开玩笑

Kidding S01E07

Part 3 June 1, 2020, 4:02 p.m.

如果她没事杰夫就没事
If she's okay, Jeff's okay.
如果杰夫没事一切就都恢复正常了
If Jeff's okay, everything's normal again.
你觉得你姐姐
You think your sister
会让我们看全国犬类展览吗
would let us watch the National Dog Show?
我不知道你还关注这个
I didn't know you followed the Natties.
我奶奶养了两只亚军犬
My nana bred two runners-up
其中一只简直伤透了她的心
and one that just plain broke her heart.
2003年梗犬组第一名是我接生的
I midwifed the 2003 Best In Group terrier.
我意思我自己这么说的真的我只是
I mean, I say that. Really, I was just
在错误的时间经过了厨房♥
passing through the kitchen at the wrong time.
那你怎么看去年西班牙猎犬组的意外结果
What about last year's spaniel surprise?
神气吗是的活泼吗是的
Jaunty, yes. Jovial, yes.
但是想得冠军不行先生
Champion? No, sir.
我感觉雪纳瑞犬
I feel the schnauzers
被盖过风头和忽视了
are under-coifed and overlooked.
自从斯堪的纳维亚人开始饲养它们
Ever since the Scandinavians started breeding them,
我就一直在想 "什么时候它们才能大放异彩"
I've been thinking, "When is their moment?"
你说得太对了
Thank you.
我爸曾经有满满一抽屉的拼图玩具
My dad used to have a drawer full of jigsaw puzzles.
现在他有满满一抽屉的安全套
Now he has a drawer full of condoms.
我妈以为我在喝葡萄汁
My mom thinks I'm drinking grape juice,
但其实是葡萄酒
but really, it's wine.
我要开始魔术表演了
I'm going to start the magic show.
好的宝贝
Okay, honey.
我说我要开始魔术表演了
I said I'm going to start the magic show.
随便了
Whatever.
你还说你的祷告词吗
Do you still say your prayers?
但是... 但是... 等等你说什么
But... but... wait. What do you say?
大多数美国人会在今天吃火鸡
Most of America eats turkey today,
但我们家还会吃千层面
but my family eats lasagna, too,
因为我是意大利人你喜欢吗
because I'm Italian. Do you like it?
谢谢
Arigatou.
你知道
You know,
我在去京都的子弹头列车上
I had the best blowjob of my life
经历了人生中最爽的一次口♥交♥
on the bullet train to Kyoto.
吹♥箫♥ 吹♥箫♥ 火车火车
Sucky, sucky. Train, train.
口♥交♥
Fellatio.
是的
Yes.
我们敬口♥交♥一杯
Here's to fellatio.
口♥交♥
Blowjob.
给我看瑞典赛级犬的
Show me the charcoal under-rub
活性炭按♥摩♥ 我就会向你展示
of a Swedish show dog, and I will show you
犬类饲养业的无限潜力
the infinite potential of canine husbandry.
没错雪纳瑞跑圈吧
That's right, Schnauzer. Trot that circle.
阿尔文-马裤炉底铁迪莱特
Alvin-Britches Dropbottom Delight
不是为了来跟你们这些傲慢的婊♥子♥玩耍的
did not come to play with you haughty bitches!
薇薇安一直在说我们滑索穿过洪都拉斯
Vivian keeps talking about us zip-lining through Honduras
而且看到下鱼雨的事情
and seeing the fish rain.
你永远不会忘记第一次
You will never forget the first time
被红鲷鱼自杀式袭击的情形
you get kamikaze'd by a red snapper.
抱歉酸瓜桑
Sorry, Pickles-san.
迪尔德丽在伯利兹待过很长时间
Deirdre spent a lot of time in Belize,
和当地人一起工作
working with local populations.
我意思是我只用过一次护照
I mean, I've only used my passport once.
多伦多的止痛药更便宜
The pain meds are cheaper in Toronto.
所以你们打算什么时候去呢
So when are you guys thinking of going?
我想的是仲夏对吧小薇
I was thinking midsummer, right, Viv?
我可以一起去吗
Could I come?
威尔有时候情侣喜欢一起去旅游两个人单独
Will, sometimes, couples like to travel together. Alone.
不不不人越多越欢乐
No, no, no. The more, the merrier.
我想去我们从来没有去过家庭旅行
I want to go. We have never taken a vacation as a family.
我们应该五月底再讨论这件事情
We should talk about this closer to June.
我想去哥斯达黎加
I want to go to Costa Rica.
我想我们所有人可以一起去
I guess all of us could go.
哇我也要去... 你知道如果邀请我的话
Oh, whoa, I'm in... You know, if invited.
而且斯科特完全可以负责策划
And Scott could totally plan this.
我老公是商务旅行代理
My husband is a corporate travel agent.
这就是属于他的奥♥运♥会
This would be his Olympics.
搞后勤是我的春♥药♥
Logistics are my aphrodisiac.
如果我包了所有旅行费用呢
What if I pay for the whole trip?
酸瓜家族占领洪都拉斯
The Pickles take Honduras.
你不用这么做的
You don't have to do that.
我们能去另一个
Could we stay in another place
有包着巧克力的水果的地方吗
with chocolate-covered fruit?
我可以和外公住一间房♥吗
Can I room with Grandpa?
我们给所有人订做T恤吧
We make T-shirts for everybody.
"别挡路酸瓜家族来旅行了"
"Out of the Way: Pickles on Vacay."
我明天会让德莱尔策划这件事
I'll ask Derrell to plan tomorrow.
塞巴这么多人这么多姓氏
Seb, this many people, different last names,
订房♥很复杂的让我处理这件事吧
hotel rooms? Let me handle this.
我要自己去
I'm going alone.
你说得对
You're right.
我们不需要带上一整家人
We don't have to take the whole family.
可以只有我们俩
It can just be us.
不是我本来打算晚点告诉你的
Um, no. I was gonna tell you later.
我买♥♥了一张机票而且我下个星期自己一个人走
I bought a ticket, and I'm going next week, by myself.
我很抱歉杰夫
I'm sorry, Jeff.
只是... 当一切...
Just... everything that...
改变了所有事都会改变
changed when everything changed,
我有机会重新开始
and I get to start over.
我看着你
I look at you,
我看到救了我的命的男人
and I see the man who saved my life.
但我也看到癌症和... 死亡
But I also see cancer and... death.
我看着你你让我想起了死亡
I look at you, you remind me of death.
而我现在被赋予了更多的时间
And I have this gift of time, and,
你知道这段感情... 我们之间...
you know, this... Us... It made sense
当我生命快结束的时候说得过去
when time was running out.
现在我可以... 向前计划了对不起
Now that I can... plan ahead, I'm sorry.
那些计划里没有包括你
Those plans don't involve you.
对不起它们不能包括你
I'm sorry. They can't.
我明白
I understand.
我... 为你感到高兴
I'm... happy for you.
操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you!
没错操♥你♥妈♥
Yeah, fuck you!
操♥你♥妈♥ 贱♥人♥
Fuck you, cunt!
没错干♥你♥娘♥
Yeah, fuck you!
妈卖♥♥批
Fuck you.
-操♥你♥妈♥ -日你仙人板板
- Fuck you! - Fuck you!
操♥你♥大♥爷♥
Fuck you!
操♥你♥妈♥ 操♥你♥妈♥ 操♥你♥妈♥ 操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
日你姥姥
Fuck you!
操♥你♥妈♥ 登革热不能化疗
Fuck you! There's no chemo for dengue!
♪ 当我感到忧郁 ♪
♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪
♪ 当我感到低落 ♪
♪ And when I'm feeling low ♪
♪ 我就会开始想 ♪
♪ Then I start to think about ♪
♪ 无忧无虑的人 ♪
♪ The happiest man I know ♪
♪ 他不在意风雪 ♪
♪ He doesn't mind the snow ♪
♪ 他不在意暴雨 ♪
♪ And he doesn't mind the rain ♪
♪ 年末就能听见 ♪
♪ But all December you will hear him ♪
♪ 他在窗口歌♥唱 ♪
♪ At your windowpane ♪
♪ 唱啊唱啊唱啊 ♪
♪ A-singing again and again and again ♪
♪ 一遍又是一遍 ♪
♪ And again and again and again ♪
♪ 圣诞即将到来 ♪
♪ Christmas is a-coming ♪
♪ 铃铛叮当作响 ♪
♪ And the bells begin to ring ♪
♪ 窗边冬青天上飞鸟全部歌♥唱 ♪
♪ The holly's in the window and the birds begin to sing ♪
♪ 别再忧虑不安 ♪
♪ Now I don't take time to worry ♪
♪ 别再烦恼焦躁 ♪
♪ And don't take time to fret ♪
♪ 圣诞付出越多 ♪
♪ And the more you give at Christmastime ♪
♪ 就会收获越多 ♪
♪ The more you'll get ♪
台词是
The line