糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S03E09

Part 3 Jan. 3, 2021, 1:52 p.m.

can only be worn by Barons, Viscounts or higher nobility.
而你威廉爵士只是个骑士
And you, SIR William are only a knight.
满意了吧
Happy now?
塞西尔殿内貌似有个裸体的男人
Cecil, there appears to be a naked man in my throne room.
是啊陛下
There does indeed, Your Majesty.
有没有相应的法律呢
Is there a law against it?
暂时还没有陛下暂时还没有
Not yet, Your Majesty, not yet.
愤怒阿兹特克
《阿兹特克园艺世界》古墨西哥现场直播
Aztec Gardeners' World, live from ancient Mexico.
大家好欢迎来到《阿兹特克园艺世界》
Hello and welcome to Aztec Gardeners World.
今天我将为您介绍使用阿兹特克洒水装置
So today we're going to be showing you a sure-fire way
保证庄稼丰收的方法
to make your crops flourish with the Aztec sprinkler system.
我觉得听上去挺无聊的
Sounds a bit boring if you ask me!
有人问你的意见吗
Yeah, but nobody asked you though, did they?
我们需要一些工具
So we're going to need some tools.
你需要一张弓以及足够的箭
You need a bow and plenty of arrows.
有点像样子了
Oh, that's more like it.
还需要一些红漆
We're going to need some red paint
当然还需要一个祭品
and of course, a person to sacrifice.
最好是敌方的战士不过烦人的助理也行
An enemy warrior is best, but an annoying assistant will do.
你在开玩笑吧
You're kidding... You're kidding, right?
首先
So, first of all,
在他胸前画一个大大的红点
you need to paint a nice, big, red spot directly over his heart.
好吧
Ok...
这很重要
This is important
因为你不能射中他的心脏
because you don't want an arrow to hit his heart.
对
Right!
那样他会死得很快
That way, he would die far too quickly.
你的第一打箭需要射中
What you need is the first dozen or so arrows
他身体的不同部位
to hit different parts of his body,
阿兹特克人真的这么做
这样伤口中的血就能
that way the blood from the wounds
向各个方向喷出
will spray out in all directions,
有点像阿兹特克的洒水装置
a bit like an Aztec sprinkler system,
可使种庄稼的土壤更加肥沃
making the earth richer for your crops.
阿兹特克人真的这么认为
他不见了是吗
He's gone, hasn't he?
欢迎下周继续收看我为你们讲解
Join me next week when I'll be telling you
如何通过向太阳神奉献一万条人命
how to get the sun to shine directly onto your garden
以求阳光直射你的花♥园♥
by sacrificing 10,000 people to the sun god.
他们确实也做过这事
我们都知道谁会是第一个祭品
We all know who's going to be first in line.
下期节目见
Bye-bye for now.
阿兹特克祭司每年会献祭五万多人
The Angry Aztec priests would sacrifice about 50,000 victims a year!
这不算什么
That's nothing
我洗一次澡也能杀死这么多跳蚤
I can kill that many fleas just by having a bath.
我开玩笑的伙计们
Just kidding, guys,
你们知道我从来不洗澡的
you know I'd never have a wash!
是的阿兹特克人十分热衷于献祭
Yes, those Aztecs did an awful lot of sacrificing.
别错过今年最值得拥有的桌游
'Don't miss this year's must-have board game,
《阿兹特克版妙探寻凶》
Aztec Whodunnit-o.
[恶搞图版游戏Cluedo]
看看你能否找出谋杀的真凶
'See if you can work who's to blame for the murder.'
是不是拿着献祭匕♥首♥ 站在金字塔上的
Was it the high priest, with the sacrificial dagger,
大祭司
on top of the pyramid?
答对了
Yes, it was!
还没完呢
Not over yet.
由于每周都有上千人被献给太阳神
'With thousands of sacrifices to the sun god every week,
这个游戏可以一玩...
'it's a game you can play again...'
是不是拿着献祭匕♥首♥ 站在金字塔上的
Was it the high priest, with the sacrificial dagger,
大祭司
on top of the pyramid?
答对了
Yes, it was!
再玩
...and again.
我只能冒险猜了是不是拿着献祭匕♥首♥
I'll go out on a limb here was it the high priest,
站在金字塔上的大祭司
with the sacrificial dagger, on top of the pyramid?
-答对了 -太棒了
- Yes, it was. - Get in!
再玩
...and again.
-妈快点 -快点琳达
- Come on, Mum. - Come on, Linda.
别催我
OK, don't hurry me.
是不是在宫殿里拿着球杆的国王
Was it the emperor, with the club, in the throne room?
不是...
No, it was the...
拿着献祭匕♥首♥ 站在金字塔上的大祭司
high priest, with the sacrificial dagger, on top of the pyramid!
妈咪真笨
Silly mummy.
《阿兹特克版妙探寻凶》
Aztec Whodunnit-o.
适合家庭玩的刺♥激♥游戏
Hours of gruesome fun for all the family.
与阿兹特克王国同存
'Available while the Aztec Empire lasts.'
[恶搞Bee Gees的名曲Stayin' Alive]
吾乃阿兹特克祭司小心项上人头*
*We're Aztec priests, so mind your head.
落入吾辈手中一个不留*
*Our prisoners always wind up dead.
嗜血之心热如火*
*Our favourite colour is blood-red.
我们不好惹*
*We're not nice.
阿兹特克庙宇新开张*
*At an Aztec temple's opening day,
杀人献祭众神忙*
*we priests would please our gods this way.
屠♥杀♥众人蛇蝎心肠*
*Hearts of venom means we'd slay mass sacrifice.
战争取胜谷物丰收*
*To win at war, may crops grow more,
小儿患病如何来救*
*to cure our kids when ill,
日光万丈音韵流畅*
*the sun to shine, this song to rhyme,
就要将更多人来葬*
*more victims we must kill.
你难幸免你难幸免*
*You won't survive. You won't survive.
不能存活不能存活*
*Ain't stayin' alive. Ain't stayin' alive
我们献祭用以平息*
*We'll sacrifice. We priests appease
神祗的每次怒气*
*our gods each powerful big cheese
下面我将众神一一列举*
*Let's hear it for your favourites please.
托奇女神*
*We're doing it for Toci,
掌管地心就是她*
*the Aztec goddess of the earth's heart.
尚提可女神*
*We're doing it for Chantico,
火山喷发因为她*
*goddess who makes volcanoes start.
伊兹利女神*
*We're doing it for Itzli,
石刀女神威力大*
*the goddess of stone knives.
还有[乱七八糟]*
*We're doing it for...
及其余伟大的神祗*
*Some other gods' great lives
休要轻易冒犯我*
*Don't cross us Aztecs we advise ya,
变成肥料不能活*
*or you'll end up as fertiliser.
一年始于十一月*
*Our year starts in November
每位祭司都得*
*when every priestly member
被问及是否记得*
*is asked if they'll remember
阿兹特克亡灵*
*our Aztec dead
这一过程要顺畅*
*We do this if you haven't guessed
得从你身上取一样*
*by getting something off your chest。
头颅拿来当然最好是心脏*
*Your heart would probably be best, or else your head
新年到来计划稳步*
*And then on our year planners，
一年就此拉开序幕*
*it's the raising of the banners
多多杀人才算不俗*
*And it's only polite manners to kill more guys
十二月和一月肢解方式有不同*
*December and January, dismembering methods vary
你只需知道尸体高堆到空中*
*All you need to know is that we pile 'em high
夏日时光五六月杀人异常容易*
*May and June it's summertime the killing is easy
一年只过了一半*
*It's only halfway through the year
估计你已感到不安*
*Bet your feeling queasy
秋日房♥间打扫干净*
*In autumn time we sweep our homes
顺便再杀更多人*
*and kill some more but then
待到十月杀戮停止*
*By late October the killings over
然后开始新一轮*
*Then it starts up again
你难幸免你难幸免*
*You won't survive You won't survive
不能存活不能存活*
*Ain't stayin' alive Ain't stayin' alive
你若要想活到老*
*Want to live until you're old
见了我们得绕道*
*Avoid us priests you've been told.
可怕的一战
一战中在战壕里作战的部队
Not all of the troops fighting in the trenches
并非都如你想象的那样
in World War One were quite what you'd expect.
军士
Sergeant,
我想做个快速的检查趁这里...
I thought I'd make a quick spot inspection while it's, erm...
没有敌人向我们射击吗
Nice and safe while the enemy aren't shooting at us, sir?
对我想看看我们的前线士兵
Well, yes. I thought I'd take a look at our frontline troops.
英国的战场男儿是最棒的
British fighting man's the best in the world!