糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S03E03

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 1:51 p.m.

Then you've won our star prize!
你将获得"九日女王"的体验
You're going to experience what it's like to be Queen for nine days.
九日女王
亲手掌控英格兰整整九天
That's nine whole days in charge of England.
以下是具体安排
Here's what you get.
第一天我们将带你
Day one, we set you up in royal apartments
第一天
获得豪华公♥寓♥
住进伦敦塔的皇家公♥寓♥ 等待加冕
at the Tower of London to await your coronation.
真不错我会习惯这里的
Ooh, this is nice, I could get used to this.
我可不这么想
I don't think so.
第二天皇冠免费送戴上试试大小
Day two, we throw in a crown for free. Go on, try it on for size.
第二天
皇冠免费得
好啊何乐而不为
OK, what harm can it do?
第九天你就知道了
You'll find that out on day nine.
-什么 -没事
- Sorry? - Nothing.
第三天
第三天进行加冕礼
Day three, it's coronation time.
加冕礼
现在你是女王了去见见自己的百姓吧
Now you're the Queen, you get to go out and meet your public.
他们连你是谁都不知道
They don't even know who you are.
我们连她是谁都不知道
We don't even know how she is.
他们没想过她会当女王
They were expecting a different person to be queen.
我们没想过她会当女王
We were expecting a different person to be queen.
他们一股尿骚臭
They smell of wee.
我们一股...
We smell of...
我看出你的诡计了
Ah, I see what you're trying to do there.
还真有味
Actually, we do.
第四天你写封信给亨利八世的女儿
Day four, you send a letter to Henry VIII's daughter,
第四天
玛丽·都铎
Mary Tudor
-让她认可你的女王身份 -祝我好运
- asking her to recognise you as queen. - Fingers crossed!
第五天你收到玛丽的回信
Day five, you get Mary's reply.
第五天
上面怎么说
What does it say?
-滚开 -什么
- Bog off. - What?
大意如此
Well, that's the gist of it.
第六天放轻松尽享奢华
Day six, relax and take in the luxurious surroundings,
第六天
放轻松
与此同时玛丽·都铎召集了军队
while Mary Tudor amasses an army
准备把你赶下王位
to have you removed from power.
什么
What?!
第七天放轻松尽享奢华
Day seven, relax and take in the luxurious surroundings.
第七天
放轻松
-我已经不能更紧张了 -夫人
- Like I could be any less relaxed! - Ma'am,
我们的军队在剑桥被玛丽·都铎击溃了
our armies have been defeated in Cambridge by Mary Tudor.
她说现在她是女王了正向伦敦行军
She says she's the Queen now and she's marching on London.
好吧现在我更紧张了
OK, so now I'm less relaxed.
第八天放轻松尽享奢华
Day eight, relax and take in the luxurious surroundings.
第八天
放轻松
别说什么放松的废话了行不
Enough of this relaxing nonsense, OK?
告诉你我已经压力大到脱皮了
I'll have you know, I'm so stressed. My skin is peeling off.
是真的
真恶心太没有皇家范了
Oh, yuck! That's not very regal, is it?
第九天放轻松尽...
And day nine, relax and...
第九天
放轻松
好吧那就惊慌失措吧
Oh, all right, then panic.
惊慌失措
人们都支持玛丽·都铎作为合法女王
As the people support Mary Tudor as their rightful queen
而你的支持者为了保全性命都抛弃了你
and all your supporters desert you to save their own skins.
[字面意思是拯救皮肤]
你的皮可救不了反正早掉光了
Too late for yours, it's all peeled off anyway.
-不能再糟了 -可以哦
- Well, this can't get any worse. - Yes, it can.
一切以真实的都铎风格美好结束
And this fantastic offer ends in true Tudor style,
拜访侩子手
with a visit to the executioner.
拜访侩子手
我一开始就没想当女王
I never wanted to be queen in the first place.
不管你愿不愿意
With queen for nine days,
作为九日女王你创下了
the shortest reign in history is yours,
历史上最短的任期记录
whether you want it or not.
警告仅限九天 1553年到期
Warning, limited to nine days only. Offer expires in 1553.
珍·格蕾于1554年被处决
没错珍·格蕾只做了九天的女王
That's right, Lady Jane Grey was queen for just nine days.
之后玛丽一世任女王5年又121天
After which Mary I was queen for five years and 121 days.
伊莉莎白一世紧随其后
Followed by Elizabeth I,
担任女王长达44年又127天
who reigned for an impressive 44 years and 127 days,
她是任期最长的都铎女王远远领先
making her the longest-reigning Tudor queen by miles and miles.
说到距离
And miles
"里数"在都铎时代着实让人困惑
were very confusing in Tudor times.
-我们到了没 -还没陛下
- Are we there yet? - Alas not, Your Majesty.
我们到了没
Are we there yet?
还没陛下
Alas not, Your Majesty.
-但我好无聊 -确实陛下
- But I'm bored. - Indeed, Your Majesty.
只可惜从约克郡到伦敦
Sadly, the journey from York to London
得行好多好多英格兰里
is many, many English miles
-而我们才刚刚启程 -用伦敦里数
- and, well, we've only just set off. - London miles.
-你说什么 -既然我们是去伦敦
- Excuse me? - Well, since we are heading to London,
女王陛下肯定想听以伦敦里为单位的距离
surely Her Majesty would like the distance in London miles?
有什么区别
What's the difference?
一英格兰里等于6610码很混乱
Well, the English mile is a rather confusing 6,610 yards,
然而更精妙的伦敦里
whereas the more refined
等于5000码十分工整
London mile is a nice, round 5,000 yards.
当然二者都比
Of course both are vastly
小气的爱尔兰里数要好得多
preferable to the rather stingy Irish mile.
仅仅相当于2240码
A mere 2,240 yards.
都是真实的都铎测量单位
为什么不用威尔士里数呢
Why not use a good Welsh old mile?
它相当于7900码那么多呢
it's a whopping 7,900 yards, no?
用它表示里数明显变少了
It means fewer miles overall,
显得旅程也没那么长了
makes the journey seem a lot shorter.
我记得我曾经用苏格兰里数记录徒步行走
I remember I did a walking trip in Scottish miles once.
-相当于1976码 -确实
- 1,976 yards. - Indeed.
好像永远也走不到头
It seemed to go on forever.
他们说 "就几里而已"
They were all like, "Oh, it's only a few more miles."
我就想"是英格兰里伦敦里"
And I was like, "Is that English miles, London miles,
"威尔士里还是爱尔兰里" 他们说
"Welsh miles or Irish miles?" And they were like,
"这取决于你指的是伦敦码
"Well, depends if you mean London yards,
威尔士码还是苏格兰码..."
Welsh yards, Scottish yards..."
从现在开始所有人都只能用一种里数
From now on, there will just be one mile for everyone.
-1到10选个数字 -1
- Pick a number between one and ten. - Er, one.
-7 -6
- Seven. - Six.
好从现在开始
Right. From now on,
一里等于1760码
one mile will be 1,760 yards.
-这是... -英国码数
- Is that...? - English yards!
普通的英国码数明白吗
Normal English yards. Understood?
-是的陛下 -好那么
- Yes, Your Majesty. - Right, now,
离伦敦还有多少里路
how many miles is it to London?
所以我才砍了那么多人的头
And you wonder why I cut so many heads off!
我们到了没
Are we there yet?
还没陛下
Alas not, Your Majesty.
炫丽法兰西
糟糕历史电视台
新闻联播
大家好欢迎收看《那时新闻》
Hello and welcome to The News At When.
那时就是1789年
When? 1789,
法国人♥民♥认为路易十六
when the people of France decided that King Louis XVI
及其富人好友
and his rich friends had
长♥期♥通过压榨百姓享受奢华生活
been living the high life at their expense for long enough
是时候让老百姓当家做主了
and that it was time for common people to run the country.
下面有请鲍勃·黑尔为我们带来
Here with more details is Bob Hail
法国大革命的报道鲍勃
with the French revolution report. Bob.
谢谢萨姆好家伙
Thank you, Sam. Well, sacre bleu me,
如果那不是法国可就是法国
if that isn't France, which it is,
如果不是18世纪80年代可就是那时
if it's not the 1780s, which it is,
如果那不是个愤怒的法国人
and if that right there isn't a very angry Frenchman,
可他就是
which it is,
而且他绝对有权生气因为那时的法国
And he's got every right to be, because back then,
贫富差距显著一个天一个地啊
France was a country of le haves and le have-nots.
有钱人吃好的