神经马龙（2017）

筒子们好啊
What's poppin', people?
欢迎收看《马龙直播》
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
你知道我小时候领悟到什么了吗
You know what I learned at a really young age?
千万别让黑人♥大♥姐心塞
Never disappoint a sister,
尤其当黑人♥大♥姐是你亲姐时
especially when that sister is your sister.
比如吧
For example,
我两个姐发现不能在线再观看
when my sisters found out you can no longer stream
《库柏伴你行》
"Hanging with Mr. Cooper,"
92年播出的美剧
简直了
lord...
-为毛啊 -此剧乃我本命啊
- Why! - Everything they do!
-以后还有谁伴我们吗 -我本命剧啊
- Who we gonna hang with now? - Everything they do!
靠 太丧心病狂了啊
Lord, this is a crime.
马克·库里[男主]多么人畜无害
Mark Curry ain't never hurt nobody.
姐妹儿 你可以上视频网站看啊
Girl, you can get 'em on YouTube.
你账号♥密♥码♥是多少
What's your password?
自己找份工作去
Get a damn job.
密♥码♥都是大写吗
Is that all caps?
我们竟然跑遍了全城
I can't believe we went all over town
去给马龙的姐姐买♥♥零食
to get snacks for Marlon's sisters.
神经马龙 第二季 第三集
怎么全食超♥市♥要进十种亚麻籽
How's Whole Foods gonna have ten types of flaxseed
却没有火♥辣♥奇多啊
but no Flamin' Hots?
你已经言辞犀利地反馈给他们了
You cursed them out in your comment card.
他们应该收到反馈了
I think they got the message.
她们怎么不待在马龙家里啊
And why aren't they staying at Marlon's house anyway?
因为他家太小了
Because his place is too small.
而且 即便离婚 我还是把她们当姐姐
Plus, divorced or not, I still consider them my sisters.
别误会
Well, don't get me wrong.
我喜欢蕾诺拉和洛维
Lenora and Lovie are my girls.
我讨厌的是 她们狂妄的弟弟
It's their big-head brother I can't stand.
你怎么弄出一股黑人♥大♥学生寝室的味道
Why are you making it smell like a men's dorm room at a black college?
因为我想让你有"家"的感觉
'Cause I want you to feel right at home.
这是冷水香水
That's Cool Water cologne.
他姐姐们每年圣诞都会送给他
His sisters buy it for him every Christmas.
没错 我想让她们觉得我用了
Yes, and I want them to think I'm wearing it,
尽管我根本没用过
even though I'm not wearing it.
跟你在里士满用的节育环是一个道理
Kind of like you do with your IUD in Richmond.
-马龙 -怎么了
- Marlon? - Yeah?
那是我们的结婚照吗
Is that our wedding photo?
哎呦喂 应该是扎克放过去的
Would you look at that? I think Zack put that there.
他肯定是在杂物库里找到的
He must have found it in the garage.
这个怀旧的小混♥蛋♥
He's a nostalgic little bastard.
但是 爸爸 是你让我拿...
But, Dad, you're the one who told me to grab the--
小子 如果你不赶紧上楼
Boy, if you don't get your behind upstairs.
我就不再让穿你姐的旧衣服了
I'ma make you stop wearing your sister's hand-me-downs.
小艾
So, Ash...
我在想这周啊
you know, I was thinking about this weekend.
要不我就在你这里睡吧
You know, maybe I'll crash here,
省得过来还堵车
you know, avoid traffic,
省下时间 多跟我姐相处一会儿
maximize the time with my sisters.
等下
Okay. Hold up.
结婚照 喷香水
The wedding photo, the funky cologne,
你还想在这里过夜
and now you want to crash here?
马龙 你还没跟她们说我们离婚了吧
Marlon, you still haven't told your sisters about our divorce, have you?
啥 怎么会
What? Wh-- really?
太小看我了
Wow! Really?
不是吧
Really?
说得好像我准备搬回这里
Like I was just gonna move back in here,
假装我们没离婚
pretend we're still married,
暗中还希望你毫无察觉
and hope you don't notice?
你的东西放哪里
Where should I put your stuff?
艾什丽的衣柜
Ashley's closet.
你刚才说啥来着
So what was you talking about?
想到你没告诉她们了
You know what? Of course you haven't told them.
马龙 你这一辈子都委曲求全[弯折身体]Marlon, you've spent your entire life bending over backwards
不想让她们难过
trying not to disappoint your sisters.
艾什丽 我要是有弯折技能
Ashley, if I could bend over backwards,
我就在卧室"玩自己"了
girl, I wouldn't leave my room.
马龙 这是事实
Marlon, it's true!
我以前要被迫推迟剖腹产
I had to postpone my C-section,
就因为洛维想让马莉跟凯斯·史威特同一天生日
because Lovie wanted Marley to share the same birthday as Keith Sweat.
黑人R&B歌♥手 全方位音乐才子
这算好的呢
It could have been worse.
好过跟鲍比·布朗一天生日
It could have been Bobby Brown's.
黑人R&B歌♥手 流行天后惠特尼·休斯顿的前夫
曾打架闹事 酒后驾驶等
好了 都别吵了
Okay, y'all need to wrap this up.
我可不想在找蕾诺拉大姐算命时
I do not want Miss Lenora picking up all this negative energy
让她接收到负能量
when I'm getting my psychic reading.
她会指明我下一步怎么走
She's gonna tell me what my next step is.
希望是去商场 让你买♥♥套新衣服
Hopefully it's to the mall, so you can get a new outfit.
这套很漂亮 老娘才不管你的吐槽
This is cute. I don't care what you say.
你为了装嫩也是很拼啊
Look at your old ass trying to look young,
源自于年轻人时尚品牌Forever21
你这衣服像是在"Forever41"买♥♥的
look like you shop at Forever 41.
-你继续浪吧 -不 这是...
- Go on. - No! That's--
好了 别打了
Okay! Stop!
-你再说一次试试看 -别理他
- One more time! - Ignore him!
-再说一次试试看 -别理他
- One more time. - Ignore him.
艾什丽 我基本是姐姐们养大的
Ashley, look, my sisters pretty much raised me,
你没见过她们不高兴的样子
and you've never seen them upset.
她们要是怒了 后果很严重
Like, they get mad mad.
碧昂斯的粉丝名称
这就像是跟"蜂巢"们说
It's kind of like telling the Beyhive
碧昂斯的《柠檬特调》不咋地一样
that Beyonce's "Lemonade" was just a'ight.
碧昂斯的第六张专辑
你竟说出如此大逆不道之言
Blasphemy.
看到没
Exactly.
拜托 小艾
Come on, Ash.
我姐姐们对我的好感完全来源于你
My sisters' favorite thing about me is you.
如果她们得知我们离婚了
And if they find out that me and you aren't together,
她们肯定会把我撕成千万片不止
they gonna flip they wigs and they weaves.
马龙 我们今后不能一直假装恩爱夫妻
Marlon, we cannot spend the rest of our lives pretending we're happily married.
为什么不能 我父母就做到了
Why not? My parents did it.
拜托 艾什丽
Come on, Ashley. Listen.
就帮我装两天吧
Just do this for me for two days, okay?
装到她们回纽约就行
Until they go back to New York.
等她们离开后
And then when they leave,
我会打给她们 告诉她们
I'll call them and I'll tell them,
当然是通过电♥话♥了
over the phone,
因为她们在电♥话♥那头儿 还怎么飞踢我
'cause you can't dropkick a brother over the phone.
马龙 我们不能这样对孩子们
Marlon, we cannot do this to our children.
妹子 你说什么呢
Girl, what you talking about?
孩子们
Kids.
你们的姑姑们过来时
When your aunties get here,
我和你妈假装没离婚
me and your mama gonna pretend we're married
等她们走了 我给你们二十块
And when they leave, I'ma give you $20.
钱就是王道
I love money.
瞧见没 小艾 他们没意见
See, Ash? They cool with it.
只有你脑子想不开
You the only one tripping.
我不能这么做 马龙 对不起
I cannot do this, Marlon. I'm sorry.
纽约风刮过来了
New York in the house!
纽约风刮过来了
New York in the house!
瞧瞧你们俩
Look at you two.
你们就像家族中的米歇尔和奥巴马
You are like the Michelle and Barack of the family.
只是没有米歇尔优雅的手臂与奥巴马的权力
Without the arms or the power.
好了 好了
Okay, guys, guys, hey.
我也不想打扰你们叙旧
I'd hate to break up all this black love,
但艾什丽有话对你们说
but Ashley got something she want to tell you,
你们肯定不会喜欢听
and I don't think you're gonna like it.
来吧 小艾 说吧
Go on, Ash, tell them.
你们不会喜欢
You ain't gonna like it,
你们会爱死的
you gonna love it!
我们买♥♥到了火♥辣♥奇多