神经马龙（2017）

龙丝儿们好啊
What's up, Marloneers?
欢迎收看《马龙直播》
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
我们家兄弟特别多
Growing up, I had a lot of brothers.
简直就像生活在兄弟会中一样
I was damn near born into a fraternity.
我从小到大一直被欺负
I was hazed my entire life.
我哥哥们会舔我的食物
My brothers would lick my food.
我的饼干怎么一股吐沫星子味儿
Hey, my cookie tastes like spit!
宝宝好心累 但是呢
It was rough, but see, the thing was,
我的哥哥们一直伴在我身侧
my brothers was always there for me.
我上了大学以后 很想念这种兄弟情
And when I went to college, I missed that brotherhood.
然后我认识了小史
And then I met Stevie,
他一直伴在我身侧
and he was always there.
有速度 有激♥情♥ 所以叫《速度与激♥情♥》
See, they're fast and furious.
这货是谁
Which one is this?
大电灯泡 能不能别一直在我身侧啊
Boy, would you stop being there?
神经马龙 第二季第七集
那俩人马上就过来了
The guys are gonna be here any minute.
你带外套了吧 特区很冷啊
I hope you brought a jacket, because it's chilly in D.C.
妹子 我带了八套派对行头
Girl, I got eight party outfits,
六套余兴派对行头
six after-party outfits,
我可不打算穿什么外套 掩盖我性感的身材
and I ain't covering up nair-one of 'em with a damn jacket.
14套衣服
14 outfits?
我们就去过个周末而已
Girl, we're only going for the weekend.
这是豪威尔同窗会啊
This is Howell homecoming.
谁知道会有什么艳遇啊
I don't know what to expect.
你们都撩过大学里的黑汉子
Y'all all had that black college experience.
同窗会特别有意思
Homecoming is a blast.
红酒配芝士 听着爵士乐 跟老友叙叙旧
You get to catch up with old friends over wine and cheese and jazz.
无聊到让我变身睡美人啊
Girl, I'm 'sleep.
我打算通宵狂欢玩到嗨
I'm trying to day party, night party, after party,
勾搭上小鲜肉 一起玩转嘻哈演唱会
and be on somebody's shoulders at the Migos concert.
伊维特
Yvette,
我才不要老牛吃嫩草
I'm not gonna be one of those pathetic old-heads
在同窗会上装嫩出洋相
running around homecoming acting a fool.
豪威尔大学
HU!
必须的
Fo' sho!
好 哦
OK!
没人会这么说
Yeah, we-- we don't do that.
我好期待啊
I'm so excited, you guys,
我们一起去参加同窗会
that we're all going back for homecoming.
我大爱同窗会
I love going back to homecomings!
我就喜欢去见证"岁月是把杀猪刀"
I like going just to see how terrible people look.
绝了 第20界同窗会 一个女的过来
My God. On our 20th, this girl came up to me.
她说 "马龙
She said, "Marlon!
你在我班上"
You was in my class!"
我说 "你教的是哪个班啊"
I said, "Which one did you teach?"
绝了
My God.
但今年很特别
But this is a special year.
今年是"德鲁牛仔帮"25周年
This is the 25th anniversary of the Drew Cows,
我那时穿着内♥裤♥ 吃着麦片
the fraternity I founded in my underwear
随机一个灵感 就创建了这个社团
while eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.
是你创建了那个破"牛仔帮"吗
Wait, so you're the one who started that stupid cow fraternity?
正是在下
Yup.
我当时该再创建一个收♥容♥所♥有牲畜的帮派
And, you know, I should have started another one for all the farm animals,
这样 你就可以戴着"马尾毛"加入了
so this way, you and your horsehair could have joined.
因为你的接发
'Cause that weave you got
太"嘶 嘶败了"
is hi... lar... ious.
我不想加入学校的大型兄弟会
I didn't want to be a part of those big frats,
所以我自己创建了"牛仔帮"
so I started the Cows.
"德鲁牛仔帮"
Drew Cows!
哞
Moo!
今年 牛仔帮元老们归校招纳新成员
And this year, the original Cows are coming back to pledge the new line.
小史 你怎么不像被赶牛棒刺了 疼得嗷嗷叫啊
Well, Stevie, why aren't you mooing like your ass got stuck with a cattle prod?
很可惜 我没入选"牛仔帮"
Sadly, I was never allowed to pledge.
马龙一直挺我
Marlon always had my back.
但其他两位元老 艾迪和德怀恩
But the other founding fathers, Eddie and Dwayne,
觉得我不够"威武雄壮"[男性器官]didn't think that I was "leather."
这是他们检验牛仔帮纯爷们的标准
That's what they call "cow material."
没入选"牛仔帮"一直是我今生憾事之一
Not being a Cow is still one of the biggest regrets of my life.
还有便宜没好货的近视眼手术
Well, that and cheap Lasik.
以及没争取出演《狮子王》
And never trying out for "The Lion King."
美国历史上最伟大的电视喜剧之一
还有 错过了《欢乐一家亲》的大结局
And missing the "Frasier" finale.
我都不知道剧情的最终走向
I don't know how it ended.
我的憾事太多了
So many regrets.
你瞧你的喜好 所以他们才没让你入选啊
And so many reasons why they didn't let you in the frat.
如果你们不是在"牛仔帮"相识的
I mean, well, u202dif you guys didn't meet in Drew Cows,
那你们怎么成为好基友的
how did you even become friends?
我刚上豪威尔大学时
Well, when I first got to HU,
我的成绩有点菜
my grades was a little bit subpar, per se.
我也就在"吃喝玩乐"上 成绩优秀
The only "A" I had was in partying.
所以我找了"学霸出租"服务
So I called Rent-A-Nerd.
我立马就接下了
And I picked right up.
我教过那么多人
Of all the people that I tutored,
只有马龙带我去派对玩儿
Marlon was the only one who took me to parties.
这么说吧 他帮我提高成绩
You could say I helped him with classes...
我帮他勾搭妹子
And I helped him with asses.
好吧
Okay.
孩子们 下来吧
Kids, come on down!
我们回学校后 再重温以前的美好时光吧
We can reminisce about the good old days when we get to campus.
我们为什么非得去外婆家
Why do we have to stay at Grandma's?
每顿饭都得听她讲种族隔离的事
Every meal, she tells us a story about segregation.
我不知道"吉姆·克劳"是谁 但"他"对外婆的影响极大啊
I don't know who Jim Crow is, but he did a number on Grandma.
指"吉姆·克劳法" 即"黑人隔离法"
美国过去对黑人种族歧视 而实行的种族隔离法
这么多黑人帅哥啊
Look at all this black excellence!
让我感觉好亲切啊
I never felt more at home.
这可不好说 你在湖人队更衣室也挺自在呢
I don't know, you looked pretty cozy in the Laker locker room.
-走 伊维特 我带你转转 -好
- Come on, Yvette, I'll show you around. - Okay.
如果我当年在这里上学 我的牧师老爹早就抱上孙子了
Pastor Daddy would have been pastor Granddaddy if he sent me here.
走吧
Come on!
我们的兄弟情始于此
This is where our friendship began.
别说我心里住着林黛玉
Not to be too sentimental,
我想借这个机会说...
but I'd like to take this opportunity to say--
"德鲁牛仔帮"
Drew Cows!
哞
Moo!
我的好兄弟 "痒哥"艾迪啊
My man Itchy Eddie, look at you!
记得我们为什么叫你"痒哥"艾迪吗
Remember why we called you Itchy Eddie?
因为你同时染上皮炎和阴虱啊
'Cause you got poison ivy and crabs all at the same time!
马龙
Marlon!
-好久不见啊 -你好吗
- Look at you! - What's up, man?
"瘦猴小德"不再骨瘦如柴了
Skinny D ain't so skinny no more, man!
好久不见啊
Look at you, boy!
瞧这肚子 啥时候生啊
Hey, man, why didn't you invite me to the baby shower?
-马龙还是这么幽默啊 -是啊
- Marlon still got jokes, man! - Yeah, man!
裤子这么紧 精♥子♥外漏啊
And pants so tight, you can see his sperm count!
这点不用担心
We ain't got to worry about that,
因为用你的"安全帽"就行了
'cause I just use your condom hat!
这玩意儿有棱纹 够润滑吗
Is this thing ribbed and lubricated?
小史 又名 死宅·奈格尔
Stevie! AKA Nerdy Noggle!
艾迪 德怀恩
Eddie and Dwayne.
豪威尔大学最不可能成才的人
Howell's least likely to succeed.
我开了自己的卡车货运公♥司♥
I own my own trucking company.
所以我才加了"可能"二字
Well, that's why the "likely's" in there.
给我自己留条后路
Allows for a certain margin of error.
小史 是这样
Hey, yo, Stevie, check it out.
我们回来招募一些新的"牛宝宝"们
We came here to pledge some Calves,
你去找你以前的合唱团小伙伴玩吧
so why don't you find your old glee club buddies
经典歌♥剧
你们可以一起看《汉密尔顿》撸管儿
and you guys can whack it to the "Hamilton" soundtrack?
我们稍后再见
I'll catch you later, dog!
各位 时候到了
Hey, fellas, I believe it's that time.
把"牛宝宝们"带上来
Bring in the bighead pledges!