神经马龙（2017）

龙粉儿们 大家好 欢迎收看《马龙直播》
What's up, Marlatans? Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
男人住的地方就该体现出自己的格调
u202dYou know, a man's place should reflect who the man is.
你看我家时 你会觉得
When you look around here, you say,
"靠 这爷们儿绝壁离婚了啊"
"Damn, that man is divorced as hell."
厨房♥里 我都不知道锅碗瓢盆放在哪儿
In my kitchen, I don't even know where the damn pots are,
但我倒是知道拳王炙烤炉在哪儿
but I know where that Foreman grill is, though!
杂物柜里全是些不知哪来的东西
Then there's my miscellaneous drawer full with mystery things,
比如莫名其妙的钥匙
like mystery keys,
莫名其妙的酱料包
mystery sauce packets,
还有 瞧瞧
and... look!
突然出现的小内内
Mystery panties.
不是我的
Ain't mine.
我的客厅里
And in my living room,
有一个脏沙发 被一个臭不要脸的家伙占用了
there's a nasty old couch with a nasty old man that lives on it.
尽管这里挺带感的
As cool as this place is,
但不再是小爷的风格了
it just ain't me anymore.
是时候做出些改变了
It's time to make some changes up in here.
但拳王炙烤炉绝对不能扔啊
But I'm keeping that Foreman grill, though!
有谁想来点小汉堡啊
Now who wants some dry-ass sliders?
我
I do!
神经马龙 第二季第五集
明天早上
Tomorrow morning?
很好
Perfect.
还好有水管工啊
Thank God for plumbers.
你不是说马龙把楼上的水槽修好了吗
I thought you said Marlon fixed that sink upstairs.
他是修了
He fixed it, all right.
所以我才要找水管工来修好
That's why I had to call the plumber.
正好马龙这周去维加斯
And since Marlon is going away to Vegas this weekend,
他就不会知道我找人来补救了
he'll never know I fixed his fix.
无知就是福
Well, ignorance is bliss,
所以马龙才总笑得像个傻子
which is why Marlon's always got that stupid grin on his face.
艾什丽
Hi, Ashley.
"黑婊丽"
Hi, "Trashley".
你不是要去维加斯吗
I thought you were going to Vegas.
是啊 我过来说几件事就走
I was, but I wanted to stop by and say a few things.
首先
Number one,
将"黑婊丽"的绰号♥赐予她
I wanted to get "Trashley" off my plate.
这个梗 我憋了很长时间了
Been sitting on that one for quite some time.
其次 我有个重要消息要宣布
And number two, I got big news.
我们要买♥♥♥房♥♥子了
We're buying our house!
"我们"
We?
黑傻子 你连个鸟笼都买♥♥不起
Negro, you can't even afford a birdhouse.
我的房♥东要把我租的房♥子卖♥♥了
The owner of the house I'm renting is selling it,
我第一个下单了
and I got first dibs.
真的啊
Really?
但你总说那里的邻居
But you always said that neighborhood
全是些装叉爱环保的脑残
was full of stuck-up, recycling douchebags.
我确实有那么说
Yeah, I did say that,
我家那位百无一用的管账书生说
but the asexual, sad-sack nerd who does my taxes
税前收入减去扣除额 可以降低应税收入
我需要一大笔"税收扣除"said I need a big deduction.
我当时甩的词是 "税务注销"
I believe the term I used was "write-off."
我们现在只需要物业管理委员会的批准了
Now all we need is the approval of the homeowners' association,
所以我们打算在周一晚上搞个小宴会
so we're throwing a little shindig on Monday night
让马龙俘获他们的芳心
so Marlon can win them over.
而委员会主任是个已婚大姐
Yes, and the lady who runs the committee is married,
所以我得注意一点儿
so I gotta be careful.
"风情马龙"与"风♥骚♥马龙"
You know, there's a fine line between charming Marlon
只有一线之隔
and smash-able Marlon.
我想当房♥主 可不想当小三
I want to be a homeowner, not a homewrecker.
爸爸 你能告诉扎克
Okay, Daddy, will you please tell Zack
在维加斯赢钱的概率极低吗
the odds of winning in Vegas are staggeringly low?
她啥都不懂
She don't know that.
听着
Okay, listen.
拿这钱押黑色
Put this dollar on black.
不 红色
No, red.
不 黑色
No, black.
不 红色
No, red.
"不关"他押什么
Irregardless of where he puts it,
你那个"霉运爹"绝对会给你输光
your bad-luck daddy's going to lose that cash.
"霉运爹"听起来像是你父亲的自传啊
"Bad-luck daddy" sounds like your father's autobiography.
抱歉 这真是神吐槽
Sorry. It was good.
是这样 马龙
You know what, Marlon?
我很开心你买♥♥下那座房♥子
I'm excited about you buying that house.
我特别喜欢房♥子的架构
I've always liked the bones of it.
是啊
Yeah, and you know,
我也喜欢这里的架构[做♥爱♥]I always loved the bones of this house.
记得我们在厨台上的那次吗
Remember that one we did right there on the counter?
就在这里啊
Right there!
我就是希望重装时 马龙能买♥♥个舒服点的沙发
I'm just hoping for a more comfortable couch once Marlon redecorates.
你要重装吗
You're redecorating?
不 我就是换换家具位置
No, I'm just moving some things around.
不是大装♥修♥
Nothing big.
你怎么没找我帮忙啊
Well, why didn't you ask for my help?
我就是干这一行的
This is my lane.
另外 我们一起装♥修♥了这座房♥子
Plus, we decorated this house together,
所以我了解你的风格
so I know your style.
对 但是呢
Yeah, but you know,
你很忙啊 又要照顾孩子...
you--you're busy. You know, with the kids...
她是个专业设计师 马龙
She's a professional designer, Marlon.
这种好事上哪找
You'd be a fool to say no.
我很乐意帮忙
And I'd be happy to help.
这么说吧 我主动请缨
In fact, I insist.
马龙 她主动请缨
Marlon, she insists.
你应该是想说
I believe the phrase you're looking for is
"谢谢你 艾什丽
"Thank you, Ashley.
我就指望你这么说
That's what I wanted you to say.
妹子 太感谢了"
Girl, I'm so thankful."
天呐 我好激动
My God! I'm so excited.
这样吧 你们去维加斯时
All right, so while you guys are in Vegas,
我和伊维特会过去
Yvette and I'll swing by,
量量尺寸什么
take some measurements,
等你们回来
and when you get back,
我们可以谈一下我脑中构想出的"情绪板"we can discuss the mood board that is percolating in my mind.
情绪板是一种启发式和探索性的方法
作为设计方向与形式的参考
"好棒啊"
Yeah, this is great.
艾什丽要设计我住的地方了
Ashley's going to decorate my house.
这太糟糕了
This is terrible.
艾什丽要设计我住的地方了
Ashley's going to decorate my house.
你为什么不爽啊
Why are you so upset?
小史
Stevie,
艾什丽不了解我的喜好
Ashley don't know what I like.
我们还曾夫妻一场呢
We were married.
我跟你说
And let me tell you something:
"我们"一起装♥修♥新房♥时
When "we" decorated our house,"
我秉持着"老婆大人的话就是圣旨"糊弄过去了
I just "Mm-hm" and "Yeah, baby" my way through the entire thing.
我的床套又要有床帷了
Now I'll be stuck with bed skirts
还有不舒服的床罩和花边枕套
and itchy throws and pillow shams.
有枕套多好啊
I am not mad at a nice sham.
小史
Stevie,
我想让我的家有我现在的状态
I want my house to reflect who I am now.
想体现出单身爷们儿的风采
You know, I want it to reflect single Marlon.
懂吗
You know?
成熟又撩人的马龙
Grown and sexy Marlon.
纵情欢愉的马龙
Threesome Marlon.
没有哪个妹子会进到我家
Ain't no girls gonna walk in my house
因为枕套而欲♥火♥焚身
and be excited by pillow shams.
"好震撼啊 丽莎
Like, "My God! Lisa!
他家有枕套哎
Girl, he got shams!
还不跟他来个三百回合
Get ready to take your panties off!
我滴妈呀
Hold on, girl!
那是杯垫吗
Are those coasters?
你是想说