开玩笑

Kidding S01E05

Part 2 June 1, 2020, 4:02 p.m.

♪ 不要对未知产生恐惧 ♪
♪ Don't be afraid of what you don't know ♪
♪ 两个H 一个O ♪
♪ Two parts H, one part O ♪
♪ 不要对未知产生恐惧 ♪
♪ Don't be afraid of what you don't know ♪
也许这个女人
Maybe this woman
手♥机♥坏了的女人和霍奇金淋巴癌
with the broken phone and the Hodgkin's lymphoma
真能帮他渡过难关
is really helping him turn the corner.
-也许他就需要这些 -也许吧
- Maybe this is all he needed. - Maybe.
现在他写了一首关于云的歌♥
Now he wrote a song about clouds,
真的是以云做主题
and it's really just about clouds.
听
Listen.
♪ 别为未知而恐惧... ♪
♪ Don't be afraid of what you don't know... ♪
迪我们要重拍一遍
We're gonna have to reshoot this, Dee.
为什么
Why?
他没戴婚戒
He's not wearing a wedding ring.
-酸瓜先生已经结婚了 -娶了谁
- Mr. Pickles is married. - To whom?
那无所谓
It doesn't matter.
酸瓜先生
Mrs. Pickles.
他得把婚戒戴回去
He's got to put the ring back on.
请别要求他戴婚戒
Please don't ask him to do that.
我必须这么做
I have to.
可是万一他正开始好转了呢
But what if this is the start of his upswing?
你想多了
It's not.
或者也许另一位杰夫...
Or maybe we hold off...
先等等再拖一周
on Other Jeff, just for the week,
到时候再看情况
see where we are.
她已经到我的办公室了迪
She's already in my office, Dee.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我不必告诉你们
I don't have to tell you what happens
被科技的乳汁喂大的
to a generation of children
一代孩子会怎么样
breast-fed on the electric nipple of technology.
缺乏同情心
Lack of empathy,
无法建立有意义的人际关系
inability to create meaningful human connections,
战争
war.
就像是某人朝基因库里扔了台烤面包片机
It's like someone dropped a toaster in the gene pool.
每一天小孩都盯着屏幕
Every day a child stares at a screen
让我们离社会崩塌越来越近
catapults us closer to societal collapse.
除非...
Unless...
"冰上的酸瓜"
Pickles on Ice.
没有什么比传播快乐更让我快乐的了...
Nothing would make me happier than spreading cheer to...
一段诞生于"木偶时间"宇宙的婚姻
A marriage born out of the Puppet Time universe,
一个发生在真实世界中的故事
a story told in the real world
故事中的人物苏醒过来
with your characters come to life,
由酸瓜先生本人诚意出演
starring Mr. Pickles himself, in person,
扮演者是你们心目中理想的品牌大使...
as played by your ideal brand ambassador...
奥♥运♥金牌得主塔拉·利平斯基小姐
Olympic gold medalist, Miss Tara Lipinski.
如果有人生来就能够代表
If anyone was born to represent
你最看重的一切
that which you hold most dear,
那就是这位运动型健壮的年轻女性了
it's this athletic, wholesome young woman.
是的我还是
Yes. I'm also a spokesperson
无烟草青少年运动
for the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids
和儿童白血病基金会的形象代言人
and the Childhood Leukemia Foundation.
那么那个... 她来扮演我吗
So, um... she, uh, would play me?
我们会提前录好所有对话
We, uh, pre-record all dialogue,
所以就是你的声音和她曼妙的身姿
so it's your voice and her graceful body
融化的心灵封冻的寒冰
melting hearts, freezing ice.
好吧这个...
Yeah, well...
我还是想考虑一天
I'd like a day to think about it.
不行
No.
凭什么不行
Why not?
因为我的脸出现在了别人的身体上
Because it's my face on another body.
这种情况很常见的
Well, it's all happening.
我希望你能加入
I hope you'll get on board.
但是我说了不行
But I said no.
1987年
It was 1987.
你告诉我说有一项学校项目
You told me about this school project,
你在为俄亥俄州立大学电视台
this puppet show you were working on
筹备这出木偶节目
for the OSU TV station.
我说 "让我也出份力"
I said, "Let me build on this."
你说 "爸爸我不需要一份合同
You said, "Dad, I don't want a contract.
我需要一条规则就一条...
I want a rule, one rule...
我们把它捐赠出去"
We give it away."
那就是杰夫的规则杰夫
That was the Jeff rule, Jeff.
如果我们将大部分收入捐给慈善机构
If we gave most of our salaries to charity,
所有的决定权就都交给我
I could make all the decisions.
你连间办公室都不想要
You didn't even want an office.
我说我不想要桌子
I said I didn't want a desk.
我救了鲸鱼
I have saved the whales.
我救了孩子们
I have saved the children.
你姐姐在伯利兹[中美洲国家]
Your sister started a school in Belize
为有伯利兹问题的女孩开了间学校
for girls with Belizean problems.
开学校剩下的钱
All that extra cash goes
都去了你想要这笔钱去的地方
exactly where you want it to go.
我们遵守了这条规则我只有一个要求
We have abided. All I'm asking is just this one thing.
我说得对吗迪迪
Am I right, Dee Dee?
杰夫... 再多一个杰夫又怎样
Jeff... What's one more Jeff?
世界需要更多杰夫
The world needs more Jeffs.
你不仅是将我的脸
You're not just copying me
嫁接在一个30岁女人的身上
onto the body of a 30-year-old woman.
你还将我所有的威信都灌注给了她
You're imbuing her with my full authority.
她的行为成了我的行为
Her actions become my actions,
她的错误也就是我的错误
her mistakes, my mistakes,
她的乳♥房♥♥也成了我的乳♥房♥♥
her mammaries, my mammaries.
你想一下
W-when you think about it,
那种做法跟这个节目已有的
what's the difference between that
国际许可版本又有什么差异呢
and the already internationally licensed versions of the show?
某种意义上而言
In a way, there's already
在20多个国家里已经出现了你的山寨版
a copy of you in over 20 countries.
日本的"酸瓜桑"
There's a difference between Mr. Pickles-san of Japan
或法国的"腌瓜先生"
or Monsieur Cornichon du France
或荷兰的"黄瓜先生"是有区别的
or Herr Gherkin von Deutschland.
我说的不是这些语言
I don't speak those languages.
他们戴着不同颜色的领带
They wear different-colored ties.
孩子们不会觉得他们就是我或者我是他们
No child is gonna think they're me and I'm them.
但是塔拉·利平斯基会穿上我的皮囊
But Tara Lipinski would be wearing my skin.
你在钻牛角尖
Eh, you're splitting hairs.
不我没有
No, I'm not.
这是个滑坡效应
It's a slippery slope.
然后呢你会做出我的玩偶
What's next, you make a doll of me
说你想让我说的话
that'll say whatever you want?
或者制♥作♥一部动画... 那个甚至更糟糕
Or a cartoon... That's even worse.
你很快就不再需要我了
Soon you won't need me anymore.
你在胡说什么呢杰夫
What are you talking about, Jeff?
有时候我觉得那就是你想要的结果
Sometimes I think that's what you want.
有时候我知道那就是你想要的结果
Sometimes I know that's what you want.
一个会说话的娃娃不过是商业需求
A talking doll is just commerce,
将你动画化... 我希望我们不必这么做
and animating you... I hope we don't need to,
但那要取决于你的表现
but that's all gonna depend on your behavior.
你为什么想取代我呢
Why do you want to replace me?
没人要取代你
No one is replacing you.
过来杰夫过来
Come on, Jeff. Come on.
我们走我们去见见...
Let's go, and let's meet...
我雇佣的写手
the writers I hired.
什么写手
What writers?
拉比·迈克尔·爱泼斯坦
Rabbi Michael Epstein
是儿童发展方面的博士
holds a PhD in child development.
是的我信仰上帝但我也有幽默感
Yeah, I'm a man of God, but I'm also funny.
格蕾丝·卡萨基
Grace Kasaki,
俄亥俄州立大学的硕士研究员
a graduate researcher from OSU.
她刚刚在"儿科学杂♥志♥"上
She just published an article
发表了一篇文章...
in the Journal of Pediatric Sciences...