糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S03E04

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 1:51 p.m.

Right, so Brother Dom is ready for action.
带好了圣经针孔摄像机
Got my bible cam,
现在让我们去找亨利爵士问几个问题吧
let's go and find Sir Henry, ask him some questions.
亨利爵士
Sir Henry,
祝贺你赢得锦标赛冠军
I just wanted to congratulate you on winning the tournament.
多谢了教友
Thank you, Brother.
我赢下了这条大鱼
I won this big fish.
确实有点奇怪不过
Bit weird, I know, but...
马上长枪比赛的真实奖品
我注意到你放在外面的长矛
I couldn't help noticing outside, your lance,
-比规定的要长一些对吗 -什么
- it is bit longer than regulation, isn't it? - What?
那你在比赛里把人刺下马来可就容易多了
Must make it easier for you to knock people off their horses in the joust.
你什么意思教友
What are you suggesting, Brother?
还有你这副马鞍
What about this saddle of yours,
直接钉到了你的盔甲上这样你就不会
which screws into your armour to ensure you can't be
被刺下马了
knocked off your horse.
真实的骑士们作弊方法
知道吗我不太喜欢你的暗示
You know, I don't like what you're insinuating.
别过来亨利爵士
Back off, Sir Henry.
骑士是不能攻击宗教人士的
Knights aren't allowed to attack religious people,
所以你不会打我的对吧
so you're not going to hit me, am I right?
他竟然用鱼打我
Ow, he hit me with a fish!
臭死了
That stinks!
不要啊
Oh, no!
下周我们将对中世纪的
Next week, we'll be looking into
文物仿造业进行调查
the Middle Ages' counterfeiting rackets
它对当时的圣物交易产生巨大影响
that's rocking the world trade of holy relics.
我们也将对"施洗约翰
And we'll be asking, "Is there
是否真的有三颗头"的问题进行调查
really three heads of John the Baptist?"
[史上记载施洗约翰的头曾先后三次被人找到并挖掘出来]
下周见我得先去趟医院
See you then. I need to go to hospital.
这是真的确实有骑士在锦标赛中作弊
It's true! Some knights really did cheat in tournaments.
另一种作弊的方法是找一群手持木棒的侍卫
Another method was to get a gang of squires with wooden clubs
在对手赶赴比赛的路上
to jump on their opponents
扑上去将他狂扁一顿
on the way to a contest and beat him up.
我还是继续玩我的挑圆片好了
Think I'll stick to tiddlywinks.
不过和下面这些骑士相比
But even that might be better
刚才的那些都是浮云啦
than what happened to these knights.
圣殿骑士
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
我想去补补牙
I'm thinking of getting my teeth done.
你这儿有套备用的吗
Oh, you have a spare set?
你真可爱等会详谈下一位
Oh, you are a love. Let's talk later. Next!
看啊来了个男生乐团
Ooh look, a boy band.
你们几位是
And who might you be?
我们是圣殿骑士团
We are the Knights Templar.
我同意这套是行不通的
Yes, I agree. It'll never work.
你们得换个名字 "巴伦骑士"怎么样
You'll have to think of a new name. Barron Knights, perhaps?
[巴伦骑士英国著名滑稽流行乐队]
不我们本来就是圣殿骑士
No, we are Knights Templar.
来自圣殿修会的神圣骑士
Knights from the sacred Order of the Temple.
是整个十字军时期最具能力和威望的
One of the most skilled and feared Christian fighting units
一支基♥督♥教军队
in the whole of the Crusades.
他们敬畏的是你可怕的气味吗臭死了
What, feared because of your dreadful smell? Ah-woo-ah!
-我想可能是我 -没错就是他
- Yes, I think that might be me... - Yeah, that's him all right.
-别这样 -是你臭气熏天
- Don't be like that. - Well, you stink.
这里面好像有故事啊继续说
Ooh, I sense a story here. Go on.
我们要在夜间突袭伊♥斯♥兰♥教♥徒♥的营地
Yes, we were doing a night-time raid on a Saracen camp.
一切很顺利我们成功溜入没被发现
It was all going terribly well. We managed to sneak in unnoticed.
我们很有可能会出奇制胜
The element of surprise was very much on our side.
但从帐篷旁经过时
But as we were making our way through the tents,
我被一根帐篷杆绊倒了
I tripped over a tent pole.
然后呢
Yes, and?
然后就一头栽进了坑里
And fell headfirst into a hole.
不幸的是那是他们的茅坑
Which unfortunately turned out to be their toilet.
怪不得臭气熏天
Oh, hence the "Whoo!"
是的我被困在里面被溺死在
Yes, I got stuck and drowned in the, um...
你一头栽进了茅坑里还给淹死了
You fell headfirst into a toilet and then you drowned!
太搞笑了
That is priceless!
-这还没完呢 -还有吗太好了
- And that's not all. - Ooh, goody, goody! There's more.
他太吵了把整营的伊♥斯♥兰♥教♥徒♥都给吵醒了
He made such a noise, he woke all the Saracens in the camp,
他们马上围过来把我俩给杀了
and they swiftly surrounded and killed the rest of us.
-我都道过歉了 -笨屎你算了
- I have said sorry about that. - You nincompoop!
"屎"可是个关键词啊
"Poop" being the operative word!
干得漂亮
Ha! All right!
好吧恭喜你们可以转世去了
Well, guys, congratulations, you're through to the afterlife.
淋浴在进门左手边
Er, the showers are on the left just as you go in.
先拉个屎再说
After POO!
有时候我真爱死这份工作了
I love my job sometimes.
不你不能指导他们今年的乐队不归你管
No, you can't mentor them. You don't have the bands this year.
下一位
Next!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
绝妙古希腊
源自古希腊的英语词汇
运动的
Athletic
活力
Energy
奖杯
Trophy
自负
Ego
毒气[放屁]
Gas
有毒的
Toxic
歉意
Apologies
还有"斯巴达式的"这个词
And we get the word "spartan",
意思是严苛的或遵守纪律的
which means strict or disciplined,
源于我们斯巴达人
from us Spartans.
不管你是不是饿了
I don't care if you were hungry,
都不能偷东西啊
you shouldn't have been stealing.
琼女士会让我付钱[付出代价]吗
Is Mrs. J going to make me pay for it?
今天恐怕不是琼斯女士了
Well, I'm afraid it's not Mrs. Jones today.
我们请了一位从过去穿越来的代理校长
We have another of our substitute head teachers from the past.
不要啊
Oh, no.
古代斯巴达来的布拉西达斯先生要见你
Mr. Brasidas from Ancient Sparta will see you now.
别辩解了我不过是要告诉你
Get defensive about it, I'm just, I'm simply telling you
没人会愿意连着两天吃鸡蛋葱豆饭
no-one wants kedgeree two days in a row.
抱歉
Sorry.
我一眼就能看出你犯了什么错
Ah, I can see why you're in trouble straight away.
你这小子竟然穿了鞋
A boy wearing shoes on his feet?
这可是犯罪啊
Criminal!
斯巴达人的确不许孩子穿鞋
看来得揍你一顿了
I shall have to beat you.
其实布拉西达斯先生
Actually, Mr. Brasidas,
路易斯偷东西了
Lewis has been stealing.
什么偷东西
What? Stealing?
做得好小伙子
Well done, lad!
那正是我们在斯巴达学校所推崇的
That's exactly the kind of thing we encourage at Spartan school.
鞋的事就这么算了吧
Maybe we'll forget about the whole shoe thing, shall we?
走吧
Off you pop.
我早就知道减少食物供应
I knew reducing the food portions
会引发偷窃行为
would lead to behaviour like this.
布拉西达斯先生偷窃是错误的
M. Brasidas, stealing is wrong.
-应该受到处罚 -荒唐
- It should be punished. - Nonsense!
这是每位战士的必修课不择手段只为赢
It's a great lesson for any warrior - Win by any means.
为了胜利我们的学生必须学会耍手段
We need to teach children to be sneaky in order to win battles.
他们真的教这个
现在我放心了
That's a relief.
被抓的时候还以为这次麻烦大了
I thought I was in trouble when they caught me.
什么抓到你
What? Caught you?
我虽然允许偷窃但如果抓到就
Stealing may not be frowned upon, but being caught stealing is.
到头来我还是要打你
Well, I shall have to beat you after all.
事实上布拉西达斯先生
Actually, Mr. Brasidas,
你不能打学生
you're not allowed to do this.
我确定这一提议已经在校董事会上