神经马龙（2017）

我和马龙...
Marlon and I have--
已经没有了婚姻的甜蜜
Have lost the spark in your marriage.
谁都能看出来
Anyone could see it.
如果你们不想办法补救
Yeah, and if you don't fix it,
就可能导致离婚
it may lead to divorce.
而只要有我一天在 就决不允许离婚这种事
And that's not happening, not on my watch.
天呐
Gosh!
我可不想生活在你们离婚的情境之中
I don't want to live in a world where y'all two are divorced!
你是说不想活在我随便约炮的情境之中吗
You mean live in a world where I have sex with random strangers?
苍天啊 我也不想
Lord, I don't want it!
我真不想啊
I don't want it.
好了 你们俩回卧室
Okay, you two go back up to your bedroom,
我们给你们找两部激♥情♥电影看一下
and we're gonna bring you a sexy double feature,
《是谁爱得深》和《杰森恋曲》[黑人爱情电影]"Love Jones" and "Jason's Lyrics."
这才只是开个头而已
And we're just getting started.
我们要复活你们死水般的婚姻
We are gonna breathe life back into this marriage.
等到了今晚
And by tonight,
你们会覆雨翻云 重燃爱火
it's body rockin', knockin' the boots.
我是那种大干一场 大汗淋漓...
I'm more of a "windows to the wall till the sweat drops down my-- "
马龙
Marlon!
你干什么呢
What you doing?
妹子 如果你不能搞乱厨房♥
Girl, if you can't get messy in the kitchen,
还怎么"搞乱"卧室啊
you damn sure can't get messy in the bedroom.
我不想"搞乱"卧室啊
I don't want to get messy in the bedroom.
我感受到了不同女人的能量
Spirits are revealing a lot of different female energy.
各式各样的女人
All sorts of women.
没有啦
Nah.
艾什丽是我此生唯一
Ashley's the only one for me.
弱水三千只取一瓢饮
Yep, the only one for me.
我只爱艾什丽
Me and Ashley.
黑人
Black women...
白人
white women...
还有一些原住民
a couple Native Americans.
没有啦
Nah.
对 对
Yeah. Yeah.
赌场
The casinos.
瓦霍族人 绝了
Damn them Navajos.
这么多香艳的能量都是从哪来的
Where is all this energy coming from?
马龙
Marlon?
我们能聊几句吗
Can I talk to you for a sec?
当然了 我的"努比亚皇后"
Absolutely, my Nubian queen.
谢谢你帮我算命 我马上回来
Thank you for the reading. I'll be right back.
马龙
Marlon,
你姐在我家花岗岩台面上
after your sister's done cutting gizzards
切完鸡胗以后
on my granite countertops...
她要教我怎么做热奶油甜酒
She's gonna teach me how to make hot-buttered rum.
让我今晚在床上 涂到你肚子上
I'm supposed to rub it on your belly later in bed.
她认为这能挽救我们的婚姻
She believes it's gonna save our marriage.
我靠 她真懂行啊
Well, damn, you know, she ain't wrong.
我不知道我还能忍♥受多久
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
你觉得我喜欢这样吗
You-- you think I'm enjoying this?
蕾诺拉的灵力在我小♥弟♥弟♥周围探寻秘密呢
Lenora got the spirits over there snitching on my penis.
马龙 这太扯了
Marlon, this is insane.
这一切就只因为你不想让你姐姐们心塞
All because you don't want your sisters to be upset.
问题不是她们会心塞
It's not that they'll be upset.
而是她们为何会心塞
It's why they'll be upset.
听着 我和你在一起
Listen, me and you being together
证明了我姐姐们对我教养有方
is proof that my sisters raised me right.
艾什丽 拜托了
Ashley, please.
就陪着我再演一天吧
Just-- just ride with me, just one more day?
好 行
All right. Fine.
我就是这样
That's what I do.
作死之前 共同进退
Ride or die till the wheels fall off.
这才是我的好妹子
That's my girl.
另外 这已经是最坏的情况了
Plus, this is the worst of it.
她们还能搞到什么地步啊
How much further can they possibly take this?
能搞到这个地步啊
This much further.
我们要让你们重来一场婚礼
We renewing some vows up in this piece.
马龙啊
Look, Marlon,
我们俩要"复婚"了
we're getting remarried.
孩子出现在婚礼上
You know you got a ghetto wedding
肯定是个黑人穷酸婚礼了
when your kids is in your bridal party.
艾什丽 这一次你要"跳扫帚"了
Ashley, this time you're jumping the broom.
黑奴时代婚礼习俗
你上次没跳 祖先们都气炸了
The ancestors were pissed when you didn't do it the last time.
小艾 这很棒吧
Ash! Isn't this great?
多有意思啊
What a fun thing to do
毕竟我姐姐们马上就走了
for my sisters' soon-to-be-over visit?
看看我在杂货库里找到了什么
Look what I found in the garage, girl.
我的婚纱吗
My-- my wedding dress?
这有点过了吧
Come on.
她不用非得穿婚纱
She ain't gotta put on the wedding dress.
全白的婚纱哎
I mean, look, it's all white.
显然 她都不是处♥女♥了
Clearly, she ain't a virgin anymore.
是啊
Yeah, you know what? I'm--
这样让我有点不自在
I'm really very uncomfortable with this.
别担心 你还是能穿
Don't worry, girl, it'll still fit.
小瘦子真讨人厌
Skinny bitches get on my nerves.
来吧 来吧
Come on. Come on.
好了 别这样
Now, guys-- come on, guys.
场面已然失控了
This is getting out of hand.
-你不用穿束腰 -好了 别闹了
- You don't need a girdle. - Come on, guys, stop.
别说了 别弄了
Stop. All right, stop!
放过她吧
Leave her alone, gosh.
艾什丽不会穿婚纱
Ashley's not putting on no wedding dress.
我们结婚时 让她应付你们的疯癫
It's bad enough I made her deal with y'all craziness
已经够过分了
during our marriage, but you know what?
离婚后 还让她忍♥受这些 我就太不是男人了
I'll be damned if I make her deal with it during our divorce.
离婚
Divorce?
对 我们离婚了
Yes. We are divorced.
我知道你们肯定对我有点失望
And I know you're probably a little bit disappointed in me.
没关系
And that's fine.
你们知道不会发生什么吗
But you know what's not gonna happen?
知道接下来不会怎么样吗
Do you know what's not about to happen?
你们俩不能发飙
You and you are not about to get all crazy.
如果你们有话要说
If you have something to say,
我们可以坐下来 像个成年人一样
then we can sit down and we can discuss this like adults
细声细语 有话好好说
in a nice, mature, calm, collected fashion.
我会悉听你们的教诲
And I will be open to hear your thoughts.
明白了吗
Are we clear?
我就知道 我就知道
I knew it! I knew it!
这不是好好说啊
This ain't calm!
上天已经给我指示了
The universe was trying to tell me!
我竟然忽略了这点
And I don't know why I didn't see it!
为什么啊 为什么
Why? Why?
行了 够了 洛维
Now, stop it, Lovie.
我说过了 我有次被踢了
I told you, once I shot up,
毛都飞起了
and I got some hair down there,
蛋蛋都掉了
and-- and the other ball dropped,
这是令人窒息的操作啊
Yeah, it's a new year.
别再这么踢我了
Don't hit me like that no more.
孩子们怎么办
Yeah, but-- but what about the babies?
你为什么不早告诉我们
Why the hell didn't you tell us?
就因为这一出啊
Because of this!
看看你们发飙的样子
Look at you. Look how you're acting!
我什么真话都不能告诉你们
I can't tell you guys anything real.
但既然说了 就都说了吧
But since we're going here, you know what?
行 都拿到台面上说吧
Fine, I'm putting it all on the table.
马莉的中间名不是洛维
Marley's middle name is not Lovie.
这听起来像脱衣舞♥女♥的名字
Sound like a damn stripper name.
中间名是莎德
It's Sharday.