谋
You're not as big and clever as you think you are, Stuart.
当心克里斯塔尔
You be careful with Krystal.
她是个脆弱的姑娘
She's vulnerable.
我为了他付出这么多
Everything
他就这么报答我
I've done for him and this is what I get!
-科林 -不是 我只是
- Colin... - No, just...
什么
What?
回答我这个逻辑问题
Just answer me this logical question -
如果政♥府♥ 如果标准教♥育♥部♥
what if the governors, what if Ofsted...
标准教♥育♥部♥ 科林 你老是 科林 冷静一下
Ofsted?! Colin, you're always... Colin, please, calm down.
科林·沃尔 鲜为人知的真♥相♥
The truth about Colin Wall.
温文尔雅 罹患呼吸杂症的科林
"Mild-mannered, wheezing hypochondriac Colin
他连换个灯泡都提心吊胆
who panics if he has to change a light bulb
但却敢给无辜的旁观者施以电刑
in case he electrocutes innocent bystanders...
你们都认识科林 不是吗 这个男人已经堕落了
You all know Colin, right? The man's a degenerate.
他是酒囊饭袋的饕餮
A glutton for the fleshpots.
也是贪得无厌 道德堕落的豺狼
An amoral jackal with an insatiable appetite for depravity.
你想拉整个帕格镇陷入万劫不复肮脏不堪的泥潭 对吧
You want Pagford to sink into a mire of unbridled filth, do you?
这就是你们所诉求的吗 因为投票给科琳
Is that what you want? Because that's what'll happen
这一切就会变成史实 我是巴里·菲尔布拉泽的鬼魂"
'if you vote for Colin Wall. I am the ghost of Barry Fair...'
来嘛 别像个大姑娘似的
Oh, come on, don't be such a girl about it.
-这多有意思 -这一点也不好玩
- It was funny. - It wasn't.
事实上 这就是很有趣 不过 管他呢
Well, actually, it was, but whatever.
我刚写完 他就被撤下来了
It got taken down right after I wrote it.
-我估计老雪莉一定熬了一晚上 -我把它删了
- I reckon old Shirley must've been up all night. - I deleted it.
你
You?
你黑进网站了
Have you hacked it?
我就知道是你一直在装神弄鬼
I knew it was you, doing the ghost!
如果你黑了网站 我们倒可以借机恶搞一下
If you've hacked it, we can have a proper laugh with it.
-不 -你怎么变得这么刻板无趣
- No. - Why have you turned into the fun police?
肥仔 别搀合进来 我是认真的
Stay out of it, Fats. I mean it.
-别胡闹了 -好吧
- Don't dick about. - All right!