神经马龙（2017）

Marlon S02E05

Part 2 July 10, 2020, 10:50 a.m.

You mean to tell me,
你不会在茶几和厨台上留下水杯印吗
you don't leave circles on good wood and countertops?
必须上了他啊
He about to get it today!
作为第一个..."
Being my first..."
如果你不喜欢艾什丽的风格
Well, okay, if you didn't like Ashley's style,
你怎么不直接告诉她
why don't you just tell her?
因为小史人结婚以后
Because, Stevie, when you're married,
你得尽一切可能维持婚姻生活的安宁
you gotta keep the peace at all costs.
你可以保持真实
You know, you could keep it real,
但你不能净说大实话
but you can't keep it really, really real.
这是婚姻法则
You know, it's just the politics of marriage.
但是马龙
But Marlon,
你都离婚了啊
you're divorced.
小史
Stevie.
你说得对
You're right.
我和艾什丽只是朋友就像咱俩一样
Me and Ashley are just friends, like me and you,
我对你就一直说大实话
and I always keep it real with you.
有点太实话了
A little too real.
我希望你别总用事实来暴击我的玻璃心
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't keep it so real about my insecurities.
别装了
Come on, no.
你就爱被我虐 "跑偏的小屁屁"
You love it, Mommy Hips.
以前屁♥股♥长歪的女人
You got them hips that back in the day,
会被人说 "这娘们儿好啊
they'd go, "That's a good woman!
这屁♥股♥一看就是生过孩子"
She got them birthing hips!"
这么说吧
You know what?
我要和艾什丽谈一下
I'ma talk to Ashley,
我要说 "是这样
I'ma be like, "You know what?
我不需要你帮我重装房♥子"
I don't need your help redecorating my house."
我就准备这么干了
That's exactly what I'ma do,
我们一回去就说
as soon as we get back.
也许你该在路上给她发短♥信♥
Maybe you should've texted her from the car.
这特么是闹哪样啊
What in the Summer's Eve commercial is this?
别啊
No!
惊喜都被你们给毁了
You guys ruined the surprise!
你们怎么这么快就从维加斯回来了
Why are you back from Vegas so soon?
艾什丽看起来你的"愿景板"...
Ashley, it looks like your vision board just...
在我家里化为现实了
percolated over my house.
抱歉
Yeah, sorry.
我知道我有点操之过急了
I-I know I jumped the gun a little bit,
但我想既然你明天请物管委的人过来
but I figured since your HOA party is tomorrow,
我们就该在那之前装饰好
we should get it done before then.
小史你看
Stevie, look.
枕套哎
Shams!
记住别再管婚姻法则那一套了
Remember, no more politics.
你肯定会喜欢我们改造后的次卧
You are gonna love what we did with the second bedroom.
等下家里还有次卧吗
Wait, there's a second bedroom?
妹子们啊等一下啊
Now, b-b-b-but ladies, wai-ha-ha-ha.
我们继续参观之前
Before we continue with the tour,
我想谢谢你们这么尽心尽力
I want to thank you for your hard work,
我对此非常感激
and tell you how much I appreciate it.
然而
However...
就是有几样东西
there's just a few little things
跟我的个人风格不太搭
that--that really don't jive with my persona, per se.
好吧
Okay.
哪几样呢
Like which ones?
比如
Just like...
这几样...
Alllllll...
这几样...
Alllll....
我点到的这些
All this.
马龙你点到了全部啊
But Marlon, that's everything.
对...
Yeah, that's--
我就是想说这个词
that's the word I was looking for.
全部
Everything.
但说"全部"时气息不够用
But it's hard to say "Everythiiiing..."
我明白了
I see.
艾什丽等下我喜欢这个
Ashley, but wait-- I-I do like this.
这东西挺好你看
This is nice. Look.
看着多像你
It reminds me of you.
像你坐过山车时车倒过来
It looks like you on a roller coaster
你头朝下的样子
when it goes upside-down.
这样像你刚爽完
And this is when you get off,
秀发凌乱的样子
and your hair's all messed up,
这是你放松以后
and this is after you get it relaxed,
回归正常
and it's like, hey.
马龙家里就这样东西是你的
Marlon, that's the one thing I kept that was yours.
也没有那么糟啦
It's not that it's all bad.
只不过不是我的风格而已
It's--it's just not for me.
就是满满的"盛世白莲"风啊
You know? It's too well-put-together.
像是白人的情景喜剧
It looks like the set of a white sitcom,
这房♥子自带幸福美满的主题曲
like you walk in, and corny theme songs start playing.
*该如何是好亲*
*What do we do, baby*
《家族的诞生》主题曲
*没有我们*
*Without us*
*莎啦啦*
*Sha-la-la-la*
马龙没事
Marlon, it's fine.
我没事没事
I'm good. It's good.
没关系
I'm fine.
艾什丽艾什丽
Ashley. Ashley!
艾什丽
Ashley!
女人说没事就是有事
And it's not fine.
你摊上事了大兄弟[音同"文胸Or good, "Brah."
你"文胸"真骚气
Your "Brah" stank.
大事不妙了小史
This is messed up, Stevie.
太不妙了
Very messed up.
我睡了三年的沙发
I've been sleeping on a couch for three years
而今发现你家有次卧
when you have a second bedroom!
艾什丽
Hello, Ashley.
"口臭贝基"
Becky with the bad breath.
《汉娜·蒙塔娜》剧中人物
我们能谈一下吗
Can I talk to you, please?
不识好人心的混♥蛋♥ 希望她能完虐他
I hope she cusses him out with his inconsiderate ass.
他只是想跟前妻坦诚相待而已
He's merely trying to engage in an honest discourse with his ex-wife.
"不关"怎样
Well, irregardless,
他还是个混♥蛋♥
he's still an ass.
你刚才说"不关"怎样吗
Did you say "irregardless"?
我磕巴了吗
Did I stutter?
"不关" 怎样
Ir-re-gardless.
听着
Listen,
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
我就是觉得我们如今离婚了
I just figured that now that we're divorced,
我们可以不用再像结婚时那样
that I could express my true feelings
硬凹人设隐藏真实的自己
in a way that I couldn't when we were married.
我们结婚时你隐瞒真实的自己了
So you lied when we were married?
别装了艾什丽
Come on, Ashley.
你就没有为了维系感情而硬凹人设吗
You never held back anything for the sake of our relationship?
我没有
I didn't.
你没有隐藏真实的自己
You never held back anything?
当然没有了
Of course not.
没有一丝丝隐瞒吗
You never held back anything?
你穿得像个去高中做卧底的中年警♥察♥大叔
You dress like a middle-aged cop going undercover at a high school.
有一种《龙虎少年队》既视感
Looking like "42 Jump Street" up in here.
讲述两个警♥察♥去高中卧底的电影
哎呦不错哦厉害啊妹子
I like that. That was good, girl.
你的这一面隐藏很久了吧
You've been holding that one in the chamber for a while, right?
好吧好吧
Okay, okay, yeah.
我承认这样确实感觉不错
I'll admit it. That did feel kind of good.
你瞧我就说会吧
Yeah, see, I told you it would.
既然我们离婚了
See, now that we're divorced,
我们就坦诚一点吧
we just gotta keep it real. You know?
就像如今的年轻人那样
Do what the kids say.
摆脱人设说实话
We keep it one-hun'e.
你认真的吗
Are you serious?
艾什丽