开玩笑

-柯南 -嗯
- Hey, Conan. - Yeah.
那是去年的今天发生的
It happened a year ago today.
他的名字叫菲尔
His name was Phil.
别提起菲尔
Don't ask about Phil.
好的 我不提菲尔
All right, I won't ask about Phil.
好了 我们下一位嘉宾
All right, our next guest is celebrating
正在庆祝他儿童电视节目入行第30年周年
his 30th anniversary in children's television.
他就是公共电视网"酸瓜先生的木偶时间"中的
He's the star, the host, the puppet master
主持人 木偶大♥师♥
behind Mr. Pickles' Puppet Time on PBS.
在俄亥俄州哥伦布市他的沙发上 他讲的故事
He raised your son, your daughter, your stepdaughter
陪伴你们的儿子 女儿还有继女长大
from his couch in Columbus, Ohio.
他新出了本书 "和孩子们谈谈"
He has a new book out, Talking to Children.
写得非常好
It's doing extremely well.
请大家和我一起欢迎酸瓜先生杰夫
Please help me welcome Mr. Jeff Pickles.
酸瓜先生 这是丹尼·特雷霍 丹尼·特雷霍 这是酸瓜先生
Mr. Pickles, uh, Danny Trejo. Danny Trejo, Mr. Pickles.
-你好 -这是一次很好的思想交流
- How are you? - This is a great meeting of the minds here.
-"P猎狗" -对
- "P-Hound." - Yeah.
P代表什么
What does the P stand for?
P指女人的...
P like a lady's, uh...
你懂的 就是她们身体的一部分[Pussy]
You know, like a part of,
她们的... 就是...
uh, her... it's, uh...
-钱包吗 -对 钱包
- Is it her purse? - Ah, purse!
就是钱包
Yeah, it's the purse.
钱包 我刚刚... 我得问问你
Purse. Uh, I just... Right away, I have to ask you.
你之前看过我的节目吗
Have you ever watched my show before?
噢 没有
Oh, no.
我没看过 不过我老婆... 她经常看你的节目
No, but my wife... she watches the show all the time.
其实 如果你不介意的话
In fact, if you don't mind,
我邀请了一位特殊嘉宾... 和我一起来这
I brought a very special guest... with me.
我请这个小家伙来帮我
I brought this little fella to help me
给我老婆唱首歌♥ 唱首...
sing a song to my wife that...
她最喜欢的一首歌♥
Is one of her old favorites.
好吧 那你能告诉我们这位是谁吗
Okay, can you tell us who this guy is?
拜托 这可是无人不知的乌克拉里
Come on. Everyone knows Uke-Larry.
♪ 你没有任何感觉 ♪
♪ You can feel anything at all ♪
♪ 任何感觉 ♪
♪ Anything at all ♪
♪ 你能感受到 ♪
♪ You can feel it ♪
♪ 是幸福 还是难过 重要 还是不重要 ♪
♪ Happy, sad, big, or very small ♪
♪ 任何事 都可以 ♪
♪ Anything at all, it's fine ♪
♪ 你了解这感觉 ♪
♪ It's you who's doing the feeling ♪
♪ 这就够了 ♪
♪ And that makes it okay ♪
♪ 就算你还不知道自己是谁 ♪
♪ And if you don't know who you are yet ♪
♪ 你仍然能感受到 ♪
♪ You can feel it ♪
♪ 不论如何 ♪
♪ Anyway ♪
诶 玛卡 阿♥拉♥ 侬卡哈 乌拉 哦 卡牛
E maka'ala no ka ha'ule o ka nui.
它说 "小心树上掉下来的椰子"
That means, "Watch out for falling coconuts."
能帮我一下吗 钥匙在后面口袋里
Could you help me? My keys are in my back pocket.
♪ 你能感受到 ♪
♪ You can feel it anyway ♪
♪ 拥有从未有过的感受 ♪
♪ You can feel feelings you don't know ♪
♪ 感受会成长 就像脚一样 ♪
♪ Feelings gotta grow, like feet ♪
♪ 尽情感受吧 ♪
♪ So feel it ♪
♪ 你就能 ♪
♪ And you can ♪
♪ 治 ♪
♪ Heal ♪
♪ 愈 ♪
♪ It ♪
♪ 成长是不是很有趣 ♪
♪ Isn't growing up funny ♪
♪ 很甜蜜 ♪
♪ And sweet? ♪
♪ 成长是不是 ♪
♪ Isn't growing up ♪
♪ 很有趣 ♪
♪ Funny ♪
♪ 很甜蜜 ♪
♪ And sweet? ♪
-你已接通杰夫 -吉尔
- You've reached Jeff. - Jill.
-威尔 -和菲尔
- Will. - And Phil.
我们是酸瓜家族
We're the Pickles!
有事留言哦 酸瓜伙计们
Leave a message, Pickle pals.
爸爸
Dad.
我进来咯
Knock, knock.
妈妈 我准备睡觉了
Mom, I'm trying to sleep.
晚饭怎么样
How was dinner tonight?
好吃 有营养... 很棒
Delicious, nutritious... and amazing.
你把蔬菜扔垃圾箱了 是吗
Did you throw your veggies into the recycling bin?
爸爸好不容易抽出时间
Your daddy dug a lovin' spoonful of time out of his day
给你做了份营养的晚饭
to cook you a healthy meal.
你就这么把晚饭扔掉 还骗我
Then you dump it and you lie about it?
你得把你的蔬菜吃掉 他已经吃掉自己的了
You need to eat your greens. He ate his.
你难道不想像爸爸一样强壮吗
Don't you want to be big and strong like your daddy?
我不知道 麦蒂 这是你想要的吗
I don't know, Maddy. Is that what you want?
好吧 不能泡澡
Okay, no bath time.
-也不能淋浴 -什么
- And no showers. - What?
除非你把蔬菜吃了 不然不能洗澡洗脸
Till you eat your vegetables, no more washing up.
随便 我讨厌泡澡 也不喜欢淋浴
Fine. I hate baths. And showers.
好吧 晚安 亲爱的
Okay. Good night, sweetie.
我想做一♥期♥和死亡有关的节目
I want to do a show about death.
做一♥期♥比较特殊的节目
Something special.
我觉得 没人想做一♥期♥
I don't think we want to do a show
-和离世有关的节目 -不 不是离世 是死亡
- about passing on. - No, not passing on. Death.
我不想告诉大家 我儿子去云端冲浪了
I don't want to say my son is off cloud surfing
或者顶着天使光环跳呼啦圈
or Hula-hooping with a halo.
我想告诉他们 我儿子死了
I want to say death.
那你挺勇敢的 不过 我不认为
Well, it's brave of you, but I don't think
你准备好谈这个了
you're ready to talk about this.
和你认为的相反 我觉得我已经准备好了
I don't think I'm not ready like you think I'm not ready.
我觉得我们需要治疗
I think we need to heal.
"我们"是指谁
Who's "we"?
-那是什么 -这是萝莉·波莉
- What's that? - That is Roly Polly,
胆小的西瓜虫
the f-fearful pill bug.
看着像烘焙惨案现场啊
Looks like a baking accident.
我觉得你那个真的做的不错
I think you're really on to something.
你知道的...
You know...
如果我们越晚用我们的特殊方式
the longer we wait to deal with this
告诉孩子们如何去面对这样的事情
in our special way, the more we're telling
那么 当灾难性的事情发生的时候
every child in America that when something catastrophic
每一个美国孩子
happens to them,
就会觉得自己应该假装什么都没有发生过
they should just pretend it didn't.
为什么抱抱马闻起来像是被强♥奸♥了一样
Why does Snagglehorse smell like buggery?
有谁知道吗 伯特 克雷
Anybody have an idea? Bert? Clay?
和性无关 是汗
It's not sex. It's sweat.
我们一天在这套衣服里待6个小时
We live in these six hours a day.
这不是戏服 更像个
It's not a costume; it's a locker room
-马形状的更衣室 -对
- shaped like a horse. - Yeah.
我的家就像掉进水坑里的一张宝丽莱照片
My family is shriveling up like a Polaroid in a puddle.
破碎之前 我想拯救下
I need to pull it out before it falls apart.
我们需要来谈谈贺卡
We need to talk about greeting cards.
我估计 那也很重要
That's important too, I guess.
霍尔马克想让我们帮忙
Hallmark would like us to help associate
把紫色和父亲节结合起来
Father's Day with the color purple.
万圣节有橘色 光明节有蓝色
Halloween has orange. Hanukkah has blue.
你有什么点子吗 我在想蓝紫色
Have you got any thoughts? I was thinking royal purple.
-就像紫色领带 -过一下
- Like purple neckties. - Coming through.
帮个忙
A little help!
我们需要另一个关于颜色的节目吗
Do we need another show about colors?
孩子们知道天空是蓝色的
Kids know the sky is blue.
他们得知道当天塌下来时要怎么办
They need to know what to do when it's falling.
我非常适合
I'm in the perfect position
和他们谈谈他们最大的恐惧
to talk to them about the worst fear they have.
妈妈和爸爸 他们爱的所有人
That Mommy and Daddy and everyone they love
都有个有效期
has an expiration date.
那他们再也不会喝牛奶了
Well, they'll never drink milk again.
当孩子们不谈他们的负面感受时
When kids don't talk about their dark feelings,
他们会变得安静
they get quiet.
安静的人会造出大新闻[连环杀手么]
It's the quiet ones that make the news.
德莱尔 这个给你
Derrell, I got this for you.