开玩笑

Kidding S01E02

Part 2 June 1, 2020, 4:01 p.m.

他们会在你的头发长出来期间
They're gonna shelve us for six weeks
搁置我们6个星期
while your hair grows back.
想想所有那些因你失业的人
Think of all the people you'll put out of work.
我们把这叫做老虎纹
We call it a Tiger Stripe.
它来自哪
Where does it come from?
长♥期♥闭塞的俄♥罗♥斯♥女人
Russian women with very few opportunities.
看起来怎么样酸瓜先生
How's that look, Mr. P.?
衷心希望你别这么叫我
Really wish you wouldn't call me that.
杰夫就行杰夫挺好
Just Jeff. Jeff is fine.
不要乱跑杰夫
Don't go anywhere, Jeff.
我们是坚强的人
We're strong men.
我们把痛苦留在心中
We keep the struggle inside.
你休假一天
You had an off day.
艾米卡搞定后没人会看到你的问题
When Amika's done, no one will be able to see you're slipping.
这个秘密我会帮你保守
That's a secret I'll keep between us.
我买♥♥了吉尔隔壁的房♥子
I bought the house next to Jill's.
你为什么这么做
And why would you do that?
他们需要我
They need me,
即使他们不知道他们需要我
even if they don't know they need me.
吉尔心中有个黑洞
Jill has a black hole inside her.
正吞噬着她的阳光
It's swallowing her sunshine.
她试着用红酒和鸡鸡将其填满
She's trying to fill it with red wine and penises,
而威尔像个爵士音乐家一样吸着大♥麻♥
and Will's smoking reefer like a jazz musician.
他没人可以倾诉没有健康积极的朋友
He has no one to open up to. No healthy friends.
如果他不让我分享他的内心世界
If he doesn't have me to share his inner life with,
他的想象力可能消失
his imagination could die.
你告诉他们你买♥♥♥房♥♥子的事了吗
Did you tell them you did this?
当然一开始有些奇怪
I'm sure it'll be odd at first,
不过当我出现在他们门前
but when I show up, knock on the door,
带着蓝莓酸奶油派去敲门
with my blueberry- sour cream pie,
并说 "嘿朋友们
and I say, "Hey, friends.
我是你们的新邻居"时
I'm your new neighbor,"
我们会建立起纽带的
we'll find our footing.
你不觉得他们会认为
And you don't think they'll
那一切太...
see all that as just...
有点侵略性了吗
a little bit aggressive?
我看到吉尔抱着另一个男人
I saw Jill hugging another man,
或者他在抱着她
or he was hugging her.
你是说搞上了吧
You mean fucking.
不是普通拥抱
No. Regular hugging.
噢抱歉
Oh, I'm sorry.
他们是认真的吗
Is it serious?
我不知道
I don't know.
我觉得不是
I don't think so.
怎么可能
How could it be?
皮奇里洛先生你忘了做加分题
Mr. Piccirillo, you forgot the extra credit.
我觉得新人不允许在校外吃午饭
I don't think freshmen are allowed off-campus lunch.
我告诉过你有我呢
I told you, I got you.
进去吧
Get in.
好吧
All right.
吸一口
Smoke up.
我兄弟在他洗衣房♥里种的这个
My brother grew this in his laundry room.
嘿给我你的电♥话♥
Hey, give me your phone.
如果我们以后要出去玩我该把我的号♥码输进去
If we're gonna hang out later, I should put my number in it.
哥们这真的是你手♥机♥吗
Dude, is that really your phone?
你该看看我们家的答录机
You should see our answering machine.
里面有两个小磁带
Has two little tapes in it.
额... 威廉
Uh... William?
秘密厨师在你的甜点里藏了什么
What did the Secret Chef hide in your dessert?
我的布朗尼蛋糕里加了芜菁甘蓝
I had rutabagas in my brownies.
我以为它们是巧克力屑不过...
I thought they were chocolate chips, but...
我被愉快地欺骗了
I was pleasantly deceived.
如果吉尔发现你买♥♥了她隔壁的房♥子
If Jill finds out you bought the house next to her,
她会搬走而且她会再也不和你说话
she'll move, and she'll never talk to you again,
她会带上威尔离开
and she'll take Will and leave.
我不知道怎么去远远地爱着一个人
I don't know how to love from a distance.
杰夫
Jeffy.
我忘了做个壳
I forgot to do a crust.
噢嘘
Ooh! Shh.
"来自'懦弱'一词
"From 'pusillanimous, '
表现出缺乏勇气或决心"
showing a lack of courage or determination."
♪ 你在做什么你在做什么 ♪
♪ What do you do, what do you do ♪
♪ 你在做什么 ♪
♪ What do you do ♪
♪ 你在做什么你在做什么 ♪
♪ What do you do, what do you do ♪
♪ 你在做什么 ♪
♪ What do you do ♪
麦蒂钢琴时间
Maddy, piano time!
我带她去
I'll take her.
想让我停下吗法波波利斯先生
Want me to stop, Mr. Farpopolis?
不继续弹查克
No. Keep going, Chuckie.
对的抱歉我知道我们来早了
Yeah, sorry. I know I'm early.
我是希望你和我能去某个地方
I-I was hoping you and I could go somewhere
-聊一会 -不要唱歌♥ 查克
- and talk for a second. - No vocals, Chuckie.
对不起法波波利斯先生
Sorry, Mr. Farpopolis.
他总是边弹边唱我可以带她进去迪尔德丽
He's always adding vocals. I can take her, Deirdre.
-我... -进来吧
- I... - Come in.
-就是... 我们能不能呃... -恰奇
- Just... can we, uh... - Chuckie!
好吧算了也没什么事
Okay, never mind. It's nothing.
过得开心... 好好学
Have fun... learn.
你不进来吗妈
Aren't you coming, Mom?
进去吗
Inside?
爸总是在楼上等着
Daddy always waits upstairs.
噢是吗这样
Oh, he does? Oh.
-一整节课吗 -是啊他们俩都会上楼
- For the whole lesson? - Yeah, they both do.
爸总是喊"弹大声点让爸爸听到"
Daddy's always yelling, "Play louder, so Daddy can hear you."
噢这样啊
Oh, huh.
♪ 不要去追逐瀑布 ♪
♪ Don't go chasing waterfalls ♪
不要唱歌♥ 麦蒂
No vocals, Maddy.
你帮我丈夫打飞机了吗
Did you hand-fuck my husband?
所以你第二喜欢的乐器是什么
So what's your second favorite instrument?
♪ 该怎么办该怎么办 ♪
♪ What do you do, what do you do ♪
♪ 该怎么办 ♪
♪ What do you do ♪
艺术大♥师♥皮门托·费玛塔
Maestro Pimento Fermata
和酸瓜·镍币合唱团
and the Pickle Nickel Choir.
♪ 当是时候做出选择 ♪
♪ When it's time to make a choice ♪
♪ 做出选择做出选择 ♪
♪ Make the choice, make the choice ♪
♪ 当你还没有头绪 ♪
♪ When you haven't got a clue ♪
- ♪ 该怎么办 ♪ - ♪ 该怎么办 ♪
- ♪ What do you do? ♪ - ♪ What do you do? ♪
♪ 你只需要倾听那个真实的声音 ♪
♪ You only need to listen to the voice that's true ♪
- ♪ 真实的声音 ♪ - ♪ 那个小小的 ♪
- ♪ The voice that's true? ♪ - ♪ That little voice ♪
♪ 在你内心深处的声音倾听那声音 ♪
♪ That's deep inside of you, hear the voice ♪
♪ 做出选择做出选择 ♪
♪ Make the choice, make the choice ♪
♪ 它想说什么就说什么而且永远不会消失 ♪
♪ It'll say anything it wants and it will never go away ♪
♪ 你越忽视它它就会说得越多 ♪
♪ And the harder you ignore it then the more it has to say ♪
♪ 你会听见它变得越来越大声 ♪
♪ You'll hear it get louder, louder, louder ♪
♪ 每天都变得更大声更大声 ♪
♪ Louder, louder, louder, louder every day ♪
♪ 这个声音会一直存在 ♪
♪ The voice is here to stay ♪
♪ 妈妈咪呀 ♪
♪ Mamma mia ♪
我们正在吃饭呢
We're in the middle of a meal.
车子真豪华
It's opulent.
它是红色的
It's red.
红色是个多么引人注意的颜色
Red is such a look-at-me color.
这是市场上最安全的车型
It's the safest car on the market.
你知道
You know,
如果威尔每周能在我那多待一个晚上
if Will stayed over at my house one more night a week,
我就不会一直来打扰了
I wouldn't have to be dropping by all the time.
我会考虑的
I'll think about it.
给我讲讲他的事情吧
Tell me one thing about him.
他叫彼得
His name is Peter.
他是个麻醉师
He's an anesthesiologist.
我想这...
I guess that's...