吉尔莫·德尔·托罗的奇思妙想（2022）

真好看啊
He's a beaut.
你饿了吗？
You hungry?
我准备吃掉剩下的鸡翅 今晚有扑克电视节目
I'm gonna eat the rest of these wings.Poker's on.
我得完成这个标本
No, I gotta finish him.
好吧
Okay.
是梅花3
Three clubs out there.
转牌是梅花3 于是马天尼拿到了顺子听牌
The turn card is the three of clubs. That gives Martini the gutshot.
♪ 在寒冷的空气中 ♪
♪ In the frosty air ♪
♪ 多么美好的时光 正是美好的时光 ♪
♪ What a bright time It's the right time ♪
♪ 摇啊摇 摇过这一夜… ♪
♪ To rock the night away ♪
黛利拉
Delilah! Delilah!
不行
No, no. No, no, no, no! No, no, no!
闭嘴 安静
Stop it. You're being…Stop, stop, stop it!
我知道你兴奋 行了
I know, it is exciting, okay. It's…
进来吧 它向来都很乖的 真不好意思
Come on in, come on in. She's never like this. I'm so sorry.
我马上送你去地下室 走吧！
You are going to the basement. Come on!
接着他脱下裤子
-But then… -Mm.…he pulls his pants down
取出他的大老二
and whips out this huge dick.
-那可不是一般的大 -多大？我的意思是 巨大的
-And we are talking huge. -How huge? -I mean, this is huge.
多大？
How huge?
大到完事后我可能都要进急诊室了
I might end up in the emergency room.
这就是离婚的好处
And that is the upside of getting divorced.
摆脱我当年嫁的那个疲软老二
Getting away from that boring little dick I was married to.
- 为这件好事干杯 - 好啊
-Now cheers to that. -Yes indeed.
干杯
-Cheers. -Yay.
干杯
Cheers.
自从彼得开始服用抗忧郁药后
Well, ever since Peter started taking those antidepressants,
他的老二就像软烂的意大利面
his dick is like a wet spaghetti noodle.
- 天啊 - 完全插不进去
-Oh no. -Yeah, he can't even get it in.
再糟糕不过了
Ugh, that is the worst!
-软绵绵的老二最不行了 -太惨了
Spaghetti-noodle dick is absolutely… -Oh, it's tragic. -…the worst.
对啊 他老二硬不起来
Yeah. Well, he can't get hard,
于是叫我把震动棒塞进他的后♥庭♥
so he just has me put the vibrator up his ass.
你把那玩意塞进他的…
You put it in his…
塞进他的…
Like, in his…
塞进他的后♥庭♥
In his ass.
- 他喜欢吗？- 非常喜欢 男人都喜欢
-And he likes it? - Of course he likes it, Lisa. I mean, they all do.
我绝对不会让老公碰我后♥庭♥的
Wouldn't let my husband near mine. Mm-mm.
彼得超爱我的后♥庭♥
Well, Peter's obsessed with mine.
我也超爱我的震动棒
Well, I'm obsessed with my vibrator, too, so…
真希望我二十多岁时 就找到了合适的震动棒
Yeah, well, I only wish I found mine in my twenties.
震动棒和填充剂 对吧？
That and fillers. Am I right?
说得好
Oh, preach!
天啊 打填充剂的脸蛋现在正流行呢
Oh my God, that filler look is so hot right now.
对啊 吉娜 你的皮肤真好 你有尝试新的东西吧？是什么？
Yeah, Gina, your skin looks amazing. You're doing something new. What is it?
谢谢你的夸奖
Oh, that's so sweet.
好吧 你们一定要去找拉美什医生
Okay, you all need to see Dr. Ramesh. Really.
他有全新的鲁博德姆填充剂 打过后脸蛋就像宝宝的屁♥股♥一样
He's got these new Ruboderm fillers, and it's like… a baby's butt.
-天啊 -我最爱填充剂了
- Right on. -I love fillers.
-我也是 -可不是吗？
Yeah. Yeah.
我打算做好拉皮术后申请离婚
I'm gonna have my facelift, and then I am gonna file for divorce.
我打算做个小小的拉皮术
The thing to do is get, like, a mini facelift,
或是除皱术
or like a planar facelift.
医生会深入皮层
So that is when they go in under the skin,
抽出肌肉附近的组织
and they take the tissue right close to the muscle,
接着往后拉紧
and they just pull it tight like this.
真好
So good.
是两万五千块吧？
-It's 25,000, right?
没错 两万五千块
- 25,000.
- 两万五千块？- 我在等候名单上
-25,000? -I'm on the waitlist.
- 你在等候名单上？- 是的 我在等候名单上
-You're on the waitlist? -Yeah, I'm on the waitlist.
做完之后就会… 对啊
I'm gonna be like… Yeah.
话说回来 各位女同事 我们该进行"揭秘"圣诞老人的游戏了
Anyway, ladies, it is time for our not-so-Secret Santa!
坐好 大家都坐好
Sit, sit, sit. Everybody sit.
坐吧
Sit, sit!
- 不是说好是"神秘"圣诞老人吗？
I thought it was a… I thought it was a Secret Santa.
- 我也搞不清楚状况
- I don't know. -
不是说好是"神秘"圣诞老人吗？
-I thought it was a Secret Santa.
不是的
-No, it's not.
我知道你们都想要什么 吉儿 这是给你的
Okay, I know what you all wanted, so Jill.
- 谢谢 - 不是秘密送礼吗？
- Thank you! -It's not a secret?
谢谢
Thank you.
我们已经知道大家想要什么了 所以…
I mean, we already know what everybody wants, so…
- 凯蒂 这是给你的 - 谢谢
-Kathy. -Thank you. Thank you.
这是给吉儿的
Are we excited? So, Jill…
谢谢
Thank you. Thank you.
- 这是给卡西迪的 - 谢谢
-Yes, and Cassidy. -Thank you.
不客气
Oh, you're welcome,
这是给丽莎的
and this one's for Lisa.
爱你哦
Love you.
天哪 看看这个包装
Oh my gosh, look at this wrapping!
这是给你的 史黛西
And this one's for you, Stacey.
谢谢你 吉娜
-Thank you. -Yeah. Thanks, Gina.
赶紧拆开来看吧
'Kay. Open them, open 'em already!
- 天啊 我超爱这个的 - 天啊
-Oh my goodness, I love this stuff. -Oh, no.
不客气
You're welcome!
- 吉娜 - 谢谢你
- Gina! - Thank you!
哦 你找到了
Oh! You found it!
- 你用过吗？- 没用过
- Have you tried this before? - No. I've seen the commercials…
好喜欢
I love this.
太棒了
-Oh, okay. -Amazing.
- 亮彩护肤霜 - 亮彩护肤霜
-It's that… - Alo Glo.
可不是吗？
Yeah, yeah, I know.
对了 这款护肤品很贵 不是随便就能买♥♥到的
Anyway, it's so expensive, and you can't get it anywhere,
不客气
so… you're welcome, everybody!
我的鼻子都高♥潮♥了
…having an orgasm.
- 真好 - 这护肤霜很好用的 可不是吗？
So beautiful, I know. It's so incredible. I know.
吉娜 这是送给你的
This one's for you, Gina.
- 好大一份礼物 - 天啊
-That is huge. -Wow.
- 凡是"大"的东西我都懂 -"大"的东西我都懂 -谢谢你 -不客气
That is huge. I know all about the huge. -Thank you. -You're welcome.
这么大的盒子里装着什么？
-It's all about the huge. -What is in the huge box?
好吧
Okay.
拆开
Open it, open it,
拆开
open it!
拆开
open it!
拆开
Open it, open it!
拆开
-Open it! -Okay!
那我拆开了
I guess I'll open it!
那是什么东西？
Oh, what is it in here?
我不…
Oh, I don't…
我不知道该说什么…
I don't quite know what to, um…
- 不知道该说什么才好 - 我来帮你吧
-…say or… -Hey, I'll help ya.
-它不会伤害你的 -也不知道该怎么反应
-He's not gonna hurt ya. -…do.
那是真的鸭子吗？
-Is it real?
没错 是真的
-Oh yeah, it's real.
送给你
-Here. -
你杀了这只鸭子？
-You killed this thing?
对啊 是我开枪打下的
-Well, yeah, I shot him.
接着我给它剥皮 取出内脏
And then I skinned him, and I, you know,
这样它就永远不会腐烂了
took out his insides so he wouldn't rot,
然后我把它好好冲洗干净
and then, you know, you just wash 'em up real good,
最后缝合起来
and then, you know, I sewed him back up.
对了 里面有保丽龙和钢线
Oh, but the insides are just Styrofoam and some wires.
真的…
That's really…
眼珠是用玻璃珠镶嵌的 很好看
Oh, and the eyes are really cool glass beads.
-好的 -你可以永远爱它
Right. Okay. You can love him forever.
好的
It's… Okay.
好的
Okay. Um…
谢谢你 史黛西
-Thank you, Stacey.
不客气
-You're welcome.